I Am

Alaina from Exploringly Yours invited me to compose an "I Am" poem. After sitting on the idea for a  few days, one night this poem simply exploded forth from my soul:

I am

the hunger

I am

the wild

within

I am

the fertile

mother

the ravenous

wolf

the craving

and the sin.

I am

voluminous

a yawning

embrace

I am

a tidal flow

in and out

the thirst

the life

the primal shout

I am

a woman

I am

the untamed

the fury

the passion

and the grace.

I encourage you to write your own, and if you do, please let me know so that I can read them!

The Circle Is Complete: Bleeding Time

#MayYouWriteLikeTheFool Day 4

Prompt: "We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete." 

*****************************************************

Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA

One day I decided: no more Pill. 

After so many years of 

(what essentially boils down to) 

hormone therapy 

(three kids are a blessing, and also enough)

I started to feel like my body

my emotions

were no longer my own. 

My last contraception-induced period 

wound its way to

the end

and I responded by 

not swallowing the next pill.

Far longer than what had once been "normal" 

my body continued to expel rusty debris 

a deep purging

a restoration in the works

a sigh of relief.

Nothing was different, not from the outside.

And yet I kept stretching my body

examining my hands

watching the curves of my hips

searching for signs of what I was 

feeling inside:

an opening and release.

One day that familiar ache 

in my abdomen

announced the return of 

my blood

-now fresh, unencumbered 

by chemical constraints.

We met again

at last

The circle complete.

Tarot Thursday Three: Spellwork and Ritual

Here's another round of Tarot Thursday Three, hosted by Julia from Spiral Sea Tarot. Feel free to participate on your own blog, or answer the questions in the comments below!

1. Does spell work have a place in your practice and if so, how?

Sort of. I don't necessarily connect Tarot with it, and I don't do it as often as I used to, but it is something that I practice from time to time. In fact when I was first starting to read for others years ago I didn't know how to market myself (I still don't like it!), so for a handful of months as a new reader I didn't see any movement at all in terms of reading requests. One day I decided to do a candle spell to invite fresh business, and within the next few days I suddenly had three new clients! I was pretty surprised (happily so).

I have a bóveda, or ancestor/spiritist altar, which has become my central focus/tool for setting intentions on, or doing workings around, particular areas of my life, or to support people who are struggling.

When my kids were very sick a month or so ago I used galdr and traced runes onto their backs and tummies, and over their tea, to help support their healing. I found it startlingly helpful.

So perhaps I use "spell work" more than I thought ;)

Celtic Tree Oracle

2. What is the element you most identify with and/or enjoy working with and why?

I've always been an earthy woman - the kind to smear mud on my face, and sit for long hours watching the tree branches bend and sway in the wind. But then there is something deeply healing and soothing about water, and while I've always loved lakes and rivers, this past year I've become much more attached to the sea. I wrote this after a recent beachside stay:

I spent a lot of time visualizing, 

last weekend at the sea. 

As I gazed, 

I leapt into not the waves 

but the deep green depths, 

far beyond the fisherman's pier. 

I felt the water wash over me, 

I dove and soared and leapt and breathed. 

Then, in the early hours of morning, 

a quiet in and out of tides, 

a bird call, 

a hush, 

a dance of sunrise. 

Peace, it was.

And I've also been thoroughly enjoying working with fire. I love lighting candles, and do so almost daily, but last month's celebration of Biakendai/Biikebrennen was particularly beautiful and cathartic. 

3. Besides the cards, what are your favourite tools for divination and/or ritual?

I work with the runes daily, though I rarely post about it. I'm currently facilitating a slow-paced study of the Elder Futhark for a group of Heathen women on Facebook. I read Lenormand for almost two years, and studied it voraciously. I still enjoy it but find myself rarely pulling out a Lennie deck of late.

As for ritual: candles, altar space, cards, incense, and my thoughts.

Be Your Own Warrior (Not Worrier)

It has taken me a long time to recognize that I am a worrier. I've always been very laid back, flexible, calm, relaxed. Those aren't characteristics that I tend to associate with neurosis! And yet under the surface I would indeed be very anxious - always analyzing (and over-analyzing) conversations and events, worrying about people and responsibilities. During the day it was relatively easy to push it all back in the shadows, but it would inevitably rear its head in the darkest hours of the night. I would wake up at 2am and instead of turning over and falling back to sleep, I would wrap myself in a blanket of all of those fears. In most cases I was blowing things far out of proportion; during the day my rational mind helped mitigate the anxiety, but at night that balance disappeared, and reality felt as dark as the sky. I would lay awake for hours until close to dawn when it felt safe to sleep again.

This is a perfect description of the 9 of Swords.

Golden Tarot - Kat Black

For nearly a year I've held a stanza of the Hávamál like a mantra in my mind:

Jackson Crawford translation

This is extremely sensible, of course, and yet I was having a hard time putting it into practice. I know it's useless to lie awake worrying about concerns both real and imagined, only to have to trudge through the next day exhausted from lack of sleep, the same concerns yet to be solved. Isn't it easier to approach challenges with a clear, rested mind?

A while ago I decided to pull a couple of cards for myself about how to help myself and drew the 7 of Wands as the source, and the reversed waxing crescent as the solution.

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot - Uusi

The 7 of Wands made a lot of sense to me: it evokes a feeling of "me against the world." While I always manage to sort things out and stay on top of it all, I was tending to focus on the dread associated with the need to solve various matters, rather than trusting myself. I felt like I was giving my power away. The Luna card was an interesting and yet very fitting response. Upright this would be a waxing crescent, but reversed it becomes a waning moon. What this told me was that as my fears began to grow, I needed to let them go. This seemed like obvious advice, and I still didn't know if I would be able to implement it. Just "let it go"? Is it really that easy, though?

The funny thing is that I found that it was. That same night I woke up in the early hours. My body was drowsy, and I knew that this was the magical point at which I could either allow my worries to take over, or I could go back to sleep. I wanted to go back to sleep. With some amount of irritation, I thought something along the lines of: "Not now, worry, not tonight." And I turned over and went back to sleep. Yes, just like that. I refused to permit my irrational fears to ruin my rest. I banished them. And every other time since then that I've awoken in the middle of the night and found myself in similar circumstances, I've just said, "Nope," and have settled back into sleep.

Last night I decided to make space to write my first "Post It Note Poem" (this is something happening on Instagram) as I was sipping hot tea, nestled into the couch to watch the nightly news. I actually produced quite a few poems, but this is the one that struck me most:

I didn't intend to describe those late night fear sessions, but I did. The funny thing is, the 7 of Wands was both the source of my worry, and part of the solution. In order to release those fears I had to take my power back and become an advocate for my own well-being. I am in the dark, and there are no stars, no light to ease my mind. There is only me. So it is my responsibility to be my own warrior.