Samhain Blog Hop: Guidance From Our Ancestors

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Welcome to the Samhain Blog Hop! Louise Underhill, from Priestess Tarot, is our trusty wrangler this time around, and she has asked us to open ourselves to the guidance and advice of our ancestors in honor of the present time of year. So here goes!

Last Samhain Blog Hop I chose to focus my post on my Grandpa Malgeri. This time around I decided not to choose, but to let any grandparent(s) come forward that wished to. I pulled three cards to help describe the person, and another three cards to form their message to me. Interestingly, I found my Grandpa Malgeri here again!

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot

The King of Swords is the anchor card, and my mother's dad was a Libra; I think he was a good father in his own way, but he made choices that ultimately led to many years of considerable geographic separation from his kids. The Page seems to trying to show his pentacle to the King of Swords whose attention is diverted toward the Lovers - he's even gesturing toward them. My grandmother left Italy and returned to the U.S. with her kids after she learned that my grandfather had been having an affair.* So here I see my grandfather nestled between two rather significant areas of family life: his love relationships, and his children. I will underscore the fact that I don't judge my grandfather and the choices that he made - life and love are complex and messy at times. Given that he died when I was a baby, these are some of the sparse details that I know about him, which means that they are particularly helpful themes to touch on for purposes of helping me figure out which grandparent was "speaking."

I love that he is letting me know that he is still here and present in my life.

The message along the bottom - the 6 of Swords, Fool, and Ace of Wands - speaks of movement, new adventures, and opportunity. This is indeed what my astrology reports have been hinting at lately, too! And I see evidence of it in my life - the sense of wheels turning, of new paradigms waiting to be born, of branching out (no pun intended!) and exploring new territory, especially as it relates to my professional life.

Thus it is a comforting confirmation of the small wonderings that clamor for the attention of my waking mind. I'm ready for what may come.

This is a peek at my ancestral altar which has been seeing quite a bit of action lately.

May your Samhain, Halloween, may your Winter Nights, be blessed.

To continue around the circle of blog hoppers, use the links at the top or bottom of this post!

*Interestingly, in a reading I did recently (for Shadow Work October on Instagram) about the "wisdom of the female lineage," I saw my grandmother's story there, too!

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Samhain Blog Hop: Honoring Giuseppe

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Welcome to the Samhain Blog Hop! Please use the links at the top or bottom of this post to navigate to the other wonderful blogs in this circle. This time around our wrangler, Arwen Lynch-Poe, has asked us to "commune, communicate, and commemorate." We might choose an ancestor or notable historical figure to discuss, to read for or about, or to celebrate, in one way or another.

I ultimately decided to honor my grandfather for this Samhain celebration. Giuseppe Giovanni Amerigo Malgeri was born on September 23rd, 1900 in Pigüé, Argentina, the son of immigrants from southern Italy. As a young adult he left South America for Italy to earn his teaching certificate, and eventually enlisted in the Italian military. In 1924 he traveled to the United States for the first time, where he met and married my grandmother, with whom he had three children. They moved back to Italy which is where my mother spent her early years, but my grandmother ended up returning to the U.S. with all of her children after some waywardness on the part of my grandfather. He died a couple of years after my birth so I never had the opportunity to know him (or my paternal grandfather either, as a matter of fact), which over the years I've come to see as a true and mostly irreparable loss.

An extendable table crafted by my grandfather

I never knew a lot about Giuseppe, and what I did hear could be held within a single, cupped hand: he was a woodworker; he was a teacher; he was a traveler; he was a soldier; he was multilingual. He loved his children in his own way. As I thought about what court card my grandfather might be, I settled on the King of Wands. Though he was a Libra, his essence feels more like fire to me, and as it turns out he has quite a bit of Sagittarius in his chart! I had pulled my husband's Mary-El deck out the previous day, and decided to sift through it for the King of Wands. When I found it I immediately noticed an interesting resemblance to my grandfather:

Mary-El King of Wands and Giuseppe Malgeri

Yesterday on my way home from work I was contemplating what to have for lunch and had settled on eggs all'inferno (eggs in Hell) because we had a really nice tomato sauce that needed to be used. And then I realized that this dish is part of the small legacy that I have from my grandfather. We have relatives in Argentina still, some of with whom I speak. We have family in Italy as well. But one of the most consistently present, always-accessible, fully tangible remnants of his is this simple egg-and-tomato-sauce dish that I learned from my mother. As she would throw eggs on top of bright red sauce in a pan, she would say, "Time for eggs all'inferno, one of my dad's favorite foods!" So for me, this is a direct line to the grandfather I never had a chance to know in this life. Now as I prepare it, I tell my own children, "This is your great-grandpa Malgeri's favorite dish!"

Giuseppe's eggs all'inferno

For those interested in the recipe, it goes a little something like this:

Giuseppe's Eggs all'Inferno

Put some tomato sauce (a cup or two, to your own liking) in a pan (non-stick is best) and crack as many eggs as you like on top. Put on a cover and let it poach until the eggs are cooked to your preference. You can add cheese if you like - throw some on to melt during the final minute or two, or grate some parmesan or romano on top after you serve it. It's great with buttered and toasted bread. As an alternative method, you can pan fry the eggs first, and when they are close to done you can pour the sauce over the top and let it heat through!

I decided to do a reading to ask some basic questions about my grandfather: How did he see himself? What was his passion? How would (or does) he see me, his granddaughter? The results provoked more questions than answers, but were interesting nonetheless:

Stone Tarot/A. Stone

1) How would you describe yourself? 8 of Pentacles reversed. I wonder if he ever felt contented with what he had accomplished in life. Was he a perfectionist that never seemed able to reach the top of the mountain? Was he perpetually dissatisfied? He certainly wasn't a "stable" man in the sense that he didn't stay in one general area - even country - for the majority of his life. He traveled, but more than that, he was an immigrant. He had many different interests, skills, and occupations. He had a family, and then he didn't. Did he ever feel that he'd been "enough"?

2) What was your passion? Wheel of Fortune. In some way this card seems to answer certain elements of the previous card. After I pulled this from the deck I was singing "Papa Was a Rolling Stone" for the next hour. What I like about this card is that it tells me that my grandfather was truly a wanderer by nature. He thrived on change and newness. My mother always said that we come from a nomadic family, in the sense that at least the recent generations have never stayed put. My grandfather moved around a lot, and so have his children and their children. It's nice to think that he pursued change at least in part because he found it exhilarating. And it's interesting to see those qualities in myself.

3) How do you see me? Page/Princess of Wands. I was just writing the other day about "signficators" in Tarot and I mentioned that the cards that most often come up for me are the King and Queen of Cups, and the Page of Wands. In fact, the Page of Wands is specifically the card that tends to represent the work I do in divination: an emissary and messenger, a go-between and interpreter. An underlying question here was one that Arwen had mentioned in her original Blog Hop task for us: How might your relative feel about your card reading? In that light, I take this as a positive confirmation that he approves of what I'm doing. And I like the idea that he sees me as a "princess" (that's very grandfatherly, I think!).

Last week my husband and I were dealing with a pretty difficult and challenging matter regarding our car that had suddenly broken down and left us in quite a conundrum (I discuss it in more detail here). As we were strolling through the dealership parking lot in search of a new vehicle, I had a "moment" where I was very aware of both of my grandfathers. I imagined what it would be like to have their help and support in that situation. I thought about how I never had known them, had missed out on the opportunity to experience the grandfather-granddaughter bond. But I welcomed their energy in, and asked for their advocacy.

It's funny that I never thought about it at the time, but as I wrote this post I naturally thought about that invitation in the parking lot, and then it suddenly dawned on me. We ended up purchasing (via a lot of mysterious and fortuitous circumstances) a car that I'd never imagined I'd ever own (and still can't believe it, really): a Fiat - the most popular Italian car brand.

So I send a big "thank you" to my grandfather-in-spirit, Giuseppe Giovanni Amerigo Malgeri. May you always be with me, and may I always be open to your love and guidance.

Happy Samhain, everyone!

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Samhain Blog Hop: Catching Fireflies in Glass Jars

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Happy Halloween, Happy Samhain!

Welcome to the 2014 Samhain Blog Hop! Please use the links at the top or bottom of this post to navigate through the other wonderful blogs in this circle.

Louise Underhill, from Priestess Tarot, asked us to describe (using our cards, naturally) a guest that we'd like to invite to a Samhain tea. It could be someone real or imaginary, someone known to us or someone famous. I always struggle with these sorts of scenarios, kind of like when someone asks you to name your hero, or your favorite music group of all time.

But this time I thought it would be nice to invite the spirit of my grandma Dorothy (my mother's mother) to spend some time with me on Samhain eve. I have fond memories of my grandma, though they be few in number, and connecting with her is something meaningful to me since I was never able to properly know her in life. I decided to pull three cards from my Golden Tarot deck, and in addition I, as usual, took a peek at the card at the bottom of the deck for an underlying theme or energy of the spread. 

Golden Tarot - Kat Black
U.S. Games Systems

This bottom card was: 6 of Cups. My, how fitting! Having tea with my grandmother's memory is precisely what this card is all about. I'm traveling down memory lane, remembering aspects of my young childhood, those that she was a part of…Life was certainly simpler then, and the image on this card could well be me and my sister in Dorothy's back yard, a place we spent a lot of time. The tree could be Dorothy's cherry tree; I remember the excitement with which we would pluck the fruit from its branches when ripe (even then, the notion of harvesting one's own food was great fun for me!). Now on to the central questions….

1) How would Dorothy describe herself? 2 of Cups
2) What would she like to talk about? 10 of Coins
3) What messages might she have for me? 10 of Swords

Golden Tarot - Kat Black
U.S. Games Systems

The first card filled my heart with a strong sense of understanding of the love that she carried within. Dorothy died when I was five years old. She had a difficult life, marrying twice (the first at a young age) and bearing six children across the span of it. I know that towards the end of her life she struggled quite a bit with relationships; I think she was just tired. My mom told me that when she was pregnant with me, Dorothy had told her, "I don't think I'm capable of loving any more people." But when I came into the world, she found that she was quite able to open her heart to me. I know that my grandmother adored her children, no matter how many steep obstacles she had to contend with along the way. The Two of Cups speaks to the healing and wholeness offered by love, and I hope that she has found that for herself. She is certainly still loved, even in memory.

The second card actually made me laugh a bit, oh my clever grandma….. She wants to talk about the powerful legacy of the family home, a very pertinent topic for this moment. One of the things I recall most about being in my grandmother's house was the activity. When I was a child we lived in Cheshire, Connecticut, and our own home was right next door to my grandmother's house, so there was constant communication and interaction. Many of our extended family lived nearby, so we often found ourselves playing and eating with our cousins, aunts, and uncles. I distinctly remember a group of us playing with GI Joe figurines in Dorothy's dusty attic. I remember catching fireflies in glass jars on summer evenings, and hunting for the perfect twig in the grass; if it passed inspection, an adult would tie a string to both ends to make our very own bow. I even remember tearing across the back yard on my Big Wheels trike, feeling pretty adventurous and cool. There is something special and "right" in family togetherness. Oftentimes it revolves around a central home, belonging perhaps to a matriarch or patriarch, that serves as the anchor of family unity. It's the nucleus, it is the hearth of the family heart. And it's the keeper of that precious legacy that is the root of a family's strength. We had that in Connecticut, and we don't have that now in the same way. My grandmother died long ago. We moved to Michigan and created a new life. Now I am living with my own family in Florida, and in these ways we continue to spread ourselves thin, stretching the energetic ties of our kin like rubber bands across vast stretches of terrain. Mambo Vye Zo has written about this sort of tie, the family "Oversoul", and says this about it:

Families often share an Oversoul that can have far reaching results.  If an Oversoul is something that is shared by two or more people, then a Family Oversoul is a deeper bond than mere pairing can create.  You share this Oversoul with your mother and father, as well as your siblings.  This Oversoul is the family vibe that runs through you all.  It descends from your grandparents' Oversoul or even further back, giving you a piece of their relationship with which you begin your own.

As I sit contemplating what the 10 of Coins means to me in the context of this Samhain visit with my grandmother, it is precisely this sense of our family's Oversoul that feels sharply defined, a thin yet steely vibration of ancestral connection threading its way through my deepest core. I am filled with a potent sense of urgency to relieve those deep stretches in our shared, energetic bond.

Just a few days ago my mother broached the topic of our coming back "home." Not to visit, but to stay. It's something we've thought of before, but you know how it goes - there are positives and negatives to everything, and in the end it's easier to stay put. But it goes beyond just missing each other. There is something deeper there, and the 10 of Coins feels like my grandmother's voice underscoring that topic. It's about restoring the core strength of the family, little by little. Giving our children grandparents to know intimately, to make memories with - there is no replacement for that. And there's no excuse for taking that away from them. With this card my grandmother is reminding me of what I had back then as a child, and encouraging me to make that a critical focal point as we seriously consider our next steps forward.

Photo Credit: Chantal Steyn

Not surprisingly, my grandmother's message to me is the 10 of Swords. This card, and the Death card, have been my followers of late. I know that big, at times painful, change is unfolding in my life at present. It sucks, I will be honest about that, and I'm certainly exhausted. But there's something therapeutic in catharsis. My grandmother is reassuring me of something I've sensed for a while now - that there is something new on the way. Although at times I'm not entirely sure just what it is, I do know that the only way to get there is to simply let go. Should we embrace the message of the previous card, there will certainly be some poignant 10 of Swords qualities to the transition. The truth is that there is something reassuring about knowing that all of the challenges and pain and difficulties are leading somewhere positive. That at its foundation this period is like birthing pains, that deep, primal pressure, the gasps when you start to wonder if you'll ever make it to the end….and then you do. And in that moment you realize that the fruit of your labor was so well worth it that you'd do it all over again. Yes, that is a bit what this feels like. And what a perfect meditation for Samhain, where we embrace death, rejoicing in the knowledge that a new life cycle is on its way.

So this Samhain I embrace and honor my grandmother Dorothy. I invite her to connect with me, to chat with me, to pass her wisdom on to me. I open my heart to receive her presence with gratitude and love.

Happy and blessed Samhain to you all!

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2 of Pentacles: Balance Amidst the Tempest

Last week was full of ups and downs and twists and turns, and I was pretty happy when the weekend arrived. On Saturday I took the kids out with me to buy herbs and we discovered a new park that turned out to be a lot of fun to play at for the little ones. After dinner we stopped by the bookstore, which is popular with everyone. Aside from the endless shelves of reading material there is a train set for Gabriel to enjoy, a lego station where Lourdes loves creating complex structures, and a nice café with cookies and espresso. All the good stuff in one location!

On Sunday we couldn't leave the house for very long because people were coming to remove our old toilet and install a new one. I had no idea how long that would take, so in the morning I took the kids to the arts and crafts store and we bought some materials with which to make Halloween decorations: some bake-able clay, acrylic paints, a sugar skull wood cut-out, and a ginger bread haunted house kit. I figured that if we were going to be stuck inside all afternoon at least we could have something fun to do! Indeed we spent hours forming, baking and painting our creations, far after the fixer-man (as Gabriel called him) had gone.

Halloween/Samhain crafts
O. Destrades

After I put the kids to bed I made some tea and decided to pull cards for my week ahead. The Aquarian Tarot is one I'd admired from afar for quite a long time, and about a month ago the Italian version was on clearance for a very low price, so I snatched it up. I'm glad I did, because the combination of stark fields of white with bright, flowing color is quite interesting and beautiful. And the card backs are stunning and a pleasure to behold! I plucked the deck from my overflowing divination bookcase, and settled down to read.

I chose a card on which to focus my energies for the week ahead and pulled:

2 of Pentacles

Aquarian Tarot - Palladini

The 2 of Pentacles encourages me to balance all of the responsibilities that I'm currently experiencing in healthy ways so as to avoid the feeling of being overburdened. Yes, there's a lot to do, and I have very few moments to just "sit." But that doesn't mean I have to let my circumstances own me. It's only been just under two weeks that Jorge's been gone, and I'm still working to establish a flow in our routine. That's been difficult because the week after he left most of the kids came down with a nasty virus and are only on a significant upswing now, after nearly a full seven days of illness. So I hope that this week we'll finally be able to fall into a rhythm. And crafty activities are my friend! The Halloween activities that we did on Sunday are a great example of how to provide something engaging for the kids to do while giving me a breather or two. And I need those little breaks now and then in order to recharge my batteries, and refocus my thoughts and energies. So my goal this week will be to allow the 2 of Pentacles to guide me and help me consider positive solutions whenever I start to feel like I'm slipping under the surface.

Sometimes all we need is to see our reality reflected in the layout before us, a confirmation of what we're experiencing, and how we're feeling. And like the 3 of Cups I drew the other day, and the 2 of Pentacles today, having a clear focal point can be a powerful and effective resource to help us navigate the inevitable bumps in the road, encouraging us to think creatively, and to empower ourselves to move forward in the most positive way possible. 

The Halloween Oracle: My Partner's Leaving Home

I was on a date this morning with my beloved husband. With three kids, our "dates" typically consist of an hour or two at a coffee shop, but the truth is that I love those brief moments alone together, and the conversations we have. Today's conversation related in part to his impending travel to Europe for work. He's had a great opportunity arise that will take him away from home for at least a month, and possibly longer. On one hand I'm happy for him and this open door, and I feel it's the right move to make. On the other hand the idea of being apart for so long (and managing our small empire on my own) definitely feels daunting.

After an hour of chatting and planning and thinking and enjoying we decided it was time to go. Fortunately for me there was a bookstore within walking distance, and I can't resist the smell of thousands of books (and cards, ahem) in one place, so I did manage to convince Jorge to make a quick stop there before returning home. I made a cursory check of the metaphysical section, not planning on finding anything particularly motivating, but I was quite wrong! The Halloween Oracle by Stacey DeMarco was sitting there on the shelf peering back at me longingly. I've been following this oracle since pre-production and was very attracted to the style of art. Well, that, and also I love Halloween! I have the Halloween Tarot deck which I like a lot, but it's rather cartoonish for my tastes. This oracle, as my daughter Lourdes put it, "looks more real." Since it was released I've seen many divination colleagues pouncing on it, but despite my long wait I didn't make a move. I suppose it didn't feel like quite the right moment. And yet there it was on the shelf in its shiny cellophane wrapper, calling my name. So I plucked that baby off the shelf and tucked in under my arm, and went off in search of Jorge, who happily agreed that I should buy it (yesssss!).

At home I sorted through the cards and naturally wanted to give it a test drive. I decided to ask about the best way for me to approach this big change coming our way in a few weeks as Jorge flies to distant lands on mysterious adventures. I shuffled, arced the cards, and selected one:

Halloween Oracle, S. DeMarco

Joy! This card shows a woman with raised arms, fall leaves floating down around her, and features the subtitle: Rejoicing in the present. Sigh. Yes, it's true that I've been spending a lot of time wrapped up in my concerns and fears and reluctance, and that as a result I've probably not been spending enough time thoroughly enjoying and savoring these final few weeks leading up to Jorge's departure. The woman in this card doesn't look particularly joyous - her body language is open and welcoming, but her facial expression is rather dour. I'm not entirely happy with the prospect of my family being temporarily divided, but this card encourages me to get over it. Sometimes you have to go through the motions first, and eventually the movements begin to form meaning, and things don't seem quite as bad as they once did. This card encourages me to live in the moment, to enjoy the present with my family rather than focusing so breathlessly on the future. And perhaps by focusing on the positive aspects of his trip, the things that make me really happy that he's going, I can improve and lighten my outlook - find joy - even in those moments when I must face the reality of this significant shift (no matter how brief its duration).

I really like this oracle. This is new for me since the only other oracles I use focus specifically on animal teachings and energy. But I appreciate the art, the theme, and the relevance of the messages represented on each card. I look forward to using it more as we descend into fall!

Samhain Blog Hop 2013 - What I Love

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Welcome to the Samhain Blog-Hop of 2013!  Please click on the labels at the top or bottom of this page in order to visit the other amazing blogs in this circle!

Our wrangler for this hop, Alison Cross, decided to get wild and crazy and pull away from more traditional Samhain themes in favor of something more universal: Love.  A very nice topic!  So as I was pondering what I love, in tandem with the time of year we're currently in, I realized that there is a durable connection between Love and Holidays for me, and a few other things (like Tarot!) that I'll discuss in this post!

I was born the day after Christmas, and so that particular holiday was always deeply special for me.  I loved the sense of celebration that permeates the air that time of year and the seemingly endless parties. One of the most important aspects of this holiday for me was the tradition.  My mother cultivated a beautiful set of holiday traditions that I came to adore, and to count on.  The environment was imbued with mystery and sacredness, and the activities during this time helped support those feelings - the connection to the past that has always been dear to me.  Tree hunting, the smell of pine needles, the first snowfall... hot chocolate and mulled cider, and spicy pfeffernusse cookies.  Decorating with my mother's mother's ornaments, and my own ornaments from my first few years on the planet.  Christmas Eve with a cozy dinner in front of the fire.  And Christmas morning was always a flurry of excitement.  My sister and I would wake up early, and always obeyed the rule we were given that we must not go downstairs...BUT we could stay on the stairs and *look.*  My parents grumbled and fumbled with the coffee maker.  First, presents (youngest goes first), then much later, after we'd almost forgotten them, the stockings.  Then dinner (the traditional pesto lasagna) and then..... I'd remember that the next day was my birthday.  Yesssss........

So now, my oldest daughter's birthday is December 27th; it just got better and better.

Now let me back up a bit.... Halloween/Samhain, Thanskgiving, and Christmas/Yule are my Big Three favorite holidays of all time.  Yes, it's true, I LOVE them.  I love the fact that every month from October to December (and even January if you want to count New Year's) there is a big, wonderful holiday steeped in tradition.

Samhain has always felt to me like a wonderful mix of sacred, haunting spirit with fun creepiness, and some excitement on top.  There's something wild about the night, about the fact that we dress up in disguise, and just at the time when we'd normally be eating dinner and settling in for the evening, we're venturing out into the world in pursuit of adventure, and, of course, candy.  When we would come back from trick-or-treating my mom always had a pot of chicken-and-dumplings on the stove. We'd separate our candy into piles, compare the goods, and warm ourselves within with a big steaming bowl of stew.

Halloween a few years ago...

Thanksgiving carries the same blessed weight of tradition, and one of my favorite memories as a child was watching my mom prepare her special Super Apple Pie and the pumpkin pies the night before.  The next morning I'd sit in the kitchen from morning to afternoon making cranberry sauce, checking the turkey, stewing the onions, peeling the potatoes.  The windows would steam up.  We'd sit around the table for a feast, and later stroll around the neighborhood.  Then on to pie and coffee, and days to come of leftovers.

And then we arrive back at Christmas!

So now's the time to mention how much I love my children three: Isabella, Lourdes, and Gabriel.  It has been a great joy for me to raise them with the traditions that I so adored as a child, and to watch their eyes light up each holiday in anticipation of what's to come.  I'm passing down to them the traditions that I inherited, and perhaps adding a few of my own touches along the way.

So to recap so far, let's review what I love:

-I love holidays.
-I love tradition.
-I love my kids.
-I love passing holiday traditions on to my kids.

And now..... for divination!

I love the connection I feel to spirit, and I love the ability to find guidance and confirmation and advice through the tool of Tarot.  In fact Tarot itself is a tradition which started with my mother, and was a beautiful element of my life growing up.  The first cards I ever used were my mother's Medicine Cards (Jamie Sams), though she herself had the strongest relationship to her Mythic Tarot (Juliet Sharman-Burke, Liz Greene, Tricia Newell).  And now I am passing the art down to my girls (and when my son grows, perhaps to him as well).  They love Tarot, and I must say that my 6-year-old is quite the intuitive reader!

So I want to bring in my favorite deck, which is the Wildwood (Mary Ryan, John Matthews, Will Worthington).  This is a deck that is steeped in a tradition of sorts...spiritual, shamanic tradition of the sort that resonates deeply with my soul.  (To translate: I love Wildwood Tarot).

Wildwood Tarot
Mark Ryan, John Matthews, Will Worthington
Sterling Ethos, 2011

The card in the Wildwood that represents tradition is the Ancestor, commonly known as the Hierophant in other decks. Not unlike the Hierophant, she makes spiritual traditions accessible and pass-onable.  But to me the Ancestor offers some additional, crucial elements.  The Ancestor is primal;  she represents the core of who we are - our spirit connection that goes back before the beginning of time.  She reminds us that we're never truly alone, for the ages of humanity that came before accompany us always.  When I look at her image I hear the words "Remember who you are."  Remember who you really are, which goes far beyond, and yet also embraces, the traditions that we choose to practice.

So, here's to what we love, and here's to Samhain! May the Blog-Hop forces be with you!

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Samhain: A Spread for the New Year

I know it's a little  bit early to do my New Year spread for Samhain, seeing as the 31st is still about five days away, but I have family coming to visit for a whole week, and who knows how much time I'll find !  So I decided to do it today, a lovely Saturday night.  The littlest kid is in bed, the older kids are on their way there, and Jorge is outside taking pictures of the moon.  A rare quiet moment!

I've settled down here with my cup of tea to type out the reading I did about an hour ago.  I wasn't sure which spread I wanted to use, and *almost* created my own…but I wasn't feeling quite that inspired.  So I found one on a great website, Furious Horde, called "Hallows: A Samhain Spread." The site also offers an Ancestor Spread as a companion to this one, however I'll save that for another moment! I've slightly altered the Samhain spread to add a couple of extra cards, but it goes something like this:

                   1

            2     3     4

      5        6     7      8

                9    10

1: The Moon - Major influences accompanying you into the New Year

2: The Path - A glimpse into the very near future 

3: The Lantern - What is currently engaging your attention and drawing you forward

4: The Mask - What illusions you are maintaining for yourself or others (could be for positive reasons)

5: The Bones - A reflection of ancestry, family, culture, heritage, etc. What relics do you keep as symbols, and what purpose do they serve?

6: The Bonfire - What needs to be cleansed and offered to the fire in order to move into the New Year?

7: The Veil - What is being revealed about your deep self?

8: The Ancient Ones - Guidance offered from Spirit/Guides/Ancestors.

9: Bottom card of the deck - Additional influences

10: Top card of the deck - Additional influences

I used my Wildwood Tarot deck (Mark Ryan, John Matthews, Will Worthington; Sterling Ethos 2011). With the addition of the two extra cards, the shape is rather like an arrow head!

                                 

Card 1, the Moon: 5 of Bows ("Empowerment").  I do believe that I've been in the process of "finding my power" for a while now.  I feel empowered by having reconnected this year (after 6 or 7 years) with what feels like my purpose in many ways, or at least involves nurturing the gifts I came to this life with (specifically spirit-related things). It has presented a series of "challenges" that I've been diving head-first into, and ultimately enjoying and learning a lot from.  The energy created from all of this has been propelling me forward.

Card 2, the Path: 9 of Bows ("Respect"). The Woodwose sits front and center on this card, asking me if I have what it takes to battle onwards.  Only time will tell (this is, after all, the "near future" card) but I already know that I do.  Challenges are not for the weak-hearted or weak-minded.  In order to progress, you must demonstrate the ability to trust in the path, even when you can't see very far ahead, and to respect the experiences you have, and the guides that teach you (in whatever form they may take). I must respect myself, and in turn give respect to others.  I think this card is also about not letting myself feel "walked on" by situations or by people.  If you pack up and go home at the first sign of struggle, you aren't ready for the journey.

Card 3, the Lantern: Ace of Bows ("Spark of Life"). A door has opened before me, and I've been drawn over the threshold.  Bows represent creativity and energy, and in a lot of ways I feel like I'm dealing with harnessing my own energy, and considering the potential that's available when I learn to focus and direct it.  Last week I had a dream that I was full of energy, but I needed to learn how to manipulate it so that it could be used for healing.  I do feel rather like a baby, so the Ace is fitting.  I'm just becoming aware of how much energy I have at my disposal, and how to work with it…which is a whole new path that is leading me on.

Card 4, the Mask: 4 of Stones ("Protection").  This is an interesting card to appear.  It took me some time to ponder it, but when I started focusing more intently on the details of the images in the card, things started to click into place.  I thought of how much I don't voice my thoughts and feelings - in a sense the fawn represents my inner workings, while everyone else just sees the stony exterior. Jorge always asks me what I'm thinking because I often don't realize how much I don't share with others. Is it a form of protection?  It could be sometimes, when I don't want to upset others with my own concerns or worries, or because I think that by managing my concerns on my own they'll somehow be easier to deal with than if I include someone else. And that definitely qualifies as a mask.  In fact that is something that my Mom used to always do.  She'd say "If I don't ask, I'd never know what's really going on inside you!"  Really I'm often unaware of how much I ponder in silence. So I am making an effort to be more conscious of this tendency.    

Card 5, the Bones: The World Tree. Hm. Another interesting card to appear.  Yggdrasil, the World Tree, has been a recurring theme this past year.  And does it get any more ancestral than that??  Several months ago I had a dream: there was an impending sense of doom, like the world was ending. Everyone was taking cover, and rather anxious. As people were leaving the town center, I was walking toward it, and I ended up face-to-trunk with a great, pale tree.  I sensed it was very old, and dying. I knew I had to knock on the trunk, though when I did so, the world might end.  But I had to knock, and so I did.  When I knocked on the trunk, it was simply like the sun rising. Nothing ended, nothing died. The tree was simply reborn.  For the rest of the night the name "Yggdrasil" wove its way through my mind. Yggdrasil is a common place for shamans to visit, no matter the culture, though the term is specifically from Norse mythology.  That brings in another important element. A significant part of my ancestry is from German and Nordic Europe, though I'd never really felt connected to that part of my family history.  In fact having been raised around the native American community, American indigenous culture was probably most important to me growing up. But I had another dream several weeks after the Yggdrasil dream: I was sitting (at night) at a gathering, wondering who I might connect with, or if anyone would like me.  Then I saw a guy, blonde, kind of Vikingy, with a necklace. I held the necklace in my hand, and it was very native American, beaded in various colors, almost in a sharp horseshoe shape. As I went to the guy it changed to metal/chain, but in the same form.  I felt very connected to this, like I was remembering part of my identity.  I felt the fierceness of a warrior, and knew that I would be the person running toward the battle rather than away from it.  As a woman.  I felt the connection to the norse/Viking people, my ancestry.  I thought that it's interesting how the native bead necklace, also representing a big part of who I am, turned into the metal necklace.  Like it was showing a connection, transmutation.  It felt very right. So again this Nordic connection popped up in my dream, and this time there was a flow from one spiritual tradition (not ancestral) to another (that is ancestral). I read a bit about Odin, and felt very connected to that grandfather, wanderer, shaman, warrior combination. Odin also hung from Yggdrasil for 9 days, a sacrifice in order to receive the wisdom of the runes. So there is some great circle involved in this series of stories and events. Another aspect that relates to this card and position is my mother, who is clairvoyant and intuitive, and a counselor by trade. It was she that introduced me to Tarot at a young age. The maze on the card leads to the heart of the World Tree. There is something related to a spiritual heritage involved here. As a final note, this is a card that came up for me as I was doing a reading about my potential with mediumship, which also seems to relate to the Ace of Bows, for me.

Card 6, the Bonfire: 5 of Arrows reversed ("Frustration"). I use reversals with this deck, though in the context of this spread the only two reversals (this being one of them) don't differ greatly from their upright meaning.  First of all, I'm a Capricorn, which is symbolized by the goat, so right away I see myself flying down a hill against a wave of arrows whipping my way. On one hand I feel this card is calling me to release my frustrations, many of which are mental.  Attitude is everything, right? What purpose does internalizing frustrations serve?  It serves none, other than to eat away at me, creating sleepless nights, and stressful days. That is certainly worth doing away with.  This card also relates back to the 5 of Bows (Empowerment). I can't please everyone, so I shouldn't try. I don't always need to be the peacemaker (related to the 4 of Stones).  And if I'm grounded, determined, balanced and focused, the arrows coming my way will somehow miss their mark.  

Card 7, the Veil: the Blasted Oak reversed. The second of the two reversals in this spread. The position of the card indicates that this reversal refers to my inner workings. I'm experiencing "big change" on an interior level.  I've had the burst of insight (the lightening bolt) which has brought me a whole new world of possibility that I'd never considered before, or explored. There's a certain freedom in that, like being reborn, in a way. The traditional RWS card features a crown which relates to the crown chakra. Mine has been open and tingling with activity for a while now, which relates to the Ace of Bows. The insights themselves have been spiritual in nature. This year I've delved back into working with the cards, experienced the awakening of my 6th and 7th chakras, developed my clairsentience to the point of being able to begin exploring psychic readings (without the use of cards), and have begun to experience mediumship, which has been really cool, interesting, eye-opening, humbling, and sort of exciting, in a muted sort of way. Who knew?

Card 8, the Ancient Ones: Knight of Arrows ("Hawk"). In the Wildwood, this Knight is represented by the Hawk.  The Hawk card in the Druid Animal Oracle (Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm, Will Worthington; Fireside 1994) has made repeat appearances for me all summer long, and now into the fall, so it was interesting to see it show up here and in this form. The Hawk is about seeing the big picture.  In the Druid Animal Oracle book, it says that the Hawk has the "ability to see life in perspective, free yourself from unnecessary baggage, connect to ancestral roots….Once you know where you've come from and where you're going, your life will be filled with inspiration and enthusiasm. You will sense a new day dawning and will be able to make decisions with confidence (pg 42-43)."  It also mentions, "Ancestral wisdom lives deep in our psyches (pg 44)." So to me it speaks of a new beginning whose roots go much further back than the present, which fits so well with everything I've been experiencing this past year. Another interesting bit of information about the Hawk is that they were used by Druids to explore the spirit world.  Why is the Hawk a Knight? Apparently in Arthurian legend, Gawain's name means "Hawk of May" and Galahad's name means "Hawk of Summer." The Druid Animal Oracle book states that "because of its ability to soar high in the air, the hawk is considered a solar bird and therefore provides a fitting name for these knights who typify the best qualities of courtliness and nobility - they are male solar heroes in quest of the feminine grail (pg 44)." So journeys and quests, perspective on the breadth of one's life/lives, the spirit-world, letting go of what wasn't working, new beginnings, connecting to my ancestral roots…yes. It makes sense and forms another beautiful circle of meaning. 

Card 9, Bottom of the deck: 4 of Bows ("Celebration"). Contentment, balance, and most importantly the idea of "coming home" which has significance for me both in the past year, and in this spread.

Card 10, Top of the deck: the Wanderer. This card pretty much speaks for itself. I'm embarking on a new journey….well, it feels new, and yet in some way it's ancient. And in that way it relates closely to the Blasted Oak, the Ace of Bows, and the Knight of Arrows. 

Whew!!!  If you're still reading, you have earned a special place in my heart! That was quite a post. I would conclude with a numerological analysis of the spread….but I'm not sure I'm up for that much additional typing!  So it was a great spread, and I'm so happy to have found it.  It's given me a lot of food for thought, and I'll be coming back to it frequently during the week (and possibly months) ahead as I continue to ponder it.  I hope you haven't fallen asleep yet, though I wouldn't blame you if you did, as it's quite late, and definitely past my own bedtime. So off I go, sweet dreams, and Happy Halloween!

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Mabon to Samhain: Tradition

Tomorrow we recognize Mabon and in about a month's time we'll arrive at Samhain, the third and final harvest celebration, the old New Year, where the veil between worlds is at its thinnest. As a kind of internal celebration I decided to ask my Wildwood deck: between Mabon and Samhain, which energies will be most important for me to meditate on?

I pulled the 9 of Stones, "Tradition."

I spent some time looking at the card, feeling its message to me (which is so"right on" for me at this time) and I wrote out a sort of stream of consciousness to capture my thoughts and emotions. Instead of forming that into neat prose, I decided to simply share what came to me, as is:

Cernunnos, Spirit of the Wild, connection to the animals

Holds in his hands transformation, energy, and power

Meditates

Peace and surety of being

Sits on a hill with the forest out below and around him
       connected to everything now and before

Mystery, spirit, intuition

Deep knowing, flowing

Grounded

Associated with the Hooded Man
introspection, learning, teaching, solitude

Remembering that you're a part of all that was 
and all that is 
and all that will be

- it's within you -

Standing stones are witnesses to the passing of time
change and transformation
so is the Moon

Connecting us to our past lives, she is also our witness

Alone, yet a part of it all.

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I'm still ruminating, still "sitting with" these energies which are very powerful and deeply important to me. Perfect food for this time of year.

Happy Fall, y'all.

Wildwood Tarot
Mark Ryan, John Matthews, Will Worthington
Sterling Ethos, 2011