The Circle Is Complete: Bleeding Time

#MayYouWriteLikeTheFool Day 4

Prompt: "We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete." 

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Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA

One day I decided: no more Pill. 

After so many years of 

(what essentially boils down to) 

hormone therapy 

(three kids are a blessing, and also enough)

I started to feel like my body

my emotions

were no longer my own. 

My last contraception-induced period 

wound its way to

the end

and I responded by 

not swallowing the next pill.

Far longer than what had once been "normal" 

my body continued to expel rusty debris 

a deep purging

a restoration in the works

a sigh of relief.

Nothing was different, not from the outside.

And yet I kept stretching my body

examining my hands

watching the curves of my hips

searching for signs of what I was 

feeling inside:

an opening and release.

One day that familiar ache 

in my abdomen

announced the return of 

my blood

-now fresh, unencumbered 

by chemical constraints.

We met again

at last

The circle complete.

A Smile That Is A Thinly Veiled Frown

This month I'm participating in a writing-oriented Instagram challenge hosted by Alaina @exploringlyyours and Dianna @unearthing_the_gift_ called "May You Write Like the Fool." Each day a prompt is provided to serve as a creative launching point. Pieces can take the form of haiku or other poetry, prose, blog posts, fiction, short essays, streams of consciousness.

Day one featured the prompt: A smile that is a thinly veiled frown. This is what unfolded:

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot - Uusi

"A smile that is a thinly veiled frown" / what is the price of insincerity?

I asked the Pagan Otherworlds Tarot about the social mores that ask us to keep our true feelings disguised (when someone asks you how you are, they usually don't really want to know, and such). King of Cups (inverted) was the response....

This is my significator, which was interesting to see. I recall vividly the last time I wore a thinly veiled frown. There was absolutely no way I could have shown my anger and sorrow and embarrassment without losing serious face. I kept my cool, went home, closed myself in my room and bawled for two hours. Then, I channeled my fury into rising far higher than I might have if the situation had been different. Not "I want" - but "I will." (And I did).

I see obvious value in running a tight ship as far as emotions go. Still, sometimes I wish I could speak my truth openly all of the time. I feel most free and authentic when I express myself in Spanish. I don't feel limited by the socio-linguistic constraints of English that filter my feelings into tidy boxes. And sometimes I say things I probably shouldn't. But it feels good.