The Banes: Turning Poison into Medicine

I am participating in an Instagram challenge this month hosted by @lionharts, called #thejunetarot, and the prompt for day eight is: "Last day of the Moon cycle focus."

I drew The Banes from the Druid Plant Oracle (by Philip and Stephanie Car-Gomm) 🌿

I love that the full moon makes an appearance in this card - quite fitting, I'd say, given the prompt! The Banes provide much food for thought...

These are plants that were so often feared for their poisonous qualities, and yet, handled with skill and respect, became powerfully effective medicines. Many such herbs were utilized in the preparation of "flying ointments" meant to induce astral travel and spirit exploration.

How often do we avoid our own dangerous qualities for fear of succumbing to them? Of late I have been pondering the deep power in diving into them; opening up to them; allowing them to teach us. I remember once, many years ago, a young man told me that at his Christian university it was not permitted for students to dance. I looked at him, mouth agape. He became defensive, and explained that as dancing led people to immoral behavior, it was best not to engage in it. I recall thinking about how disempowering that felt: we learn about will, and boundaries, and our Selves, by entering the dance, not by avoiding it.

But I can understand the fear. Our wildness can be intimidating, uncertain. It can loom large over and around and within us. And yet ironically, perhaps, that's the best part. It feels good to plumb our own depths, to see what lurks in our shadowy corners. You let it embrace you, and instead of being overtaken by its potency, you discover just how much power you wield when you are able to own your own skin, the entirety of your being within your grasp. Shadow and light, all the shades in between. There is something sacred and worth savoring in that - a holy medicine.

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I have also been pondering the power of owning our own experiences, from one moment to the next, and not allowing others' ignorance or negativity to poison our own emotional body. Last night we were at the store and while waiting in line to pay, a man told another (in Spanish):

"I just came from Puerto Rico, and I'm not used to seeing 'darkies' out shopping so late."

He was referring to Jorge (and his blackness), and was clearly assuming that we couldn't understand. I was incensed. But instead of confronting the guy (which he would have done some years ago), he said to me:

"You can stay quiet out of fear, or you can stay quiet out of strength. This guy isn't even worth it, and I won't let his stupidity ruin this wonderful night."

Hmmm..... turning poison into medicine.

Rune Study Post #10: Hagalaz

Happy Wednesday! Today's focus will be on Hagalaz, the ninth rune of the Elder Futhark, and first in the second aett.

Hagalaz translates to "hail stone," and connects to themes of disruption, bad weather, unexpected change, unpleasant (but ultimately positive) transformation, and the discomfort that accompanies growth and becoming. The hail falls, cold and harsh and even damaging at times, but when it melts the water nourishes the earth and encourages new seeds to grow. In its alternate form, Hagalaz appears a bit like a snowflake (as depicted in the card illustration shown below), and is said to contain the seeds of all other runes.

Power of the Runes deck by Voenix (US Games Systems)

An Old English rune poem* reads:

Hail is the whitest of grains,

it comes from high in heaven,

showers of wind hurl it,

then it turns to water.

An Old Icelandic rune poem* reads:

Hail is a cold grain,

and a shower of sleet,

and the destroyer of snakes.

Questions:

1) What other meanings do you attribute to Hagalaz?

2) How do you utilize this rune in your practice?

3) If Hagalaz has presented itself in your rune work or castings, how have you seen its energy manifested, or experienced its impact?



*translation from Runecaster's Handbook by Edred Thorsson

Five Things to Love

I have been participating in an Instagram challenge hosted by @violetauraphoto for the month of February. Each day participants receive a prompt for which cards can be pulled in whatever manner suits each individual. For the fifth day of February the prompt was: “Five Things to Love About Me.”

Honestly my first reaction went something like: “Ugh. Do I actually have to list things that others would love about me? I can’t do that. That’s weird. It’s a little self-centered. Can Jorge do this one for me?” Ultimately I decided that I would just have my cards and runes help me to identify five areas of value in who and how I am as a person. I chose to use: the Goddess Knowledge Cards (Susan Seddon-Boulet), the Earthbound Oracle (Andy Swartz), the Ancestral Path Tarot (Julie Cuccia-Watts and Tracey Hoover), the New Orleans Voodoo Tarot (Sallie Ann Glassman and Louis Martinié) and my homemade rune set.

In the end this turned out to be an exercise in self-love and understanding more than anything else, and I would recommend that all card readers take a moment to do this for themselves:

1. Changing Woman. I embrace constant evolution of my being; I meet people wherever they're at, no matter their gender, background, culture, or walk of life. I see the youth in the elder and the wisdom in the child.

2. Home. (A turtle carries its home on its back. In this image its slow-moving shell provides a perfect nesting area for birds to fly in and out, without ever losing track of their place in the world.) No matter where we are, I am home for my family.

3. 8 of Swords. (The imagery stood out to me here – a woman wrapped in beautiful but impractical clothes, in shoes not meant for travel. She looks longingly out toward the rising sun, as if wishing she could choose some other path.) I challenge the status quo, and outdated socio-cultural mores that limit self-determination and self-discovery.

4. Hagal. (The 9th rune, the deep, sighing breath). I look for the grace in difficult and unexpected circumstances; I don't hide from the dark.

5. Ace of Air, Damballah. I seek clarity and justice, the seed of truth in all things, the wisdom of Damballah Wedo.

Moon Reading

For the last full moon I decided to do a reading using a spread designed by Vickie Wilson @eternal.athena.tarot that was posted on Instagram for #newspreadsaturday. In regard to the inspiration behind this spread, Vickie says:

"In astrology the moon represents your emotional and instinctual reaction to things. As the Gatekeeper to the Underworld, we must ask her permission to pass through her gates and peer into the depths of our subconscious. Our pains, fears, insecurities, and weaknesses lie behind her veil, waiting to be confronted. That is where we find the Moon."

Credit: Victoria Wilson/Eternal Athena Tarot

Card 1: What makes me feel happy?

Card 2: How do I express my moods?

Card 3: What unconscious emotional needs motivate me?

Card 4: What is my greatest fear?

Card 5: Where do I feel insecure?

Card 6: How do I instinctively respond to threats?

Card 7: What are my emotional triggers?

Card 8: Where do I avoid taking action?

I appreciate the approach and the focus, and the results yielded were quite interesting...

A reading with the Fountain Tarot

1. What makes me feel happy? King of Swords

I recognize this King in myself - especially lately as I've embraced a leadership role at work and have had to cut through the emotional messiness impacting my team from a neighboring department. In the Fountain Tarot a row of rainbow colors flows across the ground, up through the King's body in a triangular form, and out through the apex of the King's head, at which point it becomes clear/white. In a way it may symbolize how the underlying energies from the environment are perceived and processed and then utilized by the King to understand and interact with it. It could be both metaphysical/unconscious (picking up on subtle influences or energies as information) and mundane (piecing together the smaller details of a situation or project in order to understand the full picture and formulate the next steps - microcosm and macrocosm as one). I do enjoy that. 

Also, emotions can me messy, and I like removing that filter and looking at the facts and reality when there is a benefit to doing so, and especially when matters of justice are concerned. 

2. How do I express my moods? 6 of Coins

I see the lemniscate embedded in this image, and it works with the 6 of Coins' relationship to reciprocity, give and take. I feel very strongly about people not taking out their negative moods on others. In a way this goes back to the King - I expect people to be able to discern the factors influencing how they feel and why (or at least know what isn't a true source of contention), and to be capable of filtering that, when necessary, in interactions with people in their environment (tall order at times, I know). Likewise, if I am in a bad mood (which is rare, but happens on occasion) I try not to pass that on to others. When you are upset and lash out, you send out ripples of negativity into the world. On the flip side, when I'm happy I like to engage with people and emit that joy - to smile at passers by, or chat amiably with strangers in line at the grocery store - sending ripples of positive energy out into the universe. Give and take isn't just about money and material resources, after all. 

3. What unconscious emotional needs motivate me? 9 of Coins

I like how in this image there are concentric circles rising up under, around, and behind this woman; it seems to be to be a symbol of incremental growth. It's not even an unconscious drive, this card. I have worked long and hard to be economically self-sufficient, and it has not been an easy road. I had my first child when I was 20 years old, in my second year of college. I raised her on my own, with the additional support of my mother and step-father, but I struggled. I was filled with a thrill of relief and joy when I graduated with my Bachelor's degree (it took me 6 years!). But the subsequent work I found never fulfilled me, despite being great experience. I felt lost for quite a while. It wasn't until I met and married my husband and we started our life together (and started to have more kids!) that I pursued my Master's degree, a path that ultimately has led me to my current job, which is so much better than I could have ever imagined. I have come a long way, and I feel good about what I have accomplished. And yet there is a special *something* that floats beneath the surface; a legacy left from those difficult years in my early adulthood. I imagine there are subtle aspects related to that journey that still influence me in subtle ways. Will my successes ever feel like enough? 

4. What is my greatest fear? 4 of Swords (reversed)

Stagnation. Plans that are made but never materialized. 

5. Where do I feel insecure? 9 of Wands

This is a card of the battle-weary but courageous. It's also a card of being defensive, which is an instinctual response to insecurity. In the card, the man has come a long way, and he's close to the top, but instead of focusing on the goal ahead, he's looking backwards and down. Is her trying to retrace his steps? Is he worrying about the past? Is he concerned that someone is coming up the ladder after him? Perhaps he is worried that the path he has forged won't hold his weight for much longer. I do have a tendency to worry about the past, and about things that I could have done, or said, differently. I worry about being misunderstood. Learning to express my voice confidently and freely has been an arduous journey because I often don't know what to do when I find myself under attack. I'm getting better at that, though. I believe it stems from some unsavory early experiences in life where I was ripped to shreds on multiple occasions (verbally and emotionally) by my father's wife (he remarried following my parents' divorce). It was totally shocking and unmerited, and my father never stood up for me, or my sister. There is something there that probably still hasn't been entirely healed. 

6. How do I instinctively respond to threats? Chariot (reversed)

This relates somewhat to the previous card. In the past I've never dealt well with threats. I would end up crying in anger and vulnerability, or else stand there frozen like a deer in the headlights (or a combination of both). I would totally lose any sense of focus and I'd crumble. The other entity would dominate me, and I hated it, but didn't have the fortitude or clarity of mind to do anything else. Over the years I've learned to pause, breathe, and let the initial wave of emotion flow through and out of me. Then I become ultra focused, determined, and prepared to use all of my faculties to do what is right on my own behalf, to stand up for myself. Instead of crumbling (okay, maybe after crumbling), I gather my resolve, determine the best approach, and put my full force behind it. I have always relished challenge. If it seems hard, I will find a way to do it. If it seems unlikely, I want to try it even more, just to see if I can. 

7. What are my emotional triggers? 6 of Swords (reversed)

This is an appropriate cards to represent the response of an emotional trigger. Upright it is about "mind over matter"; the ability to be objective about emotional situations such that one can make the choice to leave what isn't working, or what causes pain. Reversed it suggests an inability to move on, an attachment to past hurts that on some level keep us connected to history. In large part we are triggered emotionally by things that bring to our minds hurts that we haven't healed from. It's interesting because I don't have many emotional triggers, but I have never handled sadness well, or the feeling of lack of emotional control. This connects a bit to the Chariot - to situations in which I've felt stomped on, belittled, disempowered, taken advantage of. Those things can lie beneath the surface of consciousness, and if they aren't healed can become unconscious triggers, like freezing under threat and conceding to the other person entirely, even if they are in the wrong, simply because it hits a nerve, a soft spot, a fear. Channeling my own strength and using it in timed of challenge has been an ongoing learning curve, though I recognize that I've come a long, long way.

8. Where do I avoid taking action? 2 of Cups

Wow, interesting. On one hand this is a card of emotional healing. I wouldn't say I avoid healing, but since being out of control, feeling deeply sad, is so difficult for me, I may not always allow myself the opportunity to fully heal. I think I have improved in this area over the years, though. 

On the other hand it brings to mind emotional expression, which I am not a big fan of. I am a private person, generally speaking. I like people, I like collaborating, I like supporting others...but in other ways I am sealed up tight. I used to not realize the extent to which I wouldn't communicate even with close loved ones (my mother, my husband). I'd be worrying and stressing about a matter and it just wouldn't even occur to me to share that with my partner. So over time I've become more aware of that tendency, which is good, and I've learned to speak. However in general I still find that my emotional sharing has very clear limits. And I am sure I don't call my friends nearly enough.

Finally, I was reading my astrological chart the other day and one section made me pause and think of this... with Venus in Aquarius I tend to be friendly and pleasant to be around, but difficult to get close to due to my preference for personal freedom. Hm. That was interesting. I am notorious for avoiding making plans whenever possible. I don't like the feeling of being tied down that plans give me. In that light, the 2 of Cups as something I avoid makes a lot of sense!

Welp. That is a lot of food for thought!

I Know This Much Is True

Yes, you may have to face conflict, and I know that you don't prefer that.

But you have a panther inside of you.

Try not to suppress its essence; rather,

let it breathe with your breath.

Don't walk away.

Yes, you will have to wander through the deep unknown,

and uncover parts of yourself that you didn't realize were there.

You'll feel afraid from time to time, but don't give up.

This is death

and it is birth.

You are becoming you.

Your fire will lead you onward.

This is not a mask you must learn to wear;

it is a power you were always meant to wield.