2017: Challenges and Hidden Treasures

The instructions given by Mr. Lionharts were rather simple: intentionally select three cards to represent your central challenges of 2017. Then, let the cards suggest advice for each one.

The first part was, unfortunately, a quick task for me; this past year has been one of the hardest in the last decade or so. All three of these cards have come up for me on so many occasions throughout the year that I’ve entirely lost count.

Ancient Italian Tarot - Lo Scarabeo

Temperance was my “card of the year,” drawn last December as the theme for 2017. Finding balance, healing, losing equilibrium, tearing open wounds, throwing a stick in the alchemical spokes, regaining balance, learning how to live with disharmony, learning that disharmony is a powerful tool, learning how to seek balance once again. The 8 of Swords has had me identifying and attempting to destroy extremely outdated paradigms that were restricting my growth. The Tower - ah the Tower - has made a deep and potent friend out of fire and destruction. Watch it all burn, and see what is left when the ashes are carried away by the wind. Catharsis. It’s not over yet, but I do think that I’ve crested the summit and am heading down the other side of the mountain.

On to part two: advice for each challenge.

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot - Uusi.us

The Queen of Fire speaks to Temperance. She has been a regular feature of my 2017, so it shouldn’t be a surprise to see her here. She matches the heat of Temperance’s alchemy, hot and cold, a conflagration, a waning intensity. When I am her, reversed, it’s not much use talking to me; I am a ball of fire ready to reduce my interlocutor to ashes. But it is part of the birthing of her dynamic and deeply powerful essence within me. When I am her, upright, I enjoy engaging new people like never before - the hermit out of the cave - I hunger for connection, I laugh, I consume the beauty around me like a starving animal. This isn’t so much advice as a recognition that provides helpful perspective. I know this about myself, now. Some days balance is easier to achieve than others. I am learning to integrate this Queen into my soul, and that’s a process.

The Knight of Pentacles speaks to the 8 of Swords. Releasing those old and restrictive paradigms requires steady progress, one foot ahead of the other. I can measure it in small but tangible differences in my everyday life. It feels like I’ve been walking forever and the landscape has changed little. But one day I look up and can see the plains stretching out below me; little changes make all the difference in how I perceive the world around me, and remind me that I am indeed moving.

The 6 of Cups speaks to the Tower. I call this my “re-membering” card; through it I pull back the parts of myself that I’ve lost along the way. The Tower built of concessions, limitations, “buts,” “oughts,” “can’ts,” hard histories, and the stories I tell myself.... it falls. And in its destruction I find myself again.

Here's to closing out a thoroughly transformative year and inviting in 2018!

The Binding of Fenrir

It is a gorgeous November morning. I am sitting next to an open window, a cool breeze wrapping itself around me as I type, hot mug of coffee keeping me company. It's been a long six months. I've not tended to my blog as often as I would like to largely because of the busy-ness of my professional life, and the turbulence of my personal life. But today I am making space.

I suspect that Instagram has been both a help and a hindrance to writing longer blog posts: on one hand it's a wonderful medium for expression when I can't (or don't want to) be exhaustive with my language. I can post every day, as much or as little as I like, which means that consistency isn't a challenge. However that very thing also diverts my energies away from focused posts in this platform. It's always therapeutic, in a way, to put thoughts to "paper," and I am working on ways to integrate blogging back into my more regular practice again. That said, if you don't already follow me on Instagram, you can find me at @firstearthtarot :)

So back to the moment. In many ways the texture of my life seems to be finding a calmer and more predicable pattern after a 2017 spent largely on destruction, release, reorganization, new connections, purging, dis-integration, chaos, discomfort - you know, fire and brimstone, basically. The Tower was a pretty common daily draw. And yet while life is ebbing away from the deep, frequent (and exhausting) rise-and-fall of energetic currents, there are artifacts left in the wake; items that cannot simply be strolled over, but that rather urgently demand the attentions of my consciousness. It is the next phase in some new and unfolding chapter. An IG challenge prompt for today asked:

What is really holding me back? (And how can I work with that energy?)

Surt 🔥 and Fenrir 🐺 from the Giants Tarot:

A powerful duo, that speaks in layers and very clearly. Fenrir's is an interesting tale. Son of Loki and Angrboda, it was prophesied that he would be Odin’s end, and so the Aesir bound him on an isolated isle until Ragnarok. The funny thing about prophecies is that we can never be entirely sure that the actions we take to avoid them aren’t precisely the actions that cause them to manifest. Perhaps it was the very binding of Fenrir that produced the deep, ferocious, all-consuming fury that ensured Odin’s ultimate demise.

It is interesting to speak of binding when the prompt today is itself about restraint.

What am I holding back? 
What lurking shadows act like chains to my limbs? 
What simmering power must be released from its pot in order not to boil over? 
Will restraint lead to resentment, a wave of potent sentiment that only ever turns back on itself eventually?

If the Aesir had not bound Fenrir, but developed relationship with him (as had Tyr prior to betrayal), how might the story have been different?

So, perhaps the key lies in the (continued) deepening of my relationship to my own shadow self; it lies in making space to understand and recognize those emotions, to let them breathe, so that they do not consume me. 🔥🐺⛓🔥

Be Good to Yourself

My morning ritual for the past handful of months has involved putting coffee on to brew, and sitting down to pull a card or two for various Instagram challenges. I enjoy these Tarot/oracle challenges because they give a focal point for the day (one I don't have to think up myself). But this morning I looked at the prompts for both of those I'm participating in and shrugged. Neither appealed to me. I sat there staring for a while - should I look up a spread? Do a Celtic Cross (those are informative and familiar, but maybe too many cards for now)? No... as I sat there a three-card spread materialized in my mind, something simple and "just right" for my mood:

How do I feel?
What do I need?
How can I get it?

I felt moody yesterday, that old and familiar impulse to be alone, to not have to talk with anyone, to not have to be around other people. The hermit and the cave. I don't feel much different today. But having just come out of a hurricane that shut the city down for a week, I have so much to tend to at work, and a lot of people who rely on my support. My weekly reading "warned" me of these feelings. Sitting on the couch this morning I started to daydream about taking a day off, and how amazing it would feel to be able to take a day to decompress. Then I remembered the 7 of Cups from that weekly reading: "if you can imagine it, you can make it happen." Making my own needs a priority, if not the only one. Perhaps I could make it work? I decided to draw my cards:

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot - Uusi 

How do I feel? 5 of Wands rx
What do I need? Queen of Pentacles rx
How can I get it? 8 of Cups rx

All reversals certainly reflect the choppy energy moving through me at present. The 5 of Wands speaks to a sense of inner conflict - my internal and external worlds not combining well. That is very much the case. I sit here reviewing my schedule for the day, and I don't want any of it. And yet I'm not sure I can relinquish those responsibilities.

The Queen of Pentacles tells me that I should focus on taking care of myself, on addressing the needs that aren't being met; she asks me to be good to myself. This Queen gazes over at the 5 of Wands, perhaps aware that it is the source (at least in part) of her discontent. She gives me permission to honor my personal, intimate priorities, rather than brushing them off in the face of the busy-ness surrounding me.

The 8 of Cups reflects a desire to abandon it all - to walk away. And yet inverted it shows that I'm not convinced that I can, or should. But this is about getting what I need, so what about finding a balance? I started to reflect on my day today, on what I ought to be present for (a morning meeting), and what I may be able to release in order to make space for myself (perhaps completing some work from home in the afternoon). As I thought, I realized that I do have some wiggle room. I do have options. And suddenly my day started to take on a different hue.

Weathering the Storm: Hurricane Irma

Hurricane Irma swept up over the peninsula of Florida last weekend, knocked over a lot of trees, peeled off some roofs, flooded bodies of water (and homes), and floated off to the north, taking our electricity with it. One week to the hour that we lost our power, we got it back (around 9:30pm last night). A week without electricity is great when you're backpacking, but in an urban setting post-storm it's a whole other thing. We have done well, though, I believe. We are fortunate in so many ways. Experiences like this cause you to think in new ways, and that is always welcome and good.

As I've been trying to keep up with two Instagram challenges, I thought I'd share two recent posts that capture the essence of this experience...

The following is something I posted a couple of days ago for the September Tarot challenge hosted by @lionharts:

Energy to work with this week: 4 of Swords (rx) from the Ostara Tarot

As I was shuffling, my mind wandered to the feeling I have been having lately that - despite having had a hurricane-related week off work - I am going to need a vacation. The problem is, I am not going to get it! Most people I know have their power back, but we are on day 6 of no electricity, in the hot, humid, subtropical late summer. I'm starting to get cranky. We have been operating in semi-survival mode for days, each moment considering our food options, what we have and don't have, if what we have is enough, how not to break the bank on takeout, how not to melt when the internal temperature of the house sits around 88 degrees. Dirty clothes rack up. In the evening we take walks and notice that the whole neighborhood has lights on now except for our block and the neighboring apartments. There is a tree that split nearly in two during the storm, one half leaning against a utility pole. A week later and there has been no movement to tend to it. I suspect this is why we are still in the dark.

I have been grateful, in many ways, for this time. Grateful for the shift in mindset it provokes. Grateful to see how people come together to support each other during times of distress. The kids spend long hours playing together rather than watching videos. I am profoundly aware of how good we have it compared to others who lost lives or whole roofs during the storm. We (humans in general) are deeply capable of thriving out of the bounds of the technological world. But give me a tent and a forest; the urban environment isn't friendly to this. We receive notifications not to interact with water bodies due to possible contamination and displaced wildlife (aka gators). Nightly strolls are complicated by brush from fallen trees that block the sidewalks, and yet the street has its own hazards (cars and crazy drivers). I won't have the downtime I would like, a liminal space to recover from the sap on my energy, and so I will have to take the time I need wherever I can.

This morning I wrote the following for the La Vie en Tarot challenge:

Do a three card spread

Visconti Sforza Tarot

Theme of the week: 10 of Swords ~ exhaustion, I am sure. The last week hasn't been particularly easy and I have a lot to do this week. The power came back on late last night, which was amazing. But there is no time to recover before jumping back in to the grind. It's also the last week of September classes for our students, and the schedule (due to the hurricane) is going to be chaotic. It is just a week, though, and we'll be fine. 

Challenges: 5 of Coins ~ I may feel like I don't have enough resources. We spent so much money on hurricane supplies and food while we were without power that I definitely do feel a bit financially cautious. But to a large extent that's a mindset, and the Queen of Pentacles I pulled earlier this morning speaks to that. 

Boon: 7 of Cups ~ If you can imagine it, you can make it happen. And also, encouragement (permission) to focus on my individual needs which may be different from the group I interact with. 

We are well. The kids are back in school today after a week of canceled classes. The markets are still low (at best) on cold foods, and some gas stations are still out of commission. Parks are still flooded, and debris still clutters the right-of-way down most streets. But these things will ease with time. I'm grateful for the experience, challenges and all.

Here are some pictures from my neighborhood:

Tarot Thursday Three: Everywhere Synchronicity

It's been a while, but here is another round of Tarot Thursday Three, hosted by Julia at Spiral Sea Tarot! Feel free to create a post of your own with the same questions, or comment below with your own thoughts....

1. What is the greatest lesson tarot has so far taught you?

I suppose that I'd say that working with Tarot - and divination as a whole - has taught me that synchronicity is an intrinsic and ever-present aspect of the essence of the universe. People often discuss the "mystery" behind why the cards are accurate - after all, aren't they "just" paper and ink? Yes, yes they are. But that's the funny thing about synchronicity - it touches everything, and that includes the cards (and even apps!). Tarot is evidence of synchronicity on a micro-scale.

Jodorowski-Camoin Tarot de Marseille

2. What is the biggest way tarot has so far changed your life or added to it?

Tarot has been an amazing tool for self-development and personal growth. I can't count the number of times that I have worried about [insert topic here], and found incredible, practical, sensible, and deeply helpful advice in the cards. Tarot has helped show me the best way to approach challenging situations, has encouraged me when I've been wrapped up in self-doubt, and has given me the hard truth when that's exactly what I needed to hear (even if I didn't want to).

3. What keeps tarot interesting and fresh through the years (or months if you're a newer reader)?

On some level Tarot becomes part of the regular life routine. I often pull a card in the morning, or throw some when I'm feeling confused or anxious or curious or excited. I sometimes read for others, which never gets old. But I can say that Instagram has been a wonderful forum for engaging with other readers, glimpsing new decks, seeing how others read or relate to the cards. And then, of course, there are the never-ending supply of monthly divination challenges which provide a reading focus for each day. In fact, Tarot brought me to Instagram to begin with!

The Banes: Turning Poison into Medicine

I am participating in an Instagram challenge this month hosted by @lionharts, called #thejunetarot, and the prompt for day eight is: "Last day of the Moon cycle focus."

I drew The Banes from the Druid Plant Oracle (by Philip and Stephanie Car-Gomm) 🌿

I love that the full moon makes an appearance in this card - quite fitting, I'd say, given the prompt! The Banes provide much food for thought...

These are plants that were so often feared for their poisonous qualities, and yet, handled with skill and respect, became powerfully effective medicines. Many such herbs were utilized in the preparation of "flying ointments" meant to induce astral travel and spirit exploration.

How often do we avoid our own dangerous qualities for fear of succumbing to them? Of late I have been pondering the deep power in diving into them; opening up to them; allowing them to teach us. I remember once, many years ago, a young man told me that at his Christian university it was not permitted for students to dance. I looked at him, mouth agape. He became defensive, and explained that as dancing led people to immoral behavior, it was best not to engage in it. I recall thinking about how disempowering that felt: we learn about will, and boundaries, and our Selves, by entering the dance, not by avoiding it.

But I can understand the fear. Our wildness can be intimidating, uncertain. It can loom large over and around and within us. And yet ironically, perhaps, that's the best part. It feels good to plumb our own depths, to see what lurks in our shadowy corners. You let it embrace you, and instead of being overtaken by its potency, you discover just how much power you wield when you are able to own your own skin, the entirety of your being within your grasp. Shadow and light, all the shades in between. There is something sacred and worth savoring in that - a holy medicine.

**********************

I have also been pondering the power of owning our own experiences, from one moment to the next, and not allowing others' ignorance or negativity to poison our own emotional body. Last night we were at the store and while waiting in line to pay, a man told another (in Spanish):

"I just came from Puerto Rico, and I'm not used to seeing 'darkies' out shopping so late."

He was referring to Jorge (and his blackness), and was clearly assuming that we couldn't understand. I was incensed. But instead of confronting the guy (which he would have done some years ago), he said to me:

"You can stay quiet out of fear, or you can stay quiet out of strength. This guy isn't even worth it, and I won't let his stupidity ruin this wonderful night."

Hmmm..... turning poison into medicine.

The Circle Is Complete: Bleeding Time

#MayYouWriteLikeTheFool Day 4

Prompt: "We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete." 

*****************************************************

Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA

One day I decided: no more Pill. 

After so many years of 

(what essentially boils down to) 

hormone therapy 

(three kids are a blessing, and also enough)

I started to feel like my body

my emotions

were no longer my own. 

My last contraception-induced period 

wound its way to

the end

and I responded by 

not swallowing the next pill.

Far longer than what had once been "normal" 

my body continued to expel rusty debris 

a deep purging

a restoration in the works

a sigh of relief.

Nothing was different, not from the outside.

And yet I kept stretching my body

examining my hands

watching the curves of my hips

searching for signs of what I was 

feeling inside:

an opening and release.

One day that familiar ache 

in my abdomen

announced the return of 

my blood

-now fresh, unencumbered 

by chemical constraints.

We met again

at last

The circle complete.

A Smile That Is A Thinly Veiled Frown

This month I'm participating in a writing-oriented Instagram challenge hosted by Alaina @exploringlyyours and Dianna @unearthing_the_gift_ called "May You Write Like the Fool." Each day a prompt is provided to serve as a creative launching point. Pieces can take the form of haiku or other poetry, prose, blog posts, fiction, short essays, streams of consciousness.

Day one featured the prompt: A smile that is a thinly veiled frown. This is what unfolded:

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot - Uusi

"A smile that is a thinly veiled frown" / what is the price of insincerity?

I asked the Pagan Otherworlds Tarot about the social mores that ask us to keep our true feelings disguised (when someone asks you how you are, they usually don't really want to know, and such). King of Cups (inverted) was the response....

This is my significator, which was interesting to see. I recall vividly the last time I wore a thinly veiled frown. There was absolutely no way I could have shown my anger and sorrow and embarrassment without losing serious face. I kept my cool, went home, closed myself in my room and bawled for two hours. Then, I channeled my fury into rising far higher than I might have if the situation had been different. Not "I want" - but "I will." (And I did).

I see obvious value in running a tight ship as far as emotions go. Still, sometimes I wish I could speak my truth openly all of the time. I feel most free and authentic when I express myself in Spanish. I don't feel limited by the socio-linguistic constraints of English that filter my feelings into tidy boxes. And sometimes I say things I probably shouldn't. But it feels good.

Death as a Source of Power

As part of my participation in an April Instagram challenge, I drew a card from the Major Arcana meant to represent the archetype from which I draw power. As I started to shuffle, my mind began to wander...what card would appear? I can say that of all of the images that passed through my thoughts, I was not expecting the one that I finally pulled - and it is in those moments that the most interesting and unexpected insights emerge....

I draw power from Death.

Druid Craft Tarot - Art by Will Worthington

I see the tale of Ceridwen, Gwion, and Taliesen here in the cauldron's crest, and it has special significance for me at the moment, another iteration of a common theme of inspiration and transformation.

In Death I see the story of our ancestors. How many people have contributed to our bloodline, have died without their names or stories ever being recorded? And yet they influence us still, in our blood and bones, in our örlog and our hamingja, the substance of our very souls. We are their legacy. Death - even our own mortal one - is not the end of our tale, nor that of those who will draw on our guidance far in the future when we are in turn ancestors, when perhaps even our own names and stories have been forgotten. No matter what, our essence is an indelible thread in the fabric of existence.

I draw my power from my ancestral past, and from the mythologies that still serve to teach timeless lessons to us after thousands of years.

I draw my power from the cycle of death and birth, or creation, and change; death and life are indivisible lovers.

Yesterday's Hanged Man, drawn as the "source of my skills," brought to mind, as always, Odin's story of self-sacrifice. Today's Death furthers that line of connection: to greet its presence every day, even in its smallest measures - the death of a thought, a feeling, an assumption, a limitation, of an expectation or desire - to allow something new to be born in its place: that is life and growth.

A New Moon Reading

Alaina, from Exploringly Yours, has once again crafted a lovely spread for use at the New Moon, which just so happened to have occurred yesterday. I enjoy these readings and find that they provide interesting insights into my current state of being - this one was no exception.

My reading layout was as follows:

1) What is my wild side saying to me this New Moon? 4 of Swords
2) What must I release to honor my highest self? 2 of Wands
3) What must I embrace to honor my highest self? Hanged Man
4) What can I contribute to the collective at this time? Page of Swords

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot

The first three cards mirror a message I've been hearing lately in some other small self-readings (in fact the 4 of Swords was yesterday's card of the day): pause, peace, and reflection are the requirements of this moment. It is not a time for action just yet, and even if I'm raring to leave the starting gates, it's better to have a course in mind first. I have only vague shadows of thought around what this is referring to, which means that I will certainly benefit from some mindful quiet time.

I love this Page of Swords. How can I contribute to the collective? The Page asks questions, seeks truth, and doesn't let uncomfortable lines of inquiry prevent the exploration of ideas that need to be considered. I've been asking a lot of questions lately, especially in my January blog posts. Most connect to how we can progress as a nation in light of the current political climate. Here is a recap:

• How are we supposed to move forward as a nation if we can't find a way to overcome the divisiveness?
• If facts don't seem to matter, then what does?
• How can we establish meaningful dialogue? 
• What happens if we never manage to see eye-to-eye, or learn to hold rich, fruitful, meaningful, and considerate discussions about our points of disagreement?
• How can we combat ignorance? 
• How can we protect the environment, and human rights, and healthcare, in the face of this new administration?
• What can I do? 
• How can I help?

Answers aren't always clear, simple, or readily apparent; the important thing is to keep the conversation going.

Tarot Thursday Three: You Can't Please Em All

Here is another round of #tarotthursdaythree, hosted by Julia at Spiral Sea Tarot. Feel free to answer these on your own blog, and let me know so I can read your responses!

Question One

What was your first time like giving an in-person reading? Where were you? How did you feel? Spill the deets!

Hmmm... the first time I ever gave an in-person reading was when I was 14, to my sister, using my mother's Medicine Cards. And I won't count that, for all of those reasons! As an adult, I started to read for strangers online before I read for them in person, and the two contexts are quite different. Reading online offers the opportunity to conduct the reading in your own personal, quiet space, to ponder the cards at your leisure, and to compose your thoughts at your own pace, without the pressure of having to perform on the spot. That said, it takes a lot of time to write a reading up; sometimes it's nice to just be able to tell someone what you see instead. Email readings don't allow for that, and also limit the ability to engage with a client. That said, email readings are what I do most!

I was terrified when I did my first email reading. That's actually when I started using reversals. I laid the cards out and was immediately struck with desire for what I felt were the critically valuable subtleties of meaning that reversed cards provide. At any rate, the feedback was very positive, and I was so relieved. I will say, however, that despite all of the positive responses I received from clients over the many months following that initial reading, it took me ages to start to overcome the fear.

I was anxious (not terrified) the first time I did a "proper" in-person reading for someone, but it was a great experience, and I left feeling exhilarated. I was sitting at the person's kitchen table in Miami, and they had just discovered that I was a card reader. They were excited, and it was entirely unplanned (which probably augmented my nerves, but also prevented a deeper sort of fear from setting in!), but it went very well. It was also the first time that I read Lenormand for others. One of the questions I was asked was if a certain individual would have to go to jail for probation violation, and if so, if it would be less than a 6-month stint in jail. Talk about pressure. I pulled the cards, and I said, yes, and yes. And that is indeed what happened. That was as educational for me as it was informational for them. I started to think that perhaps I preferred face-to-face readings because it's quite lovely to interact with a client, to discuss the cards together, etc. But in the end, I just don't have the time for it, so my mainstay continues to be email readings, which are still deeply rewarding.

Wild Unknown Tarot

Question Two

Have you ever had a negative client response to one of your readings? How did they react and why? How did you respond back?

Of course! I don't believe that many card readers who have read for broad and diverse audiences have ever entirely escaped the occasional "difficult" client response (yes, that's a euphemism). Fortunately, out of the thousands of readings I've done, I can count the negative reactions on one hand - well, two fingers, to be precise. Interestingly, they were very similar people, despite being from opposite sides of the planet. I will preface this by saying that I approach all clients respectfully and kindly, and even when the cards are "rough," I never leave a reading on a negative note. No matter what the cards say, there is always room for growth, and there are always blessings to be found (Christiana Gaudet just wrote a great post about this).

The first of these experiences occurred toward the start of my "reading for strangers" career, and it left me utterly devastated. It was also a free reading that I offered for practice. The woman had been essentially rejected by her family members, was single and lonely, and having a hard time finding work. She wanted to know if she'd find employment soon. The cards reflected her difficulties with finding a job where she could apply her skill-set, and suggested that she try to cast a wider net, to consider options that weren't necessarily in her chosen field, and to look into short-term certificate programs that might help increase her prospects. She was not happy with that, and accused me of giving her entirely worthless advice. She also said that she really wanted to know "when" a job would fall into her lap, and I hadn't answered that at all. I felt really bad, and told her that while I believed time predictions to be hard to accurately pin down, I could try to give her that. She calmed a bit, and agreed. I interpreted the card that came up to mean that she would locate work within a 3-month window of time. She came back with even more vitriol than before, and said that I had robbed her of all hope, and that she might as well just kill herself already. Yes, she did say that. And she ended with telling me never to communicate with her again. It's probably no surprise that I sobbed for hours, and felt the weight of that experience for many days to come. I knew I had not done anything wrong, and that she was in a "dark" place, but it wasn't a huge comfort. However it was a good growing experience. You can try your hardest, have the purest of intentions and the kindest disposition, and you still can't please em all (also - it's not always about you).

The second was a woman who was lonely, and similarly had been pushed away by close family members. She had asked about the future of an internet relationship she was developing with a fellow quite a number of years her junior. The cards suggested that she was carrying some pain from the past that needed to be released, and that the relationship was likely to be a bit unstable - though not without potential. The cards were mainly about self-healing, and encouraged her to find small ways to focus on exploring joy in her day-to-day life (taking a short vacation, or even a staycation, rearranging her furniture, getting a haircut, etc.) Honestly, I knew from the moment I sent the reading that it wasn't what she wanted to hear. She needed me to say that this was the man of her dreams, that her life would be saved by the relationship. She didn't want to hear about healing. I anxiously awaited her reply, which, when it finally came, was far worse than I had ever imagined. She berated me. She told me that I was a terrible reader. She accused me of being trite and even condescending. She used several choice swear words. She said she had never been more remorseful at having spent money before, and that she wished she had never ordered the reading. She said that she was too miserable to find joy. The thing is, as hard as it was to read her words, I actually "got" that. And because of my previous experience a couple of years before, I was more able to detach myself from her tirade, and be compassionate. To be too miserable to find joy. That is heartbreaking. And I could understand, in that light, how she might read my words as being trite, despite that not being my intention. I wasn't able to help her in the way that she needed. I replied and told her that I was extremely sorry that she didn't find any value in what I had offered her. I told her that contrary to what she had expressed, I was indeed very sincere in wanting to help and support her. And I offered her a refund. She became immediately calm and said, "Yes, please." I sent her money back immediately, and later I offered up some prayers for her. Her email to me was unfair and unnecessarily disrespectful, yes, but I recognized that she was truly and deeply unhappy, and I didn't take it personally.

Question Three

Have you ever been challenged by a skeptic regarding tarot? What was your experience like?

No. The closest I've come was once when I was taking an "intuitive Tarot" class and the instructor had invited in some acquaintances for us to practice with. I read for a woman's partner, and he was a total stone wall. The woman told me that he was generally pretty critical of all things divinatory (which I thought was ironic and probably not entirely true since he had volunteered to be there), but that she felt the readings were helpful for him anyway. It was a pretty powerful experience. The reading was potent and lovely, and the man never once uttered a peep! (But his lady sent me some smiles and deep nods along the way!).

Tarot Thursday Three: I Love the Celtic Cross

Here I am with another round of Tarot Thursday Three, hosted by Julia from Spiral Sea Tarot! Well, okay, I'm a day late. But late is better than never!

Question One

If you could design your own Tarot deck and have it mass-produced, what theme would it have and what would it look like overall? 

Oh, this is an interesting question. First, I don't think I would want my deck to be mass-produced. My own favorite decks tend to be either self-published or produced by small, independent publishing companies or art collectives. If I created my own, I'd prefer to take that route. That said, I have thought quite a lot about what sort of deck I would create, and I can say that I have yet to decide on the "perfect" theme or design. Perhaps this is why I don't have anything in the works!

I've thought about creating an oracle deck based on Santería/Ifá. I've thought about making a full, traditional-style deck and associating stanzas of the Hávamál with each card (I even have a partial list of card-stanza pairings). I've thought about doing a deck based on my artistic reinterpretations of my husband's photography. But to be honest, nothing feels quite right.

As far as thematic decks go, I'm actually not a huge fan. I do own a few that are particularly well-done and very dear to me: New Orleans Voodoo Tarot, Dark Goddess Tarot, Mythic Tarot, even the Giants Tarot, I suppose. But in most cases I feel that it is too challenging to jam a theme neatly into the Tarot structure, and most thematic decks have weak spots where it seems that the creator had to stretch a bit too much to make a correlation. Examples of this are: the Hobbit Tarot, the Ring Cycle Tarot, and to an extent the Vikings Tarot. So for my own deck I'd probably steer toward a more traditional style, with earthy and simple-yet-clear symbolism. And in terms of media, I'm a fan of painting.

New Orleans Voodoo Tarot

Question Two

How do you feel about the Celtic Cross spread?

Is this a trick question? I have heard many readers gripe about the Celtic Cross, but to be honest, I'm not really sure why. I don't generally like to do large spreads because there is so much meaning to be found in even a single Tarot card that anything more than five seems like overkill. But the Celtic Cross is wonderful when I want to understand the breadth and depth of energies surrounding a person or situation. I am so intimately familiar with the layout that I usually have a clear and immediate impression of what's going on over and under the surface, and for that reason I find it indispensable. There are so many versions out there, but the one I use is laid out thus (minus the significator, which I don't use):

The positions I use are:

1) Heart of the matter
2) Crossing card (elements blocking or strongly influencing the matter)
3) Above (what is on the querent's mind, what is known)
4) Below (energies flowing under the surface of the matter)
5) Past (previous issues impacting the present)
6) Immediate future (where things are heading)
7) Querent (what energies the querent brings to the situation)
8) Environment (people or circumstances influencing the matter)
9) Hopes/Fears (may or may not not be based in reality)
10) Outcome (what to be aware of 3-6 months down the line)

Question Three

If you could have any deck in the whole world (that you do not have already), which one would you pick and why?

If I had been asked this question a year ago, I would have said hands-down, "The Greenwood!!" The artwork is primal and beautiful, and of course it's out of print and nearly impossible to find... such that when you can find it, it's always set at exorbitant prices. It's actually stupid. I think that if I did own it, I probably wouldn't read with it very often, and I'd end up feeling like an idiot for spending the money. I don't long for the Greenwood anymore. Probably (aside from my distaste related to the price gouging) it is because I have grown into a better understanding of how I interact with decks, and what I really like to read with. Nowadays what deck would I love to have? I think Le Tarot Noir, perhaps. I don't own any true Marseilles decks, and the art style is intriguing - reminds me a bit of illustrations in a haunting and captivating fantasy book that doesn't actually exist.

Le Tarot Noir

Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future

For the month of December I am participating in a loosely heathen-centric Instagram challenge hosted by @MagnoliaMoonHolistic called #mmyulechallenge. For days 15-17 the prompts are very Charles Dickens: Ghost of Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and Christmas Future. As when drawn together this creates a nice spread, I've chosen to combine the days thus, and pull cards from the Dreams of Gaia Tarot:

Ghost of Christmas Past: 9 of Fire
Ghost of Christmas Present: 10 of Air
Ghost of Christmas Future: Major XIX

I love the mirroring of this line. The two end cards are fiery and bright, and the figures look outward, while the middle card has cooler colors (fitting for Air), and the woman is turned away, looking through a portal into the universe. Numerologically, the 9 and 10 make 19, reflecting and amplifying the energy of the Major Arcana card.

The 9 of Fire brings forth an energy of intensity and pressure. This image underscores the idiom "grace under fire." This man has absorbed and transformed the sense of chaos surrounding him, and has produced from it a white rose of peace and potential which floats between his hands.

The woman in the 10 of Air is processing the depths of a new personal paradigm. She is looking into the universe, into herself; she is willing to release, to be released, and thus to be reborn.

Major XIX in the Dreams of Gaia is called "Emotions" and in a similar vein to the more traditional Sun, it connects to the expression of joy and happiness; the invitation for those powerful experiences to be called forth, honored, recognized; to allow them to move, to breathe, through you.

In the past year I've certainly seen some radical and positive changes in my life. The 9 of Fire pressure that propelled me forward; that taught me about my will and fortitude; that pushed me to keep striving, and to keep my faith; ultimately fostered a particular experience of abundance and personal power that I'm sure has fed into the reconceptualization of the 10 of Air. The other day I was on a walk with my husband and I was telling him about how different I feel, how much I've grown in the last twelve months. I'm the same, and I'm different; I'm a better, stronger, more refined expression of myself. I see through new eyes. I see new possibilities. The hint of sadness that seemed to lurk for so long beneath the surface of my waking mind has evaporated. I feel the warmth of that joy unfolding, and I'm truly and deeply grateful.

A Hankering for the 4 of Wands

This September, the Lady of Serpents (on Instagram) is hosting a self-exploration challenge and today's prompt is: "What do I unknowingly carry with me?" I love that question - it's great for identifying hidden influences that need a little illumination!

I shuffled my Fountain Tarot and drew the 4 of Wands.

Four people dance together on a sandy beach by an expanse of water. Four beams of light reach up into the sky, almost like spotlights at a party. These people, whoever they are, are having a very good time together.

As I sat with this card the word that kept coming back to me was, release. The 4 of Wands is a card of completion, of celebration, of letting go of routine (albeit momentarily). This card often represents occasions such as graduation parties, weddings, anniversaries, and can even symbolize much-needed vacations. No matter what event it connects to, the 4 of Wands represents the joy inherent in removing the framework that gives daily life its structure. We all need that from time to time, and we, as human beings, regardless of culture, nationality, or faith, always have.

Just yesterday I was sitting outside with my husband, enjoying the early evening breeze, watching as the sun broke over an invisible horizon to paint the clouds with peachy hues. As we chatted, our conversation turned to a topic that highlighted this concept of release. He spoke of the desire for community - particularly of a web of relation-ship with people he grew up with, of an environment widely conducive to his first language. I spoke of how much I've been missing northern nature - the forests, fresh waters, the aroma of pine needles in the air. We discussed our distinct lack of any sort of community at all where we live currently; we moved here for our jobs more than four years ago and in certain ways still feel a keen sense of isolation.

Looking at the 4 of Wands, I was brought back to my own memories of release-moments: when my mother and step-dad married; a week-long trip to the family home in the northern woods with extended family; time spent at a North Carolina beach house with family and friends. Yes, I thought, I am carrying this with me - a need for celebration, release, with people I know and care about.

As I pondered this, I shuffled my Dat Black Mermaid Man-Lady oracle deck and drew a card. I could see that it was one of the Dreamer cards, which represent the reader's own soul energy.

And when I turned it over I laughed in appreciation at its message:

Family! Indeed, family; kin. The embrace of people with whom deep bonds are shared.

My family is scattered around the globe. Some are in Michigan, some in Utah. Some are on the East Coast, and some are in Tennessee. Some are in Alaska. Some are in England, and some are in New Zealand. Some are in Saudi Arabia. With so many of us spread out so far, congregating becomes a challenge, and thus happens infrequently, or not at all. Cousins grow up and seek their own adventures. They establish their families in new places. It is good, in its way, but at times bittersweet, too.

My husband and I were planning a grand getaway at the end of September, just the two of us. We kept putting off planning, and I started to sense that there was a reason - a certain "something" - that was silently staying the process. I waited to see what it might be.

We finally decided not to go anywhere at all. Rather, we would spend the time at home-base, and venture out on day trips, go on dates, and enjoy some time together in that manner. My mother was still planning to come to town to look after the kids. And then my sister let us know that she'd be descending upon our household as well, flying in from the Middle East to spend a month or more with us during her own down time. My mother, my sister, my husband, our kids. All under one roof.

By ultimately choosing to stay put, we unwittingly created a space for the 4 of Wands to manifest.

Finding Myself in the 9 of Pentacles

There is a lovely challenge occurring on Instagram this month which I am not participating in: #tarotperspectives. I will say, though, that I'm enjoying reviewing the posts of those who are! The idea is that you pull a card for the day from one, "main" deck, and then draw its equivalent from two or three other decks in order to see how different depictions of the same card speak to the same basic energy. Some of the voices are quite different, others very similar. Some approach the same archetype from unique angles.

I decided to try it out today using a few decks that I haven't drawn from in quite some time: the Fountain Tarot as the main deck, and then the Steampunk and DruidCraft Tarots as the companions. I shuffled and swirled and cut, and drew the 9 of Pentacles, a card associated with personal financial success and the comfort and pleasure that comes along with it. Then I pulled the same card from the other two decks, and laid them all side by side. Two images - from the Fountain and DruidCraft - were both quite similar to each other (and quite true to RWS styling), showing a woman with a falcon perched on one hand.

But despite their obvious connections, there are some significant differences in detail upon closer inspection. The DruidCraft 9 of Pentacles shows a woman who might be in her 40s. With the stone wall behind her, there is a sense that she could be in a courtyard, or at the edge of a castle enclosure. She bears appropriate falconry gear, with the heavy glove on her right hand, which reminds me that falconry was a "noble sport," practiced by those with enough money to afford the luxury of a fine bird, its housing needs, the necessary equipment, and the training. This was not a layperson's activity.

In the Fountain Tarot image there is a woman who appears to be a bit younger - perhaps in her 30s. She also has a bird, but she has no glove, which gives a more natural feel to her position. Perhaps the bird is there of its own accord - I like the idea that this wild bird simply came to visit. The woman stands before a series of concentric, golden circles, or arcs. This reminds me of tree rings, and I like the symbolism here: age and experience can be wonderful assets to support a successful life.

Then there is the Steampunk 9 of Leviathans, which shows a very science-fiction scene with two figures riding along in what appears to be some sort of futuristic amusement park ride. I had to look to the guidebook to try to understand what was going on here, but it just mentions that financial well-being allows one to enjoy life. Well, alright, I get that. I live in Orlando and never go to the "Parks" (Disney, Universal, etc.). The fact is that I just can't justify the expense of going with my family. Thus it does seem like some sort of symbol of economic success to be able to afford a worry-free visit there without breaking the bank.

As I was reviewing all of these cards I just felt flat. Not a single one made me truly "feel" anything. Women holding falcons isn't an image that resonates with me, and the Steampunk doesn't speak to me either - even if I was rolling in dough I wouldn't waste my money on a day at Disney. It was actually a kind of jarring experience to realize that I didn't connect with any of these cards - all from decks that I ostensibly really like.

So I went on a hunt to find a version that I could see myself in. I found it in the Prisma Visions deck:

Now this is what I'm talking about. No pretenses, no fancy gowns, no fancy gadgets and rides. This card shows a naked woman out in the middle of a field of tall grasses and wild flowers. It appears to be sunset, and the light in the sky shines in orange, yellow, and green hues. In the distance there is the outline of a cabin with an inviting glow coming from the windows. Perhaps logs crackle in the fireplace. There is a bird perched on the woman's shoulder, but there is not even the slightest hint of it being a pawn of the wealthy - it might have lit briefly on the lady's arm as it went about finding its evening meal. There are sparkles in the air - fireflies! The tall trees offer their green embrace to the world all around. Yes, this is me in the 9 of Pentacles. This is a woman who is glad simply to be alive, to be connected to the earth and sky. She delights in the presence of nature - she considers herself a part of it all. A rustic bowl of stew and a steaming mug of cider... a night of star-gazing...that is true contentment.

The Heart of Self-Possession

I'm taking part in an Instagram "challenge" for June, hosted by @spiralseatarot, that focuses on our connections to spirit guides. For Day 10 the prompt asks participants to pull a card around the way in which your guide is helping you at present.

New Orleans Voodoo Tarot/S.A. Glassman

As I was shuffling, Secret Societies came flying out of the deck. This card is typically associated with Justice in a traditional set of cards, but there is more going on here. This card shows an initiate into a secret society who is sent, hands restrained, into the wild to experience the feeling of being at the mercy of the cosmos. Animals could attack, you could trip and fall, you could lose yourself in the foliage in the deep black of night. But that is also the point: this card is about having such a deep rootedness in your identity, your history, such a deep understanding of who you are, that you can look fear in the eye bravely and not run away. You can allow these creatures of the shadow to look into your eyes, to examine every part of your being, without looking down, without feeling ashamed or unworthy. You stand in your own skin, with no inclination to prove anything, or to justify your place there, no impulse to apologize for who and what you are, no urge to lower others in order to feel mightier. That is the heart of self-possession, the essence of personal balance, the center of a cool mind that weighs the scales fairly and is open to being measured in return.

Yesterday I was reading an article about how much fear we deal with in modern society, on an everyday basis. Fear is a powerful tool that can limit our growth and prevent us from understanding the beautiful immensity of our own beings. If my guide is helping to support me in learning to fully embody and honor my own essence, how can I be anything other than willing to open myself to that teaching?

Five Things to Love

I have been participating in an Instagram challenge hosted by @violetauraphoto for the month of February. Each day participants receive a prompt for which cards can be pulled in whatever manner suits each individual. For the fifth day of February the prompt was: “Five Things to Love About Me.”

Honestly my first reaction went something like: “Ugh. Do I actually have to list things that others would love about me? I can’t do that. That’s weird. It’s a little self-centered. Can Jorge do this one for me?” Ultimately I decided that I would just have my cards and runes help me to identify five areas of value in who and how I am as a person. I chose to use: the Goddess Knowledge Cards (Susan Seddon-Boulet), the Earthbound Oracle (Andy Swartz), the Ancestral Path Tarot (Julie Cuccia-Watts and Tracey Hoover), the New Orleans Voodoo Tarot (Sallie Ann Glassman and Louis Martinié) and my homemade rune set.

In the end this turned out to be an exercise in self-love and understanding more than anything else, and I would recommend that all card readers take a moment to do this for themselves:

1. Changing Woman. I embrace constant evolution of my being; I meet people wherever they're at, no matter their gender, background, culture, or walk of life. I see the youth in the elder and the wisdom in the child.

2. Home. (A turtle carries its home on its back. In this image its slow-moving shell provides a perfect nesting area for birds to fly in and out, without ever losing track of their place in the world.) No matter where we are, I am home for my family.

3. 8 of Swords. (The imagery stood out to me here – a woman wrapped in beautiful but impractical clothes, in shoes not meant for travel. She looks longingly out toward the rising sun, as if wishing she could choose some other path.) I challenge the status quo, and outdated socio-cultural mores that limit self-determination and self-discovery.

4. Hagal. (The 9th rune, the deep, sighing breath). I look for the grace in difficult and unexpected circumstances; I don't hide from the dark.

5. Ace of Air, Damballah. I seek clarity and justice, the seed of truth in all things, the wisdom of Damballah Wedo.