Samhain Blog Hop: Honoring Giuseppe

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Welcome to the Samhain Blog Hop! Please use the links at the top or bottom of this post to navigate to the other wonderful blogs in this circle. This time around our wrangler, Arwen Lynch-Poe, has asked us to "commune, communicate, and commemorate." We might choose an ancestor or notable historical figure to discuss, to read for or about, or to celebrate, in one way or another.

I ultimately decided to honor my grandfather for this Samhain celebration. Giuseppe Giovanni Amerigo Malgeri was born on September 23rd, 1900 in Pigüé, Argentina, the son of immigrants from southern Italy. As a young adult he left South America for Italy to earn his teaching certificate, and eventually enlisted in the Italian military. In 1924 he traveled to the United States for the first time, where he met and married my grandmother, with whom he had three children. They moved back to Italy which is where my mother spent her early years, but my grandmother ended up returning to the U.S. with all of her children after some waywardness on the part of my grandfather. He died a couple of years after my birth so I never had the opportunity to know him (or my paternal grandfather either, as a matter of fact), which over the years I've come to see as a true and mostly irreparable loss.

An extendable table crafted by my grandfather

I never knew a lot about Giuseppe, and what I did hear could be held within a single, cupped hand: he was a woodworker; he was a teacher; he was a traveler; he was a soldier; he was multilingual. He loved his children in his own way. As I thought about what court card my grandfather might be, I settled on the King of Wands. Though he was a Libra, his essence feels more like fire to me, and as it turns out he has quite a bit of Sagittarius in his chart! I had pulled my husband's Mary-El deck out the previous day, and decided to sift through it for the King of Wands. When I found it I immediately noticed an interesting resemblance to my grandfather:

Mary-El King of Wands and Giuseppe Malgeri

Yesterday on my way home from work I was contemplating what to have for lunch and had settled on eggs all'inferno (eggs in Hell) because we had a really nice tomato sauce that needed to be used. And then I realized that this dish is part of the small legacy that I have from my grandfather. We have relatives in Argentina still, some of with whom I speak. We have family in Italy as well. But one of the most consistently present, always-accessible, fully tangible remnants of his is this simple egg-and-tomato-sauce dish that I learned from my mother. As she would throw eggs on top of bright red sauce in a pan, she would say, "Time for eggs all'inferno, one of my dad's favorite foods!" So for me, this is a direct line to the grandfather I never had a chance to know in this life. Now as I prepare it, I tell my own children, "This is your great-grandpa Malgeri's favorite dish!"

Giuseppe's eggs all'inferno

For those interested in the recipe, it goes a little something like this:

Giuseppe's Eggs all'Inferno

Put some tomato sauce (a cup or two, to your own liking) in a pan (non-stick is best) and crack as many eggs as you like on top. Put on a cover and let it poach until the eggs are cooked to your preference. You can add cheese if you like - throw some on to melt during the final minute or two, or grate some parmesan or romano on top after you serve it. It's great with buttered and toasted bread. As an alternative method, you can pan fry the eggs first, and when they are close to done you can pour the sauce over the top and let it heat through!

I decided to do a reading to ask some basic questions about my grandfather: How did he see himself? What was his passion? How would (or does) he see me, his granddaughter? The results provoked more questions than answers, but were interesting nonetheless:

Stone Tarot/A. Stone

1) How would you describe yourself? 8 of Pentacles reversed. I wonder if he ever felt contented with what he had accomplished in life. Was he a perfectionist that never seemed able to reach the top of the mountain? Was he perpetually dissatisfied? He certainly wasn't a "stable" man in the sense that he didn't stay in one general area - even country - for the majority of his life. He traveled, but more than that, he was an immigrant. He had many different interests, skills, and occupations. He had a family, and then he didn't. Did he ever feel that he'd been "enough"?

2) What was your passion? Wheel of Fortune. In some way this card seems to answer certain elements of the previous card. After I pulled this from the deck I was singing "Papa Was a Rolling Stone" for the next hour. What I like about this card is that it tells me that my grandfather was truly a wanderer by nature. He thrived on change and newness. My mother always said that we come from a nomadic family, in the sense that at least the recent generations have never stayed put. My grandfather moved around a lot, and so have his children and their children. It's nice to think that he pursued change at least in part because he found it exhilarating. And it's interesting to see those qualities in myself.

3) How do you see me? Page/Princess of Wands. I was just writing the other day about "signficators" in Tarot and I mentioned that the cards that most often come up for me are the King and Queen of Cups, and the Page of Wands. In fact, the Page of Wands is specifically the card that tends to represent the work I do in divination: an emissary and messenger, a go-between and interpreter. An underlying question here was one that Arwen had mentioned in her original Blog Hop task for us: How might your relative feel about your card reading? In that light, I take this as a positive confirmation that he approves of what I'm doing. And I like the idea that he sees me as a "princess" (that's very grandfatherly, I think!).

Last week my husband and I were dealing with a pretty difficult and challenging matter regarding our car that had suddenly broken down and left us in quite a conundrum (I discuss it in more detail here). As we were strolling through the dealership parking lot in search of a new vehicle, I had a "moment" where I was very aware of both of my grandfathers. I imagined what it would be like to have their help and support in that situation. I thought about how I never had known them, had missed out on the opportunity to experience the grandfather-granddaughter bond. But I welcomed their energy in, and asked for their advocacy.

It's funny that I never thought about it at the time, but as I wrote this post I naturally thought about that invitation in the parking lot, and then it suddenly dawned on me. We ended up purchasing (via a lot of mysterious and fortuitous circumstances) a car that I'd never imagined I'd ever own (and still can't believe it, really): a Fiat - the most popular Italian car brand.

So I send a big "thank you" to my grandfather-in-spirit, Giuseppe Giovanni Amerigo Malgeri. May you always be with me, and may I always be open to your love and guidance.

Happy Samhain, everyone!

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Embracing the Knight of Swords

The task for Day 28 of the Shadow Work October challenge (hosted on Instagram by @mnomquah) is: 

Caregiver. What do I have to offer? 

Last night I pulled the Prince of Knives from the Tarot of Vampyres and I was mystified. I had just written earlier that same day that I rarely see myself in the Swords courts, and yet there it was. I put it aside. This morning I thought I might see what Morgan Greer would have to say about it, and as I shuffled a card came flying out at me: the Knight of Swords. I laughed. The cards had made their point.

Tarot of Vampyres and Morgan Greer Tarot

I had to sit with this one for a while, but as I delved deeply into the energy of this card I found that I could see myself reflected there - both a surprising and revealing experience for me. I don't love to debate, and I am rarely sharp with my words. I am not reckless, nor do I move particularly quickly.

But there is far more to it than that.

This Knight is intellectual and analytical, articulate and perceptive. He is creative and knowledgeable, honest and clear-minded. He finds solutions and helps others to see past outdated patterns of thought. And as I thought about it I realized that people do come to me for problem solving, and they trust me with advice when it comes to approaching complex matters. They ask for my opinion and believe me to be fair, not influenced by politics or personal preferences. I write, and once in a while I hear from strangers who approach me to let me know that some post helped them understand a card better, or was affirming for them in its openness and honesty. So I suppose that this is what I offer others, though I had never really thought about it this way before... This one deserves some further meditation.....!

Significators in the Tarot

In Tarot, significators are typically court cards that represent the person being read for (including the reader, in a self-reading), as well as important people in the person's life. Some people use them as part of a reading (pre-selecting a significator as a focal point), and some don't (I fall into the latter category).

There are quiet a few theories about how to choose this card, but in my experience no choice is really necessary - the cards themselves show you who you are (if you're paying attention). And while you may tend to show up as one particular card most frequently, you may find yourself symbolized by a number of other courts, depending on the context of the reading. For example you may see yourself appear as the King of Swords in matters of work and "outside life," but then you may appear as the Queen of Pentacles when it comes to a reading about your family.

Stone Tarot - A. Stone

Often I see people choose a significator according to their gender and astrological sun sign (i.e. a Pisces woman would be the Queen of Cups, and a Sagittarius man would be the King of Wands). In reality this is not always true or reliable. For example, I am a double Capricorn woman, however my principal significator is the King of Cups. I tend to show up most commonly as Kings in general, but also at times as Queens (most usually the Queen of Cups) and even Pages (particularly the Page of Wands).

My husband and one of my sisters both show up most often as the King of Wands even though they are water and air signs, respectively. Another sister (a Leo) is most commonly represented by the King of Swords, while my mother is the Queen of Cups (that one fits the mold being that she's a Cancer!). I even remember reading for a man who appeared in his own reading as the Queen of Wands. In all of these cases the significators were not preselected or decided upon, they were shown.

Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA - J. Turk

This isn't to say that astrological associations aren't ever accurate, or can't be helpful. As I mentioned before, my Cancer mother's card is the Queen of Cups. My eldest daughter (a triple Earth sign) is most often the Page of Pentacles. And in an ancestor reading for a client once, the Queen of Swords appeared. I asked my client if his sister was an air sign, but he wasn't sure about her birthday. Later he checked with his mother, and sure enough she had been an Aquarius.

Court cards represent our most salient traits and characteristics, so they don't always match up neatly with gender or astrology. And that is a good thing, as it allows much more fluidity in readings, and in the end reflects our diversity with far greater acuity.

A Breath of Sea Air

Saturday was a beautiful day. In the morning my husband and I stopped at our favorite local botanica for a few things. As usual, while there I ended up finding a number of extra goodies as well! The principal goal of our trip was for me to secure a few stones. I immediately located some precious finds: red coral, raw selenite, raw black tourmaline, desert rose, and snowflake obsidian.

While I was selecting my stones, Jorge was busy discussing important matters with Paula, the clerk and jeweler. As I approached the counter I realized that they were talking about azabaches - generally speaking, charms against the evil eye. "Good call," I thought, since I was supposed to get one months back and hadn't yet. In fact, we were planning to get one for each member of our family. Azabache is another word for jet (also called "black amber"), an ancient stone formed from the remains of decomposed wood, which has a high carbon content. It has been used through the ages and across many cultures to bring wisdom, protection, and healing. It is often combined with red coral, also widely used for protection. In Cuba, most babies don't leave the hospital without an azabache charm attached to their clothing. I myself used to own a silver and red coral bracelet, a gift from my mother from Italy for the purposes of deflecting unwanted attention.

We didn't see any in stock that were quite what we were looking for, so Paula went into the back room and returned with her beads and jewelry tools. In the end, we were able to make a custom order which she completed right in front of our eyes, which was a special treat. Our azabache beads were hand carved from California, and we chose naturally shaped red coral for the accent:

Custom-made azabache pendant

I gathered up a couple boxes of incense and a candle, and we were on our way. It was a really nice way to start the day.

We'd planned to take the kids out to the sea in the afternoon, so after lunch we gathered up chairs, a blanket, and some snacks, and we drove our new Fiat out to a beautiful, quiet, sparsely populated beach. We watched the pelicans fly overhead, and the little ones played in the surf for a while. We munched on cheese crackers and salted nori, and I pulled a few cards:

Wildwood Tarot and Earthbound Oracle at the sea

We drove back home under the setting sun, and settled in for the evening with good food, and some Antiques Roadshow. It's the little things. ;-)

Seeing the Forest for the Trees

It's fair to say that things have been rather tumultuous of late, though not in an altogether negative way. In my last post I discussed the drama of having our car suddenly fail on us, feeling rather stuck, and yet experiencing so many blessings along the way. In the end there were far too many blessings and synchronicities to mention here, but it all culminated in our purchase of a new vehicle (I will say, though, that one little and intriguing detail involved our wonderful car salesman suddenly discussing Hebrew and numerology, which was pretty awesome):

Our salesman's notes on Hebrew, the name of God, and numerology

The entire affair hasn't reached a final conclusion (we still have a non-functioning "other" car to contend with) but things are far better than they were, and far better than I'd dared to hope for while sitting at the mechanic shop a week ago. 

It wasn't lost on me that my recurring 10 of Swords is about more than the shadow work I've been doing this month. It is that, definitely, but it is a rather holistic approach to life purging that is occurring here. In an intangible sense I'm sorting out the items in my proverbial closet, doing some spring cleaning, but in a very physical way (car, ahem) it's "out with the old!" While it certainly hasn't been comfortable, per se, there is something relieving about it all. It does feel like a paradigm shift is unfolding.

One of the tasks for the Shadow Work Challenge was to identify "the greatest lie you feed yourself." I pulled the Hanged Man reversed:

Haindl Tarot

I wrote the following about it:

"I am a faithful, accommodating, and very optimistic person, and I believe that our struggles are not for nought. At worst, we're always growing and learning. But I think that perhaps deep under the surface, in a part of my psyche where I seldom dwell, there is a fear that in fact there is no gold at the end of the rainbow, and that all the sacrifices I've had to make are not in fact leading me forward. That I'm stuck rather than waiting patiently. That no matter how positive I am, no matter how much light I see in the dark, it might just not be enough. But that is the great lie. It is enough; in some ways perhaps it's everything."

That was a powerful and somewhat strange idea to confront about myself - that in some part of my being I fear a dead end. But it was also liberating to release it, to name it as untrue. 

This evening I pulled a card from my Druid Plant Oracle asking where I need to focus as I work through this period of change and I drew: Heather.

Druid Plant Oracle

My notes:

"'Appreciate what you have' is such an old refrain that we often become desensitized to its essence. But when challenges arise you do have a choice: to cover your eyes and endlessly review your discomfort and pain, or to focus on the beauty and fortune you have all around you. It's not easy, you might fall off the bike a few times, but the effort is worth it. Just the effort, without any concern with reaching a goal. Be grateful for the good in your life, and draw strength and comfort from it when storm clouds loom (the good thing about clouds is that they always pass sooner or later, and while overhead the gift us with an opportunity to see things in a new light.)"

Perspective is everything, and while staying truly positive in a difficult time can certainly be easier said than done, it can indeed be done, with a little bit of grace, a dash of humor, and an open heart. (And a few cups of strong tea doesn't hurt!).

Be Ever Grateful

This morning I "pulled" the 8 of Bolers/Pentacles from my Buckland Romani Tarot app as my daily draw. I thought, "Ah, makes sense, I'll be slowly making my way through work today...." Mmhm. I got ready to go, my husband and I dropped our younger daughter at school, and we set off toward my workplace. As we were within a few blocks of our destination, the car suddenly shut down and refused to restart. It wasn't the battery; I knew it was something worse, I just didn't know what. We were at a dead halt in the middle of a very busy, very fast road, but fortunately a couple of friendly passersby helped Jorge to push the car into a nearby parking lot. I mused to him: "You know, you'd have thought I would have pulled the Tower or something, not the 8 of Pentacles. Seriously." We called for a tow, and while my husband sat waiting to be taken to a mechanic, I walked the rest of the way to work to meet my class.

Buckland Romani Tarot

Later my husband called me and said, "Not good news. The engine is useless, and they say that it doesn't make sense to repair it - we need a new car." Oh shit! This was the second part: "Since I have no way to get you, see if you can find a ride home." Yes. Over a year ago I was run into by a texting-while-driving sort, and our other car was totaled. We took that as a sign that it was the right time to downsize, to save money, to lower our carbon footprint. So we were a one-car family. And now we were suddenly, and without warning, a no-car family in a city with terrible public transportation, where having a car has become essential.

On my way back to my office after class I took a detour and saw that my director's office door was slightly open. I didn't know what I was going to say, but I decided to say hello. I had written an email to my colleagues asking for a ride home, and she'd just seen it. She said hi, and asked about my situation. I told her that it would probably impact my next day's teaching schedule, and asked for ideas about how to manage it. Suddenly she said, "You know what? Just take my car!" I called her "crazy" several times, and also thanked her a few times, and soon I was on my way home, in her little blue Nissan. On the way I stopped at the mechanic to pick up my husband. As he was paying for the inspection, I sat patiently in the waiting room. Suddenly I got the joke:

My view from the car repair shop waiting room

I was in a car repair shop. Just like the one on the 8 of Bolers card. You know, within reason, taking into account the cultural context and decade. I laughed. And then I took a picture. You have to appreciate the way the universe works, no matter how dire the circumstances, really.

So we were a bit stuck. We had a repair quote exceeding $7000, no car, a kid in school who would eventually require a ride home, and I had to teach again the next couple of days. I couldn't keep my boss's car forever. This was a true WTF moment, though a true gem was the moment when my husband actually handed me the estimate, and as I reached the final price I just started to laugh, and he laughed right along with me. Because what else is there to do? If someone hands you a repair quote that high for your only vehicle, that is just about all there is to be done about it.

As we drove home I said to Jorge, "You know, this really does suck a lot, but there are so many ways in which we are fortunate today. Gabriel wasn't in the car with us when it shut down in that busy zone. Those men helped to move the car to a safe place. We were only a few blocks from work, so I wasn't too late for class. My director handed me her keys, and now we can pick Lourdes up from school. The tow was covered by our insurance." The list later expanded to include the fact that our insurance company secured us a rental car on the same afternoon, allowing us to return the borrowed car. We went to a dealership (which normally I passionately hate - sales, in general. Not a fan) and the fellow that helped us was nice, very relaxed, very open and non-pushy. He even broke into song at one point. Instead of wanting to run away as fast as I could, I found myself wanting his business card! (This is a true rarity).

When our foray was over for the evening (we still have no car of our own, and have more insurance stuff to deal with tomorrow) we went home, finally. As we entered the house, a glorious aroma of garlic and spices wafted toward us. Our oldest daughter had prepared dinner: a trout chowder that she had found the recipe for online. It was really good.

I checked the mail. There was the Earthbound Oracle that I wasn't expecting until tomorrow, beautifully wrapped in tissue paper, with an art card, a sticker, and yes/no flipping coin on top:

Earthbound Oracle still boxed and wrapped

The point is: be ever grateful. Life throws some major twists and turns into our paths, and many of them are unexpected and unforeseen. We can't always change what happens to us, but we can always choose how we see the circumstances in which we find ourselves. In even the very difficult moments, there is light.

10 of Bolers: Presence of the Ancestors

This morning I woke up with my son snuggling against me. The first words out of his mouth, still in the haze of sleep, were, "You need to fix your hair, mister!" I smiled at the sweetness of his child's innocence and honesty, all imbued with bottomless love. (Then I complied and put my hair in a bun.)

As I rose I felt drawn to my bóveda (altar). I've been needing to connect with my ancestors for weeks now, and while I continue to tend to my sacred space - changing the water in my glasses, occasionally offering a hot cup of coffee - I still feel the deeper call to really sit with them and invite their constant presence more intentionally into my mind and heart. This morning, after giving the Boy his bowl of cereal, I set a pot on to brew, and when it was ready I brought a steaming mug to my bóveda. Instead of the fly-by offerings of late (work has been hectic, and I've been quite engaged with the Shadow Work October challenge in my "idle" moments), I stood there for a time. I thought of my grandmothers and grandfathers, all of whom have passed on. I felt the presence most noticeably of my paternal grandmother, Lillian, and I acknowledged her. I called off the surnames of all of the forebears that I know of, and then expanded out to the countries and areas of the world where I know that they came from: Italy, the British Isles, Scandinavia, Northern Africa and the Middle East, Germany, Austria and the Netherlands, Hungary...... I opened myself up to honoring all of those who contributed to my bloodlines, all of those without whom my physical being would not be. I asked them to be with me, that I may always be "open" to their support and guidance.

Buckland Romani Tarot

I returned to the kitchen and prepared my own coffee with sugar and cream, and then sat down at the table to pull my card of the day from my new Buckland Romani Tarot app (the first such app I've ever owned, and I'm enjoying it quite a bit!). I received: 10 of Bolers (Pentacles).

And I just smiled, because there they all were, my ancestors, there, present, waiting for me. The 10 of Pentacles is often called the "legacy" card because of the ways in which it represents our material and physical ties to our broader family networks. Thus it is also a primary "ancestor" card. I had never seen this particular version of the 10 of Pentacles before, and there is something special in the position of these people, quietly watching...there. It felt like a warm acknowledgement for me from them.

Amid the toils of everyday work life, woven through the fabric of family togetherness, in the liminal spaces of my thoughts and dreams, my ancestors are there with me.