A Day of Mystery and Good Friends

Yesterday morning I pulled a rune, as I customarily do as a sort of "daily draw." It was perthro reversed. This is a rune of mystery, of the unknown, of experiencing that which can't be named by the five common senses. It can, thus, symbolize secrets, and the unveiling of those secrets. Reversed it suggests that those hidden elements that come to light may not be entirely pleasing. In order to complement and give additional "body" to the singe rune pull, I decided to draw a card from the Prisma Visions Tarot deck. Lo and behold, it was the High Priestess - another card of mystery and hidden things! Well okay - the tools had spoken. To add a third and final layer, my Tarot app daily draw was the 3 of Cups, a lovely message of community relationship and support. It was bound to be an interesting day.....

Prisma Visions Tarot - James Eads; runes

During the late morning I was driving from one school building to another and decided to stop at a campus fast-food restaurant to pick up a sandwich (not something I normally do). As I was idling in the drive-thru lane I suddenly started to smell a terrible, burning odor, and saw misting smoke outside. I thought - hoped - that perhaps I'd driven over a vent in the lot. But as I drove forward the smoke followed me. I was feeling pretty doom-y when I reached the pick-up window. The clerks opened it to take my payment and immediately closed it again as the noxious fumes started to blow inside. They opened it again and the manager came over and started to coach me about what to do:

"It's probably your coolant! Go park it and let it cool down before you open the hood - otherwise it might explode in your face."

Oh my god. I thanked him and drove the very short distance to my office parking lot. I was afraid it might catch fire. I was incredibly worried as this is a fairly new car and shouldn't be having any major issues. I did in fact open the hood (no explosions) and the smoke was lightly lifting up from the engine block. It was strange because my car is very good about letting me know when even the slightest issue arises - a need for an oil change, a headlamp being out, a need to refill any of the essential fluids. Not a single warning light or sound had gone off when the car was smoking: no "check engine" light - even the temperature gauge was normal. It drove fine - nothing out of the ordinary. So I entered my workplace with my nerves off the chart. As I was explaining what had happened to a few of my team members, someone from the math department peered over the low-wall and started to ask me questions about it. He eventually came over and sat nearby and gave me some very helpful information about car mechanisms and behaviors. Another math teacher showed up and both of them offered to come look at my car for me (3 of Cups). I was grateful. They looked at the engine, checked the lines and fluid levels, made sure that the fans were working correctly. They ran the car and put the air conditioning on full blast to see if it would start to smoke again, or show any signs of overheating. They were both stumped. They said that based on what they were seeing there was no reason that the car should have behaved that way, and try as they might to get it to reproduce the smokiness, it wasn't happening. They finally suggested that it might have been an electrical glitch which would be worth taking to the dealership to review, but they thought that I'd get home okay.

They were right. I've driven my car several times since that terrible moment in the drive-thru, and it has been completely normal. Talk about mystery. Now of course I will be getting it examined, but I decided to look online and found some very intriguing information: there were many accounts of other owners of my same car make/model/year who had not only had experiences of their car suddenly smoking, but it had occurred in a restaurant drive-thru! It was starting to feel like the Twilight Zone. Interestingly, in all of these cases the people said that they brought it to the dealer for assessment, and no matter what the mechanics tried, they couldn't find a thing wrong with the cars. So on one hand I was slightly comforted by that, but on the other hand it was pretty disconcerting.

At one point during all of this I thought: wouldn't hagalaz, or the Tower, have made more sense??? But in the end my car was fine. It didn't break down, I wasn't forced to call a tow truck. And based on what I read about others' accounts, it seems that there is indeed some mystery at play - not particularly pleasant mystery, but not a show-stopper either. Hey, maybe my car was telling me never to consider fast food again ;-)

Self-Forgiveness with Tarot of the Vampyres

A new deck appeared on my front steps yesterday afternoon. It's not a deck I ever thought I'd purchase, nor one I thought I was particularly interested in....until seeing Ellen's blog posts featuring it! I was surprised by the lovely and interesting artwork; while certainly "vampirey", it also has a uniquely eloquent voice and I find some of the card depictions intriguing and even rather beautiful. So I decided to go for it:

This is not a proper review, though I will probably do one a bit further down the line after working with these cards some more. For now I want to simply discuss the task from day six of the Shadow Work October challenge which I completed using this deck:

The Innocent - What do I need to forgive myself for?

As I was shuffling, the 9 of Swords reversed popped out of the deck. I put it back in and kept shuffling. I split the deck and pulled my cards, and lo and behold, the first card was none other than the 9 of Swords reversed, followed by the Priestess and the Magician:

I knew immediately what it was about: my propensity for profound self-doubt. I mean, I do believe in myself, and I recognize when I am capable of a job or if I have a particular skill. But for some reason, when I'm in the trenches of the work itself, I always question myself, and often don't sleep well while worrying about the quality of what I've done. I remember this happening quite a lot when I was a student. I would spend so much time and effort working on a project or essay, and never feeling that it was up to par. I knew I could do better. And then I'd get the feedback from the instructor and find that not only did I do very well, I went far above the expectations for whatever the assignment was. You'd think that after experiencing that same situation multiple times over the course of my life that I would come to trust in myself more. But no, I repeat the same cycle - I know that I'm doing it, I'm aware - but that doesn't remedy my worry. These cards show that I eat myself up with self-doubt, but in the end I'm able to use my own wisdom and knowledge (internal) to manifest success (external). I really love that the Priestess showed up (it's my favorite card in this particular deck as it reminds me of Artemis, and much of my self-doubt stems from trusting my intuition and innate wisdom) and the Magician as well (he is my Soul Card).

It's a powerful message, a potent reminder to myself, and I may just lay these cards out somewhere in sight so that I can continue to work on assuaging my sense of self-doubt. I suppose that in a sense, I never want to be over-confident; to some degree I value my inner critic as a way to be accountable to myself, to know that I'm always giving my all to whatever I do. But there is a line somewhere (perhaps I've crossed it when I lose sleep!) that I want to be more respectful of - a balance of self-forgiveness that I would like to achieve.

Mabon Blog Hop: Trusting Intuition

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Greetings, and Happy Mabon! Please use the links at the top or bottom of this post to access the other wonderful blogs in this circle.

Our wrangler for this hop, Morgan Drake Eckstein, has asked us to consider and write about a time when we feel we made a "quantum leap" in our understanding of the cards. At first I didn't know what I might write about for this topic, because learning and integration of Tarot (as with any divination system) feels so gradual, and in some ways implicit.

But one afternoon I received a reading request from a client, and it wasn't about love, or work, or money. She had been studying the cards for years and felt she wasn't making any progress. She wanted to know what was creating limitations for her, and how to be a better reader. These are the kinds of questions I really love to explore with clients, and as we worked through her reading we found that she was over-intellectualizing the process. She was treating divination like math class: memorize the formulas, understand what the symbols mean….and once she's done that she should be golden, right? But she wasn't golden. She was stuck.

As we explored her blocks and how to address them, I was brought back to that "quantum leap" I'd made in my own studies, and I knew just what to write about for this hop…

That little voice that speaks to us….
Photo Credit

When I first started to really study and learn Tarot I used a Marseilles-style deck; the Major Arcana was beautifully illustrated, but the cards in the Minor Arcana featured just the appropriate number of elements for the suit. In other words, the 6 of Pentacles showed just six pentacles. There were no images that might help a novice learner understand the energy being represented. I'm an academic, and I'm very methodical about learning. I went to the library, found a nice book on Tarot meanings that also showed the Rider Waite images for each card, and I studied and memorized and studied and memorized. I created lists and charts, and I learned that deck. When I saw the 4 of Swords, I didn't just see four swords, I imagined the Rider Waite depiction, and it helped make meaningful connections to my own deck. Great?

Sort of! Except studying in that way is like crafting a mojo bag without breathing life into it. It's static and stale. I wanted my readings to come to life, become more dynamic, but I had spent so much time memorizing those book meanings that I was afraid to let them go. Eventually I decided I needed some help - I needed someone to encourage me to let go of my limitations, to tap into something more than my intellect. One day I saw an advertisement for an "Intuitive Tarot" class at a local metaphysical shop, and I signed right up.

The instructor was a wonderful woman who had been working with the cards and as a medium for over 30 years. The first thing she said was "bring whatever deck appeals to you." I had brought the Radiant Rider Waite because I assumed that would be the deck of choice for a formal class. But she felt that the most important thing about becoming a reader is not to memorize meanings, but to pay attention to the art - what does it say? What parts draw your attention? How does it make you feel? How do the colors mesh together, and what message does that send? To read that way, it's best to have a deck that you're drawn to, not necessarily the most common or traditional deck.

Golden Tarot - Liz Dean

To be clear, she wasn't encouraging students not to study card meanings - she felt that in the long run knowing the meanings would be very helpful. But she wanted everyone in the room to leave class on the last day with the ability to give accurate readings, and knowing book meanings wasn't essential for that. (As a side note, I suspect there are many people who never read Tarot because they're overwhelmed by the prospect of having to learn all those meanings. This particular method teaches that you can give great readings by trusting your intuition first, and there's still room to work on traditional meanings and structure over time). Whew, I was in the right place! In fact it was harder for me than for other students because I was so attached to those meanings; I had to unlearn a bit in order to loosen up and open up my intuitive channels.

That class was wonderful in that it gave me "permission" to let the cards speak to me personally, to delve into a deeper level of reading than what I had been allowing myself to experience. And in the end I was able to find a reading style that struck a comfortable balance between my intuition and rational mind, so that I was able to honor both; my readings became so much richer and more profound. That was rewarding.

High Priestess, by Panskiduf

But trusting your intuition is not always easy, especially when you're first learning. And in the case of my client who'd been studying for years and wasn't making significant progress, her blockage hinged on her fear of honoring her intuition and letting it speak to her. Most readers have had that experience - you have a "gut feeling," or a hunch, or a proverb pops into your head seemingly out of nowhere. Do you tell the client, or keep it to yourself? What if you're wrong? Too risky, better just stick with the standard meanings. Then the client starts chattering away about the details of their situation, and everything you were feeling turns out to be precisely the case, and if you'd have just said that then your reading would have been so much better! Well, that's the process of learning to trust yourself, and it takes time and a pinch of bravery, but it's so worth it in the long-run.

With that, I send you on to the next Blog Hop post - Mabon Blessings!

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The Secret (Renaissance) Tarot: A Review and Reading

When I putter about online I happen across wonderful, tempting things (usually when I'm least expecting it!). About a week ago I saw an image of the Sun card from the Secret Tarot by Jane Lyle, with art by Helen Jones, and I really liked it. These days I suppose you could say that I'm finicky about decks… I'm not interested in collecting; I buy decks that I love, that I think I'll enjoy reading with.  And since I have so many that I love working with, I take my sweet time when considering a new purchase. Me, make impulsive buys? Never! Well, okay, almost never.

I saw the Sun card from this deck, and immediately hunted it down on eBay, without even doing a Google search for more card images (shocking, I realize)! For under $20 and free shipping I jumped on board, and I'm happy I did.

This is a highly unique deck principally due to the artwork. Rather than paintings, drawings, or even woodcuts, Helen Jones molded figures and shapes out of something rather like clay, giving the cards a slight 3D appearance. I'm not a big fan of photographic decks, but I don't get that feel from these cards. The Majors are absolutely gorgeous. They're full of detail, and represent the essence of each archetype clearly and powerfully. Each card features highly recognizable symbols such as the High Priestess sitting on a crescent moon, a pomegranate settled in the palm of her hand. The Hermit walks toward the edge of the card holding his lantern aloft, a white-headed raven perched in the bare branches of the tree above. The Minor Arcana are far less detailed, predominately featuring the appropriate number of suit symbols, but with just a touch of extra detail to help fill out the story. For example the 9 of Swords features 9 swords arranged in an arc above the head of a figure in the fetal position. The blades point downward, representing the mental pressure, anxiety, and anguish that are principal elements of its meaning. Simple images that speak very articulately! The Court cards are richly colored, and my favorite is the Queen of Pentacles. The golden figure is complimented by a rich green backdrop, surrounded by a vine covered with bright red strawberries. Hey, it screams "Christmas!" - my favorite holiday, and the time of my birth! That seems appropriate since this Queen represents the earth signs, and Capricorn begins around Yule.

Secret Tarot - Jane Lyle and Helen Jones

The accompanying book is well done, and features in-depth descriptions of all cards, including reversals. I was intrigued and pleased that Jane Lyle speaks some about elemental dignities, because this seems to be a topic not very easily found in most contemporary, easy to find Tarot literature. In the back of the book she includes sections on topics such as methods of determining time frames, and she concludes with an overview of Tarot spreads such as the Romany, Astrological Houses, and Celtic Cross.

I've read some reviews of this deck that expressed disappointment regarding the card stock, but I've found the stock to be sturdy and easy to shuffle. The backs are royal blue with a reversible, gold diamond design. If I were to complain about any aspect of this deck, it would be regarding the figures on the Minor Arcana. They don't have defined faces! At first I found this slightly creepy, but now I don't mind it so much. But I think that giving them some extra character would have been nice.

So on to a short reading….

I decided to ask about what I should be focusing on most in my life right now, and pulled:

5 of Cups reversed - 4 of Swords - Fool

Secret Tarot - Jane Lyle, Helen Jones

The 5 of Cups reversed tells me that I've recently been experiencing a period of emotional transition, moving from feelings of sadness and regret on to a focus on the positive elements in my life. When we took our trip to Michigan earlier this summer I realized how much I missed it, and started to consider the possibility of moving back so our kids could be closer to their grandparents. I missed the northern weather, and the abundance of familiar herbs. I dove into job hunting upon returning to Florida, but the only positive-looking opportunity didn't pan out, so I was back to square one. I had put so much energy into the possibility of a sudden move, that it was difficult to readjust to the idea that it simply might not be the right time for this transition. When Jorge returned from Europe we spent a couple of weeks planning and thinking and talking, and we decided to release that idea, at least until next year. He himself had a couple of exciting opportunities to explore, and that became our new focus. So I started remembering the good things we have down here in the deep south. My job is secure and flexible, the kids are settled happily in their schools. Autumn is coming which means that slowly the weather will begin to feel less stuffy and hot, and the winter is pretty nice on the account of having no snow to shovel!  So things started feeling more positive.

The 4 of Swords is certainly how I'm feeling at present. In some ways it feels like the calm before the storm, except the storm isn't anything negative, it's just a lot of movement.  Having packed away one possibility, we're focused on others, but those new opportunities don't require any significant shifts for at least another month or so. So in the meantime I'm resting, gathering and balancing my thoughts, considering where we've been and where we're headed. 

And that sense of the "calm before the storm" that I'm having is confirmed by the final Fool card. When we realized that moving back north wasn't a solid option for the time being, I was left feeling a bit like I was floating adrift at sea, untethered. I really thought we were going to do it, and then we just didn't. I felt all this energy swirling around us, that sense of immanence, but had no idea what it meant anymore. It didn't dissipate when our plans shifted, it was still very palpable. And it feels good, even though I can't entirely put my finger on it. The Fool feels right. It's the energy of new adventure, new developments, new paths. Some of that I can confirm, but I sense that there's more to it than I can understand at this moment in time. 

So the focus turns back to the center, theme card - the 4 of Swords: Savor this time. Plan wisely. Gather your energies, and then let go as your journey unfolds before you.

Mabon Blog Hop 2013 - Persephone, the High Priestess

Welcome to the Mabon Blog Hop 2013!  You may be moving on from Jordan Hoggard's blog, or backward from Christiana Gaudet's Tarot Trends blog.  If at any point you want to see the Master List of participating blogs/people, click here.

One of my favorite myths is that of Demeter and Persephone, and the birth of Autumn and Winter.  As we celebrate the coming of Fall, it's a beautiful myth to consider.  My earliest memories of hearing this myth were as a kid, perhaps 12 years old, as my mother would bring Greek myth to life while doing Tarot readings.  I would sit, mesmerized, as her words brought me into another world. She used - and still uses - the Mythic Tarot (Juliet Sharman-Burke, Liz Greene, and Tricia Newell), which winds Greek stories throughout the Major and Minor Arcana.

There are a lot of aspects of the Persephone myth that attract me.  One is how it highlights the relationship between mother and daughter.  My mother was always one of my favorite people.  I have always loved and respected her, and she was in many ways my first spiritual teacher.  Now I'm an adult with children of my own (two of them daughters) and I have the gift of experiencing this relationship from the other pole, for which I'm grateful.

Golden Tarot - Liz Dean
Cisco Books 2012

Part of this relationship involves the aspect of separation - the child grows up, becomes a young woman, perhaps gets married (or moves away).  The myth touches on the pain of letting go.  I remember going through this stage when I was engaged and married many years ago.  There is some degree of renegotiation of roles in the relationship that takes place.  It's an adjustment, but the relationship is not entirely supplanted.  Mom will always be mom, will always love her kids, and will always be involved in her children's lives, in some way.  Similarly, Demeter was in grief when her daughter Persephone ended up married to Hades, and was taken to live in the Underworld.  Because Persephone had eaten several pomegranate seeds she was bound to split her time between the Under and Upper Worlds.  In Demeter's sadness the plants began to die, the nights became longer, the cold set in, life became more difficult.  But when Persephone was able to rise again to spend time in the Upper World with her mother, Spring came, the days became warm, food became abundant, and all was well with the world.  Demeter's gift to humankind was the knowledge of how to grow and store wheat so that there would be sustenance during the cold days of Winter.  So to me it speaks of the grief inherent in love, and the life that still flows despite working through difficult times.

Persephone has a place in Tarot, as the High Priestess of the Major Arcana.  This also happens to be
one of my favorite cards in the deck, and one with which I identify in many ways.  She represents hidden things, secret knowledge, femininity, intuition, the balance of dark and light, the realm of the unconscious.

As Persephone descends into the Underworld, and Demeter's grief escorts us into the dark of Fall and Winter, I thought I would create a little spread that focuses on our inner sun - the light we carry within us.  Fall and Winter is our time for reflection and renewal, and at times we need to remember our strengths, and the gifts we have to offer.  This is the Inner-Sun Spread:

1: Me, now: King of Pentacles reversed - I'm working on balancing out my inner King. I feel I embody many of his traits (supporting those around me, being even-keeled, etc.), but especially in terms of economic equilibrium, it's something on-going.

2: The gifts I have to share: King of Wands - I have a deep inner energy to make things happen in my life; I'm comfortable in my own skin; when I set myself to a task I know I can accomplish it; I'm not afraid of transformation - shedding my skin, moving on to a new phase of life.

3: The gifts I'm still developing: 3 of Wands - I'm still in the process of building on what I've begun - working toward my soul purpose; that's me out on the hill looking out toward the horizon. I am determining where I want to go and how best to get there, taking stock of the situation.

4: My deepest desires: 7 of Cups reversed - More than anything else, I want to make my dreams and deepest goals come to life, be realized.  The King of Wands suggests I'll be able to get there, but I'll have to be sure to ground my dreams through the King of Pentacles.

5: Advice for manifesting my desires: 4 of Swords - I can best achieve my desires through quiet contemplation, reviewing where I've come from and where I want to go, careful planning, and taking time to gather my energies before leaping forward.

The summary card for my reading is Temperance: balance; moving forward; patience and surety; the path ahead is clear; quiet contemplation.

Over all it feels good, and reflects where I feel that I'm at, and where I'm going.  It's a nice confirmation that I have what it takes to achieve my goals, and the 4 of Swords is the perfect card for Mabon, as we move into the time of rest and quiet thought and review.

If you decide to try out this spread, please let me know how it goes! :)

With that I will end my post for the Mabon Blog Hop 2013, feeling very happy to have just participated in my first of hopefully many more to come!

You may now be moving down the list to Christiana Gaudet's Tarot Trend blog or backward to Jordan Hoggard's blog.  Don't forget that you can access the Master list here.  Happy Hopping, and Feliz Mabon!

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The Advice of Air and Wolf

Today I pulled the Ace of Swords for my daily draw (using DruidCraft Tarot - Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm and Will Worthington).  Phew!  This is really good, and also really challenging. 

Yesterday evening we received our oldest daughter’s grades for last year (why so late??) and they were not particularly good.  Yet her State test scores were far above average.  We know she is capable of doing the work, but she daydreams a lot, and keeps a lot of her thoughts and feelings inside, and that combination has really created some obstacles in the past.  She will make some decisions that are not ideal, and when it creates a major problem she does feel bad and accept responsibility…. But then soon she falls back into her own private world and the cycle continues.  I ask myself what I can do better as a parent to help guide her, help her with structure.  I pulled three cards from my Morgan Greer deck last night asking, “What should I understand about my daughter?” 

I pulled the 7 of Cups, Justice, and the High Priestess. 

Morgan Greer Tarot

Yep.  The 7 of Cups represents how much time she spends entertaining herself, distracting herself, with exciting ideas and fantasies – none of which she ever turns into an actual project or activity in the real world (even despite our continual encouragement).  The High Priestess is her hidden world.  In the Morgan Greer deck the High Priestess sits before a curtain with her feet resting on the moon.  Behind the curtain you can see that there is an ocean beyond, but it’s mostly hidden.  The moon signifies many things, but one of those things is illusion.  For me this card represents how while my daughter always seems cool, calm and collected, underneath the surface she is feeling a lot of things that she keeps to herself.  She gives the illusion that all is well in her world, when the reality might not be at all that way.  For me Justice represents her brief moments of clarity, when she realizes that she keeps stepping in the same hole (so to speak), and she feels a sense of responsibility for her behavior, and understands the need to make some changes.  But Justice is flanked by two water cards – while air and water get along okay, the predominance of water makes me feel that her daydreaming and hidden world are why she keeps returning to the same patterns.  She is a teenager, but she’s still young.  I’m not sure she can find that extra “air” to help sort things out.

DruidCraft Tarot

That’s where the Ace of Swords comes in.  I really want to help guide her in a nurturing but firm manner.  While I am frustrated by the poor performance, I feel for her, and oftentimes end up focusing more on her feelings rather than finding a solid solution for her.  Which is not a true help, I think, in the long-run.  What the Ace of Swords is telling me to do is to put the emotions aside for now, and figure out a rational, well-thought-out plan that will provide her with the extra scaffolding she needs to be successful.  The Ace of Swords shows a sword breaking through illusion and emotion.  This is a great analogy for the need for Jorge and I to break through the illusion of our daughter's mind-set and emotional state, and work with her where she truly is.  In the past we’d have long discussions, tears, lots of hugs, and then we’d feel like we made progress and we’d let it go.  That was an error.  It’s time for a change in how we work with her, which will hopefully result in real change all the way around, and will end in a happy, successful kid, and happy, relieved parents.  I’m ready for that challenge.

One additional note (this is several hours after posting this): I am definitely pulling on the Ace of Swords at work today, too.  I've been placed in a leadership position for a group assignment, and some of the members on the team are resentful and uncooperative.  I am definitely rather Cupsy, and always strive for harmony, and am always considering people's feelings.  In this case I need to buck up and take on this challenge.  I need to let go of my concern about what others think of me, especially when the dislike stems from negativity rather than reality.  I need to be a leader, a fair leader, but the focus must be on the facts, on honesty, and strength.  Difficult, but a worthy lesson for me.

I also pulled a card from the Druid Animal Oracle (Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm and Will Worthington).  I didn’t pull it in relation to this situation, just for additional advice.  I pulled the Wolf, and it really works in harmony with yesterday’s Hermit card pull.

The Wolf encourages me to recognize that to grow deeper I need to take on challenges that may cause me anxiety.  This does have a relation to the issue with my daughter, but I feel it relates most strongly to my Tarot study.  I’ve been going deeper into Tarot, but knowing that at some point I need to dive into reading for strangers.  This causes me anxiety, and I ask myself, “What if I don’t connect?  What if my reading is completely off?  What if the client tells me that my interpretation has no relationship to their lives??”  Well, that is a little overboard.  I already know that it wouldn’t be that bad.  The accuracy of the readings I do has been high, and the work I’m doing practicing my story-weaving skills (based on strangers’ online spread postings) has shown me that I’m not entirely inept.  But those concerns continue to haunt me a bit.  At the same time I know that taking that leap into free-reading is a critical step to my development as a card reader.  And I actually do want to do it.  So in that respect the Wolf (“intuition, learning, the Shadow”) is encouraging me to accept my fears and move past them into deeper waters.  I’m grateful for the advice. <3