November Cards: Believe In Yourself

Admittedly a bit late, I've decided to pull some "cards of the month" for November. Rather than use assigned positions, I simply pulled a line of three from the Pagan Otherworlds Tarot, and an oracle card from the Dat Black Mermaid Man Lady deck.

Judgment - 6 of Cups - Chariot

Ole Caney Sharp - Divine Opportunity

I sat down with cards and coffee on my son's race car rug in the early hours of Saturday morning as he played superhero next to me with his trucks and an assortment of miscellaneous items. It was a nice way to start the weekend.

I understood the significance of this line almost immediately. Though my job focuses primarily on directing an English language program, I have recently been called to give presentations on cultural awareness. Language acquisition is a small aspect of the overall theme, but much of the "weightier" material delves into concepts of religious diversity, racism, and cultural labeling. This sort of work is a passion of mine. My undergraduate degree is in Cultural Anthropology, and most of my adult life has involved addressing injustice, increasing awareness of the beautiful fabric and texture of human existence, and preserving ancient legacies - language, traditions - before they are lost in an ever-expanding globalized society. I am one half of an interracial marriage, and my children straddle a number of cultural and racial divides that will likely bring them (in addition to many joys) frustrations from an outside world that struggles to place things (and people) in tidy (and utterly limiting) boxes. Throughout my life I have worked in various roles in places that include Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota, central city urban neighborhoods, immigrant communities, and the Basque Country, Spain. Honoring and understanding the breadth and depth of humankind, and facilitating that understanding in other people, is extraordinarily important to me. 

An initial invitation to give a presentation to administrators who support international students gave way to a second invitation to present on cultural awareness to a group of faculty members from two different departments, which then led to a third invitation to present to yet another department at the end of the month. Judgment is an interesting card because it both represents the elements of this work that feel like a true "calling" and it also touches on how hard I am on myself. After that first presentation I ruthlessly beat myself up about "what people might have thought," and "how much more clearly I should have explained [insert topic]." My husband was a bit shocked at what he dubbed my "self punishment." And he was right - that is exactly what I was doing to myself. Ultimately I received so much positive feedback that I came to understand that it "wasn't that bad" after all (!) which was both a relief and a blessing. When the day came to present for the second time, my daily draw was Judgement. I didn't think about it at the time, but later I realized that perhaps this was touching on something deeper than I was acknowledging. (And that session went very well!)

The 6 of Cups represents this connection to who I have always been, my essential self, that part of me that has remained unchanged since childhood. In doing this work I'm tapping into a voice that has a lot to say; a part of myself that has gathered experience and perspective over many years, and is primed for expression. The Chariot gathers all of that up and carries it forth into the world. It tells me that I have a lot to do, and so much more to develop and explore in this capacity. As I approach my third presentation, I've already started to consider how to expand into a "part two." There is so much that can be discussed in the broad arena of diversity and cross-cultural understanding, and in the current limit of two hours I can only scratch the surface. I see that there is a need for it, and a place, as well, and that will spur me onward in the coming months and year ahead. 

Ole Caney Sharp represents the energy of Elegua, my dear friend and road-opener. When I read the advice on the back of the card I had to laugh in appreciation. It says: 

Let your questions go

you ain't got to know.

You thinks too much

that's why you stuck.

Get on up

and fly.

I have spent a lot of time lately considering how much I over-think, over-worry, and thereby limit myself. This card is a pointed reminder that (as illustrated by my intense - and unfounded - self-criticism following my first presentation) I tend to clip my own wings, and that it's a good moment to let go of that bad habit and see where the winds take me.....

Focus and Release: Enochian Tarot

There's a lot going on in my life down here in la Florida. After nearly three years here we're seriously considering moving several states away in order to be closer to family. I have a lot of thoughts about all of this, and a lot of feelings. Mostly I'm really pleased to be in this position, though there are some bittersweet qualities to leaving this phase of life behind, to be sure. At times I find myself almost overwhelmed by it all, and Tarot's pretty helpful in those kinds of situations, so I sat down with my Enochian Tarot, and read for myself:

This was a really powerful, and powerfully calming, reading for me.

Enochian Tarot - Schueler/Glassman

First, as I was shuffling, 16. Higher Self popped out. This card carries the keywords: change for the better, spiritual impulse, foreknowledge, adjustment. To provide some back story, with recent Lenormand readings I've often been pulling Book (among others, of course), and with Tarot I've pulled the High Priestess a couple of times of late. Hidden knowledge, perhaps at times information that you're not meant to know quite yet. With the High Priestess we often say "listen to your intuition," and as I was considering what that meant for me, I realized that when I really sit and think about this house in which I currently reside, I am filled with a certain sense of urgency to move on, a sense that it's time to leave. And I feel that that is my intuition poking me with a stick. When Higher Self leapt from the deck, it felt like that same message of "listen carefully to inner guidance," along with positive encouragement that the shifting and transitions are leading to a positive place. It's hard to hear that quiet voice within when you're distracted by the din of everyday living, but it is there, and it is accessible. The image on the card gives me the feeling that my higher self, and my guides, are leading me safely along what feels at times like a precarious path.

Next I laid out the three main cards in the spread.

Enochian Tarot - Schueler/Glassman

1. What I need to acknowledge and release: 53. Lower Sephirothic Cross Angels of Air. Keywords: Reality, existence, science.

2. What I need to nurture and embrace: 49. Fourth Senior of Air. Keywords: Harmony, unity, pattern, arrangement, a birth.

3. Where all of this is leading: 20. The Wheel. Keywords: Cyclic nature, cycles, spirals, repetition, fate, destiny.

The first card tells me that I'm trying to be too careful. "Science" is precise and evidence-based. I am trying to make big decisions based on evidence that I really don't have, and based on information that I simply can't know at the moment. There are good and less good things about both staying and leaving. There is no obvious best path to take when I pick things apart rationally. This card image shows an angelic being, arms outstretched, with three smaller angels floating above his head. Each of the three smaller angels has a rather unpleasant expression on his face, and it appears that they all have their arms crossed. This reminds me of how all of my conflicting thoughts about this decision (pros and cons) end up confusing me, and ultimately I feel like I'm at an impasse. Rather than dividing my mind in so many directions, I need to accept that it's not going to be perfect, and it's not going to be without some temporary risk. I need to release my current reality.

The second card is about gathering together my fragmented thoughts together to create a single, harmonic focus. The element of newness - the start of a new cycle - is highlighted, which is important to understand. The angel on this card appears thoughtful and at peace. She looks over to the previous card, poised and strong, a staff held firmly in one hand. With a rose in her other hand, she's ready to embrace a new phase of life, ready for the journey. Above all, this is a card that tells me to trust that none of this is "accidental." There is a plan, an organization, a structure that is supporting this new, unfolding phase of life.

The final card says that this is all about my destiny. This is indeed cyclical, and is a part of a natural flow in my life. There is some comfort in realizing that this is all happening for a reason, and is a part of my path. In this image the elemental symbols for fire and air are surrounded by water and a spiral of little Earths. Everything is connected, there is indeed an order to the universe, and while at times I feel more chaos than peace in my own small universe, I know that there is order here too. At least I know that no matter how many ups and down there may be on this roller coaster, if I go with the flow, I'm more likely to land on my feet.

Game of Hope Lenormand Arrives! (And a Reading)

I was so happy to receive today in the mail two copies of the new Game of Hope 2.0 Lenormand deck! A year ago many Lenormand readers/artists of all talent levels joined together to produce a deck, and the card I chose to create was the 28-Man card. I wrote a bit about this project in a previous post (click here if you'd like to check it out).

All contributors received a mini deck, and I chose to purchase an additional poker-sized deck, both of which came in a black tin. It's hard to describe the satisfaction involved in holding the finished product in my hand after nearly 12 months (which really, for deck creation/production, is a pretty short amount of time!). My younger daughter, Lourdes, was elated to hold my Man card in her hand, and she ran down the hall to my bedroom to compare it to the canvas hanging on the wall. She said, "Mom, how did your painting get FAMOUS??" I had to explain that it's not necessarily famous, but it is still pretty cool to see the painting as part of a deck of cards!

Here is sneak peek at some of the cards in the deck (including the Man, of course!):

Here you can see the Man, Ship (which is a Venetian boat), Star, Sun, Key, and Scythe.

I love how the different artistic styles and media came together in this deck. The idea of reading with a deck comprised of so many stylistic variations seems like it might be a bit dizzy-making, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that it reads quite clearly and smoothly, and it's fun to experience the aesthetic diversity present in a single line of cards!

I had to break the deck in, of course, and I had the perfect subject matter: our ESL department is going to have a rather tight month in December, and we don't have enough instructors to cover all of the laboratory hours that our students need. As a result we are "borrowing" instructors from a different department for a series of four weeks. These instructors will facilitate activities with the students for 6-hour periods of time. I've had to run some trainings for the teachers so that they're comfortable with the task for the month ahead, and though preparations are going fairly well, I'm admittedly a bit cautious about how things will unfold. So I asked my new deck how things will go with the lab situation in December, and pulled:

Garden - Clouds - Fox - Tower - Child - Crossroad - Mice

Woohoo! Looks like an interesting month! Above this line you see the Snake, which is the "theme" card from the bottom of the deck. Complications - things may not flow as smoothly as I hope!

Rather than pull apart the line I'm going to give my impressions upon looking over the layout. I see confusion in the network of teachers we have lined up. It may be that not all of those who have signed up to help will come through in the end (perhaps in part due to their own busy schedules). I also see anxiety on the part of our students who will face some divisions in their schedules that they'll have to attempt to navigate with their limited English ability. I'll have to stay on top of things this month in order to nip any issues in the bud (as they say). Better forewarned! (They also say that).

If you are interested in purchasing this limited edition deck, it is available at present for $11 (plus shipping) from Delphi's Chamber.

The Three of Cups Saves the Day

This has been one rough week so far! When I drew Death for my weekly card I suspected that it would relate to the adjustments here at home now that Jorge is in Sweden. Quite right. In the Lenormand system, Death's counterpart appears as the Coffin, and can represent illnesses and cancellations. I've had quite a bit of those as well this week. Now that Gabriel has started at his daycare center (which he really likes, for the most part) he's exposed to all those other adorable-and-germy children, so as is wont to occur, he's come down with a nasty cold. I didn't need the cards to predict that for me! And his sickness has led me to cancel some classes and rearrange my schedule so that I can be home with him, dumping elderberry and lemon balm tea down his gullet on the hour.

I was hoping to return to my normal schedule today, and was hopeful that Gabriel would feel better enough to return to his center. Being rather anxious about it, last night I decided to throw some cards about what I might expect for today. I first asked how Gabriel would do at school, and I pulled the 5 of Cups and the Hermit reversed. Sigh. That blurted out to me: he's going to be really sad, and he'll feel abandoned. Gah.

5 of Cups, DruidCraft Tarot
Will Worthington

Next I pulled a card about how things would go at work, and I pulled the 3 of Cups. Ah hah. I would have some friendly support from my colleagues. I started to wonder if I might even be able to find someone to sub for me for today, but then I realized that it was already 8:00pm, and knew it was a bit late to be scrambling around trying to find help. I would try to go to work, and I'd plan to bring Gabriel to his center the next morning.

After a full day of herbal remedies and rest he had a much better night last night, but he's still healing. He slept so long that I had to wake him up ten minutes before we needed to leave so that I could at least get him dressed and comb his hair before heading out the door. I knew that was a potential recipe for disaster; waking up a sick child and hurrying them out the door into the bright, wide world is not a kind way to start the day! But he did okay. He even brushed his teeth and consented to taking a little heart-shaped homeopathic pill to help with his congestion. It was as we were getting our shoes on that things started to go awry. He said, "I don't want to go to school, I want to stay home!" He refused to carry his lunchbox. He enjoys school quite a bit, so I knew that if he was feeling a preference for home, he really needed the comfort and security. But what could I do? I had no plan B. So we got in the car and drove to his center and as we sat in the parking lot the tears started to roll. He was just so sad. I saw the 5 of Cups and Hermit reversed floating through my mind, and as I watched those pitiful teardrops fall, I made a split second decision to take him to work with me. What the heck??? I didn't know. I didn't know what I'd do with him while I was teaching, I just knew that I couldn't force him to stay at his school in that state. So off we went. We dropped Lourdes at her school, and headed to the university.

DruidCraft Tarot - W. Worthington

On the way I was thinking about that 3 of Cups. I decided to call my colleague, Rose, and let her know what was going on. I explained the fiasco and she listened with a sympathetic ear. She had to give an interview at 11am so it wasn't a straight forward fix, but she thought we could work something out. We hung up as I pulled into the school parking lot. Gabriel helped me retrieve the room key, and my student was surprised and pleased to have a tiny classmate (this was a tutoring session, fortunately, rather than a full-sized class!). Eventually I reconnected with Rose, and in addition spoke with my program coordinator and another colleague, and between us all we worked out a plan to cover the necessary tutoring hours for my student. This allowed me to take my son home to ever more tea and couch-laying. I was grateful.

The cards accurately predicted how Gabriel would feel about attending school, but they also gave me a remedy. Though at first I didn't see how best to take advantage of the potentially available support network, when I made that sudden choice to not send my child to school, I was thrust into a situation that spurred me to reach out to others, and they indeed came together to aid me in that moment of need. What is special about that is the encouragement that the 3 of Cups had given me. I was feeling very much that I had to work everything out on my own. Pulling that card opened up an idea in my mind about how I might leverage help from others, and my trust in that possibility made me comfortable reaching out to ask for what I needed. I didn't have to figure it out on my own, and the positive energy of the card I'd drawn allowed me to believe that a solution was possible, and achievable. And it was.

Go divination. ;-)

The Halloween Oracle: My Partner's Leaving Home

I was on a date this morning with my beloved husband. With three kids, our "dates" typically consist of an hour or two at a coffee shop, but the truth is that I love those brief moments alone together, and the conversations we have. Today's conversation related in part to his impending travel to Europe for work. He's had a great opportunity arise that will take him away from home for at least a month, and possibly longer. On one hand I'm happy for him and this open door, and I feel it's the right move to make. On the other hand the idea of being apart for so long (and managing our small empire on my own) definitely feels daunting.

After an hour of chatting and planning and thinking and enjoying we decided it was time to go. Fortunately for me there was a bookstore within walking distance, and I can't resist the smell of thousands of books (and cards, ahem) in one place, so I did manage to convince Jorge to make a quick stop there before returning home. I made a cursory check of the metaphysical section, not planning on finding anything particularly motivating, but I was quite wrong! The Halloween Oracle by Stacey DeMarco was sitting there on the shelf peering back at me longingly. I've been following this oracle since pre-production and was very attracted to the style of art. Well, that, and also I love Halloween! I have the Halloween Tarot deck which I like a lot, but it's rather cartoonish for my tastes. This oracle, as my daughter Lourdes put it, "looks more real." Since it was released I've seen many divination colleagues pouncing on it, but despite my long wait I didn't make a move. I suppose it didn't feel like quite the right moment. And yet there it was on the shelf in its shiny cellophane wrapper, calling my name. So I plucked that baby off the shelf and tucked in under my arm, and went off in search of Jorge, who happily agreed that I should buy it (yesssss!).

At home I sorted through the cards and naturally wanted to give it a test drive. I decided to ask about the best way for me to approach this big change coming our way in a few weeks as Jorge flies to distant lands on mysterious adventures. I shuffled, arced the cards, and selected one:

Halloween Oracle, S. DeMarco

Joy! This card shows a woman with raised arms, fall leaves floating down around her, and features the subtitle: Rejoicing in the present. Sigh. Yes, it's true that I've been spending a lot of time wrapped up in my concerns and fears and reluctance, and that as a result I've probably not been spending enough time thoroughly enjoying and savoring these final few weeks leading up to Jorge's departure. The woman in this card doesn't look particularly joyous - her body language is open and welcoming, but her facial expression is rather dour. I'm not entirely happy with the prospect of my family being temporarily divided, but this card encourages me to get over it. Sometimes you have to go through the motions first, and eventually the movements begin to form meaning, and things don't seem quite as bad as they once did. This card encourages me to live in the moment, to enjoy the present with my family rather than focusing so breathlessly on the future. And perhaps by focusing on the positive aspects of his trip, the things that make me really happy that he's going, I can improve and lighten my outlook - find joy - even in those moments when I must face the reality of this significant shift (no matter how brief its duration).

I really like this oracle. This is new for me since the only other oracles I use focus specifically on animal teachings and energy. But I appreciate the art, the theme, and the relevance of the messages represented on each card. I look forward to using it more as we descend into fall!

The Secret (Renaissance) Tarot: A Review and Reading

When I putter about online I happen across wonderful, tempting things (usually when I'm least expecting it!). About a week ago I saw an image of the Sun card from the Secret Tarot by Jane Lyle, with art by Helen Jones, and I really liked it. These days I suppose you could say that I'm finicky about decks… I'm not interested in collecting; I buy decks that I love, that I think I'll enjoy reading with.  And since I have so many that I love working with, I take my sweet time when considering a new purchase. Me, make impulsive buys? Never! Well, okay, almost never.

I saw the Sun card from this deck, and immediately hunted it down on eBay, without even doing a Google search for more card images (shocking, I realize)! For under $20 and free shipping I jumped on board, and I'm happy I did.

This is a highly unique deck principally due to the artwork. Rather than paintings, drawings, or even woodcuts, Helen Jones molded figures and shapes out of something rather like clay, giving the cards a slight 3D appearance. I'm not a big fan of photographic decks, but I don't get that feel from these cards. The Majors are absolutely gorgeous. They're full of detail, and represent the essence of each archetype clearly and powerfully. Each card features highly recognizable symbols such as the High Priestess sitting on a crescent moon, a pomegranate settled in the palm of her hand. The Hermit walks toward the edge of the card holding his lantern aloft, a white-headed raven perched in the bare branches of the tree above. The Minor Arcana are far less detailed, predominately featuring the appropriate number of suit symbols, but with just a touch of extra detail to help fill out the story. For example the 9 of Swords features 9 swords arranged in an arc above the head of a figure in the fetal position. The blades point downward, representing the mental pressure, anxiety, and anguish that are principal elements of its meaning. Simple images that speak very articulately! The Court cards are richly colored, and my favorite is the Queen of Pentacles. The golden figure is complimented by a rich green backdrop, surrounded by a vine covered with bright red strawberries. Hey, it screams "Christmas!" - my favorite holiday, and the time of my birth! That seems appropriate since this Queen represents the earth signs, and Capricorn begins around Yule.

Secret Tarot - Jane Lyle and Helen Jones

The accompanying book is well done, and features in-depth descriptions of all cards, including reversals. I was intrigued and pleased that Jane Lyle speaks some about elemental dignities, because this seems to be a topic not very easily found in most contemporary, easy to find Tarot literature. In the back of the book she includes sections on topics such as methods of determining time frames, and she concludes with an overview of Tarot spreads such as the Romany, Astrological Houses, and Celtic Cross.

I've read some reviews of this deck that expressed disappointment regarding the card stock, but I've found the stock to be sturdy and easy to shuffle. The backs are royal blue with a reversible, gold diamond design. If I were to complain about any aspect of this deck, it would be regarding the figures on the Minor Arcana. They don't have defined faces! At first I found this slightly creepy, but now I don't mind it so much. But I think that giving them some extra character would have been nice.

So on to a short reading….

I decided to ask about what I should be focusing on most in my life right now, and pulled:

5 of Cups reversed - 4 of Swords - Fool

Secret Tarot - Jane Lyle, Helen Jones

The 5 of Cups reversed tells me that I've recently been experiencing a period of emotional transition, moving from feelings of sadness and regret on to a focus on the positive elements in my life. When we took our trip to Michigan earlier this summer I realized how much I missed it, and started to consider the possibility of moving back so our kids could be closer to their grandparents. I missed the northern weather, and the abundance of familiar herbs. I dove into job hunting upon returning to Florida, but the only positive-looking opportunity didn't pan out, so I was back to square one. I had put so much energy into the possibility of a sudden move, that it was difficult to readjust to the idea that it simply might not be the right time for this transition. When Jorge returned from Europe we spent a couple of weeks planning and thinking and talking, and we decided to release that idea, at least until next year. He himself had a couple of exciting opportunities to explore, and that became our new focus. So I started remembering the good things we have down here in the deep south. My job is secure and flexible, the kids are settled happily in their schools. Autumn is coming which means that slowly the weather will begin to feel less stuffy and hot, and the winter is pretty nice on the account of having no snow to shovel!  So things started feeling more positive.

The 4 of Swords is certainly how I'm feeling at present. In some ways it feels like the calm before the storm, except the storm isn't anything negative, it's just a lot of movement.  Having packed away one possibility, we're focused on others, but those new opportunities don't require any significant shifts for at least another month or so. So in the meantime I'm resting, gathering and balancing my thoughts, considering where we've been and where we're headed. 

And that sense of the "calm before the storm" that I'm having is confirmed by the final Fool card. When we realized that moving back north wasn't a solid option for the time being, I was left feeling a bit like I was floating adrift at sea, untethered. I really thought we were going to do it, and then we just didn't. I felt all this energy swirling around us, that sense of immanence, but had no idea what it meant anymore. It didn't dissipate when our plans shifted, it was still very palpable. And it feels good, even though I can't entirely put my finger on it. The Fool feels right. It's the energy of new adventure, new developments, new paths. Some of that I can confirm, but I sense that there's more to it than I can understand at this moment in time. 

So the focus turns back to the center, theme card - the 4 of Swords: Savor this time. Plan wisely. Gather your energies, and then let go as your journey unfolds before you.

A Reading with la Baraja de Las Indias (Baraja Española)

My husband picked up a wonderful Baraja Española for me on his last trip overseas. This particular deck is called la Baraja de las Indias, and Jorge said it’s exactly the kind of deck that his grandmother used in Cuba. The last time he went home to visit he tried to find her cards to bring back to me, but was unable to locate them. So he was very happy to come across this set in an antique store in Spain this summer, and I was happy too: not only do they create some sort of connection with his grandmother (who died before I could have met her), but I’d never seen a Baraja Española that looked so….old….before! And I love it.

This Baraja de las Indias is a reproduction (by RBA Editors) of a deck created in the 18th Century. There is little information available online about this precise deck, but what I did learn is that it was created in Spain specifically for distribution in the Americas. As with many Barajas, this has a total of 48 cards split into four suits: cups (copas), wands (bastos), swords (espadas), and pentacles (oros). Each suit has Ace-9, plus three court cards: Page (sota), Knight (caballo), and King (rey).

Baraja de las Indias

There is a reasonable amount of literature available on the Baraja Española both online and in print, though it’s not nearly as exhaustive as for Tarot. Most of the more interesting information I’ve found about card meanings and reading methods has been in Spanish rather than English (which makes sense, no?) so the principal reference I’m using for practice readings is a Spanish eBook I found on Amazon. I’m not sure that it’s the very best, but so far it’s been very helpful, particularly because the system is different, to some degree, from Tarot. You may be tempted to transfer Tarot meanings from the Minor Arcana to these cards, and while in many cases you may be on the right track, there are enough substantial differences that you really need to study it as a separate kind of divinatory system.

Today I had a rather important meeting at work, so last night I decided to pull three cards from my Baraja de las Indias to see how things might transpire.  My husband has a great opportunity this autumn, but it will require some changes to my own work schedule in order to accommodate things, and of course I had to meet with my program manager to verify the feasibility of those changes. If she were to say that the changes would work out well, Jorge could finalize his plans. If there were problems, he couldn’t. So I shuffled my lovely, blue flower-backed cards and laid three out before me:

Baraja de las Indias (Baraja Española)

King of Espadas – 3 of Oros – 4 of Copas

The first thing that caught my attention was that all were in the upright position, which was nice to see. I felt that the King of Espadas/Swords may represent my program supervisor and the clarity of mind necessary to work out the details of my work schedule over the next three months. The 3 of Oros/Pentacles looked good – it has a similar meaning to Tarot: positive upswing in business; success. The 4 of Copas/Cups in the Baraja Española tends to be a positive card, predicting a satisfactory conclusion to an important meeting, or successful agreements. Hmm! That was encouraging! I took a picture of the cards, and went to bed.

Shortly after arriving at work this morning I wrote to my program director to request a meeting, and within an hour I was sitting in her office going over my proposal. Following some dialogue and a few minutes of poring over spreadsheets, she gave me a full and happy approval! So I sent a message to Jorge and told him to go ahead and make his plans. The cards spoke clearly, and the ball is rolling!

Mother's Day Gifts

I'm a lucky woman.

A few days ago my mother sent me a text saying that she was sending a couple of packages for both Mother's Day (for me), and for my younger daughter's birthday. Then she quickly sent another text saying, "Do you want to know what I got you??" She was never very good at surprises - she gets so excited she can't contain herself! I didn't want her to burst from nervous tension so I replied, "Sure, if you want to tell me!" So she told me, and a couple of days later it arrived in the mail: Osho Zen Tarot. I still haven't asked her what prompted her to choose this deck for me, but I was touched. And in fact this is a deck I've admired from a distance, particularly every time I see Ellen from Grey Lady's Hearth feature it in one of her posts. So it was pretty cool.

Then this morning, the day of Mother's Day, my husband and kids surprised me with yet another card treat: Wonder of the Mother inspirational cards. This is a deck I'd never heard of before; it's not Tarot, and not really an oracle either per se, though I suppose you could use them to understand unfolding energies. I think they will be wonderful for meditation and inner awareness. There are 54 cards, each featuring a distinct image of one of the many faces of motherhood along with a key word - patience, surrender, strength, chaos, imagination, to name a very few. On the backside of each card there is a bit of writing that tells a story to give depth to the keyword. On some cards it's a poem, on others a little narrative or explanation. I adore the diversity in the images on these cards; ladies from all walks of life, all ages, cultures, colors, are featured. I also love the inclusiveness of having a card in this deck that features single fathers. So, score for Jorge and the little ones!

Wonder of the Mother card box and a lovely greeting card

So I took both decks for a test drive.

I had just seen a nice Mother's Day spread that Veronica Chamberlain had posted on a social media forum, and I thought I'd try it out with the Osho Zen Tarot. The spread itself calls the reader to meditate on the Empress card, and then shuffle and pull three cards: 1) The legacy given to you by the women of your family, 2) What new work you should begin, and 3) What advice your female ancestors have to help you on your way with this new work. You can try this spread out as is, but I riffed a bit: I left the Empress out, and changed the second question to "What am I experiencing at present."

I pulled:

Legacy: Adventure
Current experience: Clinging to the Past
Advice: New Vision

Spread with Osho Zen Tarot

I am leaving out the associations from traditional Tarot, and simply going with the energy presented by this deck, in its own context. So the legacy from my female ancestors is Adventure, and features what appears to be a young child toddling forth into a new world, full of light, color, and possibility. It's both beautiful and interesting because I do sense that many of the women in my family, at least in the most recent generations, are or have been adventurous. My mother has often called our family "nomadic" in that we've just never been the kind of family that settles in one place for long periods of time. My ancestors traveled, learned to speak new languages, learned to survive (and eventually thrive) in new landscapes and cultures. My ancestors raised families in difficult circumstances, and kept blooming. I like that the spirit and legacy of my female relatives has been summed up by Adventure.

As for what I'm working with in my present circumstance - Clinging to the Past - this reminds me a bit of the 3 of Swords I pulled the other day, the subtle sadness that floats under the surface of late. What it highlight for me is that I'm at the cusp of a personal paradigm shift, and that comes with some discomfort and grief, by virtue of the nature of change. I think that on some level deep change is scary, so this card is recognizing that fact: even positive change can be difficult to experience.

And their advice to me is New Vision. This beautiful figure appears vibrant and fluid, the back arched almost as if in communion with the universe. It's perfect really, that my adventurous ancestors would see me struggling with a transition, and urge me to embrace a new perspective, a new understanding, a new way of seeing. There's an element of trust here, as well - trust in my connection with all that is, that is always present, and wants what's best for me (which sometimes necessitates a shove out of the nest).

A wonderful, touching, meaningful first reading with this deck - thanks, Mom!

This morning I decided to do a "nurturing" spread with my new Wonder of the Mother deck. I made up a simple three card spread in the moment:

Card 1, How I nurture myself: Mirror
Card 2, How I nurture my children: Happy Happy Joy Joy
Card 3, How I nurture my spirituality: The Red Dress

Spread with Wonder of the Mother cards

The first two made sense immediately. Figuratively, I'm always looking in the mirror, asking myself questions: Am I being honest with myself? Am I embracing the right actions? What is the root of my emotion? What do I really want? And I try to be the truest form of myself that I can be, at all times. (It's a work in progress!!). I feel that being open with myself is the best way for me to be kind and loving to myself.

In terms of how I nurture my kids, "Happy Happy Joy Joy!" definitely sums up how I feel about them, and what I try to give to them. I adore my kids, they're the light and sustenance of my soul in so many ways. They're my heart, my root, and my deepest passion. I love making them happy, watching their faces light up in wonder and excitement, I love simply laughing with them. I hope that when they're all grown, they have fond memories of our crazy dancing sessions in the kitchen, listening to Mika, Joan Jett, Los Van Van, and Lykke Li.

The Red Dress caught me off guard momentarily, but after a few moments it all made complete sense. This is a card that represents the need for down time. This would be the moment when you take the baby to a sitter so you can enjoy a night out on the town with your husband or partner. It's about loving your kids enough to make time for yourself, which is a very important concept. And really it's vital for spirituality as well. Yes, it's something that is imbued in all I (and all people) do, a part of simply existing. But I need to create moments of uninterrupted time to focus on spiritual practice as well, whether that means fifteen minutes to meditate, ten minutes connecting to the vastness of the sea while standing at the shore, or an hour to do some readings. Alone time is my spiritual red dress.

So Mother's Day was a good day. My new decks are wonderful, and I'm still absorbing the layers of meaning from these two readings. It's very special that both sets of cards were gifts from my dearest family members, and I am looking forward to working more with each of them for a long time to come.

A Sudden Message

A couple of nights ago my husband asked me to lay out a Grand Tableau to see what things might be coming up for us in the next few months. I didn't pose a particular question as I shuffled, and held both of us as a couple in my mind as I laid out the cards. I noticed that we both fell in the first line, and I was four cards from the right edge. Directly next to me sat the Scythe (and yes, I did give an audible groan). Following the Scythe were the Letter and Bear. As a family member is a bit ill, my first concern was that I'd hear something rather sudden from my mother (Bear) related to that. But secondarily my thoughts went to my supervisor at work, and I was wondering what somewhat-unpleasant message she would possibly send to me. Scythe is pointing to me meaning that I'm the recipient of something semi-painful, and the pain itself would be coming from the written message (Letter) from my boss (Bear). I was due to have a comp day at home the next day, so I decided to just let it go and see what might transpire.

A re-creation of the line of 4 from the GT - C. Matthew's Enchanted Lenormand

Upon waking up the next morning it occurred to me to check my work email, but ultimately I decided against it - it was a comp day after all, so I should be spending it on "me stuff" rather than worrying about the office….right? I decided against it. (cue some dreadful soundtrack music)

Jorge was out running errands and I was just settling our youngest child down for a nap around midday when I received a text message. After a few minutes I checked it and it was from…my supervisor! The message went something like this: "We're all here for the meeting in room 204." I think my heart stopped briefly. Meeting????? I had no idea what she was talking about, but there's a student I'm teaching who's on academic probation, and I was afraid they'd scheduled a critical meeting about him and I'd somehow missed it entirely. So I wrote her back and told her I had no idea what she was talking about, but I'd be there in 30 minutes. I proceeded to call Jorge to tell him to return as quickly as possible, and the first thought that came flooding into my mind was….Scythe…Letter….Bear! Gah! She wrote me back to explain that she had scheduled a team meeting complete with food for all, and had invited the dean to attend as well….how had I forgotten? On one hand, I felt relief that it wasn't about the student, on the other hand, I still felt bad as I hate missing important events, especially when people such as the dean are in attendance! So I threw some clothes on and drove through the pouring rain to the meeting. In the end, it was all quite fine, thankfully. But the cards were remarkably quick!

This is a great example of how time is a bit wavery with Grand Tableaus (and most readings, I suppose). You intend to set a time frame of a month, two months, or more, but the cards play out how they will, and if that's in a day or two, then so be it. The Scythe was both extremely quick, and a bit painful, and the discomfort was due to the unexpected (also Scythe) message (Letter) from my boss (Bear). I gave myself a mental slap and reminded myself to act next time I see these kinds of messages in readings, rather than allowing them to play out and cause unnecessary displeasure. If I had checked my work email I would have seen the meeting reminder! ;-)

No Exchange for You!: Fortune Telling and Free Will

Back at the end of December I made a purchase (on a whim) of a book that turned out not to be what I was looking for. I considered returning it, but was a bit unsure about whether I should do that, or keep it and add it to my library. So for a few months it sat on a table in my kitchen, neither here nor there, its receipt tucked neatly into the pages.

Finally yesterday I decided to see about exchanging it for something I'd get more use out of. I'd bought it at a local metaphysical shop where I happen to be taking my weekly mediumship class, so it was great timing: I could arrive to class a few minutes early, browse a bit, then make the exchange and go to class. I was slightly anxious about it since, while the book was in pristine condition and I had the receipt, several months had passed, and I was worried that  there would be some 90-day limitation on returns that I wasn't aware of. But nothing of the sort was printed on the receipt, and nothing appeared when I checked their website, so I figured I'd just take it in and see what happened. When I told my concerns to my sister, she thought it was silly - of course they'd accept it as a return, and if I wanted an exchange, even better!

So I threw a few Lenormand cards to see what I might expect, and this is what I pulled:

Snake - Mice - Sun

Enchanted Lenormand - Caitlin Matthews

Ugh. I was hoping that with the Sun on the end there would be some sort of successful ending to the affair, but as they say, the Mice either eat up or poop on the cards on either side of it. And Mice was also the center card, which gave it extra importance. I figured that I'd interact with a woman (Snake) who would inform me that the exchange wouldn't be able to happen (my loss - Mice), which would cause disappointment (Mice - Sun). However the woman herself would likely be pleasant enough (Snake - Sun). Nevertheless, I decided I would still bring the book with me just to see how it would all play out. Just for curiosity's sake, I decided to lay out a line of 5 on the same topic, to check out the details:

Key - Heart - Fox - Cross - Whip

Enchanted Lenormand - Caitlin Matthews

Bah. The Fox told me there was something "wrong" about the situation, and I'd probably end up feeling deceived in some way. Key - Heart was about my deep desire to make things work in my favor, but Heart - Cross said, "Nope! That ain't gonna happen!" and Cross - Whip indicated I'd probably land in a somewhat awkward discussion with the lady regarding the situation. As it was about an event occurring that same evening, even the negative cards took on a far less intense energy than if this were a reading covering a several-month period of time. For daily draws, Whips usually indicates "an awkward interaction," in my experience, rather than the usual "strife, arguments (etc.)". I don't like awkward interactions, much less ones that occur in public places and in close quarters. So I had an option - I could call the store and ask about the possibility of an exchange, thereby avoiding any potential discomfort later on. Oh the brilliance!

So I gave the store a call, and a nice sounding lady answered. I explained that I was hoping to exchange a book I'd previously purchased but never read, and that I had the receipt. Then she explained  very kindly that they don't do returns or exchanges EVER for books, candles, incense, and a few other odds and ends. So there you have it. Why no returns on books? Maybe because they don't feel like becoming a library for people who buy, read, then return, I suppose. Who knows, and I'm not feeling motivated to inquire, either.  

But this reading illustrates an important aspect of fortune telling that I think is worth highlighting (despite the fact that the event itself was rather unimportant when all is said and done). I didn't have any reason to think that an exchange wouldn't be possible, but my cards indicated otherwise. By confirming a negative outcome using a second spread, I was able to make a decision about how to proceed with the situation, and in addition was able to prepare for a potential outcome that didn't reflect my wishes. Rather than deal with a slightly awkward interaction in the store, I was able to alter my course of action. So instead of bringing the book with me to "see what happens" I chose to call and inquire first, which gave me my (expected) answer, leading me to avoid the awkward situation portended by the second reading (in particular the Cross - Whip). When readers speak of Free Will they often consider this to mean that the future is not knowable, and that in each moment we can alter the course of our destiny. The latter is somewhat true, but I feel that it's not quite as fluid as people are wont to believe. As a reader who practices fortune telling, I've seen that the future is often very much "knowable." Rather than seeing this as disempowerment, I see this as an opportunity take some control over the things that may come to pass in my life. By understanding what is likely to transpire, we can make choices about how we will confront it, and therein lies quite a lot of power and agency - and Will. 

Goin' It Alone at a Birthday Party

The other day my younger daughter was invited to a birthday party for her very best first-grade friend and she was ecstatic. When I called the mother to RSVP she informed me that the party was open not just to the children but to their parents and siblings as well! Well that was really generous! Except for the fact that I'm pretty introverted and the idea of making small talk with other parents at a birthday party for two hours sounded like some kind of cruel and unusual torture. For the love of my child I would brave it…but not without dragging my husband along with me! I told him about the party and our invitation and he said "have fun!" I said, "No, no.. you misunderstand me… you're coming WITH me…" and let's just say he was resistant. However when all was said and done, I managed to get him to agree to come along. Whew! So the evening before the party I did a line-of-5 Lenormand reading to see how the party would go and pulled:

Garden - Child - Rider - Bouquet - Tower

Reading with Caitlin Matthews' Enchanted Lenormand

I love asking about a topic, and having it pop right up there in the reading! Garden - Child was the birthday party, and Child - Bouquet told me that it was going to be a positive experience for the kids in attendance (presents, an attractive atmosphere, the invitation of kids - lots of good stuff). The Tower made me sigh and grumble because that told me I was going to end up going to this party on my own, and Garden - Tower gave me the feeling of wandering around a busy party trying to figure out where I belonged, and not quite finding it. Gah. But the Rider was the card that wasn't immediately fitting into place for me. Rider is about news and messages, visitors and movement. Well, sure, there would be a lot of movement at the party with a bunch of kids running around. It could represent the actual receipt of the invitation (Rider - Bouquet) but I had asked about how the party would go, so that didn't really make sense. So I settled on "movement" and left it at that. The spread looked pretty nice, and the worst part about it was the fact I'd be flying solo, so I wasn't too concerned about the Rider.

The next morning Lourdes (my 6-year-old) was up at dawn getting ready for her 1pm party, and I was right there with her, preparing to run into to work for a while (teaching a Saturday morning class). My husband mentioned to me that at some point his friend from out of town would make an arrangement to come drop off some camera lenses that Jorge (my husband) had left there a few weeks earlier. I said that was fine, and ran out the door.  I got home around noon and was working on organizing Lourdes' hair when the doorbell rang. "They're here!" What now? Turns out that morning announcement of the friend stopping by wasn't just a general notification - it was happening that same day. Oh dear. So his friend stayed the entire afternoon, meaning that I sure did go to that birthday party alone, and now the Rider made sense! Garden - Rider was the social visit of this friend, and Tower was me going to the party on my own as a result. 

Fortunately, while the party was indeed full of small talk and general awkwardness (for the adults), the kids had a wonderful time playing, splashing around in the pool, stuffing themselves with cake and chips, and bouncing around in a bouncy house. All worth it in the end!

Lenormand Predicts a Problem (and a Solution)

My husband left this morning for Cuba to visit his mother, sister and niece for a week. Two nights ago I pulled a line of five to find out how his trip would go, and drew:

Key - Birds - Fish - Crossroads - Coffin

Reading with Enchanted Lenormand
Caitlín Matthews

Everything seemed to make a lot of sense, but it concerned me because I saw him making calls to me to tell me about a problem with money, and decisions that would need to be made in regards to some financial issue. The Key underscored the certainty of the situation, but I had no idea what the issue would be. In Cuba credit and debit cards don't work so you have to bring cash. My fear was that either someone would steal his money, or it'd be lost, however the end card was Coffin, not Mice. So I wasn't sure how to envision the actual problem. I told him about the reading, showing him the picture I'd taken of the cards. I asked him to be extremely careful with his money, keeping it on his person, being careful not to be lured into going far beyond his originally planned expenses for any reason (or whatever the issue might have ended up being).  He was nervous, but I said "Look, at least by having an idea about what might happen, you have the opportunity to try to protect yourself." (Though to be honest, sometimes I feel like you can surely know the future, and still have no idea in what context it might occur, which does really put limitations on how well you can prepare for it. But I digress, kind of…)

So our principal bank is located out of state which means that to obtain larger quantities of cash it's necessary to use the ATM. He had taken out half of what he planned to bring with him several days earlier, but waited until he was near the airport, with the friends who were bringing him there, in order to stop to take out the second amount. So at 11:00pm I began to get frantic calls from him saying that the ATM wasn't working, and wouldn't let him take out any money. I checked our account and all was well, he checked his card's expiration date, and all was sound. He kept trying, and it just wasn't working. It was not within the same 24 hour period as the first draw. We had no idea what was going on, and then suddenly it dawned on me that my draw had predicted this exact turn of events. My question had been "Tell me about his trip." I didn't specify what part of the trip! I was thinking it would be about his actual duration of time in Cuba, and hadn't even considered his initial leg of the journey - driving to another city and getting settled at the airport. The reading very clearly stated what was transpiring, and now the Coffin was so obvious - the cancellation of a financial transaction!  

So what's the breakdown of the line? Key - Fish - Coffin = the cancellation of a financial transaction is certain. Key - Coffin = certain endings/cancellations. Birds - Crossroads = telephone conversations about a decision that needs to be made (about the financial cancellation). 

So I decided to pull another line of five to find out how this situation might develop:

Rider - Child - Owls - Anchor - Lady

Reading with Blaue Eule Lenormand

What I saw here was continued, rapid communication with me (Rider - Owls - Lady) about this issue, and support that helps stabilize the situation (Child - Anchor). Okay, so it might be alright after all. 

I pulled a final line of 5 to see how this might impact his actual follow-through with his trip, and pulled:

Lady - Dog - Scythe - Man - Stars

Reading with Blaue Eule Lenormand

Lady - Dog suggested to me both my own loyalty to do whatever I could to help, and also Ariana*, one of our friends who had driven my husband to the airport. Scythe was about very rapid decision-making in order to clear out the confusion and find a solution, and Man - Stars told me that my husband would find a way to make his flight when all was said and done. In fact Lady - Dog had me wondering if it would be some sort of teamwork between Ariana and me (which is indeed what happened).

(I am editing this post to add a note about the Scythe. The Scythe sucks - no way around that. The rapid decisions did allow for the trip to take place - a good thing - but certainly there was some stress and also some unpleasant consequences).

As I went to bed my husband was still waiting for midnight in order to try one more time at the ATM. I drew three cards to see if this final attempt would be successful, and it didn't look promising (Letter - Man - Mice). So as I drifted off, I decided to put my faith in my draws, that all would work out okay.  When I woke up the next morning I had a series of texts telling me that the final attempt had not worked out after all. My husband and our friends had arranged a plan where Ariana was able to cover the money that wasn't able to be withdrawn from the ATM, and I would then send the same amount to her in the mail to replace her loan. Quick thinking, and a successful conclusion. 

*I changed this name to protect privacy

Two Thoughts Talking

Last night I decided to do a short self-reading with my Voodoo Tarot, not asking anything in particular, simply opening myself to whatever message appeared for me.

As I turned my cards over, there appeared 3 Rada (which loosely corresponds to 3 Swords), sitting happily next to 2 Rada (kinda sorta related to the 2 of Swords). And while I was initially a bit surprised,  what it did was connect my psyche more consciously with my feelings, and suddenly I was startlingly aware of how sad I was feeling.

3 Rada - Guedeh
New Orleans Voodoo Tarot
Glassman/Martinié

So why was I feeling sad? My husband is leaving today for a visit home to see his ailing mother. I'm sad that she's sick, and I'm sad that my husband is leaving. I'm sad that he always has to deal with so much heartbreak, and it hurts doubly because his feelings of being torn also divide his mind and emotions between two places, which impacts everyone including him. (As I write this I see both my own feelings and his experience reflected in these cards, which is interesting.) While I'm sad to see him go, I want him to see his mother, and his sister, and niece who love him dearly. They need him, too. I'm excited that he'll be able to bring them some of the things that they need, and I love the image of them excitedly awaiting his arrival. Guedeh of 3 Rada has me recognize the sadness in my heart as being an inevitable part of the human experience, but there's a soothing, protective quality to this card. Guedeh represents the heartache and eventual release that is inherent in change. He comforts us and says "this too shall pass." All of this is important because there's joy in this moment, too, not just sadness. I also notice the thee skeletons which are perhaps the most striking quality of this card. In Cuba my husband is always worrying about the welfare of his mother, sister, and niece, while in the U.S. he is always concerned about the needs of our three children. Guedeh with his sunglasses on reminds me of my husband - full of feeling, yet often concealing it. He has one eye each fixated on both places, and both dear groups of family.

2 Rada - Nan Nan Bouclou
New Orleans Voodoo Tarot
Glassman/Martinié

2 Rada/Nan Nan Bouclou represents healing (particularly via herbs) and the importance of sharing knowledge for the benefit of the whole community. I see this as representing the need for my two contradicting thoughts (I want him to go/I want him to stay) to talk to one another and find some common ground. I see my husband with one hand in Cuba and the other here with me and the kids, trying to bridge the two. I see the need for us to openly communicate our thoughts and ideas, and acknowledge our feelings. I see a good cup of steaming herbal tea to calm the nerves! I, again, feel the comfort and kindness of Nan Nan Bouclou, the ancient, wise, loving grandmother spirit. Healing is possible through sharing and working together, all of us - me, my husband, our children, my sister-in-law, niece, and mother-in-law -  as one united community regardless of the great geographical divide.

The Lenormand Journey

I've been studying Lenormand for a while now, and I'm really enjoying it. I remember (not oh so long ago) when I first began this journey of learning and I wasn't so sure this system was for me. Tarot (and some forms of Oracle) were what I knew, and the first few 3-card spreads I did really boggled my mind. For a short time I wondered if I'd ever start finding meaning in these cards, using this method. But I kept trying, and slowly they started to come to life for me. It was a pretty awesome experience that first time I laid down a row of cards that actually made sense! Doing 3-card daily draws was probably the best leg up because I could start to puzzle together what they had to say about a finite period of immediate time. All of my daily draws were making sense, and it was a great boost to my self-confidence. But, as with all things learned, there are rises, plateaus, stumbles, and little falls before continuing the ascent.

Once I heard, or read, someone's words about the process of acquiring new knowledge - that the more you learn, the more you realize you don't know about whatever the subject matter happens to be. I'm a language teacher, so this fits in nicely both with the topic of learning in general, and the topic of Lenormand, as it's often called a "language-based" system. When learning a language, a student feels very confident after learning basic conversational skills. They can suddenly "get around" in Japanese (or German, or Spanish, or Portuguese) and they can understand simple exchanges with a native speaker. They have a sharp sense of progress. As they continue to absorb language they're exposed to increasingly wider arrays of vocabulary, contexts, grammar, syntax, and paralanguage (which includes the meaning behind a speaker's use of pitch or intonation). Suddenly they start forgetting vocabulary words they used to know, or grammar structures that they never had problems with before. They become upset with themselves, feeling that they're drowning in language, that they're cycling backward instead of forward. They realize that language learning is actually a complex and challenging feat to master. This is where some people drop out of the language learning game, and others stick it out and keep working. It's the proverbial "line in the sand." The people who thought language learning was a fun and novel activity go back to the comfort and safety of their first language(s), quickly forgetting what bits of their new language they had once learned. The second group forges ahead, sometimes feeling foolish, confused and shy. But they aren't truly drowning, or forgetting - they're simply assimilating an increasingly large body of information into something they can manage and work with. That's quite a process! They've climbed to the top of the hill only to find that from their new vantage point they can see a whole mountain range ahead. Bit by bit they learn-acquire-absorb-produce and stumble on. The shift is so subtle they often don't even realize it's happening. They start communicating with more clarity, with a wider range of words, and more complex grammatical structures. Their slow speech evens out and starts to flow more smoothly. Sometimes they don't realize how far they've come until people start to comment on how well they're doing, or they listen to a recorded file of their conversational abilities from months past, and realize how "funny" they sound ("I can't believe I SAID that!!! That was so wrong!"). But these are milestones on the path of the true, dedicated student. It's not always pretty, it's definitely not easy, and sometimes you wonder if you'll ever make it to the top of the mountain. The good news is that you will.

I know this, but that doesn't mean it helps me on my own journey all that much. That path I just described is the path of all learners of any subject matter. For divination, those milestones might be the point when your clients or family members tell you just how dead-on and scarily accurate your reading was (or you yourself realize that same fact), or when you look back at your own journal and wonder how you ever could have thought that Cross-Clouds was a beautiful combination!

I know I'm continually getting better. Things start to make sense to me without having to slowly piece each card together with the one beside it (though I still do that sometimes). I've experienced some "scarily accurate" readings that have in all seriousness almost scared me with their precision (click here to read about a couple such readings!). I love Lenormand, and my goal is to become skilled enough with the system that I start to offer it in addition to Tarot readings. But damn, it ain't easy, and in those brief, periodic flashes when I feel like I've blown it (which is usually vastly out of proportion to the actual inconsistency of my interpretation) I start to wonder if I'll ever truly "get it."

So what did I do? Naturally, I pulled a Lenormand line of 5 about my future as a Lenormand reader!

Kendra's Vintage Petit Lenormand

Letter - Path - House - Bouquet - Mirror/Moon

This is Kendra's Vintage Petit Lenormand, the landscape version (I won it in a drawing, and I think I got one of the last copies!). I had to overlap the cards as they're so long, and if you're a Lenormand reader you might notice that Mirror is certainly not a traditional card. This is why there are two cards in position 5!

So this is what I understand from this line: Indecision regarding cards (Lenormand) stabilizes and becomes a gift that enhances my own self-confidence as well as my career.

Well okay, that looks promising! Letter (in this case "Postcard") also represents cards, and Path is about a decision that needs to be made. Path also signifies…. a path, or journey! So I can also read this as "the path of the cards" which is pretty much right on…. hence the title of this blog post. It's important to remember that Lenormand (as with all systems) is truly a path, with all its ups and downs, mistakes and accomplishments. Fool energy.

The House is my anchor card, which is nice to see as it represents stability and support (fitting for an anchor card!). The card journey begins to take shape, take on a structure, and (in a less-Lenormand-like poetic sense) become like a home. The Bouquet is like the fruits of my labor - the benefit of putting in the hard work, taking the hits, and staying in the Game (of Hope :-D ). This gift enhances how I see myself (Mirror) as well as how others see me (Moon) in regard to this card system (both end cards mirror Letter/Postcard). Crossroads-Bouquet also suggests a positive outcome to my decision to stay on this journey.

I could go into more detail probably, but that's pretty much the gist of it. It's nice to see the Bouquet-Moon ending, and it's much appreciated on a day when I'm feeling a bit lost at sea….

Soul Essence

I was having a 6 of Cups moment…. remembering back to how I experienced life as a kid, how I experienced myself.  I was thinking about how we change as we grow older, as we experience life in all its pain and ecstasy, and how still, at our very center, there's a critical element that never changes, our soul essence. 

For many years I struggled with who and what I would be when I grew up. I studied Anthropology during my first stint at university because it was the only major that appealed to me… the culture, language, humanity, spirituality. I'm glad for my degree but even Anthropology wasn't entirely "it." I went to graduate school for linguistics…super interesting, and yet I still felt lost. I remember walking with Jorge (my husband) one afternoon a few years ago, talking about this frustration, this sense that I still (after two college degrees and the development of a fine teaching career) felt like I couldn't pin my finger on what I was really supposed to be doing. So many people dive head first into their lives and seem to know just what to do. I envied those people who found an educational and career path that deeply fulfilled them. 

As a kid I always lived with one foot in the spirit world, and the other on the earth. What do you do with that? I told Jorge, "You know, what I really feel is that if we lived hundreds of years ago, we'd be those people serving as herbalists or shamanic practitioners. But we don't live in that world. We live in a different place where we have to choose from other paths that don't fit us quite right." This was a time when I had no idea that people read Tarot for a living, or even practiced shamanism as part of their life's work. I really understood it to be a closed door. That didn't stop me from dabbling in divination, dream interpretation, or from being keenly aware of the beauty of intuitive messages, but I certainly didn't have a focus for any of that exploration.

I read Siddhartha (Herman Hesse) in college and felt so deeply connected to his story, in terms of the way in which he sort of strayed from his path (I'm not sure "stray" is the right word) and delved deeply into the material world for long years before stumbling back toward his purpose. I always hoped that I, too, would figure out what the hell I was supposed to really be doing. I set my deep connection to spirituality aside for years as I pursued my Master's degree, expanded my family, developed my career. Only within the last year have I been pulled back, through an interesting series of events, and I've been feeling grateful for that. I've felt happier than I have in years, and I feel I'm much more closely aligned to my true path now than I ever have before… at least since I was very young. I don't regret anything - working in the material world helps us grow roots, get our hands dirty, and I think being grounded is essential - a prerequisite of sorts - to making spiritual progress. Nothing is more grounding than having kids! I had to "leave the path" for a while in order to end up where I am now. And I'm grateful for that, too.

So I was sitting and playing with my cards the other day, pondering all of this, and I decided to lay out some cards around "my soul essence." I pulled the King of Cups, the 4 of Cups reversed, and the King of Wands reversed, with the Knight of Cups as the "shadow" card (from the bottom of the deck). Wow, a lot of court cards!! 

Golden Tarot - Kat Black
US Games

The Knight felt to me like spiritual pursuit, and I suppose that at my core that is the path I've always been walking. Learning, growing, expanding, falling off the horse a few times, getting back on, making mistakes, struggling, developing.

The King of Cups is master of emotions, a healer, wise, patient, calm and gentle, sensitive but grounded. A couple of months ago my mom bought me a clay tile with a heron on it in honor of the King of Vessels from the Wildwood Tarot, to whom she seems to feel I'm connected. I was really happy about the gift, and I love the Heron and its symbolism, but I remember wondering why she thought I was particularly connected to that energy. Then I thought back and remembered a friend reading for me back in the autumn, and pulling the King of Cups for me, which at the time I was intrigued by, because I don't automatically associate that card with myself. So seeing this King, all of that came flooding into my mind. I'd love to think of myself this way, though usually I think of myself as the Hermit - less outwardly engaged than a King tends to be. But healing has always been a deep passion of mine, and I do feel I'm pretty even-keeled emotionally. I love to support everyone's endeavors, hear all opinions and perspectives, though I also am clear when I feel something is off-balance and needs to be addressed. And in some way I'm not quite as nurturing as a Queen (I've always felt like this was a bad thing, like a weak point, but maybe it's just how I function??). 

The King of Wands was interesting to see, and this King has also come up for me before (what's with all the King energy??). It's reversed and that makes sense to me, because fire is not my cup of tea. In fact I'm currently working on exploring this energy, developing my leadership abilities, my inner fire, my self-confidence, and the ability to be outspokenly "me."  I'm not outspoken, usually. I'm pretty quiet in general, and I'm probably over-sensitive to stepping on toes, or not being liked. I'm learning that in order to develop inner balance I need to be okay with not pleasing everyone. It's an impossible task anyway! 

The combination of these two kings is interesting in that in a sense it's uniting polar opposites, water and fire. For the past year I've received a lot of 2 Cups/Lovers....uniting the two within me, balancing passive energy with active. Passivity is my comfort zone. The King of Wands is also about career and spirituality, which is interesting because I'm in the process of shifting my career from teaching to divination, and it's very much underdeveloped, raw energy at this point. The reversal is very appropriate.

So then the 4 of Cups serves a bridge from passive energy to active energy. When I saw this card I thought "late bloomer." It touches on my tendency to be emotionally separate/quiet/withdrawn in terms of expressiveness, and starting to learn to reach out. One of Mary Greer's meanings for the 4 of Cups reversed is "the practice of divination." How fitting!  I'm moving from passive Cups energy to active Wands energy, engaging the world through the practice of divination. It's a way of tapping into my core nature and allowing it to become the focus of my life rather than settling for it always being on the back burner. 

Personal readings like this can be deeply healing and affirming. This reading will be tucked away somewhere easily accessible so that when I'm having moments of frustration or self-doubt I can pull it out and remind myself that I'm doing the right thing.

So what's your soul essence? How are you utilizing it in your active, daily life? Do you feel you are paying enough attention to who you truly are? How can you honor yourself more intentionally? If you choose to read on the topic of your soul essence, I'd love to hear what you get, and how it touches you!

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