Strength of a Mambo: Courage to "Be"

One of the main focus cards I pulled for my year ahead (2015) was the Devil.

I like this card.

First of all, as a Capricorn this is the card that is astrologically associated with me. This means that 2015 will be a year of coming into myself more fully, of coming to terms with my fears and shadows.

I'm ready for it.

I've always been a person who loves and values peace, harmony, kindness, and understanding. I've never functioned well in heavy conflict, and I've always sought common ground with others; I figure that no matter how different we are, there must be somewhere that we connect.

Wildwood Tarot; Ryan/Matthews/Worthington

Part of my growth area this year is in the ability to be myself, have (and share) my own thoughts and feelings, express my perspectives and worldview, without being afraid of how others will perceive me, how others might react, without being afraid of being misunderstood, or disliked. I have to be me. I have to embrace and develop my personal power through having the strength to shine my light, to be where I'm at, without insisting on harmony all the time (which also means allowing others to be where they're at). Risky business!

I had a really difficult experience a couple of days ago in an online forum, where I was misunderstood, harshly judged, and then censored...in a group that prides itself on being a safe, supportive, and nonjudgmental haven, no less. I only found out that my comment (about the importance of honoring the unique histories behind diasporic religions) caused ill feelings for others when I noticed that my comment had been deleted, quietly and without any notification. At first I was pretty surprised, and I reached out to the moderator to understand what had happened. It turned out that a couple of people had messaged her privately to let her know that they didn't like my point of view, and in an attempt to avoid any conflict, the decision had been made to simply get rid of the "offending" comment (without contacting me for clarification, mind you). I was totally taken aback, and to be honest, really hurt. I certainly wasn't offending any one, my comment had been (I thought) really affirming, and very heartfelt. I was hurt, confused, and I was pretty angry. They didn't like my point of view?! (Even if that were true, what happened to healthy, respectful discourse?)

My first feeling was almost a sense of illness at having been misunderstood, and then robbed of the ability to clarify my perspective or intentions. The second feeling I had was deep sorrow coupled with an admittedly-pathetic desire to remain mute the rest of my life so as to avoid any potential dilemmas in the future. But I knew there was a lesson buried somewhere in there. I decided to pull a card from my New Orleans Voodoo Tarot to help me better understand how to have the strength to speak my own truth in the face of this very apparent danger of being misunderstood and....not liked!

New Orleans Voodoo Tarot
S. Glassman

I drew the Rada Mambo (Queen of Swords). Ah hah. If there was ever a master of speaking truth, it is this strong woman. I sat with her image for a while. She looks fierce, totally unafraid of anyone or anything. She knows herself, and she is willing to say what needs to be said time and time again, no matter if others approve of her words or not. She has a head in one hand and a knife in the other: she doesn't abide false masks; she is ever in search of truth. And she doesn't hide herself from others, because knows that truth, and the search for it, is the only thing worth engaging in. The book Vodou Visions (2007), by Sallie Ann Glassman, states:

Look into the eyes of the Rada Manbo and see that her power, mastery, and place in the world give her pleasure and satisfaction. She is radiant with life. Her intelligence is based on what the primordial waters of the body know. The serpent is her ally. The deep waters of her psyche contain deep knowledge, which is uncontaminated by intellectual deceit. She cuts off the lie with her sword. (pg. 191)

I've often said that of all the Queens in the Tarot deck, the Queen of Swords is the one least like me. In my quest for fullness and balance, she has important gifts to teach me about being strong, clear, and true with my words and purpose. 

Then yesterday I came across an article by Lori Deschene (from tinybuddha.com), called "10 Reasons to Be Okay with Being Disliked." 

As my husband would say, me vino como anillo al dedo (the article was a perfect fit for the moment). Number 5 on the list read: 

You can freely express your thoughts: One of the kindest things you can do for someone else is listen without judging. You deserve that same kindness, but you won’t always get it. People will form opinions as you speak. Talk anyway. Let your words be kind but fearless.

Kind, but fearless. That sounds like my dear teacher, the Rada Mambo. She's got my back as I develop the courage to "be." 

November's Forecast

Several months ago I started to do monthly Tarot forecasts for each upcoming month, and so far I've been enjoying doing them.  The only downside is when I see what will potentially be an upcoming challenge, and have no way of knowing exactly what it will be or how it will ultimately impact me. That's what happened in November, and has left me wondering if I'd rather just not know what's coming - at least that way I won't spend my time anticipating something I can't necessarily change!

This was my November reading. The Queen of Swords was the summary card, and the following four cards represent each week of the month, in terms of major energies:

Spread with Deviant Moon Tarot (Patrick Valenza/US Games)

In case you can't see them clearly, week 1 was the King of Swords, week 2 the 4 of Swords, week 3 the 7 of Wands reversed, and week 4 is the Page of Wands.  Whew, so happy week three is over!!!!!

So how did I fare?  I blogged about the King and the 4 of Swords, so I'll leave them out - they were very fitting for their respective weeks. Week three nearly killed me. Wands often relate to career, and I can say that it was probably the worst week I've ever had at work.  Another fitting card for this week would have been the Page of Swords reversed.  Things are finally looking up, but this past week was full of gossip, emergency meetings, and a lot of drama that ended with one person deciding to quit.  Not at all fun, but fortunately the worst is over. I definitely did have some moments where I felt like I was that girl running anxiously through a dark wood, wondering what scary things were going to jump out all of a sudden from the abyss.  So back to my original point - do I really want to know that a week is going to be miserable, when there is little I can do to change it?  I think that probably I could use it to my advantage.  There's a saying "forewarned is forearmed." Even not knowing what form that challenge could take, it's still possible to do what is possible to prepare oneself. For instance, I could have made sure to get better sleep. Knowing that "something" difficult might arise might have caused me to be more aware of subtleties in the workplace so that it would not have been as great a surprise in the end.  All the same, I'll be honest - sometimes I just don't want to know what's around the bend!

To conclude I will say that the Queen has had my back all month long. It's been a Swordsy month for me, but mostly in positive ways. I don't tend toward the Swords temperament, but it has a lot of offer, and I've enjoyed the challenge of working on separating feelings from logic; it's helped me see more clearly, and think more effectively about how to approach a wide variety of things these past few weeks. Now I still have a week left… and the Page of Wands is looking pretty good right now. I'll welcome it with open arms!