Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Talking Past Each Other

Yesterday morning I pulled a morning draw from the Dreams of Gaia Tarot. The card was "Emotions/Intellect," which roughly corresponds to the Page of Cups in a more traditional deck. I've pulled this card a few times lately, and it always prods me toward the same end: speak your truth with kindness. Except there was more there this time - a deeper level of significance that connected to the current socio-political climate in the United States. I ended up composing this short paragraph:

A balance of heart and mind. Share your truth, and hold space for others to do the same (even if you don't agree with their perspective). Progress is restrained by compartmentalization, and impeded by "othering." It's particularly hard these days to listen, especially when we don't feel heard... but it has to start somewhere.
Indeed, it's challenging to be willing to listen to others who don't demonstrate that same willingness toward us. It's hard. Really hard. And yet how are we supposed to move forward as a nation if we can't find a way to overcome the divisiveness? 

Yesterday evening I witnessed yet another "discussion" on social media where a pretty honest and innocent question (by a New Zealander) about how it was possible for Trump to win if so many people seem not to like him, eventually led into the same sort of name-calling bitterness that is so common these days. There were some thoughtful, intelligent, calm, kind offerings, but at times those seemed to be drowned out by accusations and anger. It called to my mind the image from the 5 of Cups from the Deviant Moon Tarot:
A woman shouts angrily at a seated man, who plugs his ears as if enjoying his own blatant disregard for what she is saying. The three empty cups are symbolic of a lack of frith - the unity, togetherness, and joy represented by the 3 of Cups. Two cups stand patiently waiting to be remembered. The 2 of Cups is a card of love, harmony, healing, and meeting others half-way - the energy missing from most political conversations. The 5 of Cups is traditionally thought of as a card of regret, mourning, loss, sadness. It's not hard for me to imagine that this feeling is the root of what many people in our country are experiencing (no matter who they voted for), and underlies the impulse to shout, point fingers, and plug our ears to each other's voices. And while I believe that talking to each other is necessary, I'm starting to question the ability for us - as a nation - to ever arrive at any semblance of common ground or respectful inquiry. In the online discussion I viewed, I saw some individuals hotly refuting hard facts either without any evidence at all to support their perspectives, or, almost worse, citing sources that did not support their claims. It is almost mind-boggling, but it brings us back to the issue being discussed widely at present: if facts don't seem to matter, then what does? Where does that leave us? How does that help us to establish meaningful dialogue? 

At worst, anger, cynicism, and hurt seem to reduce our capacity and willingness to respectfully listen to each other. At best, some of these deep and fundamental issues become chasms that may not be easily fordable. What happens if we never manage to see eye-to-eye, or learn to hold rich, fruitful, meaningful, and considerate discussions about our points of disagreement? Then we must at a minimum act with kindness upon what our hearts and minds indicate is the right thing to do, and find a way to honor that in each other. Maybe that means that I volunteer at Planned Parenthood, and you support a Catholic adoption agency....and we still just might be able to sit down at the end of the day and share a cup of tea together. Maybe we can at least start with that. 

6 comments:

  1. Ugh, Olivia your thoughtful post hit home for me last week in a way that left me despairing that the divide between self and other will ever be mended, for that's what it comes down to at heart. You pose some good questions for self-reflection. And yet the situation we find ourselves in is as old as the rain. My son and I are listening to a re-telling of The Mahabharata through Draupadi's eyes, a female protagonist, and the issues that come up, not just for her as a woman but around justice, around the abuse of power, around facts being disregarded, grandstanding, bullying and the like are all viscerally present. I can't help but listen to this ancient tale without seeing how parts of it are being played out here.

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    1. This makes sense. I often reflect on the fact that I truly don't think humanity has progressed all that much over time (I know that sounds cynical). But there have always been wise and good people, always tyrants, always injustice, always freedom fighters, always war and periods of peace, always truth and ignorance. It may manifest differently depending on the context- or maybe it's always the same at its core. It will be interesting to see how this plays out in the US. Last night I was watching the news and lacing up my proverbial boot strings. This is no game they are playing at.

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  2. There is such a fine line to walk here - how can we protest and fight without compromising our ideals? How can we have a decent discussion with each other when the administration promotes "alternative facts" - where it's becoming less clear what is true versus fabricated. I want to believe that this nation can come together and support each other despite differences but how can we support each other when a large proportion of the country blantsntly refuses to acknowledge basic human rights for minorities? I can't debate something, with anyone, that has one side that is patently wrong. Thanks for your thoughts on this. It does definitely remind me to stay as respectful and open as possible x

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    1. I agree with you that effective dialogue seems hard to find. I don't harbor any illusion that we may ever get through to the new administration, for all of the reasons that you mention. To be honest, what makes me want to vomit of late is when I see people I consider to be smart and discerning supporting lines such as that Clinton only won the popular vote because of widespread fraud...despite there being no evidence to support that claim. It's one thing for the administration to say that - it is wrong and damaging, but that seems not to matter to them. It's another thing to watch how that mindset infiltrates the public. Theoretically we should be able to at least discuss why we feel and think the way we without being attacked and criticized, but more and more that seems like wishful thinking. And so, as I say here, when dialogue isn't possible, then perhaps we shouldn't try to talk, but rather simply follow our principles and take action to manifest them. Every day that passes it becomes more deeply evident just how much work we have before us.

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  3. It is hard for me to describe in English how I feel about all of this but when I heard about his decision to move forward with the pipeline in the area of Standing Rock I felt physically ill. How can we ever take him serious if he just waltzes over every right decision being made by his predecessor??? I am so angry because I am only human

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    1. It's pretty horrible, Ellen. I am physically ill over what is going on. I am also angry. Trump's actions shouldn't be powerful enough to shut down dialogue between family members and community members but lately it seems impossible to really have a fruitful convo. And in the end, the stakes are so high....

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