Just Do You

Yesterday marked the first day of September, which comes as a great relief to me. The heat and humidity of the summertime tend to feel oppressive by August, and saying goodbye to that final, full month of the hot season is rather pleasant (though in reality the changes in overall weather from August to September are so subtle they're almost non-existent, so my relief is more psychological than anything!).

This morning, instead of a daily draw, I decided to pull a card asking, "What strengths should I develop during the month of September?" In the end one card turned into three, and the message felt right for this point in my life:

3 of Cups reversed - Lovers - Explorer (Knight) of Earth

Gaian Tarot; J. Powell-Colbert

I tend to see myself as a confident and laid-back, open-minded person, but that doesn't mean I don't suffer from the occasional insecurities. For instance, as I develop and grow, I like to write about my experiences. It feels good to express myself, though sometimes I worry that some people won't like, or understand, or connect with my words or point of view. I want to pat myself on the shoulder, sigh, and say, "That's life, mi amor!" Really, I do know how unrealistic it is to hope that the entire planet will be receptive to my thoughts and ideas (especially considering only an atom-sized percentage of the world's population even read my posts!). But by worrying about those who might not "feel me" I'm allowing some of my capacity for joy and free-expression to seep away, and that is not the route I wish to take. 

The Lovers reminds me that all I can and must do is me. Just do me. I have to be true to my reality, my experiences, and my voice (which in fact coincides with my card of the week via FB: Knight of Swords!). I read an article the other day about a married Catholic priest (he converted to Catholicism after marrying and having kids, and he was already an Episcopal priest prior to that). It was certainly an interesting read, but what stuck out to me was the way the man described the differences in expression between the two faiths. As an Episcopal priest he experienced and witnessed quite a lot of pressure on the priesthood to say what people wanted to hear rather than what the priests felt it was important to discuss, because the lay people of the church "held the purse strings." If they didn't like a priest or a priest's perspectives, they could restrict programming or simply rally together and boot the priest from the church altogether. In the Catholic church priests are appointed to parishes and have a measure of security in their position that allows them to explore concepts and ideas that feel important without the pressure of conforming to popular opinion. This was a relief for him because as a married priest, he would obviously be likely to face scrutiny and displeasure from some parishioners. Religious trappings aside, the core of the message is clear and resonates with me in certain, important ways. 

The Explorer of Earth reminds me that this is my path, my journey, and the way that it manifests in the physical world will be unique to who I am. The woman on this card tends to the natural environment. She thinks she is alone, but in the background the spirit of a stag stands watching over her. Perhaps this is her guide, a sign that even when she feels alone, she is always in close company. Perhaps it's a reminder that while her offerings may seem insignificant in the broad scope of the universe, it does mean something to someone, somewhere; above all, it means something to her. Her way may be slow, but her work is measured and steady; she is making an impact, even if in small and quiet ways.

So my September message is: get over it, Olivia, and just. do. you. Stop worrying, and start enjoying. Be an otter in the river, love yourself as you are, and keep plodding along.

I think I can find a way to handle that!

November's Forecast

Several months ago I started to do monthly Tarot forecasts for each upcoming month, and so far I've been enjoying doing them.  The only downside is when I see what will potentially be an upcoming challenge, and have no way of knowing exactly what it will be or how it will ultimately impact me. That's what happened in November, and has left me wondering if I'd rather just not know what's coming - at least that way I won't spend my time anticipating something I can't necessarily change!

This was my November reading. The Queen of Swords was the summary card, and the following four cards represent each week of the month, in terms of major energies:

Spread with Deviant Moon Tarot (Patrick Valenza/US Games)

In case you can't see them clearly, week 1 was the King of Swords, week 2 the 4 of Swords, week 3 the 7 of Wands reversed, and week 4 is the Page of Wands.  Whew, so happy week three is over!!!!!

So how did I fare?  I blogged about the King and the 4 of Swords, so I'll leave them out - they were very fitting for their respective weeks. Week three nearly killed me. Wands often relate to career, and I can say that it was probably the worst week I've ever had at work.  Another fitting card for this week would have been the Page of Swords reversed.  Things are finally looking up, but this past week was full of gossip, emergency meetings, and a lot of drama that ended with one person deciding to quit.  Not at all fun, but fortunately the worst is over. I definitely did have some moments where I felt like I was that girl running anxiously through a dark wood, wondering what scary things were going to jump out all of a sudden from the abyss.  So back to my original point - do I really want to know that a week is going to be miserable, when there is little I can do to change it?  I think that probably I could use it to my advantage.  There's a saying "forewarned is forearmed." Even not knowing what form that challenge could take, it's still possible to do what is possible to prepare oneself. For instance, I could have made sure to get better sleep. Knowing that "something" difficult might arise might have caused me to be more aware of subtleties in the workplace so that it would not have been as great a surprise in the end.  All the same, I'll be honest - sometimes I just don't want to know what's around the bend!

To conclude I will say that the Queen has had my back all month long. It's been a Swordsy month for me, but mostly in positive ways. I don't tend toward the Swords temperament, but it has a lot of offer, and I've enjoyed the challenge of working on separating feelings from logic; it's helped me see more clearly, and think more effectively about how to approach a wide variety of things these past few weeks. Now I still have a week left… and the Page of Wands is looking pretty good right now. I'll welcome it with open arms!