The Binding of Fenrir

It is a gorgeous November morning. I am sitting next to an open window, a cool breeze wrapping itself around me as I type, hot mug of coffee keeping me company. It's been a long six months. I've not tended to my blog as often as I would like to largely because of the busy-ness of my professional life, and the turbulence of my personal life. But today I am making space.

I suspect that Instagram has been both a help and a hindrance to writing longer blog posts: on one hand it's a wonderful medium for expression when I can't (or don't want to) be exhaustive with my language. I can post every day, as much or as little as I like, which means that consistency isn't a challenge. However that very thing also diverts my energies away from focused posts in this platform. It's always therapeutic, in a way, to put thoughts to "paper," and I am working on ways to integrate blogging back into my more regular practice again. That said, if you don't already follow me on Instagram, you can find me at @firstearthtarot :)

So back to the moment. In many ways the texture of my life seems to be finding a calmer and more predicable pattern after a 2017 spent largely on destruction, release, reorganization, new connections, purging, dis-integration, chaos, discomfort - you know, fire and brimstone, basically. The Tower was a pretty common daily draw. And yet while life is ebbing away from the deep, frequent (and exhausting) rise-and-fall of energetic currents, there are artifacts left in the wake; items that cannot simply be strolled over, but that rather urgently demand the attentions of my consciousness. It is the next phase in some new and unfolding chapter. An IG challenge prompt for today asked:

What is really holding me back? (And how can I work with that energy?)

Surt 🔥 and Fenrir 🐺 from the Giants Tarot:

A powerful duo, that speaks in layers and very clearly. Fenrir's is an interesting tale. Son of Loki and Angrboda, it was prophesied that he would be Odin’s end, and so the Aesir bound him on an isolated isle until Ragnarok. The funny thing about prophecies is that we can never be entirely sure that the actions we take to avoid them aren’t precisely the actions that cause them to manifest. Perhaps it was the very binding of Fenrir that produced the deep, ferocious, all-consuming fury that ensured Odin’s ultimate demise.

It is interesting to speak of binding when the prompt today is itself about restraint.

What am I holding back? 
What lurking shadows act like chains to my limbs? 
What simmering power must be released from its pot in order not to boil over? 
Will restraint lead to resentment, a wave of potent sentiment that only ever turns back on itself eventually?

If the Aesir had not bound Fenrir, but developed relationship with him (as had Tyr prior to betrayal), how might the story have been different?

So, perhaps the key lies in the (continued) deepening of my relationship to my own shadow self; it lies in making space to understand and recognize those emotions, to let them breathe, so that they do not consume me. 🔥🐺⛓🔥

Marseille and the Devil on April Fool's Day

Today is the first day of April, also known widely as April Fool's Day. Many years ago when I was a kid, I used to thoroughly enjoy playing tricks on people (to be honest, my antics weren't relegated to one day per year, but it's nice to have a day dedicated to trickery!). I remember once when I pretended to have a lengthy conversation with my friend on the telephone (back when landlines were a thing), discussing all sorts of outlandish topics much to my older sister's entertainment and surprise....until the phone actually rang and my ruse was up. My sister was certainly my preferred target (insert devil emoticon).

While I left pranks behind long ago, I ended up giving birth to a new generation of trickster: my daughter Lourdes. She so embodies the energy of "playful naughtiness" that we dubbed her the "Devil," and her favorite depiction in the Tarot is from the Deviant Moon by Patrick Valenza:

This Devil not only features her famous grin, but he is doing her hallmark prance as well. And though I didn't witness it myself, I'm pretty certain that this is how she looked this morning as she was creeping around the house setting up various traps for us to fall into!

This was slipped under my door this morning:

To be fair, last night Lourdes consulted me about the best way to create fake poo: peanut butter and Hershey's syrup, she asked? No, I said - use cocoa powder instead of syrup - less drippy. So I suppose in some way I'm complicit. And my cards seem to agree:

Claude Burdel 1751 Tarot de Marseille 

I recently delved into the world of Marseille (I'm just so completely rapturous about the beauty of these cards!) and am still figuring out how I want to approach reading them. Some people apply RWS meanings to the minor cards, others take a more cartomantic approach, and still others absorb the shapes, colors, and movement in the illustrations and allow that to inform their readings. The funny thing is, all reading styles seem to reach similar conclusions with this trio:

In RWS, the 6 of Wands is about success and recognition, and the 6 of Cups is about childhood, memory, reminiscing, innocent joy. So in that sense I see myself (as the Queen of Cups) remembering my own prankster days (6 of Cups), and supporting my daughter in her endeavors (also 6 of Cups), giving her helpful advice so that her work is a success (6 of Wands) and is appreciated by everyone (also 6 of Wands).

According to Yoav Ben Dov's Marseille meanings, the 6 of Wands represents an alliance of two people working toward perhaps different end-goals, but who share a common interest (very true), and the 6 of Cups not only also relates to a personal alliance, but more importantly "repetition between different generations in the family." Hm. Yep!

This morning I stumbled into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee, and as I went to the sink to fill the carafe, I was showered in water from the sink sprayer, which had been rigged into the "on" position with rubber bands. I'm pretty sure I shrieked in surprise and with the sudden coldness seeping through my shirt. In that light, this arrangement of cards took on a very literal meaning: those six cups are dousing the Queen as she approaches them with her coffee pot, and the 6 of Wands now looks like a great big "X" warning me to beware.

So there you have it!

Cosmos Tarot: A Short Interview

Back in mid-November I ordered a new deck (or rather, decks) - the Cosmos Tarot and Oracle - from the Light Grey Art Lab, based in Minneapolis, MN. This is the same group that produced the collaborative deck, the Light Grey Tarot, and the Cosmos similarly features the work of 100 artists. These sorts of decks can be challenging to work with due to the varying styles of imagery, however as I was perusing the Cosmos online I found that while not all of the art was immediately attractive to me, a lot of it was very much so, and as a group I found it compelling.

One of the things I like about the Cosmos Tarot (I'll discuss the oracle deck in another post) is that each card features a constellation and its associated mythology. One of the more difficult-to-swallow characteristics of the deck is that the elemental and astrological associations have largely been changed from the traditional, and in fact many of the card meanings are non-standard as well. For example, the 5 of Earth, a card normally associated with isolation and economic struggle, carries the keywords: "new projects, craftsmanship, hard work." Instead of the Chariot, Cancer is now connected with the Lovers, and Temperance is now governed by Air rather than Fire. The Sun and Star Trump numberings are exchanged. All of this (and there are many more changes than what I've listed here) makes the Cosmos Tarot feel more like a second oracle deck, despite its Tarot organization.

Still, I like a good challenge, and there's a special "something" about this deck that reels me in. I decided to do something I have never done before: conduct a short "deck interview" with the Cosmos:

1) What is the Cosmos Tarot's strength? Devil (Andromeda) - This is a great deck for challenging myself to move past self-imposed limitations.

2) What it can teach me? Moon (Pisces) - The Cosmos Tarot will help me to delve into my shadow landscape, to read more intuitively, to not shy away from the Great Unknown and the riches it offers.

3) How can I best approach working with it? Emperor (Leo) rx - In order to get the most out of my work with this deck, I need to be open to doing things differently, to seeing what good may come from alterations in structure. I need to relinquish the desire for control, for following known formats.

I'd say the message was quite concise and very appropriate given the aforementioned traits of the deck. And three Majors! Hmmm.... I suppose the best is yet to come.

Facing the Devil: Don't Walk Away

Lately I've been working through my feelings on a personal project that has been a major part of my life for quite a while. Sometimes I feel very happy with and fulfilled by what I'm doing, and other times I feel really disillusioned and frustrated, and wonder if I should let it go altogether. Last night I decided to pull some cards about it, asking, "What course should I be taking in terms of this situation?"

The first two cards were:

Action to Take: 6 of Swords reversed 
Action to Avoid: 8 of cups 

Morgan Greer Tarot

The message was exceedingly clear - so much so that I laughed a bit when I saw the cards. In the simplest of terms, they were telling me not to walk away from my work.

The third card I pulled was:

Advice to Ponder: 7 of Swords

This card is often seen as indicative of deception, sometimes of being clever or strategic. What this card was shouting at me was: How am I my own worst enemy? What lies do I tell myself? How do I get in my own way, and how is this preventing me from being the best that I can be in terms of my work?

Morgan Greer Tarot

The Devil was the card at the bottom of the deck, which I always look to in order to better understand the underlying energies in a reading.  The Devil supports the 7 of Swords, and addresses the issue of giving my personal power away to worry, self-doubt, negative self-talk, impatience, etc. These cards came as a great relief to me because I know that they're true, and they give me some important areas to consider and work on. It's not my work that needs to be abandoned - it's my relationship to my work, and to myself, that needs to be healed.

Seeing this Devil brought to mind just how much my opinion has changed regarding the depiction in this particular deck. I used to hate the Devil card in the Morgan Greer because it looks just so evil. I saw the Devil's true nature as something like Pan or Cernunnos: wild, untamed energy, passion, instinct, power that long ago was misrepresented by the Catholic church toward its own ends of converting the masses. But in Tarot we do tend to see this card as an imbalance of power, or a negative manifestation of our primal force. The truth is, the Tarot Devil is not Cernunnos or Pan at all. The Catholic church demonized those good pagan deities and created something to be feared and avoided. That in itself is vice in action, manipulation or perversion of something holy for ultimately ill purposes. And that is what the Devil is all about. When I see this depiction now, I find it very fitting; it's just as scary and unpleasant-looking as the energy it's meant to represent: the misuse of our power. When you convince yourself that you'll never be good enough (for example) you're abusing and mistreating yourself, you are buying into an illusion that reinforces your own perceived limitations and restrains your sense of agency and power. This is what the Church did with Pan et al: created a frightening pseudo-archetype of a wild and cruel beast so that people would flock to the churches in fear. It worked pretty well. It takes a lot of bravery and trust and courage to vanquish our "demons" and restore our primal force. And if we won't, or can't do it, or if we drag our feet too long, there's always the Tower.... ;-)

My cards encourage me not to walk away from my work, but to look the Devil squarely in the eyes, and dive right into my shadow. There I can recover the power that I'm undermining, restore my truth, and embrace my Will as it manifests through the work I've been doing.

That should keep me busy for a while!

Strength of a Mambo: Courage to "Be"

One of the main focus cards I pulled for my year ahead (2015) was the Devil.

I like this card.

First of all, as a Capricorn this is the card that is astrologically associated with me. This means that 2015 will be a year of coming into myself more fully, of coming to terms with my fears and shadows.

I'm ready for it.

I've always been a person who loves and values peace, harmony, kindness, and understanding. I've never functioned well in heavy conflict, and I've always sought common ground with others; I figure that no matter how different we are, there must be somewhere that we connect.

Wildwood Tarot; Ryan/Matthews/Worthington

Part of my growth area this year is in the ability to be myself, have (and share) my own thoughts and feelings, express my perspectives and worldview, without being afraid of how others will perceive me, how others might react, without being afraid of being misunderstood, or disliked. I have to be me. I have to embrace and develop my personal power through having the strength to shine my light, to be where I'm at, without insisting on harmony all the time (which also means allowing others to be where they're at). Risky business!

I had a really difficult experience a couple of days ago in an online forum, where I was misunderstood, harshly judged, and then censored...in a group that prides itself on being a safe, supportive, and nonjudgmental haven, no less. I only found out that my comment (about the importance of honoring the unique histories behind diasporic religions) caused ill feelings for others when I noticed that my comment had been deleted, quietly and without any notification. At first I was pretty surprised, and I reached out to the moderator to understand what had happened. It turned out that a couple of people had messaged her privately to let her know that they didn't like my point of view, and in an attempt to avoid any conflict, the decision had been made to simply get rid of the "offending" comment (without contacting me for clarification, mind you). I was totally taken aback, and to be honest, really hurt. I certainly wasn't offending any one, my comment had been (I thought) really affirming, and very heartfelt. I was hurt, confused, and I was pretty angry. They didn't like my point of view?! (Even if that were true, what happened to healthy, respectful discourse?)

My first feeling was almost a sense of illness at having been misunderstood, and then robbed of the ability to clarify my perspective or intentions. The second feeling I had was deep sorrow coupled with an admittedly-pathetic desire to remain mute the rest of my life so as to avoid any potential dilemmas in the future. But I knew there was a lesson buried somewhere in there. I decided to pull a card from my New Orleans Voodoo Tarot to help me better understand how to have the strength to speak my own truth in the face of this very apparent danger of being misunderstood and....not liked!

New Orleans Voodoo Tarot
S. Glassman

I drew the Rada Mambo (Queen of Swords). Ah hah. If there was ever a master of speaking truth, it is this strong woman. I sat with her image for a while. She looks fierce, totally unafraid of anyone or anything. She knows herself, and she is willing to say what needs to be said time and time again, no matter if others approve of her words or not. She has a head in one hand and a knife in the other: she doesn't abide false masks; she is ever in search of truth. And she doesn't hide herself from others, because knows that truth, and the search for it, is the only thing worth engaging in. The book Vodou Visions (2007), by Sallie Ann Glassman, states:

Look into the eyes of the Rada Manbo and see that her power, mastery, and place in the world give her pleasure and satisfaction. She is radiant with life. Her intelligence is based on what the primordial waters of the body know. The serpent is her ally. The deep waters of her psyche contain deep knowledge, which is uncontaminated by intellectual deceit. She cuts off the lie with her sword. (pg. 191)

I've often said that of all the Queens in the Tarot deck, the Queen of Swords is the one least like me. In my quest for fullness and balance, she has important gifts to teach me about being strong, clear, and true with my words and purpose. 

Then yesterday I came across an article by Lori Deschene (from tinybuddha.com), called "10 Reasons to Be Okay with Being Disliked." 

As my husband would say, me vino como anillo al dedo (the article was a perfect fit for the moment). Number 5 on the list read: 

You can freely express your thoughts: One of the kindest things you can do for someone else is listen without judging. You deserve that same kindness, but you won’t always get it. People will form opinions as you speak. Talk anyway. Let your words be kind but fearless.

Kind, but fearless. That sounds like my dear teacher, the Rada Mambo. She's got my back as I develop the courage to "be." 

Bella Rosa (Devil): Recognizing Our Power

I have so many "ah hah" moments with the Chrysalis deck. Sometimes it feels like a key unlocking doors I didn't even realize were there.

Last night I was thinking about Bella Rosa (the Devil). My favorite Devil cards across decks are those that show Cernunnos, or Pan, or in some way represent the depth of our earthy power as humans, as opposed to the images that depict the perception of the Devil as the embodiment of evil. What I love about Bella Rosa is that it entirely nails the energy of the Devil in it symbolism. A figure appears, masked, costumed, a mirror facing outward. Who is this person? Are they representing their genuine self, or mirroring back to me what they think I want to see? Do they even know who they are?

The Devil, in any deck, is about our vast power and beauty as human beings, and how sometimes we diminish our own ability to be our full selves through: negative self-talk, living into a role rather than the allowing the truth of our soul to shine forth and be seen, hiding behind our weaknesses, or letting our weaknesses guide us rather than embodying our own great Will.

And then I thought of a fairly well-known, and deeply moving poem by Marianne Williamson, which feels so precisely connected to the energy of this card.......it's wonderful.

When the Devil appears in a reading, ask yourself:

-In what ways am I denying my truth?
-In what ways am I conforming my Self to a set of prosciptions (real or imagined)?
-How am I undermining or giving away my own strength?
-In what ways do I try to convince myself that I'm not worthy?
-How am I hiding my light from the world?

"We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

 Actually, who are you not to be?"

The Guardian and The Great Bear

Ellen at Greylady’s Hearth has been doing some lovely blogging about her experiences with the Wildwood Tarot (and other decks). I recently did a reading for her as she won the give-away I was holding, and I used the Wildwood Tarot for her spread (and she wrote a really beautiful blog post about the reading which you can see here).

Spending some time with this deck over the past week has had me considering (for the millionth time) just how beautifully it flows – not just in terms of the sequential arrangement of the cards (which can be found in any deck), but in how it relates to the Wheel of the Year, which is part of the uniqueness of the Wildwood. Two of the cards that share an indelible connection are the Guardian and the Great Bear. In traditional decks the Guardian (card 15) is called “the Devil” and the Great Bear (card 20) is called “Judgment.”

What I see when I view these cards together is a clear path of discovery and growth, and one that is more obvious and more deeply meaningful to me than most other decks have been in this regard.

Wildwood Tarot
John Matthews, Mark Ryan, Will Worthington
Sterling Ethos, 2011

The Guardian is the intimidating keeper of shadows, who bars entry into the cave of knowledge.  In order to enter the cave you must be strong enough, brave enough, ready enough, to face your fears, your self-doubts, your weaknesses.  If you’re not prepared for the journey, the skeleton of the cave bear will frighten you away.  If you are prepared, your inner strength and balance will reduce the scary bones to an inactive pile of just that…bones. With nothing left barring the way, you are free to enter the cave, to journey within, to confront your truths, however unpleasant, challenging, or beautiful they may be.

Wildwood Tarot
John Matthews, Mark Ryan, Will Worthington
Sterling Ethos, 2011

After your journeying, which includes the sacred energy of the Hooded Man, you reach the conclusion of a cycle of personal transformation, and emerge from the cave at the Great Bear. Now, instead of scary bones, you see a vivacious, fierce animal perched on top of the cave, roaring an announcement to the world that you have arrived. The pole star shines above guiding you forward on a new path, in a new phase of life. The northern lights radiate through the night sky, pouring energy and joy down upon you. You’ve reached a new level of balance between your primal force and the deep wells of your spiritual nature.

So I see a mirror here between these two cards, that provides an important link. It involves the mastery of our Selves, conquering our shadows through acceptance and acknowledgement, the willingness to undertake a journey through the depths of who we truly are as spiritual beings within physical forms.

The Devil and the "Lost" Girl

Two nights ago I was working with my cards when my girls were getting ready for bed, and I had them pick a card for their day ahead.  They were excited about it. I asked them to tell me what they saw in their cards, and then helped them to interpret it, as necessary.  Mostly we focused on what the pictures meant for them, though I also did bring in the traditional meanings for Isa since she’s in middle school and there is a bit more going on in her world.

Deviant Moon Tarot
Patrick Valenza/US Games 2008

Lourdes picked the Devil from the Deviant Moon, and I just had to laugh.  It was clearly *her* grinning impishly, prancing away from a trick she just played on someone. She’s really our little devil, in the most loving way possible.  She even has a little cackle she uses when she’s brewing up some fun trap for her older sister.  In that way she reminds me a lot of myself when I was young – I used to play jokes on my own older sister all the time, some comical, others perhaps a bit less fun (for her, anyway!).  So I loved that she was not at all put off by this potentially scary image – she thought it was hilarious, and very fitting for her.  Yesterday evening I was sitting on the couch and caught a glimpse of her doing the “Devil prance” in the other room.  I think she liked the Devil card a little TOO much, haha…

Isabella picked the 7 of Wands, which features a girl running along a path in a wood at night.  She seems anxious and has her hands up as if in defense.  There’s almost a feeling that she’s lost in a forest, except that she’s moving onward on a clear, bright path that keeps her from truly losing her way.  The traditional meaning relates to having to defend your position, stand firm in your ideas, and know that, even though at times there may be a lot of obstacles in the path ahead, with effort and determination comes success.

Deviant Moon Tarot - 7 of Wands
Patrick Valenza, US Games 2008

So I told Isa that one of her teachers may ask her an unexpected question that would put her on the spot, but that she’d probably find herself able to answer the question when all was said and done.  She said, “Good to know!” and went to bed.

Yesterday afternoon when she got home from school she was so excited to tell me that in science class her instructor had suddenly picked on her randomly to explain the benefits of “green” energy to the rest of the class.  She was nervous and surprised, but gathered her thoughts and gave the best answer she could.  When she finished, her teacher said, “That was a great reply – almost textbook!”  So she was relieved and also very pleased that she was able to perform well under pressure.  Above all, she was excited that her card draw from the evening before had been so relevant to her day.  It made me smile, too ☺

Death and the Devil

It seems like most people have one or two (or more) cards that they absolutely must love in a deck in order to consider purchasing it.  I have mine: Death and the Devil.  These are not my favorite cards in Tarot, however they are the cards which I feel are both important and often misunderstood or misrepresented.  So I feel picky about the way they are shown, and hence the potential impact they have on the person being read!

In many decks, Death is portrayed as a skeleton, or a hooded figure on a horse, with a scythe.  I really hate that interpretation of Death.  To me, Death is a beautiful card.  It's about change, about seeing the beauty in shedding the old and embracing the new.  It's about life, really, and renewal.  When I bought the Golden Tarot (Liz Dean), my first deck, I wasn't thinking about these things, but I'm happy with the representation of Death in that deck.  Death is a women in a cloak, holding a rose bloom in one hand, and a rosebud in the other.  She's at the edge of a wood, and in the distance you see a sun setting.  The emphasis centers on the idea of new beginnings, so it has a stronger essence of hope, and isn't negative.  I can't wait until my DruidCraft Tarot cards come (Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm) because aside from how much I love the images in general, the Death card features a robed woman (in this case, elderly) standing at a boiling cauldron holding a skull.  Out the window you see a sunset/sunrise in the distance.  It's beautiful, and also draws you (me) into the mystery involved in major life changes. I love it!

The Golden Tarot by Liz Dean

DruidCraft Tarot

The Devil card is often portrayed with a very evil looking figure, like the traditional, Christian "Satan." It's usually a rather scary looking card, but I feel like it's unnecessary to portray the Devil in a way that could potentially scare the crap out of querents.  So in the Golden Tarot the Devil really looks like Pan - not evil or scary.  (It resembles the Rider-Waite deck's Devil, but that one is a bit frightening in comparison).  He sits above a man and woman in bondage.  I appreciate that the card is able to represent the essence of the Devil without being frightening.  In the DruidCraft deck there is no true devil... it's Cernunnos, the Horned God, standing rather threateningly in the forest behind a pair of exhausted lovers, asleep.  The focus is not on "sin" or "evil," rather the concept of the natural aspects/desires/motivations of our beings as humans, and the unhealthy behaviors that can result when those aspects are not in balance.  So it represents the important meanings illuminated by this card, but through a new lens, and with a new name.  Cernunnos does look really intimidating - he's shadowed, large, one eye aglow, almost beastly, really.  But not evil - more wild than anything.

DruidCraft Tarot

Now, I have gone against my own preferences and ordered the Morgan Greer Tarot because I absolutely love the rich, colorful artwork - but the Death/Devil cards are pretty traditional, and not really my cup o' tea.  But I'm okay with that in this instance, because the artwork is so colorful and inspiring, yet not overdone (in other words, there isn't so much going on in each card that it takes time to sort out all of the details/symbols).  I feel it would/will be a wonderful pack to read with, and while the feel is different than Rider-Waite, the symbols are very Rider-Waiteish which I'm comfortable with.  And, on the up side, while the Death card does have the skeleton/hood/scythe, the card also features a large rose, so it's a nice contrast.

What are your deal-breaker cards?