Self-Forgiveness with Tarot of the Vampyres

A new deck appeared on my front steps yesterday afternoon. It's not a deck I ever thought I'd purchase, nor one I thought I was particularly interested in....until seeing Ellen's blog posts featuring it! I was surprised by the lovely and interesting artwork; while certainly "vampirey", it also has a uniquely eloquent voice and I find some of the card depictions intriguing and even rather beautiful. So I decided to go for it:

This is not a proper review, though I will probably do one a bit further down the line after working with these cards some more. For now I want to simply discuss the task from day six of the Shadow Work October challenge which I completed using this deck:

The Innocent - What do I need to forgive myself for?

As I was shuffling, the 9 of Swords reversed popped out of the deck. I put it back in and kept shuffling. I split the deck and pulled my cards, and lo and behold, the first card was none other than the 9 of Swords reversed, followed by the Priestess and the Magician:

I knew immediately what it was about: my propensity for profound self-doubt. I mean, I do believe in myself, and I recognize when I am capable of a job or if I have a particular skill. But for some reason, when I'm in the trenches of the work itself, I always question myself, and often don't sleep well while worrying about the quality of what I've done. I remember this happening quite a lot when I was a student. I would spend so much time and effort working on a project or essay, and never feeling that it was up to par. I knew I could do better. And then I'd get the feedback from the instructor and find that not only did I do very well, I went far above the expectations for whatever the assignment was. You'd think that after experiencing that same situation multiple times over the course of my life that I would come to trust in myself more. But no, I repeat the same cycle - I know that I'm doing it, I'm aware - but that doesn't remedy my worry. These cards show that I eat myself up with self-doubt, but in the end I'm able to use my own wisdom and knowledge (internal) to manifest success (external). I really love that the Priestess showed up (it's my favorite card in this particular deck as it reminds me of Artemis, and much of my self-doubt stems from trusting my intuition and innate wisdom) and the Magician as well (he is my Soul Card).

It's a powerful message, a potent reminder to myself, and I may just lay these cards out somewhere in sight so that I can continue to work on assuaging my sense of self-doubt. I suppose that in a sense, I never want to be over-confident; to some degree I value my inner critic as a way to be accountable to myself, to know that I'm always giving my all to whatever I do. But there is a line somewhere (perhaps I've crossed it when I lose sleep!) that I want to be more respectful of - a balance of self-forgiveness that I would like to achieve.

In the Light of the Blue Moon

Once a year we experience two full moons within the scope of a single month, and that second moon is called the Blue Moon. Tonight is the Blue Moon in Aquarius, and some take advantage of this special lunar moment to set intentions for the period leading to the following year's Blue Moon. What I've decided to do is select three Blue Moon cards to highlight the most important influences over the next year's cycle:

1) Gifts illuminated by this next Blue Moon cycle: Magician

Stone Tarot/A. Stone

This card appeared reversed, symbolizing energy preparing to unfold, and internal essences waiting to be brought into consciousness. The Magician symbolizes a need to pull out my ability to manifest my desires, to embrace my Will and the force of my personal confidence. This is my soul card, so it carries special meaning for me. The Magician encourages me to confront my tendency to feel I must accommodate others (oftentimes in the process I end up getting in my own way). This brings to mind the relatively well-known Marianne Williamson quote:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

It's time to make things happen, and to recognize that I can accomplish quite a lot when I focus my energy, so it's a prime moment to fill out some of the ideas and goals I'm been pondering. No "playing small" - the Magician calls me to live into my own skin, and do, and be, always me.

2) Receding Influence: 4 of Swords 
3) Peaking Influence: 6 of Swords 

Stone Tarot/A. Stone

The 4 of Swords suggests that my Hermit time is coming to a close. It's time to gather what I've learned from my past six months of down time, and take it back out into the world, bring it to a new level. Those four swords repose over a cool blue plane while angry-looking black and red energies collide in battle in the background. It's certainly fair to say that I've been inwardly-focused of late, considering who I am, what is most important to me, what I want to do, and what path I need to take to get there. As this energy fades...

...the 6 of Swords symbolizes a time of forward movement. I've pulled this, along with the 8 of Cups a lot over the past several months. The swords are no longer at rest - they're upright, and their blue backdrop has become a raft taking them away from the turmoil and into a new phase of life and growth. The 6 of Swords represents my need to embrace a new paradigm, to look beyond "what is" to "what could be", and to begin ( or continue) that journey.

6 and 4 is 10 which equates to the Wheel of Fortune, my personality card. So again I have a special message that reminds me of the ever-moving cycles of life, bringing me onward and upward in unexpected, often mysterious, ways.

Happy Blue Moon!

Tarot Blog Hop: The Magician

Previous / Master / Next

Welcome to the Summer Solstice Blog Hop! Please use the links at the top or bottom of this post to navigate to the other blogs in this circle!

For this Solstice Hop our wrangler, Alison Cross, asked us to choose a card from the Major Arcana and discuss any aspect about it that calls to us, and then, if we like, to put any sort of creative twist on it (a drawing, a poem, a spread, a story, a recipe). I chose to discuss the special gift that the Magician offers, and at the end of this post I've laid out a simple spread that highlights its energy.

This Major Arcana card, as all do, covers a wide range of possible elements. There is the Magician as a manipulator, or trickster, or in a more positive light as a person who has the ability to make desires reality ("you have all the tools you need!"). There is the Magician as the doctor or shaman, the teacher and student, and the diplomat. The Magician is known to have the ability to unite all elements of his/her environment through Will.

New Orleans Voodoo Tarot
Destiny Books

If we distill the essence of the Magician into a concentrated offering, it is: manifestation through absolute self-confidence and focused intention. This is not about crossing your fingers and hoping for the best; rather it's knowing that you will accomplish what you set out to do, and it is the ultimate realization of that desire.

In magical traditions, doubts can be damaging to the efficacy of the work being performed, and it is often not even enough to simply hope that a working will be effective. You carefully select your resources and materials, you create a space conducive to concentration and communion, and you know that your work has reached gentle, energetic fingers out into the universe to help to influence your goal.

World Spirit Tarot
Llewellyn Publications

In the book A Practical Guide to the Runes (1989), Lisa Peschel writes:

Why does magick work? It works because you believe it works. It doesn't just happen, however. You must make it happen. The way you make it happen is through belief and understanding. You must have belief in yourself and in the operation, and you must understand the operation thoroughly. 

Aleister Crowley wrote in Magick in Theory & Practice: "Magick is the Science and Art of causing Change to occur in conformity with Will," and anyone who has ever performed magick of any kind can attest to the truth of that statement. Magick is not "supernatural." It is a well-thought-out and self-willed scientific exercise in which the results are known before they actually happen. 

You will find your magick becoming more effective as your understanding and confidence grows...

(pg. 130-131)

Even if you do not practice a magical art or tradition, the energy of the Magician can be channeled into any area of your life, into any situation that would benefit from unwavering self-confidence, focused intention, and personal empowerment. To this end I've created the:

Magical Roadmap Spread

1) Point A: Major circumstance or issue in my life
2) Point B: My goal for this circumstance
3) Magician: How I can best focus my resources and Will to manifest my goal

May your inner Mage always be with you!

Happy Summer Solstice, and Happy Hopping!

Previous / Master / Next

Chloe's "Christmas Crackers" Spread

One of my blogging mates, Chloe McCracken from Inner Whispers (and also the creative mind behind the Celtic Lenormand!), posted her Christmas Crackers spread for our Yule Blog Hop in December. It's simple and clear, just how many great spreads tend to be, and I bookmarked it to try. The idea is to use this spread to better understand and value our relationships with others. Chloe pulled cards about her family members, but you can also do this about your relationships with friends, lovers, I suppose even for a business partnership!

For this reading I decided to focus on my colleague, Rose, who is my closest friend in the work setting. We've been work partners for nearly three years, and have stood by each other through all the ups and downs. I used the Chrysalis Tarot, by Holly Sierra and Toney Brooks.

Christmas Cracker Spread

1)  The gift I offer them
2)  The gift they offer me

Chrysalis Tarot - Sierra/Brooks
US Games Systems

1) The gift I offer Rose: King of Spirals (The Companion)

I had to laugh at this, because the keyword is so perfect. I would definitely consider myself a companion for Rose. In fact I suppose to call us "companions" is quite accurate, in general. Our department has gone through a lot of change, and office politics has presented their difficulties over the years. But through it all we were always able to count on each other's support and friendship. We've spearheaded many projects together as a team, and we complement each other very well in style and personality. I like seeing myself as this King, as giving Rose a strong friend to rely on, a creative "partner in crime".

2) The gift Rose offers me: Magician (Ravens)

This card appeared inverted, and for good reason! The Magician gets things done - alone. With Rose, I get things done, but I don't have to do it independently. Like the Companion, I have a friend, someone who shares my interests, perspectives, and motivation, who is driven to manifest new ideas in the real world along with me. I was drawn immediately to the pair of Ravens on this card, symbolic of our team. The pearls these birds hold in their beaks remind me of bits of shared wisdom. Rose's gift to me is partnership in making our shared ideas come to life.

This was a lovely spread to do, and I look forward to repeating it in the future with other important relationships in my life. If you're wondering how you might interpret a "difficult card" if it appears as a gift in this layout, I encourage you to check out Chloe's post (linked above) as she has some great examples!

Love-Hate Relationships (with decks!)

Last night I participated in a Tarot Circle led by the lovely Christiana Gaudet from Tarot Trends. During introductions everyone has the opportunity to ask a "burning question" or to make any comment they feel compelled to share. I had my Deviant Moon deck with me (by Patrick Valenza) and when it was my turn to speak I found myself talking about how the the Deviant Moon has become my main working deck, even though it's not my favorite deck.  Christiana asked me why I thought that was, and I honestly wasn't entirely sure. The angles, the colors, the shapes, draw me in and engage my intuition in a way that make my readings tend to flow….even though there are things I really don't like about it.

For instance, the Hermit card in any deck is one of those cards I'm particular about - it's one of my favorites.  And yet the Deviant Moon Hermit is entirely unappealing to me, and even a bit creepy. I prefer the images of the Hermit as a hooded, solitary figure, and I really resonate with that energy. But a Gollum-looking creature in a cave sitting next to a fish skeleton? Meh. I get the idea behind the image, I just don't really like it.

Deviant Moon Tarot - Patrick Valenza
US Games

I also don't like men with jutting chins and lipstick, and I have to say that the clown-like Magician took some getting used to.

Deviant Moon Tarot - Patrick Valenza
US Games

On the other hand, this deck has some cards that have come to be some of my very favorite of all time, such as the 4 of Swords and the Ace of Wands.

Deviant Moon Tarot - Patrick Valenza
US Games

Deviant Moon Tarot - Patrick Valenza
US Games

So given all these conflicting feelings about the deck, why do I like it so much? Why has it elbowed its way into being the deck I tend to choose most often for doing readings?

I was pondering this last night, following the Tarot Circle, and it finally popped into my mind like an almost-visible "ah hah" moment…...

I love this deck because it looks like it was co-created by Salvador Dalí and Pablo Picasso, two of my important artistic influences growing up. Picasso was an inspiration to me, and along with Diego Rivera, had a large impact on my developing style when I was an adolescent. I always found Dalí's surrealism and use of color and shape fascinating. So while there are aspects of the art style that I don't love, and while there are some cards I really don't care for, the deck still speaks to me in a way that calls me back to my creative origins, and somehow links an important part of my past to my present (think 6 of Cups). This is especially important to me because in recent years I've almost entirely stopped producing art work, and on some level I really miss it, and sometimes think I need it.

So I still find myself appreciating the entire package, because like anything familiar and dear to a person, there are things you love - the important things that keep you present and engaged - and there are things you don't love - the things you accept and work with because that's what you do when you love something (or someone)… and sometimes, like an ugly dog, you end up finding those imperfections endearing rather than off-putting.

So that's me and the Deviant Moon.

Using the Cards for Yes/No Questions

I would say that, in general, I'm more a fan of using Tarot for gaining deeper insights into the variety of situations in which we encounter ourselves in life.  Using Tarot to provide guidance, to highlight major energies or themes that influence us and the decisions we make. Sometimes to take a look at where our current paths our leading us.  But yes/no questions?  Not so much.

Deviant Moon Tarot
Patrick Valenza, US Games 2008

I know that a lot of people have differing opinions on this, and some are very much in favor, while others feel it's a poor use of this sacred tool.  So I decided to experiment.

You could do an Internet search for this topic and find numerous blogs and websites that will give you 82 different ways to determine the answer to a yes or no question using the cards.  Some are very simple: pick a card, and if it's upright the answer is yes, if it's reversed, the answer is no. Some are more complicated: select three cards, and if the majority are upright or reversed, there is your answer! But if it's a Pentacle instead of a Wand it might be a maybe!  Well, you get the idea, anyway. Some people reserve special decks for yes/no questions, or won't consider the influence of the Major Arcana at all. I find that if it seems too complicated, it probably is.

Deviant Moon Tarot
Patrick Valenza - US Games 2008

I use reversals, so to me the easiest way to test out yes/no questions is to draw a single card.  If it's upright, then it's yes, and if it's reversed, then no.  I also would consider the message of the card itself for additional information about the energies involved. Clearly in order to test this out it's necessary to ask a question whose answer can be determined in a relatively short period of time (and I would not test this out on a client, preferring to use my own life as the guinea pig).

I decided to ask if I would hear from a friend in the next 7 days.  This is a friend I normally don't keep in close contact with, though we've known each other for many years, and it's been more than six months since our last conversation.  Now I felt that this would be an obvious "no." So I asked a formal yes/no question: "Will I hear from this friend within the next 7 days?" I shuffled and cut and…

Deviant Moon Tarot
Patrick Valenza - US Games 2008

...the first card I pulled was the Magician, upright. Well that certainly looked pretty "yes-ish." I peeked at the next card, which was Strength, also upright.  Hm. Another strong "yes" card. Just to be absolutely SURE, I looked at the card below Strength, which was the King of Swords, upright.  Really?  I glanced at the card at the bottom of the deck: King of Wands, upright. Well okay, apparently my cards were saying - no, screaming - YES!!!! But I didn't feel like it would be a yes.  So I thought, "This will be a showdown between my reason and my cards. Let's see what happens!"

King of Wands - Deviant Moon Tarot
Patrick Valenza - US Games 2008

So I put my cards away after having documented those that I'd drawn and my thoughts about the whole thing.  And I went to bed.  I woke up the next morning at 6:30am and grabbed my phone for my morning ritual of Facebook-News-Weather-Time, and noticed that I had an email, too. When I opened my inbox what did I find?  A message from my friend.

So what did I learn from this?  Just maybe I can use my cards for yes/no questions after all.  Now if I'm going to be sciency about it (which I am) I'll be doing many more of these little experiments to see what happens, how things feel, how things turn out, what subtle nuances come across, and how to understand and interpret them in the context of this sort of concrete, straight-forward question. I'm not going to take this show on the road anytime soon, but I am at least open to exploring this "other" reading technique….. :)

The Shaman

The Shaman in the Wildwood Tarot is essentially equivalent to the Magician in a more traditional deck...except he's so much more.  When I pull this card in a spread I see mystery, healing, spirituality, and power.  He will catapult you forward to meet your destiny, to make things happen, to find yourself, to make your dreams into reality.

There are so many symbols in this card my head swims, but I'll discuss a few.  His robe has images of the Horned God, representing wildness, humanity's essential nature, the power in self-mastery and balance.  The Shaman wears the cloak of a bear, symbolizing (according to the Druid Animal Oracle, P. and S. Carr-Gomm) the unity of instinct and intuition, "primal power," and the ability to govern oneself.  He has before him all the elements essential to life, and the swirling tattoos on his arms are reminiscent of the great spiral Universe.

He invites us into the dark forest to know ourselves better, and come into our power.

Wildwood Tarot
Mark Ryan, John Matthews, Will Worthington
Sterling Ethos, 2011