Sunday, October 5, 2014

A Moth Unfolding Its Wings

It's Sunday evening. I filled my belly with a simple dinner of roast chicken, mashed potatoes with garlic, and carrots. Later I decocted carefully-sliced ginger root and added lime juice and honey to make one of my favorite hot beverages. As I listen to my children's chatter, their pre-bed busy-ness, I've decided to pull a card for my week ahead, using my Halloween Oracle (Stacey Demarco).

I shuffled my cards, and drew Death. Sigh. My first thought was: again? This card has been following me closely of late. In fact it was my card of the month from my Taroscopes for October

"Significant aspects of your life are shifting and changing, which can be pretty uncomfortable. Know that the transformations unfolding now will ultimately leave you stronger, and even happier, when all is said and done."  

Halloween Oracle - Stacey Demarco

Yes, this week, and this month, are certainly times of big change. Gabriel has just started attending daycare, which in and of itself is a huge transition. He's three years old and loves to socialize; he was very ready for this. When my girls reached this milestone in their lives they were not particularly happy about it. In fact, Lourdes cried so much, and was so miserable, we ended up plucking her right out of the center again after three weeks, and she didn't set foot inside such an establishment again until she started kindergarten (at which time she was startlingly ready). Gabriel, however, has been raring to go, and has not cried at all. Well, that's not entirely true. When I pick him up and ask him how his day went, he reports: "I played, and I cried." When I ask him why he cried, he says, "Because I didn't want to sleep. Sleeping isn't fun." He is not a big fan of institutional nap-time. But he loves "school" and is happy to go every morning, which is a blessing. 

Another massive change has happened simultaneously: Jorge has flown off to the far, autumnal reaches of Scandinavia to work for at least a couple of months. It's the first time he's ever been gone for so long, and it's a significant transition. He's sad. I'm sad. The kids are sad. The distance irritates me, and I have to work to keep the big picture in mind. He left last Wednesday and fortunately we've been able to speak each day which has provided some peace of mind (and heart). 

On pages 27-28 of the Halloween Oracle book, Demarco writes: "Do not be afraid if you pull the Death card as it simply means that something is falling away, or will do so, so you can begin strongly afresh. There is great power in this clearing." 

This is true, and I feel it in my bones and in the depths of my soul. Despite the big changes moving through my life at present, I am keenly aware that ultimately these changes are occurring for an important reason, and that these fluctuations are just as they should be. I'm grateful for them, in fact, in the way that sore muscles after a powerful workout kind of feel good in a way; the achy newness of a moth unfolding its wings. 


  1. As I told you I know how difficult this is. You are so blessed being able to communicate with him on a regular base. Back then there was not internet and we even didn't have a mobile phone. So all we had were letters.
    I am sure you will discover so much hidden qualities within yourself these coming months.

    1. Thanks for your encouraging words, Ellen :) Yes, having the ability to communicate feels like a luxury. When he goes to Cuba it's usually a week or more of zero contact, which is pretty anxiety-inducing. So I am grateful for the telephone connection!!