A Road Map to Peace

I was watching Telemundo a few days ago when a Tarot reader popped on the screen to give each astrological sign a mini (as in 5 second) reading for the week. My first thought was: "They would never have a regular reader like this on English-language television." And then I took a look at his cards. I noticed that he was using a combination of two decks: an oracle that I didn't recognize, and the Osho Zen Tarot. For each sign he would pick a card from each deck, give rapid advice, and move on to the next. I wondered if he chose the Osho Zen deck because each card features a keyword that the reader could latch onto, which would facilitate this quick-fire style he was using in order to fit into his very limited time bracket. Or maybe he just thinks it's pretty.

It certainly has vibrant colors, and works as both a Tarot and an oracle, really. I decided to pull my own Osho Zen deck out for some general guidance, because I have a lot on my plate at the moment! I centered on the question: "What do I need to focus on in order to find peace and clarity?"

I pulled: 4 of Earth (The Miser), XVII Star (Silence), and XIV Temperance (Integration).

Osho Zen Tarot
Osho and Ma Deva Padma
St. Martin's Press, 1995

The Miser sprouts out of a stone wall, embracing mounds of gold and gems. She doesn't want to let go, but she doesn't look particularly healthy in her current situation. This makes sense to me, because in many ways I've been very focused on stability and security lately. In one important way I'm reluctantly anticipating some pretty big changes coming up that will impact my environment significantly, albeit for a finite amount of time. My husband is preparing to return to Europe for work, and may be gone for several months. Meanwhile my children will be heading north to spend eight weeks with their grandparents, as soon as school lets out for summer. Intellectually I can understand how all of this makes sense, and I know that it's temporary, and I am aware that there are many positives to this arrangement of events. But on an instinctual level I'm fighting it tooth and nail. I don't want my husband to be away again for three or more months, and I'm deeply frustrated that suitable work opportunities haven't presented themselves locally. I'm glad that my kids will spend time with my mother and step-dad. I know they'll have fun, and I know that they'll have more of a true vacation than I would be able to give them due to my own work schedule. But I can't stand the thought of them being gone for so long. It feels unnatural. So while I "know" everything will be fine, on a primal level I'm holding on tightly to everything.

All of that internal grappling is giving me a headache.

The Star in the Osho Zen deck is called "Silence." Just looking at the card reminds me of the peace of meditation, the centeredness that comes from spending some time going within. A face floats in space, stars hanging above, with the Moon shining over this person's 3rd eye. The Moon represents my fears, the dreaded anticipation of what's to come. Instead of fighting against it, I must invite it in and sit with it. What am I resisting? What am I afraid of? What's real and what's illusion? The Star encourages me to tap into my heart, to have faith that if I let go, things will be okay. When I'm feeling worried, I can close my eyes, and open myself to the guidance that is always available via my higher self, and the spirits that surround me.

The final card, Temperance, is titled "Integration." The instinctual over-attachment in The Miser has been illuminated and eased by the Silence in the Star, and has now reached a healing balance. This card tells me to honor my experience rather than trying to gloss over it. It doesn't have to feel good, and I don't have to reach a point where the lack of stability in my household doesn't bother me at all. All I have to do is understand that those feelings don't have to dominate my being. I will be able to visit my kids up north for a week or so, about half way through their visit. It won't be eight weeks straight with no contact. There is benefit to spending some time focusing on my Self, and I am very aware of how busy I am, and how little time I have for solitude. My husband will miss us, and we'll miss him, but I also know that the opportunity awaiting him is a very positive one, and that he needs to take advantage of it, for a multitude of reasons. I know it won't last forever, and he'll be back sooner than I think. I know that my children will have many adventures, and many stories to tell their friends when the school year starts again in August. I love that they will spend so much time with their grandparents, especially because since we live so far apart, quality time is more difficult to achieve.

In the color scheme of this reading, I see the sickly green of the Miser fade into the deep blue of inner mystery and hope, then bursting forth in the harmonic joy of rainbow colors in Temperance. It's a road map to peace. I think I'll frame it. ;-)

A Valentine's Self-Love Spread

My dear blogger friend Ellen brought this spread to my attention when she tried it out herself a couple of days ago (you can see her reading here). It was created by the Daily Tarot Girl (and you can find the original on her blog by clicking here!), and is a beautiful layout for improving self-awareness, in this case specifically in terms of self-love, and the relationship we have with ourselves.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, and here I am working on my second post in two days (talk about coming back after a brief dry spell!). I had some time to sit down and work with this last night, choosing my Mythic Tarot for the occasion.

Card 1: Relationship to self (what is your relationship with yourself like?)
Card 2: Admirable qualities (parts of yourself that are easy to love)
Card 3: Disowned self (your shadow aspects, parts that need more love and acceptance)
Card 4: Release (judgements and expectations that you need to release in order to be more loving to yourself)
Card 5: More love (something loving and nurturing that you can do for yourself right now)

Mythic Tarot
Juliet Sharman-Burke, Tricia Newell, Liz Greene

Card 1: Relationship to self - 3 of Cups

Well, this is a beautiful card, not only for the meaning of love, celebration and friendship, but because of the image. It's interesting because this looks a lot like my family! I see myself standing on the stone with my husband next to me and my three children below, each holding a cup. And the truth is that they are really my center, and fill me up to the brim with love. But this card is about relationship to self, so how does it all fit? I love the implication that I enjoy myself, because I'd say that's pretty accurate. I have fun, I laugh at things that others may not, and I don't mind laughing alone (in fact sometimes I rather prefer it!!). I like myself pretty well, I suppose! It's the only nighttime card in this spread and it takes center stage. The ocean lies in the background with the moon shining bright above. I see connections to exploration of my intuitive and creative elements, which make up an important part of who I am. What I like about this image is that all of those things are present - my four loves, the Moon of mystery, inspiration, and dreamtime, the ocean of intuition and emotion...yet I haven't lost myself to any of it. They're all part of me, and I of them, and yet I'm still very much me.

Card 2: Admirable qualities - 4 of Swords

It's funny because I've really come to love this card, and I've posted recently about the lovely version from the Deviant Moon Tarot (P. Valenza). There is such a soothing, healing, quiet element to the 4 of Swords, a peace that I adore. I suppose it's true that I'm pretty even-keeled, and slow to react. I like how this lady sits in meditation in the desert with her swords laid out before her creating a circle form. There's a completeness of thought suggested here - she is working through her ideas and plans, and won't leave her spot until she's finished.  My step-dad was always "cool, calm and collected," even when angry, and I always appreciated that about him because it made it easier to communicate difficult things. I can see some of those same qualities in myself, so I hope that my family feels the same way about me. In terms of how I see myself, I do think that one of my stronger traits is that I think carefully about an issue before I give my opinion or take a stance, because I want to be sure of how I feel, and want to be as reasonable as possible in each situation, and I suppose I do value that about myself.

Card 3: Disowned self - 4 of Pentacles

Interesting that these two 4s mirror each other, north and south. The 4s in the minors, to me, are about retreat. While the 4 of Swords is about mental/intellectual retreat that also allows time for emotional healing, the 4 of Pentacles is about material retreat (in the case of budgeting, for instance), or even oftentimes about protection of our self-worth. We retreat in order to avoid hurting our self-esteem or vulnerability. In this way I definitely see the power of the 4 of Pentacles for myself. If you look at the card, you see a man holding tight to his pentacles while looking at another person toiling away. This immediately brings to mind how private I am, and how much I avoid sharing my thoughts and feelings with others. In fact this blog, and my involvement on Facebook forums, has been a great lesson and challenge for me because on some level I fear putting myself out into the world, and hearing nothing but the crickets chirping (though I've been pushing myself in this regard over the past month or two). This card is all about risk and reward. If fear keeps me from sharing with others, I'll be safe, but in certain areas I also won't grow, expand, make connections with others, or develop a deeper fortitude. My private-ness isn't entirely a "shadow" - I simply function that way. My mother and now my husband always push me to share my thoughts because I often don't realize how much I'm thinking, worrying, etc., within my own being… and once I realize that I'm doing that, I can share, and it's amazing how alleviating it can be. So on a larger scale, I do that with communities. I feel an affinity for the Hermit card for a reason. I think I'm often something of a closed book, and in some ways I enjoy that quite a bit. But in other ways I recognize that I need to risk "saying the wrong thing," "being misunderstood," "having no one pay you any mind" in order to be part of something bigger - a community that I often shy away from. In the process of developing this, however, I need to be kind to myself - not beat myself up about the ups and downs that are inherent in opening myself to others.

Card 4: Release - 8 of Wands reversed

Ugh, yes. This card makes want to yell at myself: "Sh*& takes time!! Relax!" When I have an idea or a project I am excited about, I want it to manifest RIGHT NOW. I do everything I can to make it happen, and can start to question myself if I don't see the quick progress that I hope for. There is a fundamental error in this behavior….because very few good things happen quickly. Most things that are worthwhile take time and paced energy to develop and grow before seeing the fruits (thinking of the 7 of Pentacles here). I recognize that by flitting from one idea to the next without ever fully developing any one thing is okay, but in the end doesn't provide the deep satisfaction of creating a "masterpiece." So I need to embrace the slow process, enjoy the journey, and take the pressure off myself to hurry hurry hurry.

Card 5: More love - Page of Wands

Oooo I love this card. I love how the boy is riding a goat (because I'm a Capricorn), and looks like he's about to leap right into the 3 of Cups to add a spark of fire to the calm, cool placidity of the night sea. The Page of Wands is the card that represents my role as a card reader, the messenger, the go-between, and I love seeing it here. In a sense I feel it's telling me to trust myself, to remember and trust that I'm good at what I do, and to enjoy the fact that the sun is still rising on my journey - there is so much more to explore, learn, develop and do. At the same time I see the sun setting, and yet the flame is bright, and I don't have be afraid of losing my way. The message is "have fun with this - don't take things so seriously…you're guiding and being guided, always." I'll carry this with me and meditate on it.

So I wanted to ask for some additional advice about how to work through that 4 of Pentacles, and so I pulled a card from my Medicine Cards and selected the Salmon:

Medicine Cards - Jamie Sams/David Carson

Salmon is about developing inner-wisdom through the understanding that we learn not just from the good experiences we have, but from the difficult and challenging ones as well (and perhaps even more). It's about balance - honoring my own intuition, but also hearing others' ideas and opinions. It's about seeing the value presented by hard times, rather than writing them off. Page 234 in the book says, "Salmon teaches you to see every bend in the river as a new adventure, with a lesson you need to learn in order to grow. That knowledge becomes authentic wisdom through applying these truths to your life." Inhale, exhale. Yes, that is beautiful advice that addresses the energy of the 4 of Pentacles with deep acuity. Risk-taking brings challenges but also the beauty of connection and even at times of affirmation. Each of these has worth, and offers a lesson I can integrate and grow from.

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Samhain: A Spread for the New Year

I know it's a little  bit early to do my New Year spread for Samhain, seeing as the 31st is still about five days away, but I have family coming to visit for a whole week, and who knows how much time I'll find !  So I decided to do it today, a lovely Saturday night.  The littlest kid is in bed, the older kids are on their way there, and Jorge is outside taking pictures of the moon.  A rare quiet moment!

I've settled down here with my cup of tea to type out the reading I did about an hour ago.  I wasn't sure which spread I wanted to use, and *almost* created my own…but I wasn't feeling quite that inspired.  So I found one on a great website, Furious Horde, called "Hallows: A Samhain Spread." The site also offers an Ancestor Spread as a companion to this one, however I'll save that for another moment! I've slightly altered the Samhain spread to add a couple of extra cards, but it goes something like this:

                   1

            2     3     4

      5        6     7      8

                9    10

1: The Moon - Major influences accompanying you into the New Year

2: The Path - A glimpse into the very near future 

3: The Lantern - What is currently engaging your attention and drawing you forward

4: The Mask - What illusions you are maintaining for yourself or others (could be for positive reasons)

5: The Bones - A reflection of ancestry, family, culture, heritage, etc. What relics do you keep as symbols, and what purpose do they serve?

6: The Bonfire - What needs to be cleansed and offered to the fire in order to move into the New Year?

7: The Veil - What is being revealed about your deep self?

8: The Ancient Ones - Guidance offered from Spirit/Guides/Ancestors.

9: Bottom card of the deck - Additional influences

10: Top card of the deck - Additional influences

I used my Wildwood Tarot deck (Mark Ryan, John Matthews, Will Worthington; Sterling Ethos 2011). With the addition of the two extra cards, the shape is rather like an arrow head!

                                 

Card 1, the Moon: 5 of Bows ("Empowerment").  I do believe that I've been in the process of "finding my power" for a while now.  I feel empowered by having reconnected this year (after 6 or 7 years) with what feels like my purpose in many ways, or at least involves nurturing the gifts I came to this life with (specifically spirit-related things). It has presented a series of "challenges" that I've been diving head-first into, and ultimately enjoying and learning a lot from.  The energy created from all of this has been propelling me forward.

Card 2, the Path: 9 of Bows ("Respect"). The Woodwose sits front and center on this card, asking me if I have what it takes to battle onwards.  Only time will tell (this is, after all, the "near future" card) but I already know that I do.  Challenges are not for the weak-hearted or weak-minded.  In order to progress, you must demonstrate the ability to trust in the path, even when you can't see very far ahead, and to respect the experiences you have, and the guides that teach you (in whatever form they may take). I must respect myself, and in turn give respect to others.  I think this card is also about not letting myself feel "walked on" by situations or by people.  If you pack up and go home at the first sign of struggle, you aren't ready for the journey.

Card 3, the Lantern: Ace of Bows ("Spark of Life"). A door has opened before me, and I've been drawn over the threshold.  Bows represent creativity and energy, and in a lot of ways I feel like I'm dealing with harnessing my own energy, and considering the potential that's available when I learn to focus and direct it.  Last week I had a dream that I was full of energy, but I needed to learn how to manipulate it so that it could be used for healing.  I do feel rather like a baby, so the Ace is fitting.  I'm just becoming aware of how much energy I have at my disposal, and how to work with it…which is a whole new path that is leading me on.

Card 4, the Mask: 4 of Stones ("Protection").  This is an interesting card to appear.  It took me some time to ponder it, but when I started focusing more intently on the details of the images in the card, things started to click into place.  I thought of how much I don't voice my thoughts and feelings - in a sense the fawn represents my inner workings, while everyone else just sees the stony exterior. Jorge always asks me what I'm thinking because I often don't realize how much I don't share with others. Is it a form of protection?  It could be sometimes, when I don't want to upset others with my own concerns or worries, or because I think that by managing my concerns on my own they'll somehow be easier to deal with than if I include someone else. And that definitely qualifies as a mask.  In fact that is something that my Mom used to always do.  She'd say "If I don't ask, I'd never know what's really going on inside you!"  Really I'm often unaware of how much I ponder in silence. So I am making an effort to be more conscious of this tendency.    

Card 5, the Bones: The World Tree. Hm. Another interesting card to appear.  Yggdrasil, the World Tree, has been a recurring theme this past year.  And does it get any more ancestral than that??  Several months ago I had a dream: there was an impending sense of doom, like the world was ending. Everyone was taking cover, and rather anxious. As people were leaving the town center, I was walking toward it, and I ended up face-to-trunk with a great, pale tree.  I sensed it was very old, and dying. I knew I had to knock on the trunk, though when I did so, the world might end.  But I had to knock, and so I did.  When I knocked on the trunk, it was simply like the sun rising. Nothing ended, nothing died. The tree was simply reborn.  For the rest of the night the name "Yggdrasil" wove its way through my mind. Yggdrasil is a common place for shamans to visit, no matter the culture, though the term is specifically from Norse mythology.  That brings in another important element. A significant part of my ancestry is from German and Nordic Europe, though I'd never really felt connected to that part of my family history.  In fact having been raised around the native American community, American indigenous culture was probably most important to me growing up. But I had another dream several weeks after the Yggdrasil dream: I was sitting (at night) at a gathering, wondering who I might connect with, or if anyone would like me.  Then I saw a guy, blonde, kind of Vikingy, with a necklace. I held the necklace in my hand, and it was very native American, beaded in various colors, almost in a sharp horseshoe shape. As I went to the guy it changed to metal/chain, but in the same form.  I felt very connected to this, like I was remembering part of my identity.  I felt the fierceness of a warrior, and knew that I would be the person running toward the battle rather than away from it.  As a woman.  I felt the connection to the norse/Viking people, my ancestry.  I thought that it's interesting how the native bead necklace, also representing a big part of who I am, turned into the metal necklace.  Like it was showing a connection, transmutation.  It felt very right. So again this Nordic connection popped up in my dream, and this time there was a flow from one spiritual tradition (not ancestral) to another (that is ancestral). I read a bit about Odin, and felt very connected to that grandfather, wanderer, shaman, warrior combination. Odin also hung from Yggdrasil for 9 days, a sacrifice in order to receive the wisdom of the runes. So there is some great circle involved in this series of stories and events. Another aspect that relates to this card and position is my mother, who is clairvoyant and intuitive, and a counselor by trade. It was she that introduced me to Tarot at a young age. The maze on the card leads to the heart of the World Tree. There is something related to a spiritual heritage involved here. As a final note, this is a card that came up for me as I was doing a reading about my potential with mediumship, which also seems to relate to the Ace of Bows, for me.

Card 6, the Bonfire: 5 of Arrows reversed ("Frustration"). I use reversals with this deck, though in the context of this spread the only two reversals (this being one of them) don't differ greatly from their upright meaning.  First of all, I'm a Capricorn, which is symbolized by the goat, so right away I see myself flying down a hill against a wave of arrows whipping my way. On one hand I feel this card is calling me to release my frustrations, many of which are mental.  Attitude is everything, right? What purpose does internalizing frustrations serve?  It serves none, other than to eat away at me, creating sleepless nights, and stressful days. That is certainly worth doing away with.  This card also relates back to the 5 of Bows (Empowerment). I can't please everyone, so I shouldn't try. I don't always need to be the peacemaker (related to the 4 of Stones).  And if I'm grounded, determined, balanced and focused, the arrows coming my way will somehow miss their mark.  

Card 7, the Veil: the Blasted Oak reversed. The second of the two reversals in this spread. The position of the card indicates that this reversal refers to my inner workings. I'm experiencing "big change" on an interior level.  I've had the burst of insight (the lightening bolt) which has brought me a whole new world of possibility that I'd never considered before, or explored. There's a certain freedom in that, like being reborn, in a way. The traditional RWS card features a crown which relates to the crown chakra. Mine has been open and tingling with activity for a while now, which relates to the Ace of Bows. The insights themselves have been spiritual in nature. This year I've delved back into working with the cards, experienced the awakening of my 6th and 7th chakras, developed my clairsentience to the point of being able to begin exploring psychic readings (without the use of cards), and have begun to experience mediumship, which has been really cool, interesting, eye-opening, humbling, and sort of exciting, in a muted sort of way. Who knew?

Card 8, the Ancient Ones: Knight of Arrows ("Hawk"). In the Wildwood, this Knight is represented by the Hawk.  The Hawk card in the Druid Animal Oracle (Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm, Will Worthington; Fireside 1994) has made repeat appearances for me all summer long, and now into the fall, so it was interesting to see it show up here and in this form. The Hawk is about seeing the big picture.  In the Druid Animal Oracle book, it says that the Hawk has the "ability to see life in perspective, free yourself from unnecessary baggage, connect to ancestral roots….Once you know where you've come from and where you're going, your life will be filled with inspiration and enthusiasm. You will sense a new day dawning and will be able to make decisions with confidence (pg 42-43)."  It also mentions, "Ancestral wisdom lives deep in our psyches (pg 44)." So to me it speaks of a new beginning whose roots go much further back than the present, which fits so well with everything I've been experiencing this past year. Another interesting bit of information about the Hawk is that they were used by Druids to explore the spirit world.  Why is the Hawk a Knight? Apparently in Arthurian legend, Gawain's name means "Hawk of May" and Galahad's name means "Hawk of Summer." The Druid Animal Oracle book states that "because of its ability to soar high in the air, the hawk is considered a solar bird and therefore provides a fitting name for these knights who typify the best qualities of courtliness and nobility - they are male solar heroes in quest of the feminine grail (pg 44)." So journeys and quests, perspective on the breadth of one's life/lives, the spirit-world, letting go of what wasn't working, new beginnings, connecting to my ancestral roots…yes. It makes sense and forms another beautiful circle of meaning. 

Card 9, Bottom of the deck: 4 of Bows ("Celebration"). Contentment, balance, and most importantly the idea of "coming home" which has significance for me both in the past year, and in this spread.

Card 10, Top of the deck: the Wanderer. This card pretty much speaks for itself. I'm embarking on a new journey….well, it feels new, and yet in some way it's ancient. And in that way it relates closely to the Blasted Oak, the Ace of Bows, and the Knight of Arrows. 

Whew!!!  If you're still reading, you have earned a special place in my heart! That was quite a post. I would conclude with a numerological analysis of the spread….but I'm not sure I'm up for that much additional typing!  So it was a great spread, and I'm so happy to have found it.  It's given me a lot of food for thought, and I'll be coming back to it frequently during the week (and possibly months) ahead as I continue to ponder it.  I hope you haven't fallen asleep yet, though I wouldn't blame you if you did, as it's quite late, and definitely past my own bedtime. So off I go, sweet dreams, and Happy Halloween!

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