2017: Challenges and Hidden Treasures

The instructions given by Mr. Lionharts were rather simple: intentionally select three cards to represent your central challenges of 2017. Then, let the cards suggest advice for each one.

The first part was, unfortunately, a quick task for me; this past year has been one of the hardest in the last decade or so. All three of these cards have come up for me on so many occasions throughout the year that I’ve entirely lost count.

Ancient Italian Tarot - Lo Scarabeo

Temperance was my “card of the year,” drawn last December as the theme for 2017. Finding balance, healing, losing equilibrium, tearing open wounds, throwing a stick in the alchemical spokes, regaining balance, learning how to live with disharmony, learning that disharmony is a powerful tool, learning how to seek balance once again. The 8 of Swords has had me identifying and attempting to destroy extremely outdated paradigms that were restricting my growth. The Tower - ah the Tower - has made a deep and potent friend out of fire and destruction. Watch it all burn, and see what is left when the ashes are carried away by the wind. Catharsis. It’s not over yet, but I do think that I’ve crested the summit and am heading down the other side of the mountain.

On to part two: advice for each challenge.

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot - Uusi.us

The Queen of Fire speaks to Temperance. She has been a regular feature of my 2017, so it shouldn’t be a surprise to see her here. She matches the heat of Temperance’s alchemy, hot and cold, a conflagration, a waning intensity. When I am her, reversed, it’s not much use talking to me; I am a ball of fire ready to reduce my interlocutor to ashes. But it is part of the birthing of her dynamic and deeply powerful essence within me. When I am her, upright, I enjoy engaging new people like never before - the hermit out of the cave - I hunger for connection, I laugh, I consume the beauty around me like a starving animal. This isn’t so much advice as a recognition that provides helpful perspective. I know this about myself, now. Some days balance is easier to achieve than others. I am learning to integrate this Queen into my soul, and that’s a process.

The Knight of Pentacles speaks to the 8 of Swords. Releasing those old and restrictive paradigms requires steady progress, one foot ahead of the other. I can measure it in small but tangible differences in my everyday life. It feels like I’ve been walking forever and the landscape has changed little. But one day I look up and can see the plains stretching out below me; little changes make all the difference in how I perceive the world around me, and remind me that I am indeed moving.

The 6 of Cups speaks to the Tower. I call this my “re-membering” card; through it I pull back the parts of myself that I’ve lost along the way. The Tower built of concessions, limitations, “buts,” “oughts,” “can’ts,” hard histories, and the stories I tell myself.... it falls. And in its destruction I find myself again.

Here's to closing out a thoroughly transformative year and inviting in 2018!

Njördr and Re-Membering Myself

I asked Njördr for a message; something to help change my perspective on this *thing*.... Soon I will meet a colleague to share our artwork with each other. It was a suggestion on his part to help encourage me as I get back into drawing and painting, and I am grateful for that intention. And yet I keep finding myself anxious or unprepared, worrying that my pieces aren't good enough. It's really annoying, and I don't want to feel this way, but it is nevertheless how I feel.

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot

I don't think I could imagine more appropriate cards for this matter. The Page is my creative self - the one that doesn't judge or compare - only expresses. The 8 of Swords represents my mental cage, my self-imposed limitations. Strength shows me that I am so much bigger than those needling thoughts and fears, tells me to show myself compassion, and embrace the fullness of my own being. I love how the Page and Strength look in at the 8 of Swords, perfectly equal to the task of releasing these blockages.

Mannaz reinforces the fact that this is all tied up in how I see myself, and myself in relation to others - and it's time for a narrative shift.

I spoke to Njördr at the ocean the other day, and asked him to help me remember who I am. I have indeed felt myself re-membering over the past week, calling back parts of myself. This is one of them.

Be Good to Yourself

My morning ritual for the past handful of months has involved putting coffee on to brew, and sitting down to pull a card or two for various Instagram challenges. I enjoy these Tarot/oracle challenges because they give a focal point for the day (one I don't have to think up myself). But this morning I looked at the prompts for both of those I'm participating in and shrugged. Neither appealed to me. I sat there staring for a while - should I look up a spread? Do a Celtic Cross (those are informative and familiar, but maybe too many cards for now)? No... as I sat there a three-card spread materialized in my mind, something simple and "just right" for my mood:

How do I feel?
What do I need?
How can I get it?

I felt moody yesterday, that old and familiar impulse to be alone, to not have to talk with anyone, to not have to be around other people. The hermit and the cave. I don't feel much different today. But having just come out of a hurricane that shut the city down for a week, I have so much to tend to at work, and a lot of people who rely on my support. My weekly reading "warned" me of these feelings. Sitting on the couch this morning I started to daydream about taking a day off, and how amazing it would feel to be able to take a day to decompress. Then I remembered the 7 of Cups from that weekly reading: "if you can imagine it, you can make it happen." Making my own needs a priority, if not the only one. Perhaps I could make it work? I decided to draw my cards:

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot - Uusi 

How do I feel? 5 of Wands rx
What do I need? Queen of Pentacles rx
How can I get it? 8 of Cups rx

All reversals certainly reflect the choppy energy moving through me at present. The 5 of Wands speaks to a sense of inner conflict - my internal and external worlds not combining well. That is very much the case. I sit here reviewing my schedule for the day, and I don't want any of it. And yet I'm not sure I can relinquish those responsibilities.

The Queen of Pentacles tells me that I should focus on taking care of myself, on addressing the needs that aren't being met; she asks me to be good to myself. This Queen gazes over at the 5 of Wands, perhaps aware that it is the source (at least in part) of her discontent. She gives me permission to honor my personal, intimate priorities, rather than brushing them off in the face of the busy-ness surrounding me.

The 8 of Cups reflects a desire to abandon it all - to walk away. And yet inverted it shows that I'm not convinced that I can, or should. But this is about getting what I need, so what about finding a balance? I started to reflect on my day today, on what I ought to be present for (a morning meeting), and what I may be able to release in order to make space for myself (perhaps completing some work from home in the afternoon). As I thought, I realized that I do have some wiggle room. I do have options. And suddenly my day started to take on a different hue.

A Smile That Is A Thinly Veiled Frown

This month I'm participating in a writing-oriented Instagram challenge hosted by Alaina @exploringlyyours and Dianna @unearthing_the_gift_ called "May You Write Like the Fool." Each day a prompt is provided to serve as a creative launching point. Pieces can take the form of haiku or other poetry, prose, blog posts, fiction, short essays, streams of consciousness.

Day one featured the prompt: A smile that is a thinly veiled frown. This is what unfolded:

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot - Uusi

"A smile that is a thinly veiled frown" / what is the price of insincerity?

I asked the Pagan Otherworlds Tarot about the social mores that ask us to keep our true feelings disguised (when someone asks you how you are, they usually don't really want to know, and such). King of Cups (inverted) was the response....

This is my significator, which was interesting to see. I recall vividly the last time I wore a thinly veiled frown. There was absolutely no way I could have shown my anger and sorrow and embarrassment without losing serious face. I kept my cool, went home, closed myself in my room and bawled for two hours. Then, I channeled my fury into rising far higher than I might have if the situation had been different. Not "I want" - but "I will." (And I did).

I see obvious value in running a tight ship as far as emotions go. Still, sometimes I wish I could speak my truth openly all of the time. I feel most free and authentic when I express myself in Spanish. I don't feel limited by the socio-linguistic constraints of English that filter my feelings into tidy boxes. And sometimes I say things I probably shouldn't. But it feels good.

The Lovers: What Do You Stand For?

(I am sharing this from my Instagram account because I feel it merits being cross-posted)

I have been deeply upset by the gassing of towns in Syria 🇸🇾 and the images of the toll this has taken particularly on the most innocent of creatures: the children. It's a devastation (yet another, piled on top of all that the Syrian people have had to endure) that moves far beyond any hope of expression.

This morning I wished forcefully that a divine hand would descend and wash from the earth all of the perpetrators of these horrible acts; and that the same hand would provide safe haven and healing to all of these disastrously affected, innocent people. But that's not going to happen. The divine hand, in the end, must be our own. We wait and wait for something to change, but it doesn't. And at times, when we thought it unlikely to worsen in scope and impact, it does just that.

Syria is not too far away, it is not full of unknown people, and the horrors happening there are not disconnected from any of us. These energetic ties that permeate the universe touch us all, and each act of violence is a breach in the web.

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot - Uusi

I asked the cards: What can we do? The Lovers was the response.

We can demonstrate our love for one another. We can be a beacon. We can support our fellow humans when they are in pain. We can decide what we truly believe in, and if we are willing to act on those beliefs. I keep hearing DMX in my head: "It's about gettin down for what you stand for."

What do you stand for? What can you do about it?

• Donate to humanitarian efforts like NuDay Syria, Islamic Relief, and many others who are working to aid victims of these most recent gas attacks, and refugee resettlement
• Talk about what's happening
• Stay on top of the news
• Pray
• Be willing to learn more about the conflict and its impact on civilians
• Urge (through calls and letters) your government representatives and senators to oppose any ban on acceptance of Syrian refugees

What do you care about? What do you believe in? How will you show it?

Every person can make an impact. 🔥

Tarot Thursday Three: Card Readers Aren't Mind Readers

I'm jumping in for another round of Tarot Thursday Three, hosted by Julia from Spiral Sea Tarot! As usual, feel free to answer these questions for yourself and share your answers in the comments (or create a blog post of your own!). Here we go:

1. Scenario: You're reading for another, but your mind goes blank. None of the cards seem to "match" the inquiry and you're having a hard time interpreting what you're seeing - tips or strategies to overcome the situation?

I don't typically have this problem (the feeling that the cards don't "match" the question). That's not to say that there aren't times when I need a moment or two to reflect and consider, because that certainly happens. But this question reminds me of the faulty assumption that somehow a love question must involve Cups, or money queries have to relate to Coins, etc. Tarot is far too nuanced to be that compartmentalized. That said, if you ever feel at a loss for how to correlate a card to a specific circumstance, be willing to explore the card's facets and to create a dialogue with the client. Tarot readers aren't mind readers - we can (and should) ask questions.

Also, if blanking out during a reading is something that a reader struggles with, or worries about, a simple practice would be to take time out to sit quietly and pull a random card from the deck. How would you apply this to a romantic relationship? What if the question was related to employment? What might you say if this same card appeared in response to a query about a vacation?

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot - Uusi 

2. If you were going to get a Tarot inspired tattoo, what would it be? Bonus points if you know where you'd get it!

Hmm.... interestingly, my husband has a Tarot card tattooed on his forearm: the Lovers from the Mary-El deck by Marie White! Does that count? Maybe not. Um.... since I prefer symbols to pictures, I could imagine getting runes or Hebrew letters that have been correlated to particular cards (for example in the Haindl Tarot). I am already planning a rune tattoo, albeit not connected to Tarot, for my left forearm!

3. What are your thoughts on PIPs or scene-less suit cards? Love them, hate them - I want to know what and why!

My thoughts are that they are just fine. I learned Tarot on a Marseille-style deck, and my all-time favorite go-to deck is the Pagan Otherworlds, which features very lightly illustrated minor cards that many people categorize as "pips" (it's debatable, really, but I would say that while they tend not to be "peopled," they are definitely scenic). I'm currently craving Le Tarot Noir, a beautiful and OOP Marseille deck that would be a total pleasure to read with.

The Empress and a Paleo-esque Approach to Food

Yesterday morning I drew the Empress from the Pagan Otherworlds Tarot just prior to leaving the house. It's always a pleasure to see her, and I felt her quietly asking the question: How are you taking care of yourself?

The answer of late is: not as well as I might! I haven't been sleeping as well as I would like, and for quite a while now I've been contemplating a change in food patterns - I just hadn't really made an effort to implement anything. I don't eat poorly by any means, but I am sure I consume more sugar than I probably should, and I often don't have a proper meal until dinner time on weekdays because I don't take the time to prepare a nutritious breakfast or lunch for myself. I'm busy, but that's not really an excuse. I hadn't found the right mindset.

I've heard so much about the Paleo style of eating over the past few years, where grains, dairy, legumes, and starch-heavy foods are eliminated in favor of a diet high in animal proteins, nuts/seeds, vegetables, fruits, and healthy fats (such as olive/avocado/coconut oils). It's true that protein helps curb hunger and cravings (as well as helping the body's metabolism and energy levels), and high levels of carbs do lead to weight gain and energy spikes/crashes. So yesterday I decided to investigate the Paleo diet in more depth, and ended up printing out a long list of recommended and discouraged foods to pore over. Turns out we already eat quite a lot of the foods on the list, so adopting a Paleo-style diet wouldn't be a drastic change, in most respects. But we do consume a lot of carbs and dairy! Rather than assume a full Paleo diet, I wanted to let these nutritional concepts influence and guide our way of eating. I won't eliminate all grains from the house, but if we have rice or pasta as a part of our dinner, I will simply choose not to eat it, or I'll only take a tiny portion in favor of larger servings of vegetables and proteins. We can also shift to brown rice, quinoa, barley, buckwheat, etc, which offer so much more in terms of vitamins and minerals. I won't get rid of dairy altogether, but I can reduce the quantity of cheese I eat, for example. So while it won't be a true Paleo diet, it will be "Paleo-esque"! Ultimately it's about being more mindful about food and nutrition.

Roasted vegetables and lamb

Last night I spent some time cutting up broccoli, beets, sweet potatoes, cauliflower, onion, and red bell pepper. I added them to a glass baking pan with avocado oil, salt, and a little black pepper, and let them roast for a while. Instead of rice or regular potatoes, we had this veggie hash as the primary component of our dinner, along with lamb. It was delicious, filling, and satisfying, and I felt "light" afterwards. Today I carved out space in my morning routine to prepare a turkey and avocado sandwich with a very small amount of a good cheddar cheese. I washed strawberries and put them in a plastic Tupperware, and packaged up sliced apples in a sandwich bag. This sounds pretty standard as far as lunches go, but it was a pretty big deal for me. So here is to embracing Empress-energy, and taking better care of my body!

Be Your Own Warrior (Not Worrier)

It has taken me a long time to recognize that I am a worrier. I've always been very laid back, flexible, calm, relaxed. Those aren't characteristics that I tend to associate with neurosis! And yet under the surface I would indeed be very anxious - always analyzing (and over-analyzing) conversations and events, worrying about people and responsibilities. During the day it was relatively easy to push it all back in the shadows, but it would inevitably rear its head in the darkest hours of the night. I would wake up at 2am and instead of turning over and falling back to sleep, I would wrap myself in a blanket of all of those fears. In most cases I was blowing things far out of proportion; during the day my rational mind helped mitigate the anxiety, but at night that balance disappeared, and reality felt as dark as the sky. I would lay awake for hours until close to dawn when it felt safe to sleep again.

This is a perfect description of the 9 of Swords.

Golden Tarot - Kat Black

For nearly a year I've held a stanza of the Hávamál like a mantra in my mind:

Jackson Crawford translation

This is extremely sensible, of course, and yet I was having a hard time putting it into practice. I know it's useless to lie awake worrying about concerns both real and imagined, only to have to trudge through the next day exhausted from lack of sleep, the same concerns yet to be solved. Isn't it easier to approach challenges with a clear, rested mind?

A while ago I decided to pull a couple of cards for myself about how to help myself and drew the 7 of Wands as the source, and the reversed waxing crescent as the solution.

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot - Uusi

The 7 of Wands made a lot of sense to me: it evokes a feeling of "me against the world." While I always manage to sort things out and stay on top of it all, I was tending to focus on the dread associated with the need to solve various matters, rather than trusting myself. I felt like I was giving my power away. The Luna card was an interesting and yet very fitting response. Upright this would be a waxing crescent, but reversed it becomes a waning moon. What this told me was that as my fears began to grow, I needed to let them go. This seemed like obvious advice, and I still didn't know if I would be able to implement it. Just "let it go"? Is it really that easy, though?

The funny thing is that I found that it was. That same night I woke up in the early hours. My body was drowsy, and I knew that this was the magical point at which I could either allow my worries to take over, or I could go back to sleep. I wanted to go back to sleep. With some amount of irritation, I thought something along the lines of: "Not now, worry, not tonight." And I turned over and went back to sleep. Yes, just like that. I refused to permit my irrational fears to ruin my rest. I banished them. And every other time since then that I've awoken in the middle of the night and found myself in similar circumstances, I've just said, "Nope," and have settled back into sleep.

Last night I decided to make space to write my first "Post It Note Poem" (this is something happening on Instagram) as I was sipping hot tea, nestled into the couch to watch the nightly news. I actually produced quite a few poems, but this is the one that struck me most:

I didn't intend to describe those late night fear sessions, but I did. The funny thing is, the 7 of Wands was both the source of my worry, and part of the solution. In order to release those fears I had to take my power back and become an advocate for my own well-being. I am in the dark, and there are no stars, no light to ease my mind. There is only me. So it is my responsibility to be my own warrior.

A Full Moon Ritual Reading

The other night, for the Full Moon in Cancer, I completed a reading designed by Alaina O'Brien and posted on Instagram:

While it was immediately significant to me, I was too sleepy to write about it at the time. A few days later, however, I find myself up early on a Saturday morning, nursing a hot and and strong cup of coffee in my Michigan Mitten mug, prepared to dive in.

The position meanings are as follows:

I used the Pagan Otherworlds Tarot:

1) In what areas of my life am I dimming my light? Hierophant

Work. I pushed myself pretty hard in the autumn, leading up to the holidays. I had a lot of coordinating to do, a lot of meetings to facilitate, a lot of information to disseminate, a lot of pieces to align toward a major project goal. I was feeling pretty exhilarated by the end of December, but also pretty wiped out. While I had two weeks of vacation immediately following that, I spent the first of those battling strep throat, and the next two (including my first week back at work) dealing with its remnants which led me to the doctor and another round of antibiotics before I finally started to feel "right." All of this combined, I wasn't feeling ready to sally forth into a new term. I was dragging my feet, feeling uninspired, wading through the drudgery of the post-holiday tasks. The big project was mostly set up and ready to go, but it still required some attention. Only now I wasn't feeling excited by it - if anything I felt like I was coming down off a momentous high, and feeling confused about what to do next. 

2) How can I best bolster my heart? King of Wands

This King was a fairly regular companion for me during the autumn. In contrast to the at times static-feeling rigidity of the Hierophant, the King of Wands burns with the energy of vision, creation, and self-mastery. His fire is directed, but not fully contained. And it is that fire that I've been needing to feel again. I started to recall some of the new projects I wanted to start in 2017, the farther reaching goals I hope to meet in the year ahead, and I began to feel that tug of inspiration pulling at the edges of my spirit again. 

3) Message from the High Priestess to my heart: 6 of Cups

This ties in to the upcoming self-love cards. The 6 of Cups represents memory; our deepest, most authentic selves; the care-free energy of youth; and the joy of innocence. The card here seems to say, "Be like a child again." When you dive under the pressures that accumulate over the years, the weight of adulthood's responsibilities, what do you feel? Who is there? When I was in Michigan over the holiday, one of my favorite moments was a woods-walk we took. Gabriel hung from freezing jungle-gym bars with bare hands, unbothered by the cold because of the fun of his experience. I laid down belly-first in the river mud so that I could reach my hand into icy waters to splash my face. When I was young I used to spend long hours alone in the forest, picking wild raspberries, building lean-tos, identifying animal paw prints in the soil. I saw foxes, rabbits, and sometimes deer. That was the whole world for me then. I distinctly recall one afternoon on a glorious summer day where I sat on a leafy footpath at the top of a hill watching the wind blow through the trees. Those moments of unadulterated bliss, of pure "being," are a key; a memory to tap into; a reminder of my innate and wild freedom.

4/5/6) How can I integrate more self-love into my daily life? King of Cups rx, 2 of Cups, 9 of Pentacles rx

I had to smile at the anchoring presence of the 2 of Cups, so perfect in response to this question. Both the King of Cups and the 9 of Pentacles are relevant to important elements of who I am and how I am developing. At its core this line reminds me that I often become too caught up in "not being or having or doing enough" and fail, at times, to honor and recognize the plentitude in my life, which ultimately impacts the strength of my emotional body. I am enough. 

Óðinn, the Valknut, and the Warrior's Path

I didn't plan to write this on Veteran's Day, but it's a wonderfully appropriate synchronicity. This post is a semi-curated version of a couple of rambling journal entries I've written recently. I hope that the content - my thoughts - are clear enough to the reader (sometimes we think in images, and images can be rather difficult to fully and faithfully narrate into text). So here goes....

I've pulled the 10 of Swords (upright and reversed) so many times in relationship to Odin: what blessing does he offer?; how can I deepen our relationship?; what aspects of psyche is he connected to? (just to name a few).

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot

The 10 of Swords connects to themes of sacrifice, loss, endings, utter release from the bonds of restriction and self-limitation; a death of the old self in order to birth the new. Odin hung for nine days, without a drink or a bite to eat, from Yggdrasil in order to earn the wisdom of the runes, symbols representing the layers and streams of experience and knowledge that flow through the multiverse. The World Tree itself, Yggdrasil, is at once thought to be both around us and within us. So the entirety of existence is not only external to ourselves, but is contained within our very beings (reminds me of that Whitman quote: "I contain multitudes" - which, come to think of it, is a very Odin expression!). As I pondered all of this, I was reminded of a dream I had some time ago of a raven or crow offering me an eyeball to eat. I vividly recall that when I woke up, I felt like the raven was inside my head. In this (rather complex) context, there is a concept of the raven as external messenger, and at the same time as an intrinsic aspect of myself.

Odin is considered to be a god of battle, shamanism, inspiration, wisdom, and death. His symbol is generally thought to be the valknut (knot of the fallen, or dead), three intersecting triangles. Its meaning is not firmly known, but based largely on educated conjecture. In other words, there is nothing historical that explicitly states that Odin and the valknut are connected. However there are pictorial artifacts that do appear to associate them, including one - on the Lärbro stones - that shows what is probably Odin and his ravens at a burial mound over which a downward-angled valknut is depicted.

A couple of weeks ago I was pondering the symbolism of the valknut. I decided to pull three cards about its significance, and I drew: 8 of Swords rx, Knight of Swords rx, and the Ace of Swords.

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot

I noticed immediately that all of the cards were air (intellect, knowledge, language, discernment, communication - very much the domain of Odin), and that the sum of the spread was 9, which is Odin's number. The feeling that this line gave me was: the clarity and new knowledge that comes from journeying through the "other side." It's the 8 of Swords - not 10 - but still there is this feeling of breaking free, or diving in. Mary Greer discusses the shamanic aspects of the 8 of Swords in her book "The Complete Book of Tarot Reversals," and mentions that the significance of the reversal of this card includes initiation. That makes sense. The Knight is a warrior. He ventures forth, freed from  the bindings of time and thought, and there finds illumination. In ancient depictions of the valknut we see evidence of a correlation to the death of a warrior. And as in probably all religions, in particular Ifá and the Northern Tradition, all wisdom has multiple meanings. Warriors, battles, and death are both literal and metaphorical.

Odin sacrificed himself to himself in order to set himself free and truly learn who and what he was. As a deity, or even archetype, it is a bit funny to think of him needing to embark on such a journey, but the story itself demonstrates the whole point of his essence: allowing the ego to die so that the soul can be free to be fully expressed.

Valknut pendant

Who are we when we remove all outer and societal trappings? Who are when we release the baggage that builds up over the years, the stories we tell ourselves (and believe) about what and who we are, and are not? About what we can do and cannot, about what is acceptable and what isn't? If our ultimate goal is self-actualization, then our greatest sacrifice is of ourselves toward that goal. In order to learn, we have to get rid of binary thinking and open ourselves to paradox, to all possibility, which is why true "Odinists" know no barriers or limitations. All experiences, all people, all cultures, all aspects of social strata, all elements of nature, offer new knowledge and the opportunity to learn both about the cosmos and about ourselves. The number nine symbolizes completion; Odinism is ultimately about becoming whole, and free.

If the World Tree is within us, then Odin is effectively hanging himself in the liminal, sacred space of his own inner self, the ultimate initiation. Who are you when you have nothing to name you? By letting himself go he was able to open himself up to the keys of the universe and universal knowledge/wisdom/truth. And with that wisdom he was able to dialogue - consciously engage with - existence itself.

Some believe that to wear a valknut indicates a dedication to Odin and/or Odinic principles, and to the path of a warrior. As I mentioned before, I believe that soldiers are one sort of warrior, and the strength, bravery, and willingness to confront physical death that they embrace as part of their duty to protect and serve is sacred and sobering. I also believe that the path of the warrior is a choice that we make in every moment of our lives, whether or not we ever set foot on a literal battle field.

From my perspective, Odin's principles include (but are not limited to) having the strength to stand up for what is right; reducing and eliminating perceived barriers that prevent us from engaging in the dynamic fabric of life; opening our hearts and minds to learning from all things, and all people; having the courage to look at our own shadows (and not run away); working to identify the influence of our egos, and then working to free ourselves from those bindings; to fully embody our unique selves. All of this involves the never-ending work of self-evaluation, self-acceptance, a desire, dedication, and intent to always "be and do" as authentically, honestly, and openly as possible; a willingness to challenge ourselves to always grow, evolve, and learn.

He alone knows

who wanders wide

and has much experienced 

by what disposition each man is ruled

who common sense possesses.

-Havamal, 18 (B. Thorpe)

November Cards: Believe In Yourself

Admittedly a bit late, I've decided to pull some "cards of the month" for November. Rather than use assigned positions, I simply pulled a line of three from the Pagan Otherworlds Tarot, and an oracle card from the Dat Black Mermaid Man Lady deck.

Judgment - 6 of Cups - Chariot

Ole Caney Sharp - Divine Opportunity

I sat down with cards and coffee on my son's race car rug in the early hours of Saturday morning as he played superhero next to me with his trucks and an assortment of miscellaneous items. It was a nice way to start the weekend.

I understood the significance of this line almost immediately. Though my job focuses primarily on directing an English language program, I have recently been called to give presentations on cultural awareness. Language acquisition is a small aspect of the overall theme, but much of the "weightier" material delves into concepts of religious diversity, racism, and cultural labeling. This sort of work is a passion of mine. My undergraduate degree is in Cultural Anthropology, and most of my adult life has involved addressing injustice, increasing awareness of the beautiful fabric and texture of human existence, and preserving ancient legacies - language, traditions - before they are lost in an ever-expanding globalized society. I am one half of an interracial marriage, and my children straddle a number of cultural and racial divides that will likely bring them (in addition to many joys) frustrations from an outside world that struggles to place things (and people) in tidy (and utterly limiting) boxes. Throughout my life I have worked in various roles in places that include Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota, central city urban neighborhoods, immigrant communities, and the Basque Country, Spain. Honoring and understanding the breadth and depth of humankind, and facilitating that understanding in other people, is extraordinarily important to me. 

An initial invitation to give a presentation to administrators who support international students gave way to a second invitation to present on cultural awareness to a group of faculty members from two different departments, which then led to a third invitation to present to yet another department at the end of the month. Judgment is an interesting card because it both represents the elements of this work that feel like a true "calling" and it also touches on how hard I am on myself. After that first presentation I ruthlessly beat myself up about "what people might have thought," and "how much more clearly I should have explained [insert topic]." My husband was a bit shocked at what he dubbed my "self punishment." And he was right - that is exactly what I was doing to myself. Ultimately I received so much positive feedback that I came to understand that it "wasn't that bad" after all (!) which was both a relief and a blessing. When the day came to present for the second time, my daily draw was Judgement. I didn't think about it at the time, but later I realized that perhaps this was touching on something deeper than I was acknowledging. (And that session went very well!)

The 6 of Cups represents this connection to who I have always been, my essential self, that part of me that has remained unchanged since childhood. In doing this work I'm tapping into a voice that has a lot to say; a part of myself that has gathered experience and perspective over many years, and is primed for expression. The Chariot gathers all of that up and carries it forth into the world. It tells me that I have a lot to do, and so much more to develop and explore in this capacity. As I approach my third presentation, I've already started to consider how to expand into a "part two." There is so much that can be discussed in the broad arena of diversity and cross-cultural understanding, and in the current limit of two hours I can only scratch the surface. I see that there is a need for it, and a place, as well, and that will spur me onward in the coming months and year ahead. 

Ole Caney Sharp represents the energy of Elegua, my dear friend and road-opener. When I read the advice on the back of the card I had to laugh in appreciation. It says: 

Let your questions go

you ain't got to know.

You thinks too much

that's why you stuck.

Get on up

and fly.

I have spent a lot of time lately considering how much I over-think, over-worry, and thereby limit myself. This card is a pointed reminder that (as illustrated by my intense - and unfounded - self-criticism following my first presentation) I tend to clip my own wings, and that it's a good moment to let go of that bad habit and see where the winds take me.....

Powerful and Wild: Artemis

Last week for the Shadow Work October challenge on Instagram, the host, Mnomquah, asked us to think of a childhood idol and use that person (deity, character, etc.) as the focal point of a spread. I didn't do it initially because after thinking and pondering and considering for quite some time, I couldn't come up with anything at all. I don't recall ever having an "idol" that I looked up to.

Several days later I found myself still ruminating on the topic when -

- Artemis came to my mind.

When I was about 15 years old I studied the Greek gods and goddesses as part of high school humanities, and I'm sure that I drank it up more heavily than would have been expected of me as a student at the time. I was immediately drawn to Artemis. I saw so many aspects of myself in her: Artemis of the wild wood, the archer, fierce and independent.

So nearly two weeks later I sat down to pull some cards.

1. Core desire: The things that drive my idol.
2. Strategy: My idol's ways of achieving goals.
3. My idol's greatest fear.
4. Weakness.
5. Strength/Talent.
6. Me as a result: Summary of how my idol influenced who I am today.

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot

I was extremely moved and fascinated by the results of the draw. Not only did moon images appear in two places within the main reading, the "shadow" card at the bottom of the deck was also one of the Luna cards from the Pagan Otherworlds deck. This was particularly fitting considering Artemis' connection with this celestial body.

1. Core desire: 8 of Cups

Visually, this card brings to mind following the moon across wild and shadowy landscapes, which of course is a perfect backdrop for Artemis. Metaphorically it connects to going beyond quotidian life and searching for deeper meaning. It is about exploring the unknown, and discovering what ultimately satisfies and invigorates the spirit. I see Artemis in all of that.

One of the things that I loved about her when I was a teen was that she did not conform to a "traditional" goddess archetype of love, or marriage, or "tender of the hearth fire." Artemis was a free spirit. Though she did have relationships, and she was connected to the very feminine experience of pregnancy and childbirth, she had no desire to settle into a prescribed lifestyle of domesticity, and as such became such a beautiful symbol of female power and independence.*

2. Strategy: Queen of Pentacles

Wow. Yes. Artemis is known to not only be profoundly connected to the wild and natural world as a patron and protector, but also as a tireless supporter of women. Myth says that immediately after her own birth, she helped her mother Leto labor with her twin brother Apollo. Thus, despite being a virgin goddess, she was connected to childbirth. All of these reside within the domain of this Queen.

3. My idol's greatest fear: Sun reversed

This card brought a few thoughts to my mind: a fear of losing power and independence; a desire not to be overshadowed by her brother, Apollo, a sun god; a fear of either not having space to shine brightly enough, or of being subject to the dominating egos of others.

4. Weakness: Half moon.

This says to me: black and white. And this is how Artemis tended to view the world. She had a very strict sense of morality, and was unforgiving if she perceived a breach in her code.

5. Strength/Talent: 9 of Pentacles

Seriously, though. I often refer to this as the "strong, successful, independent woman card". I actually laughed when I pulled this one.

6. Me as a result: 2 of Cups

Artemis taught me to love myself and in turn to receive love. To truly bring the disparate elements of my being into harmony, to fully honor myself, has meant that I was able to enter into a strong marriage that never required me to limit or compromise myself in order to fit a particular mold. Artemis showed me that independence and strength are not incompatible with partnership - in fact they are prerequisites to healthy union.

And after all these years, I am still wild on the inside.



*As an adult I have a far more complex and dynamic understanding (and experience) of "female power and independence" which fully includes partnership and "traditional" roles of women under its umbrella.

The Beauty of the Draw

I love it when daily draws are immediately relevant.

This morning I pulled the 3 of Pentacles, a card of creativity, teamwork, and applied skill.

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot

The first thing that came to mind was the fact that I will be facilitating a team meeting this afternoon at which a couple of faculty will be discussing “best practices” and technology use in education.

Then I checked my email.

I’ve been working for months on a major program overhaul. I’ve gone through several iterations, I’ve networked with the necessary departments that will be involved in implementing it, and I’ve pored over how to make this a stronger, more relevant program version. This morning I received a message that the modifications were approved! It’s been a long process, and to receive this full acceptance is extremely rewarding.

It couldn’t have come at a more perfect time, as now I’ll be able to share this exciting news at this afternoon’s gathering. The 3 of Pentacles is feeling pretty damn good today!

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot: A Review

This is the deck. As in, “the” deck – the one that hits all the right places, the one I can’t put down, the one with all the right feels, overflowing with soul.

My ideal deck would have:

• reversible backs
• little-to-no text on the card fronts
• not a single card I don’t really like
• been produced by an independent publisher
• the feel of a very useable work of art
• quality artwork
• an essence of timelessness 
• excellent card stock
• card images that are complete and balanced, but not overfull 
• at least slightly illustrated minors (enough for the intuition to dig into)
• art that clearly highlights traditional card meanings 
• that special “something” 

So, that said, the Pagan Otherworlds Tarot fulfills each and every item on this list. It’s a tall order, I know. But like I said, this is the one!

The down and dirty:

• 78 cards 
• 1 additional Major (the Seeker)
• 5 “Luna” cards (representing the moon cycle)
• Strength VIII, Justice XI
• Page, Knight, Queen, King
• reversible backs with a beautiful floral image
• high quality tuck box
• mainly RWS styling with some influence from Marseilles
• excellent stock with a linen finish
• company: Uusi
• creators: Linnea Gits and Peter Dunham

This deck arrived to my home wrapped in a foam sheath upon which a small sprig of cedar was attached. A cloth card bag featuring the company’s name (Uusi) was included along with the shipping invoice. Each deck features a different herb or plant – some people received their decks along with lavender, or sage, for example. It’s a beautiful touch.

The box itself features the same design as the card backs, and feels like it was produced by someone who really knows, and loves, cards. This is the case, of course. Aside from this deck, Uusi has created a number of playing card decks, a Tarot deck called the BRuT Tarot, and they are currently working on a third Tarot deck called Eros: The Garden of Love. (They do make a few other things, such as advent calendars and wooden knife racks!)

Small details like a custom paper stamp that seals the tuck box and small printed messages in the fold of the box top add to the exquisite experience of handling this creation for the first time.

When I pulled the cards out of their box I noticed immediately that they move effortlessly over one another – no stickiness, no slight catching that sometimes occurs with matte finishes. These cards were meant to be shuffled, and I even think that the process of shuffling was intended to be a part of the overall enormous pleasure of preparing to read with this deck. If you have it, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

I have heard some people express concern that the numbered Minor Arcana may be “pips” however this is not really the case. Yes, each card shows the correct number of elemental items for the suit, and no, there are no people (for the most part). But if you look at each card you will find an abundance of scenic imagery that connect with traditional RWS meaning.

Take for instance the 4 of Swords. With three swords upright (blades downward) and a single sword perpendicular to them on the ground, it mirrors the RWS version which shows three swords hanging on a wall over a stone knight, with one sword horizontal along the tomb.

The 7 of Wands shows one upright rod with six others crossed in front of it. It certainly gives the impression of advocacy, standing for what you believe in, rising to meet a challenge.

The 4 of Wands shares an unmistakable connection to the traditional RWS version, with four rods standing upright and decorated with celebratory garlands.

Even the 3 of Wands features an ocean in the background with ships either coming or going.

The tree in the 8 of Pentacles exudes the idea of growth and development. In the 5 of Cups you’ll notice that the three central cups are upside down, while the two on either side are upright. The skull below calls to mind past regrets, and mourning.

All of the Court cards are stunning. I particularly love the Queens and the Knights. There is such elegant movement in the shape of the horses that the Knights ride. Here we also see the 6 of Swords showing a boat riding through water!

Just look at this Queen of Pentacles...

The Majors are sedately spectacular as well. The Hierophant is dressed in animal skins, and holds a stang in his right hand. He is the keeper of tradition, the village vitki.

The Chariot shows a warrior in a cart pulled by two energetic rams, one black, one white.

The Sun depicts a quite traditional child riding a white horse, a kindly celestial orb floating above.

This morning I pulled a card asking, “What energy should I honor today?” I pulled the Ace of Pentacles, inviting me to count the many blessings in my life.

One of those happens to be the Pagan Otherworlds Tarot, and I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Layers of Synchronicity: The Star

I am participating in an Instagram "challenge" in October called CHMM Fall Challenge. Day sixteen asked the question: "What needs activation in my life?"

I drew the Star from both the Ring Cycle Tarot and the Pagan Otherworlds tarot.

This immediately spoke to me: Believe in yourself. Have faith in yourself. Let your inner light shine. These are very relevant messages to me at this very moment.

But there is more.

Yesterday I was in a local metaphysical shop and just as I was deciding to leave (empty handed) I noticed a deck in a long box with its title edge facing the wall. I thought I'd see what it was, though it was a bit difficult to remove as it was lodged there quite snugly. It was the Ring Cycle Tarot, a name that barely registered in my memory. As I read the text I learned that it was based on the Wagner production, The Ring of Nibelung, and was illustrated with the work of Arthur Rackham. Not only do I love the Norse saga of the Volsungs (which is the basis of the Ring of Nibelung) but I love Arthur Rackham's work. This combination of elements hit all the right spots for me, and so I took it home.

The Star: Pagan Otherworlds Tarot and the Ring Cycle Tarot

I first decided to pull today's "challenge" card from the Ring Cycle deck, and I drew the Star. I then shuffled the Pagan Otherworlds deck to hear its opinion, and the Star made itself known once again.

When I placed them side by side I was struck by the beautiful similarity in images:

In the Ring Cycle, Freyja stands near the tree of the golden apples of youth (Idunn's charge). Her right arm is bent, her left extended. She peers out over her left shoulder. In the Pagan Otherworlds, the Star figure crouches over the water near a sheltering tree. She, too, extends her left arm and looks back over her left shoulder. And in this depiction there is a bird perched on a small tree limb. The bird immediately brought to my mind the ability of Sigurd (the hero of the Volsungs) to comprehend the speech of the birds following his accidental taste of Fafnir the dragon's heart blood. With his new "wisdom" he heard the birds warn of Regin's treachery, which ultimately saved his life. And their words also informed him of a figure that would become an essential "signpost" in his story: Brunhild the Valkyrie, surrounded by a ring of fire.

So, in the context of the Star card, the bird speaks to attuning to "otherworldly" guidance as well as listening to inner guidance, which can indeed seem almost like a whole other language until we pay attention and quiet ourselves to its gentle voice.

A Midnight Meeting with my Grandmother

A few nights ago I dreamt of my maternal grandmother - or, perhaps it's more accurate to say that she came to visit me in my sleep. It wasn't a long dream, per se, but it was poignant, particularly because it is the first time that I've ever dreamt of Dorothy, who died when I was five years old.

In the dream her figure was not solid, but ethereal; only partly there, like a spirit. I stood in front of her and wrapped my arms around hazy form saying, "I never had the chance to hug you, as an adult." I asked her if she had any messages for my mother, and she gave me two. Unfortunately, upon waking I couldn't remember the second. I did recall the majority of the first, and when I wrote to my mom to tell her, she replied that it was the same message that her morning reading had given her. That was nice to hear.

I pulled a few cards to explore this experience:

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot

1: My grandmother's presence

Page of Cups. A perfect symbol of a message-bearer, a speaker through the liminal realms of dreamtime.

2: Her essential message to me

9 of Pentacles. I felt this to be both encouragement and acknowledgement of where I am, and where I'm headed. I felt that she was telling me that she's proud of me.

3: Additional energy

2 of Cups. Love.

Lessons from a Hurricane

Hurricane Matthew came and went in my area late last week. We spent Thursday morning filling sandbags in the rain, and driving around trying to find any store or market that still had bottled water (the city quickly turned into a ghost town for items such as bread and H2O!). Gas stations were running out of fuel, and lines to fill up tanks stretched out of lots and into roadways.

Water didn't last long at most markets

By early afternoon we went home and prepared as much as we could. We removed the loose debris from the backyard, picked up toys. We taped the windows - not to prevent them from breaking, but to at least keep the glass shards contained in the event that they did shatter. We put candles out, and made sure that our flashlights had batteries. We laid the sandbags around the door of our front porch which is prone to light flooding even during a normal storm. 

Sandbags lined up and ready to go 

At bedtime Thursday night we were anxious, but hoping to get at least some sleep before the winds started to come. Fortunately for us, the eye of the storm shifted 20 miles further east during the night, which meant that instead of the 80mph (129kmh) winds that they were expecting in our area, we ended up with 50-60mph (80-97kmp) winds - a true blessing! All day Friday we stayed indoors, watching the winds whip through the trees. Overnight a particularly strong gust had downed a large limb on our backyard maple.

A downed branch in our backyard

Around 2pm we heard transformer boxes popping, and suddenly the power was out. Wind had knocked down two utility poles on our street, and power lines were dangling so low that they almost touched the ground. Police came to block the road, but the winds were too strong for the electric company to do anything but put up detour signs and wait until the next day to assess the damage. 

One of two utility poles leans cross the road

We stopped frequenting the refrigerator in order to preserve the cold air. By evening our home was filled with lit candles, and we found the only open restaurant nearby - a Pizza Hut a couple of miles away. It was so backed up with orders (carry-out only as they couldn't send their drivers out) that as we sat waiting for our food they ended up having to refuse new customers. A nurse from the hospital across the street came in and pleaded with them to allow her to order. She had been working for two days straight and was willing to come back over an hour later to pick up her food. They kindly agreed.

The next day was beautiful: sunny, blue skies, dry air, and only a light breeze. The power was still out, and no crews were on site yet to begin to repair the damaged poles and lines. Cars would turn down our street and upon realizing that they couldn't get through, they would use our driveways to turn around. Most were respectful, but some would use our yards instead of the driveways, damaging the grass. The neighbors stood out in the street attempting to direct traffic until we were able to secure a police officer's support with getting the end of the street blocked off. I marveled at how much communication was taking place; we were chatting with neighbors we'd never before spoken with, checking in with each other, offering to harbor each other's cold food items so that they wouldn't perish. 

My husband and I decided to stroll down the street to review the damage. We didn't get far due to the debris in the street, and as I took it all in I thought, "Whatever isn't firmly rooted is swept away." It reminded me of Odin's Yule-tide Wild Ride that ultimately serves to carry away the old and outdated elements of our lives. It reminded me of the Tower.

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot

The plant debris wasn't the only thing that was blown away by the wind. The downed power lines meant no electricity and no internet, which in turn meant no TV, no air conditioning, no video games, no Netflix. It started to push people together. Not only did we speak more with our neighbors than ever before, but we started to see people sitting outside. We have often commented to ourselves over the years about how we seem to be the only residents on the block that actually sit out front from time to time. But now our neighbors were bringing out lawn chairs, and their kids were outside with hula hoops. My own kids spent hours playing board games, and picking up craft projects abandoned ages ago. 

For the first time ever since living here, I felt a semblance of community. Though the power is now back on, and people will surely return to their indoor lifestyles, it is good to have had a reminder of how satisfying each moment can feel when electronic devices fail to form the center of how we organize our time; of how rich neighborhood life can be when people connect to and care about one another.

Queen of Wands

As I leap forward into my return to the office, I look for ways to stabilize the transition. It's been a very busy year - all in great ways, but I've had to learn new techniques for balancing my time and energy. As much as I've attempted to avoid burnout, I've come close on at least a couple of occasions. I really needed this vacation to shift my focus, and to replenish my energy.

This morning I was straddling the line between feeling ready, and feeling reluctant. I decided to pull a card from this new, amazing deck, the Pagan Otherworlds Tarot (which I can't recommend enough, and will do a review of very soon).

The Queen of Wands appeared for me, and as I gazed down at her warmth I was filled with a calm confidence and an awareness that the day was going to be good. Many months ago when I was indeed on the edge of burning out, I pulled this Queen (from another deck, of course) reversed, and took her message to heart that I needed to find a better way of managing my energy output and associated stress levels.

When I did my New Moon reading this past Friday, the "waning" card was the 4 of Swords, and the "waxing" card was the 10 of Wands. I saw in that duo the ending of my down time, and the return to the responsibilities of the workplace. I am not a fatalist, so rather than sigh in surrender at the oncoming "burden," I sought a focal point, a strategy, to help maintain my peace within the busy-ness of my professional environment. The 4 of Swords offers some of that; I don't need to assume that rest is reserved for vacation - I can (and should) find ways to make space for quiet, reflective moments every day, and not feel guilty for claiming them, but recognize that they are a critical part of self-care.

This Queen reminds me that achieving balance does not require the separation of my Self into partitions at all. She reminds me that vibrancy is not the same as extroversion - it comes from within. Its primary focus is on a strong inner power that naturally emanates outward, and is not drained by the ebb and flow of the environment around her. She engages others, and yet is always mindful of maintaining her own equilibrium.

Looking at this Queen seemed to spark a sort of alchemical shift within me. I moved from "ugh..." to "I got this" in a matter of moments. So cheers to the Queen of Wands, and here's to remembering all of the things I so deeply enjoy about the work that I do!