The Binding of Fenrir

It is a gorgeous November morning. I am sitting next to an open window, a cool breeze wrapping itself around me as I type, hot mug of coffee keeping me company. It's been a long six months. I've not tended to my blog as often as I would like to largely because of the busy-ness of my professional life, and the turbulence of my personal life. But today I am making space.

I suspect that Instagram has been both a help and a hindrance to writing longer blog posts: on one hand it's a wonderful medium for expression when I can't (or don't want to) be exhaustive with my language. I can post every day, as much or as little as I like, which means that consistency isn't a challenge. However that very thing also diverts my energies away from focused posts in this platform. It's always therapeutic, in a way, to put thoughts to "paper," and I am working on ways to integrate blogging back into my more regular practice again. That said, if you don't already follow me on Instagram, you can find me at @firstearthtarot :)

So back to the moment. In many ways the texture of my life seems to be finding a calmer and more predicable pattern after a 2017 spent largely on destruction, release, reorganization, new connections, purging, dis-integration, chaos, discomfort - you know, fire and brimstone, basically. The Tower was a pretty common daily draw. And yet while life is ebbing away from the deep, frequent (and exhausting) rise-and-fall of energetic currents, there are artifacts left in the wake; items that cannot simply be strolled over, but that rather urgently demand the attentions of my consciousness. It is the next phase in some new and unfolding chapter. An IG challenge prompt for today asked:

What is really holding me back? (And how can I work with that energy?)

Surt 🔥 and Fenrir 🐺 from the Giants Tarot:

A powerful duo, that speaks in layers and very clearly. Fenrir's is an interesting tale. Son of Loki and Angrboda, it was prophesied that he would be Odin’s end, and so the Aesir bound him on an isolated isle until Ragnarok. The funny thing about prophecies is that we can never be entirely sure that the actions we take to avoid them aren’t precisely the actions that cause them to manifest. Perhaps it was the very binding of Fenrir that produced the deep, ferocious, all-consuming fury that ensured Odin’s ultimate demise.

It is interesting to speak of binding when the prompt today is itself about restraint.

What am I holding back? 
What lurking shadows act like chains to my limbs? 
What simmering power must be released from its pot in order not to boil over? 
Will restraint lead to resentment, a wave of potent sentiment that only ever turns back on itself eventually?

If the Aesir had not bound Fenrir, but developed relationship with him (as had Tyr prior to betrayal), how might the story have been different?

So, perhaps the key lies in the (continued) deepening of my relationship to my own shadow self; it lies in making space to understand and recognize those emotions, to let them breathe, so that they do not consume me. 🔥🐺⛓🔥

What Are Your Names?

I am participating in the research project of a Heathen acquaintance, and while working on a questionnaire that in part discussed "labels," I was inspired to create my own version of stanzas 46-54 of the Grimnismal (a poem in the Poetic Edda where Odin lists his many names).

What would you say about yourself? What are your names? How have people known you? This is just a draft of my own, but it was quite thought-provoking to consider:

I have been called Peace-Maker, and Ungrateful, 
Kind-Heart, Leader, 
Gentle One, and Tall-Girl.
I have been called Diviner, and Image-Maker,
Furious, and Schemer.
I have called myself Scholar and Loner,
Herb-Harvester, and Shy.
Joyful-Spirit, Heart-Breaker, 
Weak-One, and Strong-One,
Dancer and Fearful and Brave.
They called me Strange-One in Bergvik’s hall, 
But Quiet at Titus’s place.
I was called Odd-Duck, and Mystery
Observer, and Terrible,
Rude, and Filthy, and Fearsome.
Olivia is my name, but before that I was 
Battle-Avoider and Laughter-Wise.
I think all these names were used for me alone.

I may add to this over time, but it was a great exercise. If you decide to write your own, please feel free to share it with me!

Rune Post #19: Berkano

Happy Wednesday and Happy Midsummer! Today's focus will be on Berkano, the eighteenth rune of the Elder Futhark, and second rune in the third aett.

Berkano translates as "birch," or "birch goddess," and connects to themes of birth/rebirth, motherhood, nurturing, creation, sanctuary, fertility, and the emergence of new ideas/projects.

Power of the Runes deck - Voenix

An Old Icelandic rune poem reads:

Birch is a leafy twig

and little tree

and fresh young shrub.

Questions:

1) What other meanings do you attribute to Berkano?

2) How do you utilize this rune in your practice?

3) If Berkano has presented itself in your rune work or castings, how have you seen its energy manifested, or experienced its impact?

4) What deities do you connect to Berkano? Frigg? Freyja? Holda?

How Way Leads on to Way

Every once in a while I become mesmerized by the interconnectedness of things, and feel compelled to talk about it: this is one of those moments.

Last Friday I attended a psychometry meeting with a group of (mostly) women. It was the first time in many months that I was able to go, and it was lovely to reconnect with familiar faces. Each meeting begins with a meditation - different each time - meant to calm the mind and open us to the energies of the people and environment around us.

This time our meditation facilitator guided us through the opening of each chakra, and then to the expansion of those energies outward into the earth, the town, the world, and cosmos. Two things were very evident to me during this experience:

• As I expanded outward into the depths of space, I felt Odin's presence, and I was very happy. Being there brought me back to a dream I'd had nearly a year ago (May 2016) about being in outer space, not seeing - but clearly feeling - Odin, and seeing concentric circles surrounding the planet. I won't go into detail here, but if you're curious, feel free to click here to read my post about it.

• I felt a deep calling to connect more deeply to the Earth, and to mother energy. 

Shortly thereafter we began to "read" our objects (click here to read about how psychometry works), and the elderly woman who had my silver bracelet told me (among other things) that she felt I was on earth to teach peace. This is a theme that has been relatively consistent throughout my life. In fact, my tutelary Orisha is Obatalá, who is known for wisdom, patience, and peace. As I was listening to her read the notes she had written, I wondered about that, and about how over the past few years I feel like I've been developing my warrior qualities - how do the two connect when they seem so contrary? 

Yesterday I was feeling a bit glum and in need of "something" unidentifiable. In the evening my husband, son, and I drove downtown to my favorite metaphysical shop. I wandered. I had no clear purpose. I reviewed cards, but none called to me. I wandered through the crystal room, looked, and browsed, and then I saw a small basket filled with green stones - Green Aragonite. I am not normally attracted to green stones (which is a little funny, since green is one of my favorite colors!), but this felt good to me. I sorted through the basket and found a beautiful piece, striated with rusty lines reminiscent of lightning bolts. I was unsure of its characteristics, but it felt calming and nurturing, and right, so I kept it in my hand. 

Then I went to the book room, and let my eyes run over the titles. I thought I caught a glimpse of the word "trees" so I went back over the same shelf more slowly, and found a new book there called, "Be More Tree," by Alice Peck. Hmmm...... I pulled it out and started to flip through it, and I fell in love. The book reviews the qualities of a large array of trees from around the world - their characteristics, their cultural associations and mythologies. There are excerpts from well-known authors that capture the essence or teaching of a particular tree. There are suggestions for ways to "be more tree." 

Over the past month or two I quite suddenly started being utterly moved by the beauty of trees that I'd walked by hundreds of times before. I have always loved trees, and one of my favorite things about the nightly strolls that my husband and I take is the opportunity to simply see and appreciate them (and the birds, and flowers). And yet it was like I was observing them with a whole new set of eyes. I would stop mid-stride, mouth hanging open, ogling the elegance of an oak tree. Once I was so transfixed by the movement of the branches overhead dancing in the evening breeze, the last tendrils of sunlight weaving through their leaves, that my husband had to remind me that a car was coming, and that I should probably move! 

I pondered the Norse creation story, which tells that the first humans were created out of trees. When we went to a local Easter egg hunt, I saw groups of people waiting for the event to start, and next to them there were stands of cypress and oak trees. All I could think of was Ask (Ash) and Embla (Elm), and how closely we are related, somehow.

Indeed, in Germanic cosmology, the multiverse is contained within Yggdrasill, the World Tree. 

This tree book felt just as right as the stone I was carrying, so I purchased both and left the shop. Later I researched Green Aragonite, and found that it connects to Earth goddess energy, and helps calm the nerves. Hm! That was so timely in light of my meditation experience a couple of days before, and an unsurprising-but-affirming reminder that intuition is the best tool for selecting stones. 

Before bed I flipped the book open and it landed "randomly" on Olive - my namesake! Olive is associated with peace, which got me thinking about the psychometry reading, and about my earlier musing on the dichotomy between peace and warrior energy. 

And I realized that they are entirely complementary. We tend to think of them as opposites, but without the courage of the warrior spirit, can there ever be true peace? When I was young (and even into my young adulthood) conflict was deeply challenging for me. I avoided it at all cost, I worked hard to promote harmony and mutual understanding. I thought of myself as a "peace-loving" person, and while that was true, it was also true that I often avoided conflict out of fear. It is one thing to have the courage to be confrontational if necessary, but to prefer the route of thoughtfulness, diplomacy, and peace. It is quite another thing when the preference for peace stems from a place of fear and self-doubt. Obatalá is the Orisha of peace and wisdom, but he was also a great warrior who went to battle countless times. I don't believe he would have been able to be such a valuable force for cool-headed thinking and a calm demeanor without first having learned what it means to fight. 

In that sense, I see how the development of my warrior energy has been a sort of healing process (especially under the tutelage of Odin, though Obatalá's offerings are present here as well), and ultimately serves to make my preference for peace all the more meaningful. 

Old Art, New Tattoo

It has been over five years since my last tattoo. My upper arms, and one small part of my left forearm, as well as most of my back, are inked. Over the past months I'd been feeling a desire to have a larger piece done on my right forearm. I like timeless tattoos - nothing contemporary or related to pop culture in any way. No bright colors. I hesitate to use the term "tribal" but that is the best general description for the style of art that I prefer.

On my back I have a listing of numbers which represent the birthdates of close family members. I have a mandorla, a stick bird from a centuries-old Sami drum, and the names of my older kids written out in the Cherokee syllabary. Both of my upper arms are covered in black bands that I designed based on the tradition of Indonesian women tattooing their hands, arms, and shoulders, often connected to major life events (I got these after my husband and I married - and he had Celtic crosses done on his forearms for the same reason!). On my upper left forearm I have my son Gabriel's name written in Hebrew.

For my new tattoo I wanted to represent Germanic mythology in some form. I knew that I wanted something connected to Odin, but I also knew that I didn't want something typical (aka no Odin with ravens and wolves, no valknut - though I love those symbols) and I also didn't want anything contemporary in style. There are some beautiful reinterpretations of ancient art, but I didn't want that either. I started examining runestones and on the Stora Hammars III runestone I saw an image of Odin in eagle form next to Gunnlöð who bears a drinking horn filled with the mead of poetry. I love this story. I also love Odin depicted in his eagle shape. I love the image of the "maiden and the mead." Its shape would fit well on my arm. I sat with the idea for a few days. I looked at more potential images. Finally I decided to pull a rune around it, and I drew Sowilo from my pouch. Okay then! This would be the one.

At the tattoo shop, they offered to redraw the image, to make it more symmetrical. I told them that I really wanted the original work, with no significant alterations. They warned me that people might not be able to figure it out. I thought: as long as it looks accurate, that's what matters.

In the end, they were happy to give me what I wanted, and I was happy with the work they did. I suspect that this will end up as one part of a larger sleeve that will bear more Germanic art, possibly from the same runestone series.

Not all of my tattoos are "pretty" or objectively appealing pieces. In fact perhaps none of them are. I remember that after getting my upper arm tattoos, someone asked me if they were just outlines of something more I was planning to do - and was surprised when I said, "No." Yesterday as we were driving back home from the shop, I reflected on that, and if I cared. On one hand it's nice to show off a piece (which you only get because it matters to you) and have others comment on how lovely it is. But my tattoos are ultimately for me. When I receive a tattoo, I feel like I'm tapping into some primal essence, into ancient history, into the annals of human experience. I invite all of that history to become a part of me. I am happy to bear the work of an unknown artisan from the 700s, in all of its asymmetrical glory. An indigenous craftswoman once told me that the best work is never "perfect." I agree!

Dreaming with Heimdallr

My daughter recently gifted me a gorgeous rhombus of Iceland spar (clear calcite) for an early Yule present. It was very touching, both because it was such a lovely and thoughtful item, and because she herself was so moved by the experience. She recently started her first job and this is the first year that she has been able to shop for people on her own - there is a certain power in that sort of self-determination and self-sufficiency. 

This calcite has been roosting next to my head as I sleep every night for nearly two weeks now. Since its arrival I've been having some very interesting dreams, almost on par with what I experienced with apophyllite a couple of years ago!

Iceland spar in the sunlight

Last night was no different. Though my dreams were extensive, there is one that stands out in my mind. In the dream I was with many other people - mostly women from what I recall - in what was essentially an observation deck or tower. However rather than a typical observation deck that you might find in the mountains, it was up in outer space, at a considerable distance from the Earth. It was meant to allow people to view our planet. As we were looking through the blackness of space toward Earth we noticed that there was a rainbow encircling it. A woman seemed to make a connection to Norse mythology, and said, "Hey! That is sort of like...." and she tried to pronounce a Norse word that she couldn't quite recall - but she was on the right track. I said, "It is Heimdallr!" Then my mother was there, and she asked me what that meant. I started to tell her about Heimdallr and how he protects the Earth, and as I spoke I was so overcome with emotion that I started to cry, and couldn't keep speaking. 

Slightly cheesy (but free) image that depicts my dreamscape (albeit a bit cartoonishly!)

Now, in mythology, Thor tends to claim the role of "protector of Midgard." Heimdallr is the Guardian of Bifröst, the flaming rainbow bridge that connects Midgard with Asgard. He will blow his horn, the Gjallarhorn, to warn the gods and goddesses of the start of Ragnarok (the end of the world of gods and humankind), and Bifröst will ultimately break when the Jötunn arrive. Thus begins the end (that ultimately leads back to a new beginning). So in this sense, Heimdallr's crucial position can also be considered one of protection. 

In my dream, Bifröst was not so much a "bridge" as a ring around our planet. Beyond that, I have no interpretations for either the dream or the manifestation of Heimdallr (I never saw a human-like image - I saw the rainbow, and the rainbow was the essence of Heimdallr). But it was fascinating and moving nonetheless, and something I'll be pondering in the coming days. 

Finding Oski at the Thrift Shop

It always seems that certain items find us when we will most benefit from their significance, rather than the reverse being true ("A watched pot never boils"?). I remember once when my husband, Jorge, was going through a rough patch and was questioning his path in life. He stopped by the Salvation Army and the first thing he saw was a Ganesha statue. Ganesha is of course a Hindu deity, but in Santería (at least in our rama) he corresponds to Orula, orisha of wisdom and divination. The synchronicity of that moment had a powerful impact on Jorge, and that statue sits to this day on a high spot on a bookcase alongside our soperitas de Orula. It was the first and last time we've ever seen such a figurine in any local thrift shop.

I had a similar experience yesterday.

Jorge was heading off to the market nearby to pick up a few things, and I decided to ride along with him and our youngest child. As we pulled in to the parking lot, Gabriel became very vocal about wanting to go to Good Will (he loves examining the toy area!). I hadn't planned to do that, but while Jorge went to the market, I took Gabriel to the thrift shop. He walked over to the books and started to pull some out and comment on their positive qualities (very sweet, as he knows that the book section of any store is one of my favorite places). Then we ambled over to the "stuff section" - you know, the shelves of knick-knacks that can be a lot of fun to sort through. The first thing I saw was a model of the Cape Hatteras lighthouse, which my oldest daughter loves and has been talking about lately - so that was obviously coming home. And the second thing I saw was a statue of what was clearly, to me, Oski, Gift-Giver.

Now I'm aware that this is surely meant to be a Santa/Father Christmas figure, what with the beard, evergreen tree, and wrapped gift (and I suppose that we could spend some time discussing the various ways in which Odin has influenced the mythology surrounding Santa), but I didn't see Santa - I saw, felt, Oski there, wrapped in white robes, and hooded like Grímnir. I added him to the lighthouse in my arms, and took him on home.

Odin Allfather has many, many names that highlight the various aspects of his being and character. One of those names is Oski, and oftentimes this aspect is depicted as a Father Chistmas-type man, as the essence of Oski is that of gift-giver, wish-fulfiller, desire-satisfier. He asks us to request what we need, to diligently work to invite those things into our lives, and to be willing to open ourselves to the various manifestations of help and support that show up.

Oski on Odin's altar space

What could be inside the box that Oski is holding? There is much mystery there. Whether or not we know or are able to explicitly identify what Oski brings us is less important than the core teaching that connects to our ability to recognize, embrace, and be grateful for the positive developments, people, and opportunities that present themselves to us along our paths. This is a theme that has been in the forefront of my mind and heart quite a lot lately, and so I see Oski's figurine as symbolic (and perfectly timely) affirmation underscoring this experience - that is a beautiful thing!

Gefion Takes Me For a Spin

A few days ago the "spirit guide challenge" on Instagram featured the following prompt: "How do my personal relationships detract from my current development?" I was curious as to how this reading exercise would unfold as I don't have any "bad" relationships, so to speak, and I tend to find even the personal challenges and conflicts to be good learning experiences.

First I drew Gefion from Das Germanische Götterorakel, and I did indeed have one of those WTF moments; I ended up drawing Hel (Death) from the Giants Tarot as a secondary pull.

But knowing that Gefion held some important element that would simply take more digging and sitting and thinking, I did just that.

I love Gefion, but she has so much positive energy I was having a hard time placing it with the prompt. Gefion is said to have provided so much merriment to the court of the Swedish King Gylfi that he repaid her by allowing her to keep as much land as she could plow around in a single day. She brought in her four Giant sons, turned them into bulls, and they helped her plow a massive swath of land that she then brought over to Denmark (it is said to be the island of Zealand (Sjaelland).

Two of Gefion's more salient characteristics are that she has formidable work ethic, and she knows how to have a good time with a mug of mead and group of people. I see a lot of myself in Gefion - she is independent, she knows how to take care of business, she cares a lot for the well-being of women. She is quite a force. But what she is that I am not is particularly sociable. I tend to be private and contained - friendly, laid back, communicative when it matters - but not sociable.

The other day I was sitting in a directors meeting and was feeling rather chipper so I thought I'd share some good developments with my colleagues. I prefaced it by saying, "I know I'm quiet and you probably can't tell how I ever feel so I'm going to make it clear - I am super happy!" And they all laughed uproariously! It was a humorous moment, but definitely confirmed my suspicion that I'm a bit hard to get to know. Incidentally next week there is a "happy hour" get together for the women in leadership. I'd been hemming and hawing about attending because those events definitely push me outside of my comfort zone. But Gefion seemed to be saying that that is precisely what I should do - that work is important, but the social ties do matter. As I had that thought we were driving down the highway and I looked up and right at a sign that said "111" (a series that has been following me around quite a bit lately). That felt like a little pat on the head ("Yes, you got it!"). In that light, Hel's appearance made complete sense: I have to release in order to become. I'm glad I let Gefion say her piece!