A Full Moon Ritual Reading

The other night, for the Full Moon in Cancer, I completed a reading designed by Alaina O'Brien and posted on Instagram:

While it was immediately significant to me, I was too sleepy to write about it at the time. A few days later, however, I find myself up early on a Saturday morning, nursing a hot and and strong cup of coffee in my Michigan Mitten mug, prepared to dive in.

The position meanings are as follows:

I used the Pagan Otherworlds Tarot:

1) In what areas of my life am I dimming my light? Hierophant

Work. I pushed myself pretty hard in the autumn, leading up to the holidays. I had a lot of coordinating to do, a lot of meetings to facilitate, a lot of information to disseminate, a lot of pieces to align toward a major project goal. I was feeling pretty exhilarated by the end of December, but also pretty wiped out. While I had two weeks of vacation immediately following that, I spent the first of those battling strep throat, and the next two (including my first week back at work) dealing with its remnants which led me to the doctor and another round of antibiotics before I finally started to feel "right." All of this combined, I wasn't feeling ready to sally forth into a new term. I was dragging my feet, feeling uninspired, wading through the drudgery of the post-holiday tasks. The big project was mostly set up and ready to go, but it still required some attention. Only now I wasn't feeling excited by it - if anything I felt like I was coming down off a momentous high, and feeling confused about what to do next. 

2) How can I best bolster my heart? King of Wands

This King was a fairly regular companion for me during the autumn. In contrast to the at times static-feeling rigidity of the Hierophant, the King of Wands burns with the energy of vision, creation, and self-mastery. His fire is directed, but not fully contained. And it is that fire that I've been needing to feel again. I started to recall some of the new projects I wanted to start in 2017, the farther reaching goals I hope to meet in the year ahead, and I began to feel that tug of inspiration pulling at the edges of my spirit again. 

3) Message from the High Priestess to my heart: 6 of Cups

This ties in to the upcoming self-love cards. The 6 of Cups represents memory; our deepest, most authentic selves; the care-free energy of youth; and the joy of innocence. The card here seems to say, "Be like a child again." When you dive under the pressures that accumulate over the years, the weight of adulthood's responsibilities, what do you feel? Who is there? When I was in Michigan over the holiday, one of my favorite moments was a woods-walk we took. Gabriel hung from freezing jungle-gym bars with bare hands, unbothered by the cold because of the fun of his experience. I laid down belly-first in the river mud so that I could reach my hand into icy waters to splash my face. When I was young I used to spend long hours alone in the forest, picking wild raspberries, building lean-tos, identifying animal paw prints in the soil. I saw foxes, rabbits, and sometimes deer. That was the whole world for me then. I distinctly recall one afternoon on a glorious summer day where I sat on a leafy footpath at the top of a hill watching the wind blow through the trees. Those moments of unadulterated bliss, of pure "being," are a key; a memory to tap into; a reminder of my innate and wild freedom.

4/5/6) How can I integrate more self-love into my daily life? King of Cups rx, 2 of Cups, 9 of Pentacles rx

I had to smile at the anchoring presence of the 2 of Cups, so perfect in response to this question. Both the King of Cups and the 9 of Pentacles are relevant to important elements of who I am and how I am developing. At its core this line reminds me that I often become too caught up in "not being or having or doing enough" and fail, at times, to honor and recognize the plentitude in my life, which ultimately impacts the strength of my emotional body. I am enough. 

Moon Reading

For the last full moon I decided to do a reading using a spread designed by Vickie Wilson @eternal.athena.tarot that was posted on Instagram for #newspreadsaturday. In regard to the inspiration behind this spread, Vickie says:

"In astrology the moon represents your emotional and instinctual reaction to things. As the Gatekeeper to the Underworld, we must ask her permission to pass through her gates and peer into the depths of our subconscious. Our pains, fears, insecurities, and weaknesses lie behind her veil, waiting to be confronted. That is where we find the Moon."

Credit: Victoria Wilson/Eternal Athena Tarot

Card 1: What makes me feel happy?

Card 2: How do I express my moods?

Card 3: What unconscious emotional needs motivate me?

Card 4: What is my greatest fear?

Card 5: Where do I feel insecure?

Card 6: How do I instinctively respond to threats?

Card 7: What are my emotional triggers?

Card 8: Where do I avoid taking action?

I appreciate the approach and the focus, and the results yielded were quite interesting...

A reading with the Fountain Tarot

1. What makes me feel happy? King of Swords

I recognize this King in myself - especially lately as I've embraced a leadership role at work and have had to cut through the emotional messiness impacting my team from a neighboring department. In the Fountain Tarot a row of rainbow colors flows across the ground, up through the King's body in a triangular form, and out through the apex of the King's head, at which point it becomes clear/white. In a way it may symbolize how the underlying energies from the environment are perceived and processed and then utilized by the King to understand and interact with it. It could be both metaphysical/unconscious (picking up on subtle influences or energies as information) and mundane (piecing together the smaller details of a situation or project in order to understand the full picture and formulate the next steps - microcosm and macrocosm as one). I do enjoy that. 

Also, emotions can me messy, and I like removing that filter and looking at the facts and reality when there is a benefit to doing so, and especially when matters of justice are concerned. 

2. How do I express my moods? 6 of Coins

I see the lemniscate embedded in this image, and it works with the 6 of Coins' relationship to reciprocity, give and take. I feel very strongly about people not taking out their negative moods on others. In a way this goes back to the King - I expect people to be able to discern the factors influencing how they feel and why (or at least know what isn't a true source of contention), and to be capable of filtering that, when necessary, in interactions with people in their environment (tall order at times, I know). Likewise, if I am in a bad mood (which is rare, but happens on occasion) I try not to pass that on to others. When you are upset and lash out, you send out ripples of negativity into the world. On the flip side, when I'm happy I like to engage with people and emit that joy - to smile at passers by, or chat amiably with strangers in line at the grocery store - sending ripples of positive energy out into the universe. Give and take isn't just about money and material resources, after all. 

3. What unconscious emotional needs motivate me? 9 of Coins

I like how in this image there are concentric circles rising up under, around, and behind this woman; it seems to be to be a symbol of incremental growth. It's not even an unconscious drive, this card. I have worked long and hard to be economically self-sufficient, and it has not been an easy road. I had my first child when I was 20 years old, in my second year of college. I raised her on my own, with the additional support of my mother and step-father, but I struggled. I was filled with a thrill of relief and joy when I graduated with my Bachelor's degree (it took me 6 years!). But the subsequent work I found never fulfilled me, despite being great experience. I felt lost for quite a while. It wasn't until I met and married my husband and we started our life together (and started to have more kids!) that I pursued my Master's degree, a path that ultimately has led me to my current job, which is so much better than I could have ever imagined. I have come a long way, and I feel good about what I have accomplished. And yet there is a special *something* that floats beneath the surface; a legacy left from those difficult years in my early adulthood. I imagine there are subtle aspects related to that journey that still influence me in subtle ways. Will my successes ever feel like enough? 

4. What is my greatest fear? 4 of Swords (reversed)

Stagnation. Plans that are made but never materialized. 

5. Where do I feel insecure? 9 of Wands

This is a card of the battle-weary but courageous. It's also a card of being defensive, which is an instinctual response to insecurity. In the card, the man has come a long way, and he's close to the top, but instead of focusing on the goal ahead, he's looking backwards and down. Is her trying to retrace his steps? Is he worrying about the past? Is he concerned that someone is coming up the ladder after him? Perhaps he is worried that the path he has forged won't hold his weight for much longer. I do have a tendency to worry about the past, and about things that I could have done, or said, differently. I worry about being misunderstood. Learning to express my voice confidently and freely has been an arduous journey because I often don't know what to do when I find myself under attack. I'm getting better at that, though. I believe it stems from some unsavory early experiences in life where I was ripped to shreds on multiple occasions (verbally and emotionally) by my father's wife (he remarried following my parents' divorce). It was totally shocking and unmerited, and my father never stood up for me, or my sister. There is something there that probably still hasn't been entirely healed. 

6. How do I instinctively respond to threats? Chariot (reversed)

This relates somewhat to the previous card. In the past I've never dealt well with threats. I would end up crying in anger and vulnerability, or else stand there frozen like a deer in the headlights (or a combination of both). I would totally lose any sense of focus and I'd crumble. The other entity would dominate me, and I hated it, but didn't have the fortitude or clarity of mind to do anything else. Over the years I've learned to pause, breathe, and let the initial wave of emotion flow through and out of me. Then I become ultra focused, determined, and prepared to use all of my faculties to do what is right on my own behalf, to stand up for myself. Instead of crumbling (okay, maybe after crumbling), I gather my resolve, determine the best approach, and put my full force behind it. I have always relished challenge. If it seems hard, I will find a way to do it. If it seems unlikely, I want to try it even more, just to see if I can. 

7. What are my emotional triggers? 6 of Swords (reversed)

This is an appropriate cards to represent the response of an emotional trigger. Upright it is about "mind over matter"; the ability to be objective about emotional situations such that one can make the choice to leave what isn't working, or what causes pain. Reversed it suggests an inability to move on, an attachment to past hurts that on some level keep us connected to history. In large part we are triggered emotionally by things that bring to our minds hurts that we haven't healed from. It's interesting because I don't have many emotional triggers, but I have never handled sadness well, or the feeling of lack of emotional control. This connects a bit to the Chariot - to situations in which I've felt stomped on, belittled, disempowered, taken advantage of. Those things can lie beneath the surface of consciousness, and if they aren't healed can become unconscious triggers, like freezing under threat and conceding to the other person entirely, even if they are in the wrong, simply because it hits a nerve, a soft spot, a fear. Channeling my own strength and using it in timed of challenge has been an ongoing learning curve, though I recognize that I've come a long, long way.

8. Where do I avoid taking action? 2 of Cups

Wow, interesting. On one hand this is a card of emotional healing. I wouldn't say I avoid healing, but since being out of control, feeling deeply sad, is so difficult for me, I may not always allow myself the opportunity to fully heal. I think I have improved in this area over the years, though. 

On the other hand it brings to mind emotional expression, which I am not a big fan of. I am a private person, generally speaking. I like people, I like collaborating, I like supporting others...but in other ways I am sealed up tight. I used to not realize the extent to which I wouldn't communicate even with close loved ones (my mother, my husband). I'd be worrying and stressing about a matter and it just wouldn't even occur to me to share that with my partner. So over time I've become more aware of that tendency, which is good, and I've learned to speak. However in general I still find that my emotional sharing has very clear limits. And I am sure I don't call my friends nearly enough.

Finally, I was reading my astrological chart the other day and one section made me pause and think of this... with Venus in Aquarius I tend to be friendly and pleasant to be around, but difficult to get close to due to my preference for personal freedom. Hm. That was interesting. I am notorious for avoiding making plans whenever possible. I don't like the feeling of being tied down that plans give me. In that light, the 2 of Cups as something I avoid makes a lot of sense!

Welp. That is a lot of food for thought!

Full Moon in Gemini: Bonding the Self

This morning I felt drawn to pull a few daily (or - moment -) cards from the Earthbound Oracle. As I laid them out they wove a clear story before me, and engaged with their tale I decided to take a look at the "shadow" card at the bottom of the deck - Luna - fitting for today's full moon.

But the cards, the central line of three, had much to say about where I'm at right now that also flowed with the fact that today's full moon is in Gemini.....

Death - Bond - Self

On the left, reflecting where I've been of late, Death symbolizes the deep transformations that have been flowing through my life on so many levels. The lemniscate over the third eye speaks to the endless cycles that we can perceive most clearly when we still our Selves. I like how purple ribbons curl upward, new sight being revealed. In many ways I am indeed experiencing new sight - a new way of "looking" at the intangible world, and even a new way of viewing and interacting with my environment at work due to a change in position. And just visible behind the skull, a full moon glows.....

To the right there lies the Self, an eye opened outward. When I was preparing for my recent interview I pulled a card from this deck to help me focus on my approach, and it was Self. Let them see your heart. Be you. And so that is what I did. And it was good. But now I am exploring new aspects of my Self. I have always felt that I was more an "individual" - not a follower, not necessarily a leader, but, well, perhaps a loner, though that carries a slightly negative connotation that I don't love. Yet I am a leader now. What does that mean to me, about me, for me? How does that impact my own sense of self? What natural characteristics will I cultivate and nurture and strengthen through embracing this new role?

In the center is Bond, bringing together Death and Self. The image appears to be an atom with an acorn nucleus and leafy electrons swirling about. Electrons have a negative charge and are bound to the atom's nucleus which is made of protons (with a positive charge) and neutrons (which have no charge at all). Opposites attract: how appropriate! And there is that the acorn, the seed of change, that tiny emissary of life that with just the right amount of rainfall, sunlight, oxygen and nutrients will grow ever stronger, up up into an oak tree. Change brings new sight, brings new possibilities. Change is one of our only constants in life, as ironic as it is, and change offers us new ways of understanding ourselves. (Funny, then, - or synchronistic - that I chose the 2 of Pentacles from two different decks this morning!) ;-)

Tonight's full moon is in Gemini, and About.com describes it as a time of: 

"de-coding language; observing social trends; wearing many hats; the view from all sides; shaking up reality; playing tricks with perception; fascinating fragments of style and culture; getting the cosmic joke; being contradictory"

Yes.

In my own time of bonding I am standing on a precipice looking both downward and upward. I see from where I've come; and I see that there is more ahead, though I may not be able to make out the details. I am no longer who I was, and yet I haven't entirely become who I will be. Sacred space. Ancient and natural. The current turns back on itself, as it always will, and yet never returns to the same place. 

Captain of My Ship

I was too busy last week to pull my normal "draw for the week ahead" and I even managed to forego my Monday-draw for my Facebook page. Finally yesterday afternoon I settled down to pull a "where I'm at, and what to do about it" reading. Rather than looking at the week ahead I decided to simply do a check-in for myself. Later I realized that it was not only the evening of the full moon, but it was the full moon-eclipse-bloodmoon-in-Aries. Wow! That is quite the lunar action! So not only did my reading make sense for me, it took on even greater meaning once I learned about the moon activity taking place on that very same day.

I pulled the following line of three cards: 10 of Swords, 7 of Wands reversed, Emperor

Prisma Visions Tarot/J. Eads

Often when I look at a line such as this, I read it almost like Lenormand. The first card highlights the matter at hand, the middle card illuminates an important element in regard to the matter (how I feel about it, an effect or impact, etc.) and the third card is a result or conclusion, sort of a "what to do or be aware of next." There is some flexibility to the interpretation, but in a general sense this is what I do.

Here I have the 10 of Swords as the "matter at hand," which is interesting because I pulled this card as representative of my month of October about a week ago. It's quite true in terms of the general state of things in my environment. I'm exhausted - feeling rather overworked and stressed out by my job. In some ways it's a good thing, and I always appreciate a challenge. But there are a lot of unknowns at play at the moment that have had me questioning the point of all that I'm doing. So in a physical sense, the aspects of this card that speak to exhaustion and even back pain are right on the money. In another sense I do also feel that I'm in a phase that's closing out to make way for some new thing that I can't yet see. What I like about the 10 of Swords is the aspect of closing out the old, putting matters to rest, scraping away the ineffective in order to make way for healthy growth. And in some not-so-literal ways, I feel some of that unfolding.

The 7 of Wands appeared reversed, which does make sense, because when I feel overwhelmed it's like having my flame muted or dimmed. Rather than simply meeting challenges head-on and knowing I can handle them, I have moments where I want to hide in a quiet place by myself and take a break from the world; moments when I am not so confident that I can handle change in the way that I want to do. What the 7 of Wands encourages me to do is to remember that I can do it, always. That my "down" moments are brief and fleeting, and that all of this is reminiscent of something like the discomforts of labor - difficult, painful, draining, but ultimately leading to something important and good. In the image on this card a person is alone, leaping from stump to stump out over a lakeshore. The sky is alight with color and movement. I've done this before. I've faced difficult situations and I've navigated them not without anxiety, but with grace and ability nonetheless. By remembering what I've done in the past I can fortify myself for the present and future.

The Emperor made me smile when I saw him. I've pulled this card several times of late, which is a nice complement to the Empress that has been following me as well. The Emperor reminds me that I have the power and strength to be the captain of my ship. He is the great architect, creating and organizing the structure of the surrounding world such that order is established and progress can be made. I find immense comfort and encouragement in that energy. Above all the Emperor is connected to Aries, and I was born with the moon in Aries, which is where it is currently located during this super-full-blood-moon eclipse. Aries underscores boldness, power, and forceful-yet-controlled action. If I was looking for extra strength to get me through this time of transition, I couldn't have asked for a better card. So, taking the Emperor into my heart and soul over the next few weeks, I'll focus on this:

"To be like the fiery ram, captain of my ship."