La Loba Spread: Air and Fire

Vickie from Eternal Athena Tarot (IG: eternal.athena.tarot) created a very interesting spread called "La Loba" that was inspired by her reading of "Women Who Run With the Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. The spread is as follows:

Image: Victoria Wilson

This spread is based on the myth of La Loba, a half-wolf, half-human crone who searches the desert landscape for bones that she reassembles and eventually sings back to life. The myth is about reclaiming our power as women, those aspects of ourselves that we lock down tightly, the harder edges that we soften to be more pleasing to society, the parts of our essential selves that we lose along the way.

I actually pulled these cards nearly two weeks ago and have been sitting with them, letting them simmer, come together, letting the flavors blend, so to speak. Here they are:

Fountain Tarot

Who is the wild woman within? Knight of Swords
Where do I gather my bones? King of Wands
How do I express her? 7 of Swords

I've been doing a lot of work with the Knight of Swords over the past month or two, unintentionally, really. This card has come up quite a bit for me of late, particularly in the days prior to my interview in November (which ultimately landed me my new position). I was initially resistant to it because I just don't see myself in this Knight at all - or rather, I didn't. Sharp edges?? I am the master of earth and water, subtle, calm energies, soft edges. But as I sat with it I realized that there are many aspects of the Knight of Swords that I do see reflected in myself: problem solving, quick thinking, perception, the ability to see to the core of a matter, being clever, and having the ability to be very clear and precise in communication. However I still didn't see my Self as the Knight of Swords - embracing some qualities, perhaps, but not truly living in that skin.

And then... I pulled these cards, and my wild woman within is none other than the Knight of Swords!

And yet it all makes sense. I care a lot about other people, and always seek a way to meet others where they're at, no matter where they are coming from. I am very careful with my use of words because I know how easy it can be to be misunderstood, and to misunderstand, too. However in many ways I've hidden aspects of myself in order to be easier to swallow. As Marianne Williamson wrote about in her famous quote, I often "played small" in order to reduce the potential insecurity of others. However in the process I diminished my own voice, and my own sense of personal power.

I remember listening to my sociolinguistics professor speak about "hedging" - a behavior more often employed by women than by men in an attempt to minimize the impact of their ideas or thoughts by allowing space for doubt, ambiguity, or lack of authority. For example: "Trump seems to have challenging perspectives, but I don't really know much about politics."

I never thought I "hedged" but I have come to realize that I do it far more than I realized. I may not always hedge in terms of word choice (though I certainly do that, too); I also hedge with body language, via the use of smiles or certain gestures, or even via tone of voice. However I am rarely unsure about what I think or want. Sure, sometimes I need to do some investigating, or perhaps sit with a concept for some time before I can wrap myself around it, but during that period I am simply quiet and contemplative. In general, I am often very clear about what needs to be done, what I want or don't want, but I often hedge as a way of diminishing any potential abrasive impact that comes from simply stating what you mean, from being very clear and sure of yourself, and for being unapologetic about that clarity.

The Knight of Swords is my wild woman within. I gather bones from all of the ways in which I can embody the King of Wands - the fiery passion, the great visionary sight that draws people in like moths to a flame, that brings minds together around an idea in order to manifest it. These are things I am capable of, but rarely recognize or live out. The 7 of Swords is how I express her. Through clarity (and strategy, at times) in the written and spoken word. Though recognizing, and being honest with myself, about my underlying swords-nature. By not hiding or apologizing for my ideas. By knowing the difference between diplomacy and presenting a false-face. A sword is a tool, not something to be afraid of.  When wielded well, with strength, honor, and truth, even the 7 of Swords can be a powerful force for positive growth and development.

Embracing the Knight of Swords

The task for Day 28 of the Shadow Work October challenge (hosted on Instagram by @mnomquah) is: 

Caregiver. What do I have to offer? 

Last night I pulled the Prince of Knives from the Tarot of Vampyres and I was mystified. I had just written earlier that same day that I rarely see myself in the Swords courts, and yet there it was. I put it aside. This morning I thought I might see what Morgan Greer would have to say about it, and as I shuffled a card came flying out at me: the Knight of Swords. I laughed. The cards had made their point.

Tarot of Vampyres and Morgan Greer Tarot

I had to sit with this one for a while, but as I delved deeply into the energy of this card I found that I could see myself reflected there - both a surprising and revealing experience for me. I don't love to debate, and I am rarely sharp with my words. I am not reckless, nor do I move particularly quickly.

But there is far more to it than that.

This Knight is intellectual and analytical, articulate and perceptive. He is creative and knowledgeable, honest and clear-minded. He finds solutions and helps others to see past outdated patterns of thought. And as I thought about it I realized that people do come to me for problem solving, and they trust me with advice when it comes to approaching complex matters. They ask for my opinion and believe me to be fair, not influenced by politics or personal preferences. I write, and once in a while I hear from strangers who approach me to let me know that some post helped them understand a card better, or was affirming for them in its openness and honesty. So I suppose that this is what I offer others, though I had never really thought about it this way before... This one deserves some further meditation.....!

A Spiritual Knight of Swords

Last night I asked my husband if I could pull some cards from his Mary-El deck, which is not a deck I've really ever used before. The art is beautiful and full of interesting details and presentations that have come straight from the heart and soul of the artist, Marie White.

I decided to do a Mind/Body/Spirit layout, and while the entire line was meaningful, I found myself very drawn to the Knight of Swords card in the Spirit position. I think that in a general sense few people would think of this Knight as a spiritual or religious fellow, but his presence here was perfectly precise, and the symbols on this card couldn't have been more fitting....

Mary-El Tarot/Marie White

These are the aspects of this card that caught my attention and bowled me over with their relevance:

Sun mask: searching for illumination

Circle on chest: getting to the heart of the matter, the core essence(s)

Owl: wisdom (occult)

Swords: clarity out of chaos, discernment, intellectual pursuit, analyzing various sources and cross referencing, research, discussion

Red cape: passion

Naked skin: humility

Snake design: cosmic knowledge

A lovely read. A lovely deck. A lovely meditation on the power of symbolism!

Samhain: A Spread for the New Year

I know it's a little  bit early to do my New Year spread for Samhain, seeing as the 31st is still about five days away, but I have family coming to visit for a whole week, and who knows how much time I'll find !  So I decided to do it today, a lovely Saturday night.  The littlest kid is in bed, the older kids are on their way there, and Jorge is outside taking pictures of the moon.  A rare quiet moment!

I've settled down here with my cup of tea to type out the reading I did about an hour ago.  I wasn't sure which spread I wanted to use, and *almost* created my own…but I wasn't feeling quite that inspired.  So I found one on a great website, Furious Horde, called "Hallows: A Samhain Spread." The site also offers an Ancestor Spread as a companion to this one, however I'll save that for another moment! I've slightly altered the Samhain spread to add a couple of extra cards, but it goes something like this:

                   1

            2     3     4

      5        6     7      8

                9    10

1: The Moon - Major influences accompanying you into the New Year

2: The Path - A glimpse into the very near future 

3: The Lantern - What is currently engaging your attention and drawing you forward

4: The Mask - What illusions you are maintaining for yourself or others (could be for positive reasons)

5: The Bones - A reflection of ancestry, family, culture, heritage, etc. What relics do you keep as symbols, and what purpose do they serve?

6: The Bonfire - What needs to be cleansed and offered to the fire in order to move into the New Year?

7: The Veil - What is being revealed about your deep self?

8: The Ancient Ones - Guidance offered from Spirit/Guides/Ancestors.

9: Bottom card of the deck - Additional influences

10: Top card of the deck - Additional influences

I used my Wildwood Tarot deck (Mark Ryan, John Matthews, Will Worthington; Sterling Ethos 2011). With the addition of the two extra cards, the shape is rather like an arrow head!

                                 

Card 1, the Moon: 5 of Bows ("Empowerment").  I do believe that I've been in the process of "finding my power" for a while now.  I feel empowered by having reconnected this year (after 6 or 7 years) with what feels like my purpose in many ways, or at least involves nurturing the gifts I came to this life with (specifically spirit-related things). It has presented a series of "challenges" that I've been diving head-first into, and ultimately enjoying and learning a lot from.  The energy created from all of this has been propelling me forward.

Card 2, the Path: 9 of Bows ("Respect"). The Woodwose sits front and center on this card, asking me if I have what it takes to battle onwards.  Only time will tell (this is, after all, the "near future" card) but I already know that I do.  Challenges are not for the weak-hearted or weak-minded.  In order to progress, you must demonstrate the ability to trust in the path, even when you can't see very far ahead, and to respect the experiences you have, and the guides that teach you (in whatever form they may take). I must respect myself, and in turn give respect to others.  I think this card is also about not letting myself feel "walked on" by situations or by people.  If you pack up and go home at the first sign of struggle, you aren't ready for the journey.

Card 3, the Lantern: Ace of Bows ("Spark of Life"). A door has opened before me, and I've been drawn over the threshold.  Bows represent creativity and energy, and in a lot of ways I feel like I'm dealing with harnessing my own energy, and considering the potential that's available when I learn to focus and direct it.  Last week I had a dream that I was full of energy, but I needed to learn how to manipulate it so that it could be used for healing.  I do feel rather like a baby, so the Ace is fitting.  I'm just becoming aware of how much energy I have at my disposal, and how to work with it…which is a whole new path that is leading me on.

Card 4, the Mask: 4 of Stones ("Protection").  This is an interesting card to appear.  It took me some time to ponder it, but when I started focusing more intently on the details of the images in the card, things started to click into place.  I thought of how much I don't voice my thoughts and feelings - in a sense the fawn represents my inner workings, while everyone else just sees the stony exterior. Jorge always asks me what I'm thinking because I often don't realize how much I don't share with others. Is it a form of protection?  It could be sometimes, when I don't want to upset others with my own concerns or worries, or because I think that by managing my concerns on my own they'll somehow be easier to deal with than if I include someone else. And that definitely qualifies as a mask.  In fact that is something that my Mom used to always do.  She'd say "If I don't ask, I'd never know what's really going on inside you!"  Really I'm often unaware of how much I ponder in silence. So I am making an effort to be more conscious of this tendency.    

Card 5, the Bones: The World Tree. Hm. Another interesting card to appear.  Yggdrasil, the World Tree, has been a recurring theme this past year.  And does it get any more ancestral than that??  Several months ago I had a dream: there was an impending sense of doom, like the world was ending. Everyone was taking cover, and rather anxious. As people were leaving the town center, I was walking toward it, and I ended up face-to-trunk with a great, pale tree.  I sensed it was very old, and dying. I knew I had to knock on the trunk, though when I did so, the world might end.  But I had to knock, and so I did.  When I knocked on the trunk, it was simply like the sun rising. Nothing ended, nothing died. The tree was simply reborn.  For the rest of the night the name "Yggdrasil" wove its way through my mind. Yggdrasil is a common place for shamans to visit, no matter the culture, though the term is specifically from Norse mythology.  That brings in another important element. A significant part of my ancestry is from German and Nordic Europe, though I'd never really felt connected to that part of my family history.  In fact having been raised around the native American community, American indigenous culture was probably most important to me growing up. But I had another dream several weeks after the Yggdrasil dream: I was sitting (at night) at a gathering, wondering who I might connect with, or if anyone would like me.  Then I saw a guy, blonde, kind of Vikingy, with a necklace. I held the necklace in my hand, and it was very native American, beaded in various colors, almost in a sharp horseshoe shape. As I went to the guy it changed to metal/chain, but in the same form.  I felt very connected to this, like I was remembering part of my identity.  I felt the fierceness of a warrior, and knew that I would be the person running toward the battle rather than away from it.  As a woman.  I felt the connection to the norse/Viking people, my ancestry.  I thought that it's interesting how the native bead necklace, also representing a big part of who I am, turned into the metal necklace.  Like it was showing a connection, transmutation.  It felt very right. So again this Nordic connection popped up in my dream, and this time there was a flow from one spiritual tradition (not ancestral) to another (that is ancestral). I read a bit about Odin, and felt very connected to that grandfather, wanderer, shaman, warrior combination. Odin also hung from Yggdrasil for 9 days, a sacrifice in order to receive the wisdom of the runes. So there is some great circle involved in this series of stories and events. Another aspect that relates to this card and position is my mother, who is clairvoyant and intuitive, and a counselor by trade. It was she that introduced me to Tarot at a young age. The maze on the card leads to the heart of the World Tree. There is something related to a spiritual heritage involved here. As a final note, this is a card that came up for me as I was doing a reading about my potential with mediumship, which also seems to relate to the Ace of Bows, for me.

Card 6, the Bonfire: 5 of Arrows reversed ("Frustration"). I use reversals with this deck, though in the context of this spread the only two reversals (this being one of them) don't differ greatly from their upright meaning.  First of all, I'm a Capricorn, which is symbolized by the goat, so right away I see myself flying down a hill against a wave of arrows whipping my way. On one hand I feel this card is calling me to release my frustrations, many of which are mental.  Attitude is everything, right? What purpose does internalizing frustrations serve?  It serves none, other than to eat away at me, creating sleepless nights, and stressful days. That is certainly worth doing away with.  This card also relates back to the 5 of Bows (Empowerment). I can't please everyone, so I shouldn't try. I don't always need to be the peacemaker (related to the 4 of Stones).  And if I'm grounded, determined, balanced and focused, the arrows coming my way will somehow miss their mark.  

Card 7, the Veil: the Blasted Oak reversed. The second of the two reversals in this spread. The position of the card indicates that this reversal refers to my inner workings. I'm experiencing "big change" on an interior level.  I've had the burst of insight (the lightening bolt) which has brought me a whole new world of possibility that I'd never considered before, or explored. There's a certain freedom in that, like being reborn, in a way. The traditional RWS card features a crown which relates to the crown chakra. Mine has been open and tingling with activity for a while now, which relates to the Ace of Bows. The insights themselves have been spiritual in nature. This year I've delved back into working with the cards, experienced the awakening of my 6th and 7th chakras, developed my clairsentience to the point of being able to begin exploring psychic readings (without the use of cards), and have begun to experience mediumship, which has been really cool, interesting, eye-opening, humbling, and sort of exciting, in a muted sort of way. Who knew?

Card 8, the Ancient Ones: Knight of Arrows ("Hawk"). In the Wildwood, this Knight is represented by the Hawk.  The Hawk card in the Druid Animal Oracle (Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm, Will Worthington; Fireside 1994) has made repeat appearances for me all summer long, and now into the fall, so it was interesting to see it show up here and in this form. The Hawk is about seeing the big picture.  In the Druid Animal Oracle book, it says that the Hawk has the "ability to see life in perspective, free yourself from unnecessary baggage, connect to ancestral roots….Once you know where you've come from and where you're going, your life will be filled with inspiration and enthusiasm. You will sense a new day dawning and will be able to make decisions with confidence (pg 42-43)."  It also mentions, "Ancestral wisdom lives deep in our psyches (pg 44)." So to me it speaks of a new beginning whose roots go much further back than the present, which fits so well with everything I've been experiencing this past year. Another interesting bit of information about the Hawk is that they were used by Druids to explore the spirit world.  Why is the Hawk a Knight? Apparently in Arthurian legend, Gawain's name means "Hawk of May" and Galahad's name means "Hawk of Summer." The Druid Animal Oracle book states that "because of its ability to soar high in the air, the hawk is considered a solar bird and therefore provides a fitting name for these knights who typify the best qualities of courtliness and nobility - they are male solar heroes in quest of the feminine grail (pg 44)." So journeys and quests, perspective on the breadth of one's life/lives, the spirit-world, letting go of what wasn't working, new beginnings, connecting to my ancestral roots…yes. It makes sense and forms another beautiful circle of meaning. 

Card 9, Bottom of the deck: 4 of Bows ("Celebration"). Contentment, balance, and most importantly the idea of "coming home" which has significance for me both in the past year, and in this spread.

Card 10, Top of the deck: the Wanderer. This card pretty much speaks for itself. I'm embarking on a new journey….well, it feels new, and yet in some way it's ancient. And in that way it relates closely to the Blasted Oak, the Ace of Bows, and the Knight of Arrows. 

Whew!!!  If you're still reading, you have earned a special place in my heart! That was quite a post. I would conclude with a numerological analysis of the spread….but I'm not sure I'm up for that much additional typing!  So it was a great spread, and I'm so happy to have found it.  It's given me a lot of food for thought, and I'll be coming back to it frequently during the week (and possibly months) ahead as I continue to ponder it.  I hope you haven't fallen asleep yet, though I wouldn't blame you if you did, as it's quite late, and definitely past my own bedtime. So off I go, sweet dreams, and Happy Halloween!

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A Knight, The World, and The Empress: 3 Days in a Nutshell

I didn’t post my daily draws for the past three days, so I thought I’d do that now, just to try to keep up the practice of reporting what I pulled and how it related to my day!

Today is Monday (ugh). 

On Saturday I pulled the Knight of Swords, using my Golden Tarot deck.  Well, as much as I love to see other suits, it was fitting all the same.  It was pretty much Jorge.  He woke up on the wrong side of bed, and was irritable for most of the day, until late afternoon/early evening.  Sometimes just the acknowledgement of what your day is bringing you is enough to make it easier to deal with, to keep in mind that it’s just a moment, and won’t last.  To take it in stride.  That’s one of the important benefits of daily draws, I would say.  And while the day was pretty Knight of Swordsy, the evening ended on a positive note.

Morgan Greer Tarot

On Sunday I pulled The World, using my new Morgan Greer deck.  That’s what I’m talking about!  Not a sword in sight! ;-)  (To be fair I do appreciate and value the messages the suit of Swords delivers, but sometimes I just want a break!).  Realizing goals, getting active and involved, healing, synthesis, contentment and fulfillment.  Quite an auspicious card, really! I wasn’t sure I’d be able to live up to it!!!  But it did color my day in many ways.  I made inquiries about two courses I want to take at a local shop – one on herbs and the other on intuitive Tarot.  I purchased ritual candles and a small bottle for holding consecrated oil.  I bought some Hawthorn berries for a tea I wanted to make (due to a haphazard reading about my health I’d done that morning which worried me and made me want to take some action!).  And to top it off, that evening I did the most affirming reading (with my DruidCraft deck) about my future with Tarot which really brought everything together and gave me a strong feeling that I’m heading in the right direction.  I followed that up with a one-card-draw from my Druid Animal Oracle to ask what animal teachings would be most helpful on my path, and pulled the Seal card (connecting to your Unconscious; Feminine energy and teachings; opening yourself to following your dreams).  Not only was the message in line with my reading, but the card features a cloudy sky with a rainbow.  A few minutes later I put the cards away and Jorge and Lourdes and I went out for an evening walk… when I looked up there was the most beautiful rainbow hanging in a hazy sky.  I’ve never seen a rainbow by our house before, so it felt like another sort of confirmation, and it was a really beautiful moment for me, on many levels, kind of left me in awe.  So The World seemed fitting for my day yesterday.

Morgan Greer Tarot

Today I almost didn’t even have time to pull a card.  And let me say that it was quite the incomplete process.  I was hurriedly shuffling my Morgan Greer deck (I’m trying to switch it up now that I have three decks, so each one gets a little attention) and wasn’t even able to finish one shuffle before Gabriel and Jorge came in the room, and I needed to change Gabriel’s diaper, and Jorge started organizing the bed sheets.  So I just gave up shuffling, and cut the deck once and it was the Empress (how very fitting, given the surrounding activity!).  I put that on the back burner and ran out the door.  Despite the incompleteness of the shuffle/selection process I decided to go with it!  On my way to work I thought about it, and feel it’s telling me that the most important aspects of my day today will involve my family.  Jorge had a hard morning today with aches and pains he can’t identify the cause of, and feeling really tired.  So I feel the need to be supportive of him, so that he can get some rest.  Except I’m going to be at work for most of the day!  So I’m going to help him as much as possible from afar (planning the grocery list, etc) and then later when I get home try to give him some down time, and see what activities I can come up with for the kids.  To me today is all about giving extra support to my family in both roles: wife and mother.

I’m out.