Black Panther: Knowing the Dark

Two nights ago I had a vivid dream where I was alone in the house I grew up in. As I looked out of the dining room window I saw a massive black panther emerge from some trees along the property line. I was a bit shocked as it's not a typical thing to see in a suburban neighborhood, so I decided to call 911 on the nearest device handy to me at the time: a fork (gotta love dreams!). I was worried that it might not have reception, being a fork and all, but was pleasantly surprised to hear an operator's voice on the other end, asking me to describe my emergency. I explained the situation and she said, "Oh, they're looking for that panther [in such and such a place] but I'll tell them to head over to your area." I encouraged her to have them come as soon as possible. I felt that the panther was good, and I knew it was female. However I had an instinctual fear that it would attack me if I went outside, and in fact I felt that it was trying to find me, in particular.

Photo Credit: Shaani Bawa

After I got off the phone I walked up to the window when suddenly the panther came racing toward me and stood, face almost touching the window pane, staring fiercely at me from the other side. I was worried that it might break the glass and jump in to me. I decided the safest thing to do would be to go to the second floor of the house and into a bedroom with a lockable door. So I did. Shortly after entering the empty, sunlight-filled bedroom, I saw the door knob start to twist and turn. I thought that the panther must have found a way into the house and was trying to open the door with her nose. I ran over to the handle and realized that in fact I'd forgotten to lock it, so I did so. Then I started making wild cat growling noises at the door, to see if she would reply so that I could confirm that it was her. When I heard growling noises coming back at me through the door, I knew it wasn't the panther; it sounded like my son Gabriel having fun with me. I thought I should make sure it was him, and then get him in the room as fast as possible, to safety. Then the dream ended.

Medicine Cards

The next day I was exhilarated by the dream and the black panther. I felt very drawn to her, that she was there for a special purpose. Rather than feeling the fear from my dream, I was thirsting for connection. I did some research on black panthers, and found that they are deeply symbolic of feminine power, mysticism, death and rebirth, and working through fear. They also have a strong association with the moon, which is fitting for me in so many ways, of late. I knew that the panther in my dream symbolized the changes I'm experiencing now, and encouraged me to face the fear of impending transitions. In my dream I was afraid that she would eat me up, even though my intuition told me that she was good and kind. That afternoon I pulled some Medicine Cards, and what should be the underlying energy but....Black Panther! I placed her on my bóveda (altar) which is where she currently resides, front and center.

A bit later the mail came and delivered my new Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA deck, and I decided to sit outside and enjoy the late afternoon breeze while I flipped through each card. When I came to Judgment (one of my favorite cards in any deck) I was amazed to see none other than Black Panther! In this image a person sits upon a low table, deep in thought. Above him there is a line of faces, all belonging to this yellow figure, perhaps different aspects of his identity, or different phases of his life. To the left a magenta man looks deeply into one of the faces, while to the right a blue woman looks startled by another of them. This strikes me as the fear and attraction inherent in change, particularly when we are about to leap into a brand new phase of life, or embrace a new part of ourselves that we've not fully explored or recognized before. At the apex of the arch a black panther head gazes upward, a fiery head in its mouth: a transformation is taking place, a new Self is being born. At the feet of the man lies a cage holding a red fruit, and the door hangs open. As he realizes who he is he will lift his precious offering out of the cage and share it with the world.

Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA

Perhaps Black Panther does want to eat me - eat up who I was in order to allow me to become something new. Perhaps my own fiery rebirth will come from the mouth of this dear, fierce guardian. As Ina Woolcott wrote about the black panther: "They can show us how to welcome the dark and rouse the light within it."

Crow's Easter Message

Today's Easter, an overcast, cool morning. The kids are slightly hung-over on a dawn feast of far too much candy, and I'm on my second cup of coffee. Later this afternoon we'll have an egg hunt, with the little ones wading through purple wildflowers in the back yard in search of one of their magical, painted masterpieces created the day before in anticipation of this annual event.

I participated in the Ostara blog hop several weeks ago which focused on rebirth as a theme. This year Ostara and Easter, due to the transient lunar calendar, fall at some distance from each other, so once again I find myself considering death, resurrection, and the ever-spiraling cycle of life. These are universal truths that accompany us always. We tend to think of them in terms of major life events - death, divorce, house moves, births of children, leaving an old job for a new career or educational path, major work transfers that include an overseas relocation, and on and on and on.

In truth, death and rebirth are constants, and on a minute scale we are always experiencing them….when you learn something new about an important person in your life, when you mull something over and make a decision, when your plans change and you adjust to your new course, when new information or a sudden whim cause you to change your mind about an idea, belief or behavior - shifts in perspective. In these smaller contexts death takes the form of transition, the change inherent in life, the momentum that keeps our universe in flux. Without movement things stagnate - we thrive on change, even if it's hard to embrace at times - this is requisite for growth.

Today, in honor of change, transition, death and rebirth, I pulled a card from my Medicine Cards, asking for insights into what new era is unfurling for me now. I know that change is happening in my life, in some ways both big and small. I feel it trembling around me, the earthly manifestation of the 2 of Disks. The card I pulled was Crow.

Medicine Cards - J. Sams, D. Carson

The first thought I had when I turned the card over was: change. Right on cue! On page 134 of the book, it says, "Crow is an omen of change. Crow lives in the void and has no sense of time. The Ancient Chiefs tell us that Crow sees simultaneously the three fates - past, present and future. Crow merges light and darkness, seeing both inner and outer reality."

It goes on to say, on page 135: "Be willing to walk your talk, speak your truth, know your life's mission, and balance past, present, and future in the now. Shape shift that old reality and become your future self. Allow the bending of physical laws to aid in creating the shape shifted world of peace."

Sigh. It's a profound energy, so vital and pertinent to this moment, and yet not without some degree of pain - like all change. The Crow on the card peers at its own reflection, looking deeply within, facing truth with honesty, embracing - and really embodying - sacred Death.

As I move through my Easter Sunday, I'll hold these thoughts within me, pondering, processing, and reflecting on how Death, transition and truth are impacting me at this moment - somehow a perfect match to the energies being cradled and nurtured and honored across the globe on this holy-day.

A Valentine's Self-Love Spread

My dear blogger friend Ellen brought this spread to my attention when she tried it out herself a couple of days ago (you can see her reading here). It was created by the Daily Tarot Girl (and you can find the original on her blog by clicking here!), and is a beautiful layout for improving self-awareness, in this case specifically in terms of self-love, and the relationship we have with ourselves.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, and here I am working on my second post in two days (talk about coming back after a brief dry spell!). I had some time to sit down and work with this last night, choosing my Mythic Tarot for the occasion.

Card 1: Relationship to self (what is your relationship with yourself like?)
Card 2: Admirable qualities (parts of yourself that are easy to love)
Card 3: Disowned self (your shadow aspects, parts that need more love and acceptance)
Card 4: Release (judgements and expectations that you need to release in order to be more loving to yourself)
Card 5: More love (something loving and nurturing that you can do for yourself right now)

Mythic Tarot
Juliet Sharman-Burke, Tricia Newell, Liz Greene

Card 1: Relationship to self - 3 of Cups

Well, this is a beautiful card, not only for the meaning of love, celebration and friendship, but because of the image. It's interesting because this looks a lot like my family! I see myself standing on the stone with my husband next to me and my three children below, each holding a cup. And the truth is that they are really my center, and fill me up to the brim with love. But this card is about relationship to self, so how does it all fit? I love the implication that I enjoy myself, because I'd say that's pretty accurate. I have fun, I laugh at things that others may not, and I don't mind laughing alone (in fact sometimes I rather prefer it!!). I like myself pretty well, I suppose! It's the only nighttime card in this spread and it takes center stage. The ocean lies in the background with the moon shining bright above. I see connections to exploration of my intuitive and creative elements, which make up an important part of who I am. What I like about this image is that all of those things are present - my four loves, the Moon of mystery, inspiration, and dreamtime, the ocean of intuition and emotion...yet I haven't lost myself to any of it. They're all part of me, and I of them, and yet I'm still very much me.

Card 2: Admirable qualities - 4 of Swords

It's funny because I've really come to love this card, and I've posted recently about the lovely version from the Deviant Moon Tarot (P. Valenza). There is such a soothing, healing, quiet element to the 4 of Swords, a peace that I adore. I suppose it's true that I'm pretty even-keeled, and slow to react. I like how this lady sits in meditation in the desert with her swords laid out before her creating a circle form. There's a completeness of thought suggested here - she is working through her ideas and plans, and won't leave her spot until she's finished.  My step-dad was always "cool, calm and collected," even when angry, and I always appreciated that about him because it made it easier to communicate difficult things. I can see some of those same qualities in myself, so I hope that my family feels the same way about me. In terms of how I see myself, I do think that one of my stronger traits is that I think carefully about an issue before I give my opinion or take a stance, because I want to be sure of how I feel, and want to be as reasonable as possible in each situation, and I suppose I do value that about myself.

Card 3: Disowned self - 4 of Pentacles

Interesting that these two 4s mirror each other, north and south. The 4s in the minors, to me, are about retreat. While the 4 of Swords is about mental/intellectual retreat that also allows time for emotional healing, the 4 of Pentacles is about material retreat (in the case of budgeting, for instance), or even oftentimes about protection of our self-worth. We retreat in order to avoid hurting our self-esteem or vulnerability. In this way I definitely see the power of the 4 of Pentacles for myself. If you look at the card, you see a man holding tight to his pentacles while looking at another person toiling away. This immediately brings to mind how private I am, and how much I avoid sharing my thoughts and feelings with others. In fact this blog, and my involvement on Facebook forums, has been a great lesson and challenge for me because on some level I fear putting myself out into the world, and hearing nothing but the crickets chirping (though I've been pushing myself in this regard over the past month or two). This card is all about risk and reward. If fear keeps me from sharing with others, I'll be safe, but in certain areas I also won't grow, expand, make connections with others, or develop a deeper fortitude. My private-ness isn't entirely a "shadow" - I simply function that way. My mother and now my husband always push me to share my thoughts because I often don't realize how much I'm thinking, worrying, etc., within my own being… and once I realize that I'm doing that, I can share, and it's amazing how alleviating it can be. So on a larger scale, I do that with communities. I feel an affinity for the Hermit card for a reason. I think I'm often something of a closed book, and in some ways I enjoy that quite a bit. But in other ways I recognize that I need to risk "saying the wrong thing," "being misunderstood," "having no one pay you any mind" in order to be part of something bigger - a community that I often shy away from. In the process of developing this, however, I need to be kind to myself - not beat myself up about the ups and downs that are inherent in opening myself to others.

Card 4: Release - 8 of Wands reversed

Ugh, yes. This card makes want to yell at myself: "Sh*& takes time!! Relax!" When I have an idea or a project I am excited about, I want it to manifest RIGHT NOW. I do everything I can to make it happen, and can start to question myself if I don't see the quick progress that I hope for. There is a fundamental error in this behavior….because very few good things happen quickly. Most things that are worthwhile take time and paced energy to develop and grow before seeing the fruits (thinking of the 7 of Pentacles here). I recognize that by flitting from one idea to the next without ever fully developing any one thing is okay, but in the end doesn't provide the deep satisfaction of creating a "masterpiece." So I need to embrace the slow process, enjoy the journey, and take the pressure off myself to hurry hurry hurry.

Card 5: More love - Page of Wands

Oooo I love this card. I love how the boy is riding a goat (because I'm a Capricorn), and looks like he's about to leap right into the 3 of Cups to add a spark of fire to the calm, cool placidity of the night sea. The Page of Wands is the card that represents my role as a card reader, the messenger, the go-between, and I love seeing it here. In a sense I feel it's telling me to trust myself, to remember and trust that I'm good at what I do, and to enjoy the fact that the sun is still rising on my journey - there is so much more to explore, learn, develop and do. At the same time I see the sun setting, and yet the flame is bright, and I don't have be afraid of losing my way. The message is "have fun with this - don't take things so seriously…you're guiding and being guided, always." I'll carry this with me and meditate on it.

So I wanted to ask for some additional advice about how to work through that 4 of Pentacles, and so I pulled a card from my Medicine Cards and selected the Salmon:

Medicine Cards - Jamie Sams/David Carson

Salmon is about developing inner-wisdom through the understanding that we learn not just from the good experiences we have, but from the difficult and challenging ones as well (and perhaps even more). It's about balance - honoring my own intuition, but also hearing others' ideas and opinions. It's about seeing the value presented by hard times, rather than writing them off. Page 234 in the book says, "Salmon teaches you to see every bend in the river as a new adventure, with a lesson you need to learn in order to grow. That knowledge becomes authentic wisdom through applying these truths to your life." Inhale, exhale. Yes, that is beautiful advice that addresses the energy of the 4 of Pentacles with deep acuity. Risk-taking brings challenges but also the beauty of connection and even at times of affirmation. Each of these has worth, and offers a lesson I can integrate and grow from.

Visit First Earth Tarot's website!

First Medicine Card Draw

Yesterday I finally had time to draw some cards from my new set of Medicine Cards (Jamie Sams, David Carson, Angela Werneke). I am so happy they came a few days ago, and it's so cool to be able to use them again after so many years! One thing I have to say is that the card stock quality is not good. Not only is it not good, it's the worst card stock I've ever experienced from a card deck ever before in my life. Have I been emphatic enough??

So this was one down side. There are two editions of the Medicine Cards. The first is the set my mother had, which is what I used when I started working in divination as a kid. The cards were great - sturdy, durable, easy to shuffle. My mom had them bound with a rubber band, having discarded the original box.  Then they came out with a more recent second edition, which admittedly is the one I wanted (and the one I currently have). I wanted it because they expanded the deck to include more animals than the first had had.  Unfortunately, it seems that they decided to cut corners in printing by choosing some nice tissue paper for the card stock, and then laminating it. It really is worthy of my tears. If I were to bind these with a rubber band, they'd buckle and fold and bend and be destroyed by it.  Not cool, St. Martin's Press, not cool….

So I'm still really happy to have them - it feels "right," if you know what I mean. And I'll just have to be extra gentle and careful with them so they last a long time!

So last night I spread the cards out and chose two, and I selected Bat and Swan:

Medicine Cards
Jamie Sams, David Carson, Angele Werneke
St. Martin's Press

It's been a LONG time since I used these cards, so I consulted the guide book (which I have to say is still absolutely excellent - hard cover, and full of wonderful stories and information).

Bat is not unlike the Death card. It's about making a transition in life and in your path, and the importance of not resisting it, but instead embracing it. So the lines from the book go: "The Universe is always asking you to grow and become your future. To do so you must die the shaman's death (page 206)."

This is so precise for what I've been going through in the past year or so, and what I feel is still unfolding. I got the Death/Journey card a lot last year, and it really encapsulates a profound shift in my path, and in a way a return to my own center. But it's definitely been a time of great change, from internal toward external, and in a way has felt like traveling through a great birth canal (for the second time ;-).

Swan is about a time of deeper intuitive development and awareness, and calls on me to honor the intuitive abilities that I have. At its core, the message of Swan is about acceptance of those "feelings" and flashes of insight, as opposed to doubting, rejecting, or avoiding them. And this is actually just the encouragement I needed. I have to say that the last couple of months have been pretty rough. I realized that I'm sometimes almost frightened of my intuition, and feel quite timid in terms of following through with what I'm seeing or feeling, especially in terms of readings.  I've been starting to combat that by simply closing my eyes, saying (or typing) exactly what I'm getting about a situation, and then trying to avoid a heart attack while I wait to hear feedback.

And the feedback has been good! And I can't help but feel slightly surprised by that! I wrote a post recently about one of those experiences, but another happened this past week. It was one of those terrifying moments where I was full to the brim with self-doubt when preparing to send off the reading… and yet the feedback was glowing, and it was so deeply rewarding and affirming for me.

So yes, Swan, I am learning, very slowly, to trust more in what my intuition is telling me. It's quite a bit like learning to ride a bike without training wheels.

In the end, despite the depressing card stock, I am thoroughly warmed over to be in possession of this wonderful deck once again, and to receive the beautiful insights it has to offer. It's amazing how important it can be simply to receive acknowledgement and confirmation about what you already sense is happening in your life. That alone can be extremely empowering.

Coming Full Circle

I am so excited that soon I will be receiving the Medicine Cards and book in the mail (Jamie Sams). These are the first cards I ever worked with, when I started exploring divination at the age of 13, and it was a true loss to me when I moved away from my mother's house as an adult and had to leave them behind (they were hers, not mine!). I suppose I could have purchased them, but I didn't want other Medicine Cards, I wanted to move on. Later I did purchase a bargain copy of the Runic Tarot (Caroline Smith and John Astrop) but it never felt "right." Much later I delved into Tarot (and other oracles) and was so happy to find the Druid Animal Oracle (Carr-Gomm/Worthington), which did feel a bit like coming home for the important similarities they share with the Medicine Cards. Animal energy is very sacred to me, which is in part why I love the animal Court Cards in the Wildwood Tarot deck!

So a woman was selling some of her card collection in order to purchase more, and I noticed that one of her decks available was the Medicine Cards, at a very low price, and good condition, and I jumped all over it.  It truly feels like coming full circle, bringing things back to where they began.  There's a sense of nostalgia, being the first cards I ever worked with, but it's far more than that - it's really like remembering who I am, in some strange way, and it feels really good.  I can't wait until they show up in my mailbox!

Medicine Cards/Jamie Sams

My Tarot Journey - 30-day Tarot Challenge

Having delved back into the use of cards for guidance and divination, I decided that rather that inundate my regular blog with a bunch of Tarot posts, I'd create a new and separate blog where I can document my journey.  I'll post answers 1-10 from the 30-day Tarot Challenge here, because I think they give a good background on where I've come from, and where I'm at now - though that's constantly changing as I continue my work with cards!  I say "cards" because I started with Medicine Cards rather than Tarot.  In fact, I only truly started my Tarot journey earlier this year, and while I'm not new to the world of cards, I am a new and passionate student of Tarot.  I love the Medicine Cards (as you'll see below) but I wanted to study the Tarot specifically because of the tradition and history surrounding it, and in order to both gain personal guidance, and to eventually help others gain clarity and insights into their own lives. So, here we go!

Druidcraft Tarot - Image from Creative Commons

(1) What introduced you/got you involved in Tarot?
My mom used to do Tarot when I was a kid, and I always loved and valued it.  She was always a great reader, and I remember she would sometimes do readings for friends and family.  It seemed natural to me.  The part that always drew me in was how she became a storyteller.

(2) What was your first deck and why/how did you get it?
When I was in middle school I used to use my mom's Medicine Cards (Jamie Sams/David Carson) quite a lot, and I felt a good connection to those.  Of course when I became an adult I secreted them away to my new abode, but when my mom found out I had them she demanded them back.  (I think I will purchase my own set at some point, however, because I always felt good about that deck.) My own first deck was not strictly Tarot, but more of an oracle deck, which I purchased in my mid-twenties, called Runic Tarot (Caroline Smith and John Astrop).  I can't find it after our big move, and never really felt I connected to it (I purchased it in an attempt to replace the Medicine Cards as a divinatory/guidance tool, but it wasn't a good fit, and at that point in my life I wasn't interested in runic study - wish I could find it though, because I am now! ). 

(3) Do you have more than one deck that you use and if so do you have a favorite? If not, why do you like the deck you have chosen?
My mom used Mythic Tarot (Juliet Sharman-Burke, Liz Greene, Tricia Newell), which had beautiful imagery and was thorough with the story it told. When I decided to find my own set, I looked for Mythic Tarot but could only find some online, for a high price.  I bought Golden Tarot (by Liz Dean) for myself, which has similar imagery in that it's more classical.  As I can't find the Runic Tarot deck I bought nearly ten years ago, for a while it was my only deck.  However over time I've acquired the DruidCraft Tarot, Druid Animal Oracle, Morgan Greer Tarot, Wildwood Tarot, and Radiant Rider-Waite...and I have a whole wish-list of more I'd like to get in the future :)  I think having a selection is important: one) it's nice to give choices to your clients, two) depending on the day I'm drawn to different decks, three) I'm a dynamic person, and each deck attracts me for different reasons - I like having the variety.

(4) How long have you been reading the Tarot?
Well, if I count oracle cards, I've been doing Tarot for 20 years, with about a 5-6 year gap in the middle where I didn't do any readings at all.  In terms of Tarot specifically, I've been working with more closely this year.  I felt it would be beneficial to learn the formal Tarot, which is deep and rich.  However I still plan to incorporate the Medicine Cards at some point, and currently use Druid Animal Oracle with many of my readings, which was actually inspired by the Medicine Cards.

(5) When and where did you give your first reading?
I really only ever did my own readings when I was young, so I suppose my first reading was for myself when I was 13 or 14 years old.  I think I might have done a Medicine Card reading for my older sister at some point, too.  In my twenties I did oracle readings for my husband and myself.  Now I've done Tarot for myself, my husband, my extended family, and more recently, for strangers.

(6) What was the first spread you learned?
Well the first spread I learned was the Pathway spread which I used with the Medicine Cards.  In terms of Tarot it was the Celtic Cross, which has many positional meanings in common with the Pathway spread.

(7) What is your favorite card (both in terms of deck’s artwork and divinatory meaning)?
I suppose my favorites are the High Priestess and the Hermit.

(8) Which card do you dread pulling the most?
Pretty much anything that has a sword on it (with some exceptions)!!! The 7 of Swords, in particular, has been a hard card for me to get my head around.  Also the 5 of Pentacles isn't fun to see in a spread. I find that the 6 of Cups can be complex as well, but honestly I really enjoy the challenging cards, as much as they stress me out :)

(9) What card do you pull the most often? Why do you think that is the case?
For my own, personal readings I feel like there is usually a pretty good mix, but I've been drawing a high percentage of trump cards, and I think that's because a lot of life changes have been going on (in good ways).  

(10) What card best represents your personality (or, is most often pulled to represent you in a spread)?
The High Priestess and the Empress (the balance of spirituality and motherhood/family life).  Also the Hermit in that I've always valued privacy, introspection, and solitude.