A Midnight Meeting with my Grandmother

A few nights ago I dreamt of my maternal grandmother - or, perhaps it's more accurate to say that she came to visit me in my sleep. It wasn't a long dream, per se, but it was poignant, particularly because it is the first time that I've ever dreamt of Dorothy, who died when I was five years old.

In the dream her figure was not solid, but ethereal; only partly there, like a spirit. I stood in front of her and wrapped my arms around hazy form saying, "I never had the chance to hug you, as an adult." I asked her if she had any messages for my mother, and she gave me two. Unfortunately, upon waking I couldn't remember the second. I did recall the majority of the first, and when I wrote to my mom to tell her, she replied that it was the same message that her morning reading had given her. That was nice to hear.

I pulled a few cards to explore this experience:

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot

1: My grandmother's presence

Page of Cups. A perfect symbol of a message-bearer, a speaker through the liminal realms of dreamtime.

2: Her essential message to me

9 of Pentacles. I felt this to be both encouragement and acknowledgement of where I am, and where I'm headed. I felt that she was telling me that she's proud of me.

3: Additional energy

2 of Cups. Love.

Finding Myself in the 9 of Pentacles

There is a lovely challenge occurring on Instagram this month which I am not participating in: #tarotperspectives. I will say, though, that I'm enjoying reviewing the posts of those who are! The idea is that you pull a card for the day from one, "main" deck, and then draw its equivalent from two or three other decks in order to see how different depictions of the same card speak to the same basic energy. Some of the voices are quite different, others very similar. Some approach the same archetype from unique angles.

I decided to try it out today using a few decks that I haven't drawn from in quite some time: the Fountain Tarot as the main deck, and then the Steampunk and DruidCraft Tarots as the companions. I shuffled and swirled and cut, and drew the 9 of Pentacles, a card associated with personal financial success and the comfort and pleasure that comes along with it. Then I pulled the same card from the other two decks, and laid them all side by side. Two images - from the Fountain and DruidCraft - were both quite similar to each other (and quite true to RWS styling), showing a woman with a falcon perched on one hand.

But despite their obvious connections, there are some significant differences in detail upon closer inspection. The DruidCraft 9 of Pentacles shows a woman who might be in her 40s. With the stone wall behind her, there is a sense that she could be in a courtyard, or at the edge of a castle enclosure. She bears appropriate falconry gear, with the heavy glove on her right hand, which reminds me that falconry was a "noble sport," practiced by those with enough money to afford the luxury of a fine bird, its housing needs, the necessary equipment, and the training. This was not a layperson's activity.

In the Fountain Tarot image there is a woman who appears to be a bit younger - perhaps in her 30s. She also has a bird, but she has no glove, which gives a more natural feel to her position. Perhaps the bird is there of its own accord - I like the idea that this wild bird simply came to visit. The woman stands before a series of concentric, golden circles, or arcs. This reminds me of tree rings, and I like the symbolism here: age and experience can be wonderful assets to support a successful life.

Then there is the Steampunk 9 of Leviathans, which shows a very science-fiction scene with two figures riding along in what appears to be some sort of futuristic amusement park ride. I had to look to the guidebook to try to understand what was going on here, but it just mentions that financial well-being allows one to enjoy life. Well, alright, I get that. I live in Orlando and never go to the "Parks" (Disney, Universal, etc.). The fact is that I just can't justify the expense of going with my family. Thus it does seem like some sort of symbol of economic success to be able to afford a worry-free visit there without breaking the bank.

As I was reviewing all of these cards I just felt flat. Not a single one made me truly "feel" anything. Women holding falcons isn't an image that resonates with me, and the Steampunk doesn't speak to me either - even if I was rolling in dough I wouldn't waste my money on a day at Disney. It was actually a kind of jarring experience to realize that I didn't connect with any of these cards - all from decks that I ostensibly really like.

So I went on a hunt to find a version that I could see myself in. I found it in the Prisma Visions deck:

Now this is what I'm talking about. No pretenses, no fancy gowns, no fancy gadgets and rides. This card shows a naked woman out in the middle of a field of tall grasses and wild flowers. It appears to be sunset, and the light in the sky shines in orange, yellow, and green hues. In the distance there is the outline of a cabin with an inviting glow coming from the windows. Perhaps logs crackle in the fireplace. There is a bird perched on the woman's shoulder, but there is not even the slightest hint of it being a pawn of the wealthy - it might have lit briefly on the lady's arm as it went about finding its evening meal. There are sparkles in the air - fireflies! The tall trees offer their green embrace to the world all around. Yes, this is me in the 9 of Pentacles. This is a woman who is glad simply to be alive, to be connected to the earth and sky. She delights in the presence of nature - she considers herself a part of it all. A rustic bowl of stew and a steaming mug of cider... a night of star-gazing...that is true contentment.

Mabon to Samhain: Tradition

Tomorrow we recognize Mabon and in about a month's time we'll arrive at Samhain, the third and final harvest celebration, the old New Year, where the veil between worlds is at its thinnest. As a kind of internal celebration I decided to ask my Wildwood deck: between Mabon and Samhain, which energies will be most important for me to meditate on?

I pulled the 9 of Stones, "Tradition."

I spent some time looking at the card, feeling its message to me (which is so"right on" for me at this time) and I wrote out a sort of stream of consciousness to capture my thoughts and emotions. Instead of forming that into neat prose, I decided to simply share what came to me, as is:

Cernunnos, Spirit of the Wild, connection to the animals

Holds in his hands transformation, energy, and power

Meditates

Peace and surety of being

Sits on a hill with the forest out below and around him
       connected to everything now and before

Mystery, spirit, intuition

Deep knowing, flowing

Grounded

Associated with the Hooded Man
introspection, learning, teaching, solitude

Remembering that you're a part of all that was 
and all that is 
and all that will be

- it's within you -

Standing stones are witnesses to the passing of time
change and transformation
so is the Moon

Connecting us to our past lives, she is also our witness

Alone, yet a part of it all.

*******************************

I'm still ruminating, still "sitting with" these energies which are very powerful and deeply important to me. Perfect food for this time of year.

Happy Fall, y'all.

Wildwood Tarot
Mark Ryan, John Matthews, Will Worthington
Sterling Ethos, 2011

The Lady of 9 Pentacles

She appeared as my daily draw today.  After some thought, I feel she is a good representation of my growing trust and confidence with Tarot.  I’ve learned a lot since jumping into free-reading (one week ago today!) and I’m working on refining my skills.  I’ve had so much good feedback which has been incredibly encouraging and affirming. 

I did a reading for a guy last night who asked about his career and love life.  When I did the spread I got nervous because it seemed to be telling me that there was a cross-over between his work and love life.  I wondered if the woman he was involved with was a colleague.  But I’ve learned that if I feel overwhelmed by a spread, to just state the card meanings and interpret them in a general way.  This isn’t bad practice with internet readings anyway, since as I’ve heard so often, “A vague question gets a vague answer.”  I also took note of an “extra” card which was Empress reversed, but didn’t see a clear fit with the story I was seeing, so I decided not to include it in the spread.  Anyway, I want so badly to offer something really substantial to these querents, it sometimes stressed me out trying to make really clear sense of someone’s story, even though I know the cards themselves are accurate.

Radiant Rider Waite Tarot

So anyway, he confirmed that what I was seeing was accurate, in terms of going through big change, having gone through disappointments in love, and being on the cusp of entering into a new work arrangement.  That was all good.  He said a lot of what I told him in my reading coincided with a past reading he’d had done, which was cool.  He offered to let me see that reading, and I agreed.  Turns out it was an audio recording of a live reading he had done in England.  One thing that made me a little envious was the give-and-take that is possible with an in-person reading.  While I love email readings as a way of developing as a reader, there is very little exchange that goes on.  I get a question and I throw some cards, and interpret them based on what I see and what little I may know about the person’s situation.  While it’s always been accurate, I always feel like I want to give more.  So it was really cool to hear how a live reading can be so much richer and conversation-based.

So.  During their conversations he mentions that in fact he works with his former love-interest, and they’re on the same project team.  Whahhhh!  My hunch was right!  Secondly, he mentioned that the woman had desperately wanted children but was having health problems that made conception difficult.  Hello, Empress reversed…

So these were areas I had felt nervous to touch on very explicitly because I wasn’t trusting in what I was seeing/feeling.  I’m not sorry I didn’t mention them, because the reading was accurate all the same.  But it was extremely validating to have the opportunity to hear that I was right.  This pushes me along the path of developing deeper trust in myself and the stories I am seeing in readings, as well as learning more about the cards and their meanings...and what card combinations can mean when read together.  I'm grateful for this experience, and so glad I listened to Wolf and the Hierophant and took the scary leap.

Whew.  So onward marching…….