Layers of Synchronicity: The Star

I am participating in an Instagram "challenge" in October called CHMM Fall Challenge. Day sixteen asked the question: "What needs activation in my life?"

I drew the Star from both the Ring Cycle Tarot and the Pagan Otherworlds tarot.

This immediately spoke to me: Believe in yourself. Have faith in yourself. Let your inner light shine. These are very relevant messages to me at this very moment.

But there is more.

Yesterday I was in a local metaphysical shop and just as I was deciding to leave (empty handed) I noticed a deck in a long box with its title edge facing the wall. I thought I'd see what it was, though it was a bit difficult to remove as it was lodged there quite snugly. It was the Ring Cycle Tarot, a name that barely registered in my memory. As I read the text I learned that it was based on the Wagner production, The Ring of Nibelung, and was illustrated with the work of Arthur Rackham. Not only do I love the Norse saga of the Volsungs (which is the basis of the Ring of Nibelung) but I love Arthur Rackham's work. This combination of elements hit all the right spots for me, and so I took it home.

The Star: Pagan Otherworlds Tarot and the Ring Cycle Tarot

I first decided to pull today's "challenge" card from the Ring Cycle deck, and I drew the Star. I then shuffled the Pagan Otherworlds deck to hear its opinion, and the Star made itself known once again.

When I placed them side by side I was struck by the beautiful similarity in images:

In the Ring Cycle, Freyja stands near the tree of the golden apples of youth (Idunn's charge). Her right arm is bent, her left extended. She peers out over her left shoulder. In the Pagan Otherworlds, the Star figure crouches over the water near a sheltering tree. She, too, extends her left arm and looks back over her left shoulder. And in this depiction there is a bird perched on a small tree limb. The bird immediately brought to my mind the ability of Sigurd (the hero of the Volsungs) to comprehend the speech of the birds following his accidental taste of Fafnir the dragon's heart blood. With his new "wisdom" he heard the birds warn of Regin's treachery, which ultimately saved his life. And their words also informed him of a figure that would become an essential "signpost" in his story: Brunhild the Valkyrie, surrounded by a ring of fire.

So, in the context of the Star card, the bird speaks to attuning to "otherworldly" guidance as well as listening to inner guidance, which can indeed seem almost like a whole other language until we pay attention and quiet ourselves to its gentle voice.

Psychometry: Trusting Intuition

Last week I was invited to attend a psychometry and meditation gathering. Being rather hermit-like, I was slightly anxious about meeting a group of new people, coupled with the fact that I'd being engaging in purely intuition-based readings.... but I decided to push myself and do it anyway.

The women in attendance were from all walks of life, ethnicities, and cultures, and their ages spread from the late teens to nearly 90 years old. I was welcomed warmly, and invited into their affirming circle, which was a wonderful way to start things off!

We began with a group exercise to raise the energy of the circle, and then those who wished to do so were invited to speak the names of friends, loved ones, or even strangers who might benefit from healing. After that, a member led us through a meditation that took us up a ladder, each rung representing different aspects of our selves: our hopes and goals, our relationships, our connection to the divine, etc. As I climbed onto one of the highest rungs I felt the urge to fly, and I could even feel a particular sensation in my shoulder blades where wings would connect. When we finally retreated from that meditation I felt very calm and no longer had the nervous tension that I'd been experiencing, which was nice.

Earthbound Oracle

Everyone had placed a personal item in a basket that was covered by a cloth napkin. These items were meant to be "secret" so that no one would be able to obviously connect it with any of the people in the room. The basket was passed from person to person, and each one would reach in and pull out one of the items, such that by the end of its rotation everyone was holding something. Then the task was to sit with the item and see what feelings, thoughts, images, words, or even colors, came to mind. We were given pens and blank sheets of paper for recording.

As the basket had been making its rounds I silently asked that whatever I felt/thought would resonate with the person I was reading for. Relying solely on intuition can be scary. How do you parse out true "hits" from passing thoughts influenced from your own daily activities or personal situations? What if nothing makes any sense?

I chose not to look at my item; I didn't want its appearance to influence me. I felt its shape, oblong and sort of flat; definitely metal. And I just let my mind go. The first impression that came to me was "eagles." Over the course of the next ten minutes I "saw" all sorts of wild birds. I wrote that down, though it seemed a bit strange. I saw fish and frogs, which felt like a pond environment. Later I sensed the ocean, and thought perhaps there was a general water connection, that perhaps that person might benefit from spending time near water, for healing purposes. I even picked up on a dragon! This seemed like it could be metaphorical, so I thought perhaps it represented an inner ferocity of the person's character. I decided to try to pick up on a guide energy, and immediately saw antlers, and sensed the forest, and a goldish/yellow color. It was a male energy. As I reviewed everything that I was writing down, I realized that I had recorded every element: water, fire, earth, and air. The only thing that was "obviously" missing was a "spirit" element.

When it came time for me to show my item and report my reading (which each person did in front of the entire group) I was pretty anxious. I noticed that most everyone had written full narratives, whereas I only had words and phrases jotted down across the paper - kind of like a brainstorm, and certainly not remotely sentence-like. I was nervous, and the first words out of my mouth became a sort of disclaimer. Then I launched into it. I said that "nature" was the overarching theme, and that the first impression I had was "eagles." Everyone burst into laughter and looked knowingly at the woman who owned the item I was holding. I took that as a good sign. I said that birds as a whole figured large in what I picked up on, and listed off some of the names (owl, dove, etc.). They kept laughing. Finally, a friend of the woman told me that they often go bird-watching together, and that this lady had recently returned from a birding trip in Minnesota, where they had been particularly focused on eagles. Whoa! That was amazing. Apparently they even did the bird watching in a marshy area that required them to venture out on boat, so the fish/frog, pond connection made sense. I told her about the guide energy I'd picked up on and I got the sense that she didn't know much about her own guide, but she did say that she loves the forest, and that in general nature is her church (there was that "missing" spirit element!). In regards to the dragon, she said that she used to be a Dungeons and Dragons dungeon master, and though she doesn't play anymore, she continues to love reading sci-fi and fantasy novels.

I was pretty bowled over by the whole thing, and later I spent a lot of time reflecting on intuition and how we honor (or dismiss) its messages. It can be terrifying to place trust in something so intangible, and it can be equally scary to risk talking about it. What I really appreciated about that group of women was how able they were to create a safe and affirming space in which to develop and learn to trust in those skills.

Mabon Blog Hop: Trusting Intuition

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Greetings, and Happy Mabon! Please use the links at the top or bottom of this post to access the other wonderful blogs in this circle.

Our wrangler for this hop, Morgan Drake Eckstein, has asked us to consider and write about a time when we feel we made a "quantum leap" in our understanding of the cards. At first I didn't know what I might write about for this topic, because learning and integration of Tarot (as with any divination system) feels so gradual, and in some ways implicit.

But one afternoon I received a reading request from a client, and it wasn't about love, or work, or money. She had been studying the cards for years and felt she wasn't making any progress. She wanted to know what was creating limitations for her, and how to be a better reader. These are the kinds of questions I really love to explore with clients, and as we worked through her reading we found that she was over-intellectualizing the process. She was treating divination like math class: memorize the formulas, understand what the symbols mean….and once she's done that she should be golden, right? But she wasn't golden. She was stuck.

As we explored her blocks and how to address them, I was brought back to that "quantum leap" I'd made in my own studies, and I knew just what to write about for this hop…

That little voice that speaks to us….
Photo Credit

When I first started to really study and learn Tarot I used a Marseilles-style deck; the Major Arcana was beautifully illustrated, but the cards in the Minor Arcana featured just the appropriate number of elements for the suit. In other words, the 6 of Pentacles showed just six pentacles. There were no images that might help a novice learner understand the energy being represented. I'm an academic, and I'm very methodical about learning. I went to the library, found a nice book on Tarot meanings that also showed the Rider Waite images for each card, and I studied and memorized and studied and memorized. I created lists and charts, and I learned that deck. When I saw the 4 of Swords, I didn't just see four swords, I imagined the Rider Waite depiction, and it helped make meaningful connections to my own deck. Great?

Sort of! Except studying in that way is like crafting a mojo bag without breathing life into it. It's static and stale. I wanted my readings to come to life, become more dynamic, but I had spent so much time memorizing those book meanings that I was afraid to let them go. Eventually I decided I needed some help - I needed someone to encourage me to let go of my limitations, to tap into something more than my intellect. One day I saw an advertisement for an "Intuitive Tarot" class at a local metaphysical shop, and I signed right up.

The instructor was a wonderful woman who had been working with the cards and as a medium for over 30 years. The first thing she said was "bring whatever deck appeals to you." I had brought the Radiant Rider Waite because I assumed that would be the deck of choice for a formal class. But she felt that the most important thing about becoming a reader is not to memorize meanings, but to pay attention to the art - what does it say? What parts draw your attention? How does it make you feel? How do the colors mesh together, and what message does that send? To read that way, it's best to have a deck that you're drawn to, not necessarily the most common or traditional deck.

Golden Tarot - Liz Dean

To be clear, she wasn't encouraging students not to study card meanings - she felt that in the long run knowing the meanings would be very helpful. But she wanted everyone in the room to leave class on the last day with the ability to give accurate readings, and knowing book meanings wasn't essential for that. (As a side note, I suspect there are many people who never read Tarot because they're overwhelmed by the prospect of having to learn all those meanings. This particular method teaches that you can give great readings by trusting your intuition first, and there's still room to work on traditional meanings and structure over time). Whew, I was in the right place! In fact it was harder for me than for other students because I was so attached to those meanings; I had to unlearn a bit in order to loosen up and open up my intuitive channels.

That class was wonderful in that it gave me "permission" to let the cards speak to me personally, to delve into a deeper level of reading than what I had been allowing myself to experience. And in the end I was able to find a reading style that struck a comfortable balance between my intuition and rational mind, so that I was able to honor both; my readings became so much richer and more profound. That was rewarding.

High Priestess, by Panskiduf

But trusting your intuition is not always easy, especially when you're first learning. And in the case of my client who'd been studying for years and wasn't making significant progress, her blockage hinged on her fear of honoring her intuition and letting it speak to her. Most readers have had that experience - you have a "gut feeling," or a hunch, or a proverb pops into your head seemingly out of nowhere. Do you tell the client, or keep it to yourself? What if you're wrong? Too risky, better just stick with the standard meanings. Then the client starts chattering away about the details of their situation, and everything you were feeling turns out to be precisely the case, and if you'd have just said that then your reading would have been so much better! Well, that's the process of learning to trust yourself, and it takes time and a pinch of bravery, but it's so worth it in the long-run.

With that, I send you on to the next Blog Hop post - Mabon Blessings!

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Spirit Pictures

I'm taking a mediumship class and last night was our second meeting. I love the instructor, Suzan - she's down to earth, kind, practical, and her energy is beautifully positive.

Each class starts out with a "psychic exercise" as a kind of warm-up. Last night we did colored ribbons. In pairs, one person was designated to read the other person. The person being read would select two different ribbons that they felt represented their past and present. Then the person doing the reading would select a third ribbon that they felt represented the future of the person being read. Then we "read the ribbons" for that person. Of course, ribbons are just props, and we were using them as a focus to tap into the other person's energies. It was cool.

I was in a pairing with a woman who was new that evening. She was a bit nervous, but she was pretty amazing. As she sat there meditating on my ribbons, I wondered what she might say, and ultimately everything she said about me was precise and, as they say, "spot on." She even picked up on my children, and my slowly growing business, which was pretty cool. Then it was my turn.

Creative Commons

                                     
As she selected her ribbons I found I just "knew" what was going on with her. These feelings are always a bit scary (should I seriously say what I feel?? What if I'm dead wrong!?) - but I'm learning to just spit it out, even if my eyes are clamped shut and my fingers are in my ears. It's surprising how relevant those impressions end up being.

I felt she had a really, really wicked upbringing that had caused some major damage, which she confirmed. She said it was something she never tells people about, and she seemed relieved that it had come across so clearly. She told me she'd been thinking about that as she selected her "past" ribbon. I could tell that she was now making a big shift, and that in fact her presence in this class was a decision she made to "just do her." She also confirmed that. I picked up on a close friend of hers, and also that she was moving into holistic practice as her life's work, not just a side interest, and that her difficult past was really going to be a benefit to her in working with others. Turns out she had just enrolled in a course to study to be a life coach, and she told me that she's always felt the same - that what happened long ago needed to happen in order to bring to where she is now (which I'm sure we can probably all say about our lives!).  Over all it was a really nice and deeply affirming experience.

Then we shifted into mediumship.

During the first class I was kind of a mess (hadn't slept, had worked all day, and almost didn't even go to the class in favor of sleeping) and while I started out okay, half way through I just went blank and couldn't get anything anymore after that. Thus I was feeling pretty unsure of myself, and honestly I was fighting a desire to run the other direction the entire time I was driving down to class! My instructor had pulled me aside and reassured me that "we all have bad days," and she knows my energy, and knows what I can do. That was really sweet, and nice, but I still felt kinda bad. So this night, though I was feeling much better physically, I decided to just let things go. I wasn't going to try to pick up on anyone, I was just going to sit there and open myself up to my partner, and see what came up, if anything. I figured that in the worst-case scenario, I'm a crappy, inconsistent medium - I could live with that!

Perhaps due to that release, I ended up having a great night, and my confidence was restored. After a minute or so I started to see a very distinct blue energy which I felt to be a male spirit, but with no real shape. I felt this spirit was wrapped around her, protecting her, and I knew it was most definitely not a deceased relative, but more angel-ish. In fact as I was relating this to her, I told her that I don't usually talk about angels much, but in this case I felt there was something about the energy that really suggested something of that nature. I also felt her dreams had been pretty busy. The teacher came over and I was asking her about this energy and she said "you're picking up on her guide!" Ah hah! That felt right, and was really interesting, as it's the first time I've ever tuned into someone's guide before. But this was very strong, very present energy. So my partner said that she often speaks with her guide, and she does feel him to be male. He often comes to her in her dreams and she never sees his face, only his form. I tried to tune into a face but all I saw was a snake-like outline (head only), which I told her. She said that she's had a few dreams lately of snakes, and in the dreams she would marvel at the fact that she wasn't scared, so perhaps there was a correlation. The instructor asked me what the color blue meant to me, and I honestly said I didn't really know. She tuned in and said she got a strong sense of heavy communication from the guide toward my partner, which makes sense because of all the dream activity and the spirit's heavy presence around her. The dominant feeling I had was one of protection.

Later we did something we jokingly called "tag teams" where we would sit in groups of four, and three of us would try to tune into the same passed relative of the fourth person. Once the spirit was positively identified, we'd go around in a circle and see if each of us could add layers of detail about the spirit. The woman asked us to tap into her grandmother, and that was pretty immediate (that the grandma spirit showed up). What was interesting was the clairvoyance. I find I have two predominate "clairs" which are clairvoyance and clairsentience. I'm always amazed at the pictures that cross my sight. So for this grandmother I suddenly saw a very clear picture of a cross, and asked the woman if her grandmother was very religious. She confirmed that she was, and that religion and church were in fact very important parts of her grandmother's life. I also picked up on where she lived (the country) and I kept seeing her in a white gown. The woman said that her grandmother wore a white gown every Sunday when she participated in the church service. I also felt that she was very much the most important figure in the family, and everyone deeply respected her, which the woman confirmed.

Spirit pictures are highly interesting. As I work on developing these skills, it's becoming easier to tell the difference between my own imagination and the images that I'm being shown, which slowly helps me to trust myself more and more (a daunting process, I will say!). I'm always deeply humbled by these experiences - I go into them rather anxious and uncertain, and am constantly amazed and even surprised to understand that the "other side" is always there waiting for us and available to us; it just takes practice and an open mind.

The Lady of 9 Pentacles

She appeared as my daily draw today.  After some thought, I feel she is a good representation of my growing trust and confidence with Tarot.  I’ve learned a lot since jumping into free-reading (one week ago today!) and I’m working on refining my skills.  I’ve had so much good feedback which has been incredibly encouraging and affirming. 

I did a reading for a guy last night who asked about his career and love life.  When I did the spread I got nervous because it seemed to be telling me that there was a cross-over between his work and love life.  I wondered if the woman he was involved with was a colleague.  But I’ve learned that if I feel overwhelmed by a spread, to just state the card meanings and interpret them in a general way.  This isn’t bad practice with internet readings anyway, since as I’ve heard so often, “A vague question gets a vague answer.”  I also took note of an “extra” card which was Empress reversed, but didn’t see a clear fit with the story I was seeing, so I decided not to include it in the spread.  Anyway, I want so badly to offer something really substantial to these querents, it sometimes stressed me out trying to make really clear sense of someone’s story, even though I know the cards themselves are accurate.

Radiant Rider Waite Tarot

So anyway, he confirmed that what I was seeing was accurate, in terms of going through big change, having gone through disappointments in love, and being on the cusp of entering into a new work arrangement.  That was all good.  He said a lot of what I told him in my reading coincided with a past reading he’d had done, which was cool.  He offered to let me see that reading, and I agreed.  Turns out it was an audio recording of a live reading he had done in England.  One thing that made me a little envious was the give-and-take that is possible with an in-person reading.  While I love email readings as a way of developing as a reader, there is very little exchange that goes on.  I get a question and I throw some cards, and interpret them based on what I see and what little I may know about the person’s situation.  While it’s always been accurate, I always feel like I want to give more.  So it was really cool to hear how a live reading can be so much richer and conversation-based.

So.  During their conversations he mentions that in fact he works with his former love-interest, and they’re on the same project team.  Whahhhh!  My hunch was right!  Secondly, he mentioned that the woman had desperately wanted children but was having health problems that made conception difficult.  Hello, Empress reversed…

So these were areas I had felt nervous to touch on very explicitly because I wasn’t trusting in what I was seeing/feeling.  I’m not sorry I didn’t mention them, because the reading was accurate all the same.  But it was extremely validating to have the opportunity to hear that I was right.  This pushes me along the path of developing deeper trust in myself and the stories I am seeing in readings, as well as learning more about the cards and their meanings...and what card combinations can mean when read together.  I'm grateful for this experience, and so glad I listened to Wolf and the Hierophant and took the scary leap.

Whew.  So onward marching…….

Temperance

Temperance was my daily draw this morning.  It is an encouraging card.  It speaks of balance and harmony, patience and steadfastness, higher-level learning, awareness of where you're headed, listening to your inner voice.  In fact it reminds me a lot of the Goat card I pulled several days ago.

In fact I've had to pay more attention to "balance" recently than I have in a very long time.  Not only do I have a 40-hour/week job, but I am working on development in Tarot, and I have a family.  So finding a comfortable way to balance out all of those things has been on my mind, and so far I feel I'm doing a pretty decent job of that.

Morgan Greer Tarot

When I had to choose my availability for free-reading several days ago I spent a lot of time thinking about it.  I didn't want to take on so many that I felt overwhelmed, or wasn't able to spend an appropriate amount of time focusing on each individual spread.  But at the same time I wanted to make sure I was receiving enough readings to create valuable and regular opportunities for practice and development.  I think I've done okay with that so far.  I feel that no more than two per day, and sometimes only one, is best.  That way I can give my attention to everything that needs it in my life - spending time with my kids and husband, cooking, doing errands, working, etc. - while still having enough time to devote energy to doing the best readings that I can.

So, so far so good.  This is still a fairly new progression, however, so it's something I'll have to keep in mind as I go.  

I received feedback on the reading I did for the Tarot site owner, and it was really, really positive and affirming.  I felt so validated by it, and it just felt like another message that I am heading in the right direction.  I'll have to remember this when in the future I should find myself struggling again with self-doubt! <3

An Inner Battle

Yes, it's true. The 5 of Wands was my draw today, and this one was clear from the get-go.  I am involved in an inner battle today, rather than an outward one.  So as I mentioned in yesterday's post, I did my first free-reading.  I felt it went really well, and still think so.  But here's the catch.  The client finally responded to me.  He thanked me, and told me that for some reason his birthdate didn't register correctly, so I had used the wrong information when calculating his personality/soul/shadow cards!!! Gahhhh!!!!!  He asked if, in my opinion, it made a difference to the reading.  Dear God.  Look, I know I said that my worst nightmare was having really horrible, negative feedback.  And I really am grateful that he did not tear me to pieces or anything.  But I was so deeply embarrassed.  And the truth is that I didn't really know if it would have an impact on the reading.  I incorporated his card constellation so much into the reading, that I figured it would be confusing for him to tease things apart.  So I wrote him back and told him that I would draw him some more cards.

DruidCraft Tarot

I apologized for the glitch (which was not my fault), though I did not apologize for anything else.  I told him I thought it may have some impact, but nothing significant.  I drew four more cards, and while they were slightly different, the core message was very similar to the first reading.  Instead of including some Pentacles (and air), however, it was all water and air.  And the card I had *thought* to be his soul card, actually made a repeat appearance!  So on one hand I felt validated - the reading was a touch different, but it was really relaying the same ideas.  On the other hand I felt terrible, because...what will this guy think of me????  I sent him the second reading and indicated the important areas where the readings overlapped, so he would see that it truly didn't change at a core level.  Thankfully it didn't, because then what message would I be sending this guy?  That Tarot is entirely undependable?  That I, as a reader, suck?  Gahhh.......

So, while inside I feel that the readings were good, and I'm so happy that the second reading did share a lot of common elements with the first, this was a bit rough as a first reading for a stranger.

He has not responded to my follow-up reading.  At this point I'm just not feeling good about it at all.

Then, as a cosmic joke, the next free-reading request I received this morning was from the free-reading website owner!!!  Seriously?

Fortunately I have another querent asking about something romantic, which I am fully prepared to prioritize at this time :)  Maybe it will take the edge off my searing self-doubt.

P.S. I just got feedback from the client and he said I was "spot on."  Ahhhhh so happy and relieved!

The Knight of Cups Comes A Callin'

I pulled the Knight of Cups this morning for my daily draw..... moments after completing my first free reader spread.  Very fitting, and.....holy crap.... I have butterflies in my stomach.

Actually it was good.  Really good.  I mean, I haven't received any feedback from the querent, and I am kind of preparing myself for something horrible.  But I really think it was right on.  The question was rather vague, but not too vague to be able to work with.  I felt I was able to connect with the querent's energy... how is this possible?  I didn't know what to expect at first.  But I found that by thinking of the photo that accompanied the question, thinking of the person's name, and thinking of the client's card constellation (which I got from the birthdate), I did feel myself connecting.  And when I drew the cards I knew it was right, because not only did the suit and card numbers resonate with the main issue presented in the question, but the outcome card was the client's personality/soul card.  I like calculating that information so I can see if it pops up in a spread.  And there it was!  Also, the four cards I chose worked together... I could see the story.  Of course afterwards I found myself entrenched in a lot of self-doubt (but HOW can you know it will make any sense to this person at all??).

Morgan Greer Tarot

I also decided to select an extra card from the Druid Animal Oracle, and it supported the message from the spread.  So yeah, it was great.  But I'm not going to allow myself to believe it just yet... not until I hear back from the querent.  Crossing my fingers on that one.  At the same time, I've thought: "What if I do get terrible feedback about how off I was?  How would that make me feel?"  And in the end I realized that I'm confident in the reading I did.  I mean, the question was kinda vague, and my reading was thorough, but not terribly specific (how could it be?).  But I'm sure there were some valuable nuggets of truth in the reading, and I hope the client feels that way.  We shall see.....

P.S. I used my DruidCraft deck, which is the deck I'm using to practice reversals.  I feel that not knowing the person I'm reading for makes using reversals a better option... because the reversals give slightly clearer meanings.  Two of the four cards I picked in this spread were reversals.  I think it'll be a great way to become increasingly comfortable using them (doing email readings, that is, where I have the luxury of wading through meanings).

P.P.S. The client got back to me eventually, and his feedback "spot on."  *sigh*

Healing and Learning

Yesterday I pulled the beautiful Frog card from Druid Animal Oracle.  It was deeply meaningful coming the morning after Jorge's bad news about a death in the family.  Frog teaches healing, sensitivity, the power of medicine, and finding the beautiful aspects of life when all else looks bleak.  I chose not to share it with him, as it seemed a bad time.  Later in the day he asked me what my daily draw was, so I told him anyway. He didn't say much.  I told him I hadn't felt it necessary to share it with him, and that I thought it was more important for me to receive that message, as I'm his principal support.  But I do hope that when all is said and done he will be able to gain some perspective on it all, and find the positive glimmers amidst the pain.

                                Druid Animal Oracle (Philip/Stephanie Carr-Gomm)                                      

This morning I pulled the Hierophant.  It was another (like the Page of Cups) that left me a bit curious, but I decided it must be right, and I'd just have to see what the day brought me. Well, I've been toying seriously with the idea of becoming a free reader to develop my experience reading for strangers.  But I've been nervous and not sure if I was ready.  Last night I came across someone's forum post where they asked others when they had known they were ready to start reading strangers....and most of the replies were some version of "if you're asking this question, you're ready - go for it!" Hm...okay.  

Today my visiting parents took one kid off on an adventure, leaving me home with the other two.  Jorge is on a plane to tend to his family's crisis far away.  And I didn't have to work today!  I also didn't have a car, so I was fairly stuck.

The cable guy came at 10am, and I'd totally forgotten that Jorge had called them to come check on our service.  Hmm....Hierophant?  Kinda....the guy was a representative of a large company....meh...kinda weak.

Later I found myself pondering (for the billionth time) being a free reader.  Suddenly I realized that that was pretty Hierophanty.  Relationship to spirituality....a formal organization which required a joining process.....the possibility of receiving feedback, which is a kind of guidance.....access to a network of other readers.....yeah, totally!

So after a lot more mulling and considering, and running ideas by my husband via phone...and asking my 6 year old which free-reader website looked prettier....I went for it!!!

Which sort of begs the question....how much did my daily draw influence me to make a decision I might not otherwise have made today?  Honestly, I was already REALLY close to making this decision.  If anything, I think the Hierophant was saying "Just shut up and do it already!!!"  So I appreciate the shove.  I know this was the right decision...here's to a new adventure! :-)

Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot

                                             

P.S. Going to bed tonight I saw the Page of Swords on someone's blog which reminded me that as I was shuffling for my daily draw this morning, the Page of Swords popped out.  At the time I thought "honesty, fairness, intellect, truth, hmmmm......" And promptly forgot it and kept shuffling.  Now it seems so obvious, and I seem so obtuse.  The Page also represents having the strength to face obstacles squarely, learning or teaching, staying optimistic, etc.  It fits my own inner struggle with free reading perfectly, and also, being a Page, highlights the newness of my situation.  The Page represents air, thought, idea....and the Hierophant is the earthy embodiment of similar things.  

Page of Cups, Newsbearer

Yesterday I pulled the Page of Cups as my daily draw.  To be honest, it didn't really speak to me.  I tend to think of it as representing an emotional healing, or the hint at a new love or other sort of relationship.  Love, forgiveness, intuition, sensitivity, etc etc. I did think of the the potential meaning that it could represent delivery of good news.  Nothing really made a lot of sense based on what I know of my life at present, or what I knew of my day ahead.

So, I drew my card from Morgan Greer Tarot, and I'm not using reversals with that deck.  I am still pondering whether or not I want to use them at all.... I already use reversed meanings to some extent (in "advice" or "obstacle" positions, usually, and in any other circumstances that seem to make sense).  I've had some times where I've experimented with reversals and pulled one which seemed to fit very well....and then pulled another on another day where it was clear that the upright meaning was the correct one.  So that has not helped sway me either way!

                                           Morgan Greer Tarot                                             

      

That said, I put the Page out of my mind all day, and even considered that it may not have been the "right" card for me, for whatever reason (we're on vacation, not in the usual environment, lots of distractions).  I considered that, even despite what I've come to repeat often, which is "the cards don't lie." You may misinterpret them,  you may not understand them, you may not want to hear the message...but the cards tell you what's up.

So nothing Pagey really happened all day.  We settled into bed.  Gabriel was a bit ill, but nothing serious.  Just as I was getting ready to close my eyes, Jorge says "oh my God..." several times. Turned out that he had just received news of a death in his extended family which is having a major emotional impact on him.  So.....there it was.  The Page came bearing news.  Emotional news...but not happy news.  

This is the kind of moment that makes me in awe of the beauty of the cards, but also makes me second guess the value of using reversals.  Though honestly, even if I'd have pulled the Page of Cups reversed, I probably would not have felt it fit my day any more appropriately.  We can't really foresee this kind of thing, much less with a daily draw.  Still, it's been a profound lesson for me.

A New Language

I love it when I can relate things back to my professional specialty: language acquisition.

Tarot is like learning a language.  When you learn the basics of a new language you feel proud at your new skill, feel excited to try your new skill out (or conversely, feel scared to look like an idiot).  You flex your wings, practice forming new sounds with your mouth.  

Inevitably at some point in your studies you come to the realization that the more you learn, the less you feel you know.  Those moments of excitement and pride become a distant memory, as the deep reality of true learning sets in.  This often serves as the dividing line between serious students and those simply caught up in the fleeting fun of being able to order a coffee in French.  The latter become overwhelmed, realize that it takes a lot of time, a lot of practice, and a lot of investment - on many levels of being - to truly be fluent in another language, and quickly fade away.  The former stand back in awe of their "smallness" in the grand scheme of the acquisition process.  But they are moved by that awe, appreciate it, learn from it, are humbled by it, and continue on their way with even-keeled determination.  Once they learn their first new language they are wise enough to know that they will always be a student; learning never ceases to occur or be necessary.  And when they start to learn their next languages, they start to anticipate the awe, the precipice, and they begin to savor that feeling.  It serves as a marker of how far they've come, and while they have so much more before them, they now know that they can, and will, reach their goals.

                                          

        

I had a great afternoon with my mom today.  In a way she was my first Tarot teacher, and will always be a role model for me in terms of cultivating honor and trust in our intuition.  She is in town visiting for a week (my daily draw today was 6 of Cups) and she asked me for a reading.  I was admittedly a bit nervous, though happy to comply.  She knows what she's seeing in the cards, and I haven't had much practice with 1) verbalizing my story weaving, and 2) feeling the need to figure a spread out quickly and begin to relay the messages.  So I wasn't sure how it would go, or how I would feel.  It turned out well, in the end.  I had my first real-life experience of reading something that wasn't at least partially based on prior knowledge....and being correct despite my anxiety and self-doubt.  I also had my first experience of being nearly entirely stumped by a card, and having to simply describe it.  Turns out it did speak to her, but it related to aspects of her life I had no awareness of.  I was sitting there trying to figure out what the card could possibly mean, offering a possibility (based on what I do know about her circumstances, though it didn't feel right).  When she thought about it for a few moments, she realized exactly what the card was referring to, and we chatted about it.  I realized that I don't have to know or have a strong idea about a particular card in order for it to speak to a client loud and clear.  Or maybe not even loud and clear - it could be that, like my mom, after some time thinking about it, it suddenly clicks into place.  

She asked me about my path with Tarot and I said that I had kind of accidentally fell into this as a calling.  We talked about how I worked with Medicine Cards as a kid, and how her Tarot storytelling always captivated me.  I said "remember how I always wanted to be a doctor, except for that unfortunate issue of advanced math and chemistry?  Well, I'm following that deep desire to help heal people.  Instead of modern medicine, I think I can do it through herbal study and Tarot." She nodded her head in acceptance and understanding.  She's a counselor, and highly intuitive, and still an active card reader, and she knows what I'm talking about.  She told me a story so I would understand how intuition doesn't always make sense, but how important it is to go with it, no matter what your brain is telling you:

When she was attending a workshop many years ago the attendees were doing an exercise where they were attempting to tune into a partner's emotions.  My mom was struggling, and finally asked if it was okay if she could touch her partner's arm, and was given permission.  She suddenly saw an image in her mind of a stuffed rocking chair in the form of an old woman.  It was the same kind of chair she'd seen before in a children's museum.  She was totally confused by the image, but decided to report it anyway.  Her partner broke down crying because he'd recently lost his grandmother with whom he'd been very close.  I'd heard that story before, but I never tire of hearing it.  It's an important reminder that Tarot doesn't always involve puzzle pieces that fit together seamlessly.  Sometimes the story doesn't seem to make sense, or there's a piece that seems awkward with the others.  Sometimes you see a clear message that seems odd or not perfectly in line with textbook card meanings.  It's okay.  Report what you see and feel, trusting in your intuition.

I'm loving how I feel this night as I peer out over the precipice of Tarot acquisition.  I'm moved by it, humbled by it, grateful for it, and deeply drawn to what lies before me.  

The Advice of Air and Wolf

Today I pulled the Ace of Swords for my daily draw (using DruidCraft Tarot - Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm and Will Worthington).  Phew!  This is really good, and also really challenging. 

Yesterday evening we received our oldest daughter’s grades for last year (why so late??) and they were not particularly good.  Yet her State test scores were far above average.  We know she is capable of doing the work, but she daydreams a lot, and keeps a lot of her thoughts and feelings inside, and that combination has really created some obstacles in the past.  She will make some decisions that are not ideal, and when it creates a major problem she does feel bad and accept responsibility…. But then soon she falls back into her own private world and the cycle continues.  I ask myself what I can do better as a parent to help guide her, help her with structure.  I pulled three cards from my Morgan Greer deck last night asking, “What should I understand about my daughter?” 

I pulled the 7 of Cups, Justice, and the High Priestess. 

Morgan Greer Tarot

Yep.  The 7 of Cups represents how much time she spends entertaining herself, distracting herself, with exciting ideas and fantasies – none of which she ever turns into an actual project or activity in the real world (even despite our continual encouragement).  The High Priestess is her hidden world.  In the Morgan Greer deck the High Priestess sits before a curtain with her feet resting on the moon.  Behind the curtain you can see that there is an ocean beyond, but it’s mostly hidden.  The moon signifies many things, but one of those things is illusion.  For me this card represents how while my daughter always seems cool, calm and collected, underneath the surface she is feeling a lot of things that she keeps to herself.  She gives the illusion that all is well in her world, when the reality might not be at all that way.  For me Justice represents her brief moments of clarity, when she realizes that she keeps stepping in the same hole (so to speak), and she feels a sense of responsibility for her behavior, and understands the need to make some changes.  But Justice is flanked by two water cards – while air and water get along okay, the predominance of water makes me feel that her daydreaming and hidden world are why she keeps returning to the same patterns.  She is a teenager, but she’s still young.  I’m not sure she can find that extra “air” to help sort things out.

DruidCraft Tarot

That’s where the Ace of Swords comes in.  I really want to help guide her in a nurturing but firm manner.  While I am frustrated by the poor performance, I feel for her, and oftentimes end up focusing more on her feelings rather than finding a solid solution for her.  Which is not a true help, I think, in the long-run.  What the Ace of Swords is telling me to do is to put the emotions aside for now, and figure out a rational, well-thought-out plan that will provide her with the extra scaffolding she needs to be successful.  The Ace of Swords shows a sword breaking through illusion and emotion.  This is a great analogy for the need for Jorge and I to break through the illusion of our daughter's mind-set and emotional state, and work with her where she truly is.  In the past we’d have long discussions, tears, lots of hugs, and then we’d feel like we made progress and we’d let it go.  That was an error.  It’s time for a change in how we work with her, which will hopefully result in real change all the way around, and will end in a happy, successful kid, and happy, relieved parents.  I’m ready for that challenge.

One additional note (this is several hours after posting this): I am definitely pulling on the Ace of Swords at work today, too.  I've been placed in a leadership position for a group assignment, and some of the members on the team are resentful and uncooperative.  I am definitely rather Cupsy, and always strive for harmony, and am always considering people's feelings.  In this case I need to buck up and take on this challenge.  I need to let go of my concern about what others think of me, especially when the dislike stems from negativity rather than reality.  I need to be a leader, a fair leader, but the focus must be on the facts, on honesty, and strength.  Difficult, but a worthy lesson for me.

I also pulled a card from the Druid Animal Oracle (Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm and Will Worthington).  I didn’t pull it in relation to this situation, just for additional advice.  I pulled the Wolf, and it really works in harmony with yesterday’s Hermit card pull.

The Wolf encourages me to recognize that to grow deeper I need to take on challenges that may cause me anxiety.  This does have a relation to the issue with my daughter, but I feel it relates most strongly to my Tarot study.  I’ve been going deeper into Tarot, but knowing that at some point I need to dive into reading for strangers.  This causes me anxiety, and I ask myself, “What if I don’t connect?  What if my reading is completely off?  What if the client tells me that my interpretation has no relationship to their lives??”  Well, that is a little overboard.  I already know that it wouldn’t be that bad.  The accuracy of the readings I do has been high, and the work I’m doing practicing my story-weaving skills (based on strangers’ online spread postings) has shown me that I’m not entirely inept.  But those concerns continue to haunt me a bit.  At the same time I know that taking that leap into free-reading is a critical step to my development as a card reader.  And I actually do want to do it.  So in that respect the Wolf (“intuition, learning, the Shadow”) is encouraging me to accept my fears and move past them into deeper waters.  I’m grateful for the advice. <3

Digging In Deep

My daily draw today was the Hermit (with Liz Dean’s Golden Tarot).

This is one of my favorite cards, so it was a welcome sight.  So what does this card mean to me?  Well, as usual, it’s very fitting!

Golden Tarot - Liz Dean

I’ve been studying Tarot intensely for a while now.  I’ve read books, absorbed online resources, practiced analyzing different ways of understanding spreads (elemental dignities, numerology, etc.).  These have all been extremely positive for me.  But I’ve reached the point where it’s time to go within.  It’s time to spend alone time with my cards, to study their images and what those images mean to me – not just what the books and websites say they mean.  Yesterday evening I settled down with my tablet and thought: “What site will I spend time on today?”  I drew a blank – I wasn’t being pulled anywhere in particular.  I had the feeling that I’d already explored everything valuable online.  Having all of that knowledge about various card meanings is great, and forms a wonderful foundation for Tarot study.  I adore reading (and will continue to read) other Tarot readers’ blogs to hear about their experiences and learn from the manner in which they work with the cards.  And in the future I’ll use the internet to take the plunge into free reading.  But it’s time to dig in deeper.  My intuition is exploding, and the trust I place in it is growing rapidly.  

Two nights ago I read a real-life sample spread on a popular website, and treated it as if I had received the question from a querent, and pulled those cards.  I worked my way through each one, thought about the story being told, and came to my conclusions about what I would tell the querent if she were my own client.  Afterward I read through other people’s interpretations.  Many were similar, but veered away from mine in various ways – and of course that caused me to doubt myself, and what I was seeing in the cards.  Then I finally read the feedback from the original client, and it reflected my interpretation almost identically.  All those areas where I had second-guessed myself were actually right on.  It was a rewarding moment, and I realized that I can actually do this with people I don’t know.  I learn from reading others’ takes on spreads, so it’s a valuable learning experience.  But I need to focus more on my own intuitions and discernment, and how the cards speak to me.  

So it’s time to swim beneath the surface, delve deeper into my own personal relationship with Tarot.  The hourglass hanging from the tree, and the light of the Hermit's lantern are saying "slow down, and take time to deepen your understanding." This is what the Hermit represents to me today.

A Reading with DruidCraft

I did a reading last night using my new DruidCraft Tarot by Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm, and Will Worthington (yesssss, came in the mail yesterday!!! And a side note- after a brief deliberation I decided to trim the cards because they were so huge and cumbersome, and despite my terror they came out well).

The reading was for a friend's husband, who for the sake of privacy I'll call "Jason," though they were fine with me sharing the results on this blog (thank you!). He's been struggling to develop his own business, starting from scratch, and feeling anxious about the future.  My friend, meanwhile, has been the primary "bread-winner" as her husband slowly works toward his goals, and making his dreams a reality.  They have kids, and he's been acting as a stay-at-home-Dad at the same time.  So the question was: "What does the future hold for my business idea?"

I decided to use a 7-card horseshoe spread that I'd been wanting to try, and the card numbers as as follows:

1         2

3         4

5   6    7

So here goes:

                                

(P.S.: Sorry for the dark picture- it was at night and the light was dim!!!)

Firstly, the Ace of Wands jumped out during shuffling, which felt significant in terms of the question presented.

Card #1, The Past - 9 of Pentacles: I haven't been using reversals, but after some consideration I felt strongly that the reversed meaning of this card was true for Jason.  For a long time he's felt a sense of frustration in the development of his plans, and the deep desire to be successful and economically stable.  He longs to be able to enjoy the fruits of his labors, but has had a hard time figuring out how to make his hopes real.  He's often had the sense of his plans and dreams being thwarted by the everyday issues that come up and get in the way.

Card #2, The Present - 6 of Cups: The image on the card is a man seated in a house, looking out at two children at play.  This represents Jason as he's been spending a long time as a stay-at-home-Dad.  While he loves spending time with his kids, he also has the feeling that all the time he spends focusing on taking care of them distracts him from approaching his career goals with a clear mind.

Card #3, Underlying Influences - The Princess (Page) of Pentacles: This is a cool card; it represents the fact that Jason has an opportunity to take the idea and early beginnings of his business idea and turn it into a successful endeavor as long as he puts in effort and works steadily toward his goals.

Card #4, Potential Obstacles - 4 of Pentacles: This represents the need to be financially conscientious.  While Jason desperately wants to be able to have economic flexibility, he needs to keep in mind that it's a process.  While he may find success with his business ultimately, it's important to make budgets and adhere to them in order to maintain balance, especially because in order to grow the business Jason needs to invest some amount of money, and the family as a whole is operating on limited income.

Card #5, The Environment - Queen of Wands: I felt that this represents Jason's wife (my friend).  In one way it represents the reality of her balancing her career with her family.  In another way it represents the positive and creative environment that she provides Jason, supporting him to find his way and grow his business idea.

Card #6, Advice - 7 of Cups: This is an important card.  It represents Jason himself, laying casually on his side and watching the opportunities floating before him.  While the road hasn't been easy, and there have bee a lot of distractions along the way, to some degree Jason has been getting in his own way by feeling overwhelmed by the possibilities and routes for growing a successful business.  When feeling overwhelmed, he tends to sit back and think for too long about what he "could" do, which creates a sense of frustration and confusion, and limits the action he takes.  This card says that in order to move ahead he's going to have to make a decision about what route he wants to take, and move toward making it happen.  It also advises Jason to stop getting lost in his dreams of an ideal future which may not be realistic at the moment, and start working with the resources he has at hand.

Card #7, Outcome - The Lovers: This is an encouraging card.  It suggests that if Jason follows the advice card, he'll ultimately reach a sense of fulfillment.  Card #6 shows a man on a rock ledge peering into a pool of water in which sit all the possibilities he could choose from, that might lead to happiness and success.  The Lovers represent the union of desire with reality.

All in all there were two court cards and one trump card. The court cards being in the positions of underlying influences and environment suggests positive energy, and the trump is a promising card in the future outcome position. There were three earths, two waters, one fire, and one air.  The Queen of Wands (fire) next to the 7 of Cups (water) may indicate (trying to incorporate the dignities!) that Jason's wife is a positive support, but not critical to the final outcome - that lies in Jason.  There is a lot of desire and dreaming happening, but not a lot of focused energy on creation and decision-making, though the Princess of Pentacles does show promise for creating a firm basis for a new project.  However the "extra" card, the Ace of Wands, indicates that there is creative energy under the surface which will be able to spring forth if Jason can manage to focus his business goals into a workable plan, and the air element of the Lovers indicates that in order to find success he'll have to be more rational and decisive as well.

I was worried about not being able to connect with a brand new deck, but after trimming it (which was a difficult decision, and not one I imagined I'd ever make!) and performing a consecration and charging ritual, I feel good about them, and felt my accuracy was high on the first go, which is a tremendous relief!

However here is my fear as it relates to reading strangers: 

So far I am familiar with everyone I've read.  I've never read a complete stranger.  I was wondering how I might have interpreted this spread had it been for a stranger who, let's say, only gave me a succinct question to work with, and no background info...?  I know that in person you can, and should, ask questions, carry on a conversation with your client.  But what if it's via email?  Would I have intuited that the 9 of Pentacles should be read in reverse?  Would I have come to the conclusion that the 6 of Cups represents a literal situation?  I know I'm learning, and sometimes there is a delay between the time I see some of the cards and the moment I have a good idea of what it means.  But this is what scares me about providing strong and helpful readings for people I don't know.  Food for thought!

Trust!

Trust is so hard, right?  Trusting that the cards will tell you what you need to know.  Trusting that you really are "doing it right."  Letting go of the fears of not connecting to the cards, or not knowing how to interpret them, of not being able to weave a story together based on what you're seeing and feeling.  Fears of negative feedback from strangers you read.  Holding on to the fear of the unknown, and of doubts.

When experienced readers say "you can't do it wrong," or "don't over-think it," or "everyone finds their own way, and it's not the same way for everyone," or "trust your intuition," they are right.  Doing it is not easy, but Tarot is not supposed to be easy.  It's a journey, and you learn as you go.

So yesterday I had a powerful reading, which really drove home all of the advice listed above.  I won't discuss the reading in much detail for confidentiality reasons, but I had done a reading for this person and about the same subject in the past.  The 10 of Swords popped up in a previous spread.  So this time as I was shuffling carefully, a card popped out.  When I picked it up, it was the 10 of Swords.  I felt that definitely carried significance, so I kept it in mind and put it back in the deck and I kept shuffling.  I cut the deck, and fanned it out to select cards.  I remember one of the cards that I selected gave me a strong, clear impression that it was a male court card.  Later, when I turned them all over, it was indeed a male court card - the Knight of Swords.  Seeing that confirmation of my feeling was pretty cool.  So after I had "dealt" the cards, I reassembled the deck and set it next to the spread.  At some point I thought about using a clarifier card, even though I wasn't really struggling for meaning.  But since I had the thought, I decided to pick the card at the top of the deck.  It was the 10 of Swords!  I smiled, and placed it next to the spread.  Okay, so this really does carry meaning for the spread and the question.

All in all the spread consisted of 6 Major Arcana, 1 court card, and 1 Ace, with two Minor Arcana.  The "future" card also coincided with the Shadow Card of the person I was reading, which gave another dimension to that particular area.  It was an intense spread, full of a lot of meaning, and the story came together for me almost as if I was reading a book.  It was really beautiful, even though the spread itself was full of uncertainty and a lot of recommendations.  It was a beautiful moment for me as a Tarot reader, as I'm learning to "let it go" and trust the process.

I used the Celtic Cross with no Significator since, as I mentioned in my last post, I've come to terms with what the positions mean for me, and I'm not stressing so much about how I shuffle.  It was a great experience, and I'm deeply grateful for it.

Celtic Cross Chaos

It's funny how complicated one spread can be..... I've been experiencing a lot of conflicting feelings about the Celtic Cross spread: on one hand I feel it's an important, common spread to be able to use effectively....on the other hand there are so many versions (so very many versions) of this spread, that it takes a lot of time to figure out what works well (for me/you/one).  And that's the advice I've found online - practice, and find out what works for you.  Okay.....

It's interesting how intuition works, because the first handful of times I tried this spread I started to develop some confusion about the placement of cards 5 and 6 (past influences, near future).  I found a lot of variations both in books and online, and my head was swimming already.  But as I was doing spreads I started to see a pattern where the 5 card (which I'd been placing to the left of cards 1/2, representing past influences) seemed to be speaking more about future possibilities, while the 6 card (which I'd been placing to the right of cards 1/2, meaning the near future) seemed to be more connected to the past.  At times it seemed they could almost be interchangeable.  It was really frustrating and I felt a lot of anxiety about continuing to play with it - well, it didn't feel like play, I was taking it super seriously and felt a sense of failure at having such a hard time figuring it all out.

I tried a lot of different organizations of cards in the spread, but none really seemed striking - no "this is it!" moments.  Then on Aeclectic Tarot, in one of the forums about people's struggles with this spread, someone mentioned that after a lot of trials, he came across Arthur Waite's version, which clicked with him.  So I looked that version up straight away, and was pleased with what I read.  Waite's version   featured the placements that I was already beginning to settle on, but with one very interesting and exciting difference: he allowed for flexibility between the meanings of cards 5 and 6 depending on the direction in which the person on the Significator card was facing.  Up until that point I wasn't using a Significator.  So I tried a spread, this time choosing the Page of Cups as Significator, which was facing to the left.  So the future card went there, while the past influences card went to the right.  If you were to choose a court card (or Major Arcana) where the person was facing to the right, then you would place the future card there, essentially reversing the placements.  This was indeed a "eureka" moment.  So I wasn't crazy after all!!!!!!  Waite's version also recommended shuffling the deck and cutting it three times and re-stacking (which is when I started actually cutting the deck, which I didn't do prior), then selecting all cards from the top of the deck.  This was a totally new method, as previously I was just shuffling and fanning.  Following that, I found the spread to be very accurate and provide a lot of insight.  I found it easier to read because I didn't have that sense of anxiety over the accuracy of card placements.

I'm still not entirely comfortable with the Celtic Cross in terms of cards 5 and 6, but Waite's version helped ground me a bit.  I am feeling that as a whole I like the "left" position for card 6, and the "right" position for card 5, even though using those positions firmly seems backward (shouldn't it be past-present-future, not future-present-past???) Then today I found a website, Psychic Library, that (shockingly) reflects this same way of understanding or working with the Celtic Cross:

It considers the first card to be the Significator, instead of Waite's version where the Significator is essentially an "extra" card.  (And as a side note, I do think that it makes more sense to either choose a Significator and then replace it, so you are working with all 78, or to use a Significator from a separate deck).  But the past influences are to the right, and the future is to the left!  Ahhh......

So, in short, I am slowly starting to feel more settled in my mind with the Celtic Cross.  I have needed to find my own way with it, and based on my own intuitions about placements, combined with some external affirmations, I'm starting to feel more comfortable with my ability to use and interpret this spread.  Of course I will still need to practice.....!!!  (And I spent a lot of time pining for my youth, when I didn't overthink shuffling or spreads, and simply shuffled, fanned, and selected without a care in the world!) But having a fairly certain framework in mind will help alleviate my anxiety and allow my intuition to lead the way. (At least that's the hope!!)

A final note about shuffling and card placements/meaning: 

After reading Waite's recommendation on shuffling/cutting, and also reading a recommendation by Joan Bunning (who I respect greatly) on her site that emphasized the importance of cutting the deck, I started to cut the deck on a regular basis - unless I am going back to basics with shuffling/fanning/selecting.  How many times I shuffle seems to vary (usually it's 2-3 times), but my cutting style is Waite's recommendation of three times, and in terms of direction I do: three to the left (cutting) and three to the left (stacking), which so far has worked well for me.  

But really, I'm not sure it really matters precisely how you shuffle, and whether or not you cut, and how you choose your cards.... 

I found some really great advice by Stefan Stenudd on Tarot Meaning about both the Celtic Cross (he also uses Waite's version), as well as shuffling, which I encourage anyone to read who is struggling with this, or any, spread!  It's just the truth: your intent, and clarity of intent, is really all that matters.  Once you've decided which card goes where, what it means to you as a reader, and what the question is, all else is unimportant. This is why readers can make up their own spreads - they decide what card placements mean, and off they go.  *Sigh* Just what I needed to hear.....and just what I need to always remember.

The Page of Swords

The Page of Swords was my daily draw today.  I've had a Sword-theme this week so far with my daily draws, and all have been great advice.

When I saw the Page this morning I was in a rush to leave the house so I kept it in my mind to ponder later.  I didn't automatically "know" what I was being told - I'm still getting more deeply acquainted with the court cards, and some are easier for me than others.

But later as I was considering this card, I realized that it's just another lovely progression in my weekly card draws, indicating that things are flowing along.  The Page of Swords is telling me to be strong and face this current issue with my student with my chin up, and in a fair manner.  It's fitting because the issue with my student involved academic ethics - plagiarism.  Figuring out how to deal with him in a way that is fair, yet not feeling simultaneously sad about it, has been a challenge for me.  So the central issue has been solved, but today (and probably even early next week) I'll be finishing working out the details and settling everything once and for all.  Yesterday I pulled the 6 of Swords which encouraged me to move on, gain a new perspective.  Today the Page is encouraging me to meet the challenge of learning to be just and fair and honest, and to place my focus on doing what's right, rather than getting caught up in irrational emotions regarding the student's situation. This has always been an issue for me!

Druidcraft Tarot - Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm

So I will look at this situation as a positive challenge to understand that sometimes paying attention to what's fair is more important than worrying about how the perpetrator feels about the situation.  (That's me, always worrying about peoples' emotions, even when it doesn't seem to make any sense!!!!!!!)

Thank you, Page!

(P.S. I push-pull shuffled twice, cut three times from right to left, and restacked from right to left - then drew the top card!)