Trust!

Trust is so hard, right?  Trusting that the cards will tell you what you need to know.  Trusting that you really are "doing it right."  Letting go of the fears of not connecting to the cards, or not knowing how to interpret them, of not being able to weave a story together based on what you're seeing and feeling.  Fears of negative feedback from strangers you read.  Holding on to the fear of the unknown, and of doubts.

When experienced readers say "you can't do it wrong," or "don't over-think it," or "everyone finds their own way, and it's not the same way for everyone," or "trust your intuition," they are right.  Doing it is not easy, but Tarot is not supposed to be easy.  It's a journey, and you learn as you go.

So yesterday I had a powerful reading, which really drove home all of the advice listed above.  I won't discuss the reading in much detail for confidentiality reasons, but I had done a reading for this person and about the same subject in the past.  The 10 of Swords popped up in a previous spread.  So this time as I was shuffling carefully, a card popped out.  When I picked it up, it was the 10 of Swords.  I felt that definitely carried significance, so I kept it in mind and put it back in the deck and I kept shuffling.  I cut the deck, and fanned it out to select cards.  I remember one of the cards that I selected gave me a strong, clear impression that it was a male court card.  Later, when I turned them all over, it was indeed a male court card - the Knight of Swords.  Seeing that confirmation of my feeling was pretty cool.  So after I had "dealt" the cards, I reassembled the deck and set it next to the spread.  At some point I thought about using a clarifier card, even though I wasn't really struggling for meaning.  But since I had the thought, I decided to pick the card at the top of the deck.  It was the 10 of Swords!  I smiled, and placed it next to the spread.  Okay, so this really does carry meaning for the spread and the question.

All in all the spread consisted of 6 Major Arcana, 1 court card, and 1 Ace, with two Minor Arcana.  The "future" card also coincided with the Shadow Card of the person I was reading, which gave another dimension to that particular area.  It was an intense spread, full of a lot of meaning, and the story came together for me almost as if I was reading a book.  It was really beautiful, even though the spread itself was full of uncertainty and a lot of recommendations.  It was a beautiful moment for me as a Tarot reader, as I'm learning to "let it go" and trust the process.

I used the Celtic Cross with no Significator since, as I mentioned in my last post, I've come to terms with what the positions mean for me, and I'm not stressing so much about how I shuffle.  It was a great experience, and I'm deeply grateful for it.

Celtic Cross Chaos

It's funny how complicated one spread can be..... I've been experiencing a lot of conflicting feelings about the Celtic Cross spread: on one hand I feel it's an important, common spread to be able to use effectively....on the other hand there are so many versions (so very many versions) of this spread, that it takes a lot of time to figure out what works well (for me/you/one).  And that's the advice I've found online - practice, and find out what works for you.  Okay.....

It's interesting how intuition works, because the first handful of times I tried this spread I started to develop some confusion about the placement of cards 5 and 6 (past influences, near future).  I found a lot of variations both in books and online, and my head was swimming already.  But as I was doing spreads I started to see a pattern where the 5 card (which I'd been placing to the left of cards 1/2, representing past influences) seemed to be speaking more about future possibilities, while the 6 card (which I'd been placing to the right of cards 1/2, meaning the near future) seemed to be more connected to the past.  At times it seemed they could almost be interchangeable.  It was really frustrating and I felt a lot of anxiety about continuing to play with it - well, it didn't feel like play, I was taking it super seriously and felt a sense of failure at having such a hard time figuring it all out.

I tried a lot of different organizations of cards in the spread, but none really seemed striking - no "this is it!" moments.  Then on Aeclectic Tarot, in one of the forums about people's struggles with this spread, someone mentioned that after a lot of trials, he came across Arthur Waite's version, which clicked with him.  So I looked that version up straight away, and was pleased with what I read.  Waite's version   featured the placements that I was already beginning to settle on, but with one very interesting and exciting difference: he allowed for flexibility between the meanings of cards 5 and 6 depending on the direction in which the person on the Significator card was facing.  Up until that point I wasn't using a Significator.  So I tried a spread, this time choosing the Page of Cups as Significator, which was facing to the left.  So the future card went there, while the past influences card went to the right.  If you were to choose a court card (or Major Arcana) where the person was facing to the right, then you would place the future card there, essentially reversing the placements.  This was indeed a "eureka" moment.  So I wasn't crazy after all!!!!!!  Waite's version also recommended shuffling the deck and cutting it three times and re-stacking (which is when I started actually cutting the deck, which I didn't do prior), then selecting all cards from the top of the deck.  This was a totally new method, as previously I was just shuffling and fanning.  Following that, I found the spread to be very accurate and provide a lot of insight.  I found it easier to read because I didn't have that sense of anxiety over the accuracy of card placements.

I'm still not entirely comfortable with the Celtic Cross in terms of cards 5 and 6, but Waite's version helped ground me a bit.  I am feeling that as a whole I like the "left" position for card 6, and the "right" position for card 5, even though using those positions firmly seems backward (shouldn't it be past-present-future, not future-present-past???) Then today I found a website, Psychic Library, that (shockingly) reflects this same way of understanding or working with the Celtic Cross:

It considers the first card to be the Significator, instead of Waite's version where the Significator is essentially an "extra" card.  (And as a side note, I do think that it makes more sense to either choose a Significator and then replace it, so you are working with all 78, or to use a Significator from a separate deck).  But the past influences are to the right, and the future is to the left!  Ahhh......

So, in short, I am slowly starting to feel more settled in my mind with the Celtic Cross.  I have needed to find my own way with it, and based on my own intuitions about placements, combined with some external affirmations, I'm starting to feel more comfortable with my ability to use and interpret this spread.  Of course I will still need to practice.....!!!  (And I spent a lot of time pining for my youth, when I didn't overthink shuffling or spreads, and simply shuffled, fanned, and selected without a care in the world!) But having a fairly certain framework in mind will help alleviate my anxiety and allow my intuition to lead the way. (At least that's the hope!!)

A final note about shuffling and card placements/meaning: 

After reading Waite's recommendation on shuffling/cutting, and also reading a recommendation by Joan Bunning (who I respect greatly) on her site that emphasized the importance of cutting the deck, I started to cut the deck on a regular basis - unless I am going back to basics with shuffling/fanning/selecting.  How many times I shuffle seems to vary (usually it's 2-3 times), but my cutting style is Waite's recommendation of three times, and in terms of direction I do: three to the left (cutting) and three to the left (stacking), which so far has worked well for me.  

But really, I'm not sure it really matters precisely how you shuffle, and whether or not you cut, and how you choose your cards.... 

I found some really great advice by Stefan Stenudd on Tarot Meaning about both the Celtic Cross (he also uses Waite's version), as well as shuffling, which I encourage anyone to read who is struggling with this, or any, spread!  It's just the truth: your intent, and clarity of intent, is really all that matters.  Once you've decided which card goes where, what it means to you as a reader, and what the question is, all else is unimportant. This is why readers can make up their own spreads - they decide what card placements mean, and off they go.  *Sigh* Just what I needed to hear.....and just what I need to always remember.

The Page of Swords

The Page of Swords was my daily draw today.  I've had a Sword-theme this week so far with my daily draws, and all have been great advice.

When I saw the Page this morning I was in a rush to leave the house so I kept it in my mind to ponder later.  I didn't automatically "know" what I was being told - I'm still getting more deeply acquainted with the court cards, and some are easier for me than others.

But later as I was considering this card, I realized that it's just another lovely progression in my weekly card draws, indicating that things are flowing along.  The Page of Swords is telling me to be strong and face this current issue with my student with my chin up, and in a fair manner.  It's fitting because the issue with my student involved academic ethics - plagiarism.  Figuring out how to deal with him in a way that is fair, yet not feeling simultaneously sad about it, has been a challenge for me.  So the central issue has been solved, but today (and probably even early next week) I'll be finishing working out the details and settling everything once and for all.  Yesterday I pulled the 6 of Swords which encouraged me to move on, gain a new perspective.  Today the Page is encouraging me to meet the challenge of learning to be just and fair and honest, and to place my focus on doing what's right, rather than getting caught up in irrational emotions regarding the student's situation. This has always been an issue for me!

Druidcraft Tarot - Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm

So I will look at this situation as a positive challenge to understand that sometimes paying attention to what's fair is more important than worrying about how the perpetrator feels about the situation.  (That's me, always worrying about peoples' emotions, even when it doesn't seem to make any sense!!!!!!!)

Thank you, Page!

(P.S. I push-pull shuffled twice, cut three times from right to left, and restacked from right to left - then drew the top card!)

Moving On....

My daily draw this morning was the 6 of Swords.  *sigh*  Yes, this is fitting - good advice for my day.  I'm still struggling with a problem I'd been having with one of my students, which, while having been resolved yesterday, still is having an impact on me.  I feel a little sad, but the advice from today's card is: "move on."  The issue has reached a conclusion, and there are other things at work that need my attention and focus.  Also, it's not the end of the world!  When I think of the rational pieces of the problem, I am satisfied with the results, however when I start focusing on other things I notice a "bluesy" feeling (also represented by the 6 of Swords) which is left over from the recent event here at work.  Of course, being great advice does not mean it's easy to follow!  But having the acknowledgement of my state of mind and being, and having that little push to let it go and change my frame of mind, is at least something I can meditate on today.

Actually it follows the card(s) from yesterday very well -

                                             Hanged Man and 4 of Swords => 6 of Swords

Numerically and meaning-wise, it's a very fitting progression.

Oh, and my shuffling method this morning - I thought I would mention it, since I haven't settled yet on just one, reliable one......

I pull/push shuffled twice, and then cut the deck into 3 (right to left) and re-stacked it (right to left). :-)

Moving on! Image from Creative Commons

Am I Shuffling Right???

Okay, so this issue of shuffling..... like all things in Tarot, shuffling seems to be related to personal style (thus, many people will approach this differently).  When I started working with cards when I was 13 this was not a complicated issue; I shuffled the cards while thinking about my question, fanned them out on the bed/couch/etc., and selected cards.  Since starting Tarot (many years later!) things have become a lot more complicated!  Some people shuffle and fan; some people shuffle, cut, and fan; some people shuffle, cut, and select - no fanning; some people shuffle and select, no fanning or cutting.  Which is the right way?? Which is the most effective method?? What if I'm not doing it right?????  I've read online that it doesn't matter, and there's no need to over-think the process.  While I agree with that, when you're inundated with different methods it can be hard to assimilate.

Well,  I had an experience this morning that seemed to drive home the fact that however you shuffle really doesn't matter - you'll find something useful and pertinent in the card(s) that will be relevant and hold meaning for you.  Here's my short story:

I've been trying to pull a single card each morning to give me an idea of the energy ahead of me that day, or for advice on the best way to deal with whatever comes my way.  Today I was shuffling, and experiencing a mild how-will-I-shuffle-today attack (I've been trying out different methods to see if something feels more "right" to me).  I decided that since I was short on time, I was just going to shuffle once (I have large cards so I use the push-pull method which can actually be counted in terms of quantity of times the deck is shuffled), and I was not going to cut the deck.  After I finished the first round of shuffling I felt like I needed to shuffle again, so I did.  At that point I decided to cut the deck after all.  But "just to see" what I would have gotten were I not to cut the deck, I peeked at the first card on the top of the deck, which was a 4 of Swords.  I replaced it, cut the deck into three, re-stacked it, then selected the top card - The Hanged Man.

Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot

What I knew about the day ahead of me was that I'd be conducting an interview at 10am.  This was going to be a secondary interview, the first having been given by my supervisor.  After a string of interviews, my colleagues and I came to realize that while my supervisor feels it's important to receive our feedback on potential candidates, ultimately the decision is hers, and ultimately she may not always agree with our perspectives.  Second, I was going to have a meeting at 11am with a student of mine and his advisor to discuss a serious issue of plagiarizing.  While I felt like the meeting had to happen, I also felt concerned about the outcome - would the student get suspended? Would he be docked a lot of points?  Would he be given the chance to redo the assignment?  I had some degree of turmoil regarding the whole issue.

Now, the Hanged Man was truly a great card.  When I saw it, my first thought was "let it go, it's not in your hands."  This was clear advice, as in both situations mentioned above I could not really have a significant influence on the outcome.  While I was involved in both situations, I had no deciding power, and I needed to come to terms with that, and then let it go. (Later the thought of this card made me laugh as my colleague and I were waiting to meet with my supervisor to give her feedback from the interview, and we literally were left hanging until the moment she decided she had enough time to see us - we almost missed lunch!)

But on my drive to work I thought back on the first card I peeked at - the 4 of swords - and I realized that it was appropriate to my situation in its own way.  The 4 of Swords refers to a time of rest following a difficult time; pausing to reflect on what's come before, and where you're headed; gaining new perspectives on events in your life.  Had I decided to pick this card, it would have served me well.  It encouraged me, in its own way, to let things go, like the Hanged Man, by encouraging me to take time to think about what had transpired, and gain a better perspective on the situation.  Its advice is to find peace by coming to terms with what is.  So both cards were appropriate and meaningful in similar ways to the situations before me.

What I took away from this experience was the realization that it really doesn't matter how you shuffle.  The cards you select will give you the insights that you need, no matter what combination or style you use.