A Valentine's Self-Love Spread

My dear blogger friend Ellen brought this spread to my attention when she tried it out herself a couple of days ago (you can see her reading here). It was created by the Daily Tarot Girl (and you can find the original on her blog by clicking here!), and is a beautiful layout for improving self-awareness, in this case specifically in terms of self-love, and the relationship we have with ourselves.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, and here I am working on my second post in two days (talk about coming back after a brief dry spell!). I had some time to sit down and work with this last night, choosing my Mythic Tarot for the occasion.

Card 1: Relationship to self (what is your relationship with yourself like?)
Card 2: Admirable qualities (parts of yourself that are easy to love)
Card 3: Disowned self (your shadow aspects, parts that need more love and acceptance)
Card 4: Release (judgements and expectations that you need to release in order to be more loving to yourself)
Card 5: More love (something loving and nurturing that you can do for yourself right now)

Mythic Tarot
Juliet Sharman-Burke, Tricia Newell, Liz Greene

Card 1: Relationship to self - 3 of Cups

Well, this is a beautiful card, not only for the meaning of love, celebration and friendship, but because of the image. It's interesting because this looks a lot like my family! I see myself standing on the stone with my husband next to me and my three children below, each holding a cup. And the truth is that they are really my center, and fill me up to the brim with love. But this card is about relationship to self, so how does it all fit? I love the implication that I enjoy myself, because I'd say that's pretty accurate. I have fun, I laugh at things that others may not, and I don't mind laughing alone (in fact sometimes I rather prefer it!!). I like myself pretty well, I suppose! It's the only nighttime card in this spread and it takes center stage. The ocean lies in the background with the moon shining bright above. I see connections to exploration of my intuitive and creative elements, which make up an important part of who I am. What I like about this image is that all of those things are present - my four loves, the Moon of mystery, inspiration, and dreamtime, the ocean of intuition and emotion...yet I haven't lost myself to any of it. They're all part of me, and I of them, and yet I'm still very much me.

Card 2: Admirable qualities - 4 of Swords

It's funny because I've really come to love this card, and I've posted recently about the lovely version from the Deviant Moon Tarot (P. Valenza). There is such a soothing, healing, quiet element to the 4 of Swords, a peace that I adore. I suppose it's true that I'm pretty even-keeled, and slow to react. I like how this lady sits in meditation in the desert with her swords laid out before her creating a circle form. There's a completeness of thought suggested here - she is working through her ideas and plans, and won't leave her spot until she's finished.  My step-dad was always "cool, calm and collected," even when angry, and I always appreciated that about him because it made it easier to communicate difficult things. I can see some of those same qualities in myself, so I hope that my family feels the same way about me. In terms of how I see myself, I do think that one of my stronger traits is that I think carefully about an issue before I give my opinion or take a stance, because I want to be sure of how I feel, and want to be as reasonable as possible in each situation, and I suppose I do value that about myself.

Card 3: Disowned self - 4 of Pentacles

Interesting that these two 4s mirror each other, north and south. The 4s in the minors, to me, are about retreat. While the 4 of Swords is about mental/intellectual retreat that also allows time for emotional healing, the 4 of Pentacles is about material retreat (in the case of budgeting, for instance), or even oftentimes about protection of our self-worth. We retreat in order to avoid hurting our self-esteem or vulnerability. In this way I definitely see the power of the 4 of Pentacles for myself. If you look at the card, you see a man holding tight to his pentacles while looking at another person toiling away. This immediately brings to mind how private I am, and how much I avoid sharing my thoughts and feelings with others. In fact this blog, and my involvement on Facebook forums, has been a great lesson and challenge for me because on some level I fear putting myself out into the world, and hearing nothing but the crickets chirping (though I've been pushing myself in this regard over the past month or two). This card is all about risk and reward. If fear keeps me from sharing with others, I'll be safe, but in certain areas I also won't grow, expand, make connections with others, or develop a deeper fortitude. My private-ness isn't entirely a "shadow" - I simply function that way. My mother and now my husband always push me to share my thoughts because I often don't realize how much I'm thinking, worrying, etc., within my own being… and once I realize that I'm doing that, I can share, and it's amazing how alleviating it can be. So on a larger scale, I do that with communities. I feel an affinity for the Hermit card for a reason. I think I'm often something of a closed book, and in some ways I enjoy that quite a bit. But in other ways I recognize that I need to risk "saying the wrong thing," "being misunderstood," "having no one pay you any mind" in order to be part of something bigger - a community that I often shy away from. In the process of developing this, however, I need to be kind to myself - not beat myself up about the ups and downs that are inherent in opening myself to others.

Card 4: Release - 8 of Wands reversed

Ugh, yes. This card makes want to yell at myself: "Sh*& takes time!! Relax!" When I have an idea or a project I am excited about, I want it to manifest RIGHT NOW. I do everything I can to make it happen, and can start to question myself if I don't see the quick progress that I hope for. There is a fundamental error in this behavior….because very few good things happen quickly. Most things that are worthwhile take time and paced energy to develop and grow before seeing the fruits (thinking of the 7 of Pentacles here). I recognize that by flitting from one idea to the next without ever fully developing any one thing is okay, but in the end doesn't provide the deep satisfaction of creating a "masterpiece." So I need to embrace the slow process, enjoy the journey, and take the pressure off myself to hurry hurry hurry.

Card 5: More love - Page of Wands

Oooo I love this card. I love how the boy is riding a goat (because I'm a Capricorn), and looks like he's about to leap right into the 3 of Cups to add a spark of fire to the calm, cool placidity of the night sea. The Page of Wands is the card that represents my role as a card reader, the messenger, the go-between, and I love seeing it here. In a sense I feel it's telling me to trust myself, to remember and trust that I'm good at what I do, and to enjoy the fact that the sun is still rising on my journey - there is so much more to explore, learn, develop and do. At the same time I see the sun setting, and yet the flame is bright, and I don't have be afraid of losing my way. The message is "have fun with this - don't take things so seriously…you're guiding and being guided, always." I'll carry this with me and meditate on it.

So I wanted to ask for some additional advice about how to work through that 4 of Pentacles, and so I pulled a card from my Medicine Cards and selected the Salmon:

Medicine Cards - Jamie Sams/David Carson

Salmon is about developing inner-wisdom through the understanding that we learn not just from the good experiences we have, but from the difficult and challenging ones as well (and perhaps even more). It's about balance - honoring my own intuition, but also hearing others' ideas and opinions. It's about seeing the value presented by hard times, rather than writing them off. Page 234 in the book says, "Salmon teaches you to see every bend in the river as a new adventure, with a lesson you need to learn in order to grow. That knowledge becomes authentic wisdom through applying these truths to your life." Inhale, exhale. Yes, that is beautiful advice that addresses the energy of the 4 of Pentacles with deep acuity. Risk-taking brings challenges but also the beauty of connection and even at times of affirmation. Each of these has worth, and offers a lesson I can integrate and grow from.

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Lovers and 2 of Cups: Valentine's Day

I've been busy this past week, and so sleepy, that I haven't felt up to making time for a blog post, and I'm well overdue. Ironically, the day I feel I have some time to set aside for this is Valentine's Day, where so many people are running around town frenetically trying to find last-minute gifts for loved ones. I should know. On my way to work this morning I stopped off at the local superstore (my least favorite place in the world to go) in order to pick up some chocolate for the kids for when they get home from school. As I was perusing the long aisles of heart-shaped boxes, a man rushed by me, his hands full of pink baskets, flowers, cards, and candy. He said to me "I've been working all week from 9am-Midnight and haven't had time to go shopping, so once again I'm here at the last minute!" He told me he worked at a restaurant and they'd been booked solid the entire week for Valentine's dinners. I reassured him that the fact that he'd made time to work this in to his busy schedule should count for something.  He asked if I'd seen the over-sized stuffed bears, and I said no, and he rushed away into the vacuous space of the commercial wonderland.

People harp on Valentine's Day for being "too fabricated," or structured to empty people's pockets of hard-earned cash. I don't feel that way, but then I tend to take from each holiday what works for me, and leave the rest….also happen to adore boxed chocolate, so it works out okay for me! In fact to be honest I don't mind buying up my goodies on the day after, when everything is marked down. Score!

So, love. Yesterday I had the fortune to meet with a local reader-friend for a 3-hour session of playing with Tarot and Lenormand, and two cards that kept popping up in our readings were the 2 of Cups and the Lovers - so fitting for the occasion, don't you think? These are two cards that have shown up a lot in my personal readings over the past year, a combination of redirecting my path towards something I love, something that feeds my soul, and which as a result is bringing my being back into alignment. But I want to put aside these meanings about "choice," "alignment," etc., because today is Love Day and I want to talk about how these cards represent our most sacred feeling. For this purpose I'm using two images from the Anna K Tarot, which I do NOT own, but which my reader friend does and used for me yesterday. (Very fitting, too, as my blogging friend Ellen used this deck for a post yesterday, and every time she does so, it makes me think I should add it to my collection!).

I was stuck by these two cards yesterday, in this particular deck, because of how the artist seems to have connected them:

Anna K Tarot - Llewellyn Publishing

The 2 of Cups shows a young couple in what could be the throes of early love, or a developing and exciting romance. They are demurely engaged, giving the impression that they're really trying to find some privacy so they can feel free to express their feelings for each other away from prying eyes. The flowers are in bloom behind them, a sign of happiness and perhaps the expansion of love they may soon experience.  Some people consider the 2 of Cups a "soul mates" card, and I don't necessarily see it that way. As a 2, this card is about new love, flirtation, mutual attraction, which may or may not become something deep and long-lasting.

Anna K Tarot - Llewellyn Publishing

Then we have the Lovers, and this would indeed be a card I'd consider to be more indicative of a deep connection that moves past flirtation and fleeting passion and onto something more meaningful and significant. In this image we see what appears to be the same couple from the 2 of Cups, yet now they've aged quite a bit. They're no longer the young lovers trying to hide behind a curtain for privacy. They sit closely together holding hands, enjoying each other's company, content and secure in the loving friendship that has developed after many long years of being together, learning about and from each other, forging the slow and profound bond of loving coupledom. The flowers have expanded and filled out along with their relationship.

Now back to the definitions I wanted to avoid….. most relationships start with the 2 of Cups, and it takes the careful cultivation, flexibility, open mind, dedication, and above all the right pairing of two people to reach and then maintain the Lovers relationship. It ain't easy! Not all Lovers relationships work out, and their demise can be deeply painful. Those that do last require an even flow of those attributes, an alignment of core values, a sprinkling of grace…. and above all, a choice. A choice to stick it out, work through the problems, grow from the pain, and as a result come to care more deeply for each other than either partner might have imagined was possible.

So here is to love in all its messy glory - all love: 2 of Cups and Lovers, 10 of Cups and 6 of Cups, the Sun, Ace of Cups, and even the 3 of Cups of joyful friendships. Finally, a special shout out to the 3 of Swords, the bittersweet agony that is at times a consequence of having had the courage to be open to the blessing of giving and receiving love.

Happy Valentine's Day.

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