Be Good to Yourself

My morning ritual for the past handful of months has involved putting coffee on to brew, and sitting down to pull a card or two for various Instagram challenges. I enjoy these Tarot/oracle challenges because they give a focal point for the day (one I don't have to think up myself). But this morning I looked at the prompts for both of those I'm participating in and shrugged. Neither appealed to me. I sat there staring for a while - should I look up a spread? Do a Celtic Cross (those are informative and familiar, but maybe too many cards for now)? No... as I sat there a three-card spread materialized in my mind, something simple and "just right" for my mood:

How do I feel?
What do I need?
How can I get it?

I felt moody yesterday, that old and familiar impulse to be alone, to not have to talk with anyone, to not have to be around other people. The hermit and the cave. I don't feel much different today. But having just come out of a hurricane that shut the city down for a week, I have so much to tend to at work, and a lot of people who rely on my support. My weekly reading "warned" me of these feelings. Sitting on the couch this morning I started to daydream about taking a day off, and how amazing it would feel to be able to take a day to decompress. Then I remembered the 7 of Cups from that weekly reading: "if you can imagine it, you can make it happen." Making my own needs a priority, if not the only one. Perhaps I could make it work? I decided to draw my cards:

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot - Uusi 

How do I feel? 5 of Wands rx
What do I need? Queen of Pentacles rx
How can I get it? 8 of Cups rx

All reversals certainly reflect the choppy energy moving through me at present. The 5 of Wands speaks to a sense of inner conflict - my internal and external worlds not combining well. That is very much the case. I sit here reviewing my schedule for the day, and I don't want any of it. And yet I'm not sure I can relinquish those responsibilities.

The Queen of Pentacles tells me that I should focus on taking care of myself, on addressing the needs that aren't being met; she asks me to be good to myself. This Queen gazes over at the 5 of Wands, perhaps aware that it is the source (at least in part) of her discontent. She gives me permission to honor my personal, intimate priorities, rather than brushing them off in the face of the busy-ness surrounding me.

The 8 of Cups reflects a desire to abandon it all - to walk away. And yet inverted it shows that I'm not convinced that I can, or should. But this is about getting what I need, so what about finding a balance? I started to reflect on my day today, on what I ought to be present for (a morning meeting), and what I may be able to release in order to make space for myself (perhaps completing some work from home in the afternoon). As I thought, I realized that I do have some wiggle room. I do have options. And suddenly my day started to take on a different hue.