Simple Questions

From time to time I sit with my Tarot cards and ask a simple question: what am I feeling?

It may seem a bit silly, especially because I consider myself to be someone who is very self-aware and thoughtful, in general. But something about feelings……just slides under the rug sometimes. I know when I'm anxious, especially at 2am when I wake up, turn over, and then can't fall back asleep. Things always tend to feel most ominous in the darkest hours of morning when everything is quiet. I know when I'm joyous, basking in the amazing wonder of a breezy, sunny, tree-filled afternoon in springtime.  I know when I'm particularly full of potent love, snuggling with my little ones, listening to their innocent chatter, their amazement at something as small as a centipede crawling in the grass.

At my core, I've always been a happy person. Over the years, I've learned that happiness can coexist with a rainbow of other feelings and sensations. I've also always been a pretty reasonable person, grounded in "what needs to be done" rather than "how do I feel about it?" So sometimes I like to check in with myself, crack open the nut, see what's happening inside. I shuffle, pour my soul and essence out into the deck, and lay out a few cards.

I did this just a couple of days ago, and drew:

3 Swords rx - Ace of Wands - Ace of Disks

Thoth Tarot - Crowley/Harris

(Yes, this is the Thoth deck - don't be shocked or offended by the reversal, I swear I can explain ;-) )

As odd as it might sound, I was relieved and pleased to see the 3 of Swords; I suppose on some level that was part of the motivation for having done this reading to begin with. I've been sad for a little while, a momentary sadness that sits alongside my regular happy and positive nature. It's not a sadness from betrayal or lies or other woes sometimes attributed to this card. It's a low-key, subtle sadness that floats around in the background of my days and nights, the sadness of movement, of reality, of awareness, acceptance and release. Its presence is evident to me, but it doesn't stop me in my tracks, nor does it heavily impinge on my happiness. It's simply there, and I feel it.

The dark murkiness of the 3 of Swords is off-set by the bright vibrancy of the Ace of Wands, which in turn is complemented by the earthy, grounding energy of the Ace of Disks. These two cards are full of intention, optimism, and possibility. The pair suggests newness and fresh starts - energetic and material. And they are reflections of me, as astrologically I am a double Capricorn with an Aries moon. The fire has been rising within me over this past year, which itself has been lovely and strange, new and empowering. Both of these are important aspects of my life at the moment, just as surely as the 3 of Swords….and perhaps to some degree these two cards contribute to the presence of the 3 of Swords (in most cases pain is a natural component of important, even very positive, change).

I spent quite a while gazing at the beauty of this trio, the contrasting colors, the helpful illumination of the reading itself. It serves as a wonderful reminder and meditative focus: for moments when I'm feeling the 3 of Swords more keenly, I can also be mindful about honoring the equally important presence of the two Aces, and the positive movement and promise and power they bring into my world. Fire and Earth.

Sometimes it's the simple questions that end up being the most valuable.