Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future

For the month of December I am participating in a loosely heathen-centric Instagram challenge hosted by @MagnoliaMoonHolistic called #mmyulechallenge. For days 15-17 the prompts are very Charles Dickens: Ghost of Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and Christmas Future. As when drawn together this creates a nice spread, I've chosen to combine the days thus, and pull cards from the Dreams of Gaia Tarot:

Ghost of Christmas Past: 9 of Fire
Ghost of Christmas Present: 10 of Air
Ghost of Christmas Future: Major XIX

I love the mirroring of this line. The two end cards are fiery and bright, and the figures look outward, while the middle card has cooler colors (fitting for Air), and the woman is turned away, looking through a portal into the universe. Numerologically, the 9 and 10 make 19, reflecting and amplifying the energy of the Major Arcana card.

The 9 of Fire brings forth an energy of intensity and pressure. This image underscores the idiom "grace under fire." This man has absorbed and transformed the sense of chaos surrounding him, and has produced from it a white rose of peace and potential which floats between his hands.

The woman in the 10 of Air is processing the depths of a new personal paradigm. She is looking into the universe, into herself; she is willing to release, to be released, and thus to be reborn.

Major XIX in the Dreams of Gaia is called "Emotions" and in a similar vein to the more traditional Sun, it connects to the expression of joy and happiness; the invitation for those powerful experiences to be called forth, honored, recognized; to allow them to move, to breathe, through you.

In the past year I've certainly seen some radical and positive changes in my life. The 9 of Fire pressure that propelled me forward; that taught me about my will and fortitude; that pushed me to keep striving, and to keep my faith; ultimately fostered a particular experience of abundance and personal power that I'm sure has fed into the reconceptualization of the 10 of Air. The other day I was on a walk with my husband and I was telling him about how different I feel, how much I've grown in the last twelve months. I'm the same, and I'm different; I'm a better, stronger, more refined expression of myself. I see through new eyes. I see new possibilities. The hint of sadness that seemed to lurk for so long beneath the surface of my waking mind has evaporated. I feel the warmth of that joy unfolding, and I'm truly and deeply grateful.

A New Moon Reading

For day 13 of the October Shadow Work challenge, the wrangler, Mnomquah, tasked participants with a New Moon reading:

The positions (and the cards I drew for myself) are as follows:

1) The Light - what you know and accept about yourself: Chariot
2) The Shadow - what is hidden from you about yourself: 10 of Swords
3) Why you fear your Shadow - what is preventing you from seeing or accepting your Shadow: Strength
4) Why you should embrace your Shadow - what are the positive sides of the Shadow that would benefit you? 7 of Swords reversed
5) How to integrate the Shadow into the Light - what steps you should take in order to accept your Shadow: 5 of Swords reversed
6) The Outcome - the possibilities if you succeed in bringing the Shadow into the Light: Sun and Judgement

Tarot of Vampyres

I have two cards for #6 because I had a "jumper" as I was thinking about that card position. So I've placed both the jumper and the additional card that I selected for that position, as partners.

As I pulled the cards the story that unfolded before me became more and more clear. I said in a previous post that each day of this challenge seems to offer a bit more detail that slowly helps me understand the bigger picture. It continues to be true here.

The fact that my shadow is represented by the 10 of Swords is very fitting. This is the card I pulled as representative of my month of October, and for this entire month I'm working each day with my shadow.

Tarot of Vampyres

I've already identified that part of this shadow work relates to reclaiming my personal power, and also that a predominant emotion that has emerged for me is sadness. When I saw the combination of the Chariot (as my light) and the 10 of Swords, I felt a very familiar sensation: that of powering past pain. The figure on the Chariot is aggressive and determined; nothing will stop him from achieving his goals. In the 10 of Swords I see (and feel) pain. This vampire woman has been knifed right in the solar plexus and lies agonizingly across a four-poster bed. It's interesting because this is often a card of being "stabbed in the back" and yet the source of my own pain often centers in the solar plexus. These cards represent two aspects of myself: the part that has experienced sharp, deep pain, and the part that insists on riding past it as swiftly as possible, hurrying away from the suffering as fast as my beast will take me; refusing to spend any more time in that dark space than is absolutely necessary. I will myself to move on because I can't bear the idea of lingering.

I've always been a very happy person. I am a peacemaker. I seek to understand and honor others. I tend to see the best in people. I am more trusting than suspicious. I want to heal others and make them happy. Joy is part of my essential nature, a core foundation of my soul. Throughout my life, from the time I was a very small child, I've had a visceral opposition to negativity, but most particularly to feelings of sadness or despair. Over a year ago I wrote a blog post for the Litha Blog Hop called "Joy and Shadows" in which I discuss how difficult it has always been for me to process sadness.

But as you grow up, you do experience pain, and some of it can feel unbearable at times. My instinct is to power past it. To distract myself through the worst of it, and to move on as quickly as possible, most especially when I feel betrayed and shamed. My desire has always been to let the difficult memories fade with time until they become nought but occasional and brief recollections of another era.

So the Chariot, my aware-self, streams past the shadow-pain of the 10 of Swords, using its pure Will to force the grief undercover.

Tarot of Vampyres

Card 3 represents what prevents me from seeing or accepting my shadow, and I pulled Strength. At first look this might seem strange: how would embodying strength, compassion, or resilience keep me from dealing with pain? And on one hand there is something to be said for the consequences of my desire to smooth things over, to bend over backwards being compassionate to the people who have hurt me, trying to understand others to the point of undervaluing my own experience. There is something potent there. But there is also another side: the Chariot, my light, is about hard control - using force and determination to get what is desired. It is externally oriented, it's about what you (and others) can see. Strength is about soft control, and it's internally oriented. In Strength, the black panther symbolizes this woman's fierce inner power, fully integrated. What that means to me is that by avoiding pain, I'm avoiding the opportunity become fully integrated with my own divine power. And that has been a major element in my shadow work.

The 7 of Swords reversed speaks to why I should embrace my shadow - the positive aspects that my shadow might afford me. This says that confronting, sitting with, accepting, working with (instead of against) my shadow is the ultimate act of honesty with myself, of reclaiming my power. It allows me to see who and what I am, to realize that I'm truly capable of making the changes that I want to see, of embodying the fiery qualities that I know I possess in my soul.

Position 5 deals with how I might integrate the shadow into the light, and I pulled the 5 of Swords reversed:

Tarot of Vampyres

I often think of this as the "bully card." What I really like about the imagery here is that in its inverted position (which is how it appeared) the prostrate girl changes positions with the demon. Upright the demon hovers over the young lady like a dark cloud, but reversed, she returns to the light. Symbolically this shows a turning of tides, a reversal of the difficult qualities of this card where the victim becomes the victor. This card suggests letting bygones be bygones, however in order to do that I need to give myself time and space to review my past. If I don't become fully aware of what I'm avoiding, it will follow me like... a shadow!.... right on into the future. The time is here to let go: have I truly forgiven my trespassers? What does it mean to "forgive and forget?" Can I forgive without forgetting, and if so, how do I keep the memory of difficult situations in my psyche without being drawn back into that pain? What does true forgiveness even look like? What shame or embarrassment still lingers in the background and how is it impacting me? How can I break free?

If I succeed in my efforts to integrate my shadow with the light, I have both Judgement and the Sun waiting for me:

Tarot of Vampyres

The Sun bounced happily out from the deck, and was interesting for two reasons: 1) according to my birth cards, the Sun is my shadow, in which case this shows that I will have literally reclaimed it, and 2) the card itself shows the essence of light and dark intertwined into a harmonious union. I decided to make a mental note of the Sun's presence, and I put it back into the deck to complete shuffling. When I finally pulled all of the cards, I was again quite impressed to see Judgement in this position #6. This is the card that represented yesterday's topic of "What I can't accept about myself." So again, this drives home the immense, powerful, and touching energies that I'm working with, and that with effort I can indeed achieve this. I decided, for curiosity's sake, to see what card was hiding behind Judgement, and lo and behold, it was none other than the Sun.

I have a lot more to say, far more to consider, and over time I'll do just that. But for now, it's tea time.

Captain of My Ship

I was too busy last week to pull my normal "draw for the week ahead" and I even managed to forego my Monday-draw for my Facebook page. Finally yesterday afternoon I settled down to pull a "where I'm at, and what to do about it" reading. Rather than looking at the week ahead I decided to simply do a check-in for myself. Later I realized that it was not only the evening of the full moon, but it was the full moon-eclipse-bloodmoon-in-Aries. Wow! That is quite the lunar action! So not only did my reading make sense for me, it took on even greater meaning once I learned about the moon activity taking place on that very same day.

I pulled the following line of three cards: 10 of Swords, 7 of Wands reversed, Emperor

Prisma Visions Tarot/J. Eads

Often when I look at a line such as this, I read it almost like Lenormand. The first card highlights the matter at hand, the middle card illuminates an important element in regard to the matter (how I feel about it, an effect or impact, etc.) and the third card is a result or conclusion, sort of a "what to do or be aware of next." There is some flexibility to the interpretation, but in a general sense this is what I do.

Here I have the 10 of Swords as the "matter at hand," which is interesting because I pulled this card as representative of my month of October about a week ago. It's quite true in terms of the general state of things in my environment. I'm exhausted - feeling rather overworked and stressed out by my job. In some ways it's a good thing, and I always appreciate a challenge. But there are a lot of unknowns at play at the moment that have had me questioning the point of all that I'm doing. So in a physical sense, the aspects of this card that speak to exhaustion and even back pain are right on the money. In another sense I do also feel that I'm in a phase that's closing out to make way for some new thing that I can't yet see. What I like about the 10 of Swords is the aspect of closing out the old, putting matters to rest, scraping away the ineffective in order to make way for healthy growth. And in some not-so-literal ways, I feel some of that unfolding.

The 7 of Wands appeared reversed, which does make sense, because when I feel overwhelmed it's like having my flame muted or dimmed. Rather than simply meeting challenges head-on and knowing I can handle them, I have moments where I want to hide in a quiet place by myself and take a break from the world; moments when I am not so confident that I can handle change in the way that I want to do. What the 7 of Wands encourages me to do is to remember that I can do it, always. That my "down" moments are brief and fleeting, and that all of this is reminiscent of something like the discomforts of labor - difficult, painful, draining, but ultimately leading to something important and good. In the image on this card a person is alone, leaping from stump to stump out over a lakeshore. The sky is alight with color and movement. I've done this before. I've faced difficult situations and I've navigated them not without anxiety, but with grace and ability nonetheless. By remembering what I've done in the past I can fortify myself for the present and future.

The Emperor made me smile when I saw him. I've pulled this card several times of late, which is a nice complement to the Empress that has been following me as well. The Emperor reminds me that I have the power and strength to be the captain of my ship. He is the great architect, creating and organizing the structure of the surrounding world such that order is established and progress can be made. I find immense comfort and encouragement in that energy. Above all the Emperor is connected to Aries, and I was born with the moon in Aries, which is where it is currently located during this super-full-blood-moon eclipse. Aries underscores boldness, power, and forceful-yet-controlled action. If I was looking for extra strength to get me through this time of transition, I couldn't have asked for a better card. So, taking the Emperor into my heart and soul over the next few weeks, I'll focus on this:

"To be like the fiery ram, captain of my ship."

10 Arrows = Instruction

In standard Tarot decks the 10 of Swords is a rather gruesome depiction - often a corpse laying on the ground, pierced through with...well....ten swords!  It's not a favorite to show up in a spread because it carries connotations of pain, difficult endings, perhaps even betrayal.

In the Wildwood, many cards are presented with non-traditional imagery, which at first glance can make a reader think "what?? This is so different from what I'm used to, how can I work with this?"  Upon meditation and consideration, however, many of the Wildwood meanings do intersect with the traditional meanings - just from an alternative perspective.  This is what I love about the Wildwood.

So the 10 of Arrows carries the keyword "Instruction" and shows an elderly man apparently teaching a young child (his grandson?) how to use a bow and arrow.  There is a tapestry hanging on the wall showing 9 Arrows in a circle formation.  Anyone thinking "painful endings" would be at least initially confused as to how the authors came up with this set of symbols.  But it's really not so strange.  Let's look a bit deeper....

Wildwood Tarot
Mark Ryan, John Matthews, Will Worthington
 Sterling Ethos, 2011

An elderly man is "instructing" a young boy.  He is dressed in brown, representing a return to the earth, the dying leaves of autumn.  His age represents the closing of a cycle.  The child is wearing green, the color of healing, peace, the new leaves of the springtime.  His age speaks of fresh starts, new beginnings.  That the older is teaching the younger brings to mind the lessons we take away from deeply challenging experiences and heartbreaks in our lives.  If we're engaging with spirit, with our pain, with the movement of the Wheel (represented by the circle of arrows on the the wall), we are changed by our hardships.  We take what we've learned and use it to move forward into a positive new phase of life, where we are less likely to repeat the past.

So I feel that the Wildwood 10 of Arrows simply shows the deeper, more mystical side of the major endings in our lives - the focus is not solely on the pain we've gone through, but the healing and new knowledge and understanding that comes along with it.