Release

What do I do in the morning when instead of being present in the moment - enjoying the sound of the coffee percolating, listening to my children chatter about peanut butter toast for breakfast - I sense my mind start to fill with anxious thoughts about the many tasks ahead for the day?

Yesterday morning I pulled a card for the day. I don't always do this, but when I do I most often set the question not as, "What might unfold for me today?" but as, "Where can I find my center; what can I draw on for strength and focus today?" It was nearing time for me to leave the house so I reached for my handiest deck - the Raven's Prophecy - quickly shuffled, and drew the 5 of Swords reversed:

At first I slightly resisted it, as my knee-jerk reaction to "negative" cards often seems to be. But then I really looked at the image, and what I saw was that instead of what might have once been a fist clenched around a grouping of small feathers, there was an open hand, a grasp no longer tense and rigid, but soft and relaxed. Instead of holding tight to the feathers, they were now allowed to catch in the breeze and float away.

This morning I was making my second pot of coffee (the pot is spotty and the first was a bit more like tan-colored water) when I started to realize that I was already feeling the jagged edges of my to-do list, and I sensed the way it was reducing my enjoyment of those early morning hours. I immediately thought of the 5 of Swords reversed, of the feathers floating away on the wind.

Each feather, when held too closely, is like a needling voice, and five of them together create a subtle cacophony in the back of the mind, a push and pull of nebulous demands on time and energy and attention. But if I take a moment to allow my awareness to settle on that noise I find I have the choice to release my grasp, to let those voices fade away like feathers in the gentle breath of morning air.

A New Moon Reading

For day 13 of the October Shadow Work challenge, the wrangler, Mnomquah, tasked participants with a New Moon reading:

The positions (and the cards I drew for myself) are as follows:

1) The Light - what you know and accept about yourself: Chariot
2) The Shadow - what is hidden from you about yourself: 10 of Swords
3) Why you fear your Shadow - what is preventing you from seeing or accepting your Shadow: Strength
4) Why you should embrace your Shadow - what are the positive sides of the Shadow that would benefit you? 7 of Swords reversed
5) How to integrate the Shadow into the Light - what steps you should take in order to accept your Shadow: 5 of Swords reversed
6) The Outcome - the possibilities if you succeed in bringing the Shadow into the Light: Sun and Judgement

Tarot of Vampyres

I have two cards for #6 because I had a "jumper" as I was thinking about that card position. So I've placed both the jumper and the additional card that I selected for that position, as partners.

As I pulled the cards the story that unfolded before me became more and more clear. I said in a previous post that each day of this challenge seems to offer a bit more detail that slowly helps me understand the bigger picture. It continues to be true here.

The fact that my shadow is represented by the 10 of Swords is very fitting. This is the card I pulled as representative of my month of October, and for this entire month I'm working each day with my shadow.

Tarot of Vampyres

I've already identified that part of this shadow work relates to reclaiming my personal power, and also that a predominant emotion that has emerged for me is sadness. When I saw the combination of the Chariot (as my light) and the 10 of Swords, I felt a very familiar sensation: that of powering past pain. The figure on the Chariot is aggressive and determined; nothing will stop him from achieving his goals. In the 10 of Swords I see (and feel) pain. This vampire woman has been knifed right in the solar plexus and lies agonizingly across a four-poster bed. It's interesting because this is often a card of being "stabbed in the back" and yet the source of my own pain often centers in the solar plexus. These cards represent two aspects of myself: the part that has experienced sharp, deep pain, and the part that insists on riding past it as swiftly as possible, hurrying away from the suffering as fast as my beast will take me; refusing to spend any more time in that dark space than is absolutely necessary. I will myself to move on because I can't bear the idea of lingering.

I've always been a very happy person. I am a peacemaker. I seek to understand and honor others. I tend to see the best in people. I am more trusting than suspicious. I want to heal others and make them happy. Joy is part of my essential nature, a core foundation of my soul. Throughout my life, from the time I was a very small child, I've had a visceral opposition to negativity, but most particularly to feelings of sadness or despair. Over a year ago I wrote a blog post for the Litha Blog Hop called "Joy and Shadows" in which I discuss how difficult it has always been for me to process sadness.

But as you grow up, you do experience pain, and some of it can feel unbearable at times. My instinct is to power past it. To distract myself through the worst of it, and to move on as quickly as possible, most especially when I feel betrayed and shamed. My desire has always been to let the difficult memories fade with time until they become nought but occasional and brief recollections of another era.

So the Chariot, my aware-self, streams past the shadow-pain of the 10 of Swords, using its pure Will to force the grief undercover.

Tarot of Vampyres

Card 3 represents what prevents me from seeing or accepting my shadow, and I pulled Strength. At first look this might seem strange: how would embodying strength, compassion, or resilience keep me from dealing with pain? And on one hand there is something to be said for the consequences of my desire to smooth things over, to bend over backwards being compassionate to the people who have hurt me, trying to understand others to the point of undervaluing my own experience. There is something potent there. But there is also another side: the Chariot, my light, is about hard control - using force and determination to get what is desired. It is externally oriented, it's about what you (and others) can see. Strength is about soft control, and it's internally oriented. In Strength, the black panther symbolizes this woman's fierce inner power, fully integrated. What that means to me is that by avoiding pain, I'm avoiding the opportunity become fully integrated with my own divine power. And that has been a major element in my shadow work.

The 7 of Swords reversed speaks to why I should embrace my shadow - the positive aspects that my shadow might afford me. This says that confronting, sitting with, accepting, working with (instead of against) my shadow is the ultimate act of honesty with myself, of reclaiming my power. It allows me to see who and what I am, to realize that I'm truly capable of making the changes that I want to see, of embodying the fiery qualities that I know I possess in my soul.

Position 5 deals with how I might integrate the shadow into the light, and I pulled the 5 of Swords reversed:

Tarot of Vampyres

I often think of this as the "bully card." What I really like about the imagery here is that in its inverted position (which is how it appeared) the prostrate girl changes positions with the demon. Upright the demon hovers over the young lady like a dark cloud, but reversed, she returns to the light. Symbolically this shows a turning of tides, a reversal of the difficult qualities of this card where the victim becomes the victor. This card suggests letting bygones be bygones, however in order to do that I need to give myself time and space to review my past. If I don't become fully aware of what I'm avoiding, it will follow me like... a shadow!.... right on into the future. The time is here to let go: have I truly forgiven my trespassers? What does it mean to "forgive and forget?" Can I forgive without forgetting, and if so, how do I keep the memory of difficult situations in my psyche without being drawn back into that pain? What does true forgiveness even look like? What shame or embarrassment still lingers in the background and how is it impacting me? How can I break free?

If I succeed in my efforts to integrate my shadow with the light, I have both Judgement and the Sun waiting for me:

Tarot of Vampyres

The Sun bounced happily out from the deck, and was interesting for two reasons: 1) according to my birth cards, the Sun is my shadow, in which case this shows that I will have literally reclaimed it, and 2) the card itself shows the essence of light and dark intertwined into a harmonious union. I decided to make a mental note of the Sun's presence, and I put it back into the deck to complete shuffling. When I finally pulled all of the cards, I was again quite impressed to see Judgement in this position #6. This is the card that represented yesterday's topic of "What I can't accept about myself." So again, this drives home the immense, powerful, and touching energies that I'm working with, and that with effort I can indeed achieve this. I decided, for curiosity's sake, to see what card was hiding behind Judgement, and lo and behold, it was none other than the Sun.

I have a lot more to say, far more to consider, and over time I'll do just that. But for now, it's tea time.

Religion As Spiritual Sustenance

I was raised with elements of Christianity, paganism, and indigenous ideology. While I was christened in the UCC as a baby, my mother was always searching for "the right fit." She was born into a Catholic family and celebrated her First Communion in the streets of southern Italy, wrapped in a white, lacy gown that hugged her small form. She always described the Catholicism of her childhood as "pagan" because while everyone loved the Pope, people practiced their faith in their own ways, often incorporating aspects of folk magic, such as using cornicellos to ward off the evil eye.

Cornicello and sign of the horns. Photo Credit: CRWR

When I was a girl I recall experimenting, alongside my mother, the worship practices of the Unitarians and Episcopalians. I remember attending a sacred circle with her at a retreat and educational facility tucked away in the Michigan forest, called Circle Pines, where I had my first taste of the power of meditative group trance. In my teen years my mother began to recognize the Celtic Wheel of the Year, and I remember becoming very familiar with Beltane and Samhain, and reveling in the creation of the ancestral altar.

In my early 20s I sat through a sweat lodge ceremony with my Ojibway boyfriend and other members of the local native community. My indigenous Costa Rican college professor was there, and in the evening while everyone was enjoying a communal meal, I helped his Anishnaabe wife bring the spirit plate outside and set it at the foot of a towering oak tree.

Sweat lodge/Walt Hubis

Throughout my life I always spent endless hours alone in the woods, absorbing the breeze, the river water, the movements of the deer, fox, and rabbits, picking raspberries and letting myself fly with the soul of the wild. All of these things impacted me in important ways. I grew up appreciating all faiths, and finding deep value in the uniqueness they each had to offer, and the similar qualities they shared.

Still, I had never found a "seat for my soul" until after marrying my husband who had been raised with Santería in Santos Suarez, Havana, Cuba. After many years of living with the Orishas in our home, I one day realized they had become my dear family and my friends. My journey in Santería and Ifá had begun even before I'd become conscious of it, and has continued through the years to feed me in rich and indescribably wonderful ways as I've experienced initiations, delved deeply into the Yoruba perspective and cosmology, and grown in community with my family and ilé.  In the end, my religious practice was not something I sought out, but something that found me instead.

Yemaya dancer/James Emery

But I know that not everyone has positive experiences with religion and religious structure. I know that many have difficult memories of organized faith communities, and who prefer the freedom of expression that an unrestricted spiritual ideology offers. I've even found seekers who discover the beauty of the Orishas, but reject the ritual traditions that form the historical, ancestral, religious, and ceremonial context in which they are meant to be understood, explored, and experienced.

It is true that religion devoid of spirituality can be a dangerous entity, and in my experience it is the union of the two that create what for me is a deeply satisfying whole. And while many are content and well-served with spirituality devoid of religion, I do find that many "spiritual-not-religious" people develop practices that provide them some sort of structure, whether it be pulling Tarot cards for guidance, maintaining an altar, or honoring the turn of the seasons (and in fact these are all aspects of my own spiritual practice as well).

There is a subsection of people in the "esoteric" community (and in many communities, I suspect) that are very opposed to what they perceive as a rigid and authoritarian religious hierarchy that disempowers individuals. I wanted to explore this further, as there are people (like me) that have had a very different experience with religion. I decided to pull some cards:

"What represents religion at its worst - the aspects that drive people away?" The 5 of Swords almost immediately flew out of the deck.

Prisma Visions Tarot/James Eads

Interestingly this is often called the "bully card," and I'd say that "bullying" is an apt term to use to describe the negative experiences that some have had with organized religion. The 5 of Swords says, "it's my way or the highway," and represents the impulse to dominate others. In the religious context this can be the move to monopolize belief systems, to control the behavior of others (often via fear), and symbolizes the dogmatic systems used to beat out those who are deemed "less than."

What I like in this picture is the one figure watching the butterfly as it flies away from the fight as if wondering, "Could there be another way?" Divinity is out there swirling above their heads but they're so wrapped up in their victor-less battle for "right" over "wrong" that they don't even seem to notice.

This way of thinking ("my way is the only way", "if you don't act right you're going to pay") is a sickness of many, if not all, religious practices that have stepped away from spiritual creeds and become dominated by ego and baser instincts. However it doesn't mean that the religion itself has no value, rather that some of the people running the show have lost their way. So I ask....

"At best, what does religion offer?" I pulled the Hierophant, and the 2 of Wands flipped out as well.

Prisma Visions Tarot/James Eads

I find this to be a very fitting duo. The 2 of Wands is about choice, personal power and growth, and a search for the right path. We don't practice a faith because it is forced upon us (that defeats the essence of "faith," really). We practice it, learn it, live it and breathe it, we struggle with it and we love it, because we have made the choice to do so, and because it empowers us rather than disempowering us.

The Hierophant at first glance seems kind of funny: religion at its best is... religion? But no. Religion at its best is tradition. In the Handbook of Yoruba Religious Concepts (1994), Baba Ifa Karade writes: "Religion, as a custom of worship, is not man's purpose, but only a means to an end while the end itself is iwa-pele (balanced, gentle character). The fundamental reality in respect to the divinity of self and the heavenly forces is that of pure and enlightened character development" (pg. 23).

Religion isn't the purpose, it's simply a path, a means to improve the self and develop strong character with integrity. There are many roads that lead to the same goal, like there are stars in the sky. Nowadays most people have the opportunity to discover a faith practice that resonates with them - or to choose none at all.

I find my religion to be a great source of spiritual sustenance and wisdom, and the traditions are meaningful and sacred to me. Incidentally, while there are certain ways of conducting ritual and ceremony that should be followed (and even this will vary from house to house), there is generally a lot of flexibility and free will within the structure of the religion. Most often we receive advice or recommendations as opposed to mandates. This allows for a great deal of personal freedom and development. Even if someone were to unknowingly commit a "transgression" it's seen as a learning opportunity. There is a saying, "La inocencia se perdona" ("innocence is forgiven").

I am deeply fed by my relationship with the Orishas. They are not abstract concepts, or interesting-sounding entities; they are my father, my mother, my Warriors, my best friend, my teachers, my allies, my family. As I grow in my practice and knowledge, my relationship with them, with God, with my ancestors, and with myself, continues to deepen and blossom in wondrous, fulfilling, and beautiful ways. That, to me, is what it's all about.

"Only when you allow religion to be more than a book of rules or a means to get power can you internalize the fundamental truth about Creation: that our world overflows with the Sacred."
(pg. 24, Tobe Melora Correal; Finding Soul on the Path of Orisa, 2003).

Emmett Till and the Star: Coming to Terms with Racism in the U.S.A.

My son is one of the three greatest lights of my life. His innocent devilry, his spontaneous dances, his tender embraces, they are precious beyond what words can express. As most parents do, I wish for his safety in a world full of so many ills: violence, hate, ignorance, bitterness, racism and war. My son is mixed, but most of the world will see him as black. I know at some point he will brave that big, wide world, and probably will unwittingly come face to face with some of those ills. And I also know that as a black male, the beauty of his character, the joy in his heart, and the purity of his intentions will often come second to the color of his skin. It hurts to know this, and it's something I think about every day.

I live in Seminole County, Florida, the location of that terrible incident in which Trayvon Martin, an unarmed teenager, was murdered by the "neighborhood watch" while walking home from a convenience store where he'd just bought some candy. He was pursued because of his appearance, and when he was hassled, he did what most teenage boys would do - he gave attitude right back. And he died for it.

Trayvon Martin Rally

Two years ago a black teenage boy, Jordan Davis, was shot to death by a middle-aged white man at a gas station in Jacksonville, Florida because the kid was playing his "rap-crap music too loud." The shooter said that after confronting the teen and his friends in their car, he felt threatened by them, and decided to "take matters into his own hands." A gun was never found in the kids' car.

Just a few weeks ago Michael Brown, yet another unarmed, black teenage boy, was shot and killed by a police officer in Missouri after he was stopped for allegedly walking in the street at midday. The nation cried out in anger at the injustice. There were vigils, and marches, and the National Guard was called in. People wanted answers, and none of the answers being given were satisfactory.

The reality is that there is a deep-seated fear running rampant in this country: a fear of black men. Why? They might steal? They might be aggressive? They might have a gun? They might be gang members? They might be drug dealers? I want to fault the media for some of this, but it's not just the media - it's a far larger, deeper, more subtle and destructive sickness. We've come far since the Civil Rights movement of the 1960s, but not quite far enough.

Emmett Till

So I was sitting on my couch this afternoon, and I started thinking about Emmett Till, the 14-year-old boy (do I have to say "unarmed" again?) who was mutilated, shot, and sunk in a river in Mississippi in August of 1955 for the crime of allegedly whistling at a white woman. 1955. My mother was 3 years old. Segregation was still alive and well, the post-Civil War Jim Crow Laws still very much in effect. In 1955 anger and outrage was spreading across the country, and the Emmett Till murder was one of the great catalysts for the difficult, and at times deadly, work that followed in the fight for equality in the '60s.

I started thinking about that terrible tragedy, and about all the terrible tragedies that have occurred over the years and of late. I thought of how much I love, and fear for, my son, and how much hope I have that by the time he's 17 or 18 years old the world is at least a fraction kinder than what it is today. I decided to read on this issue.

I pulled four cards: one for Emmett, one for his murderers, and one for the energy of the environment at the time of his death. I pulled a final card to better understand the overarching impact of what happened to him.

Card 1: Emmett - 8 of Wands reversed
Card 2: His murderers - Fool reversed
Card 3: Energy at the time of death - 5 of Swords
Card 4: Overarching message: Star

Mythic Tarot
Juliet Sharman-Burke, Liz Greene, Tricia Newell

The 8 of Wands sent a lot of input my way. I sensed the desire to run away, but the inability to do so. Even the images on the cards lent something to that feeling: notice how all of the movement across the three main cards flows to the left. I noticed the dolphins trying to swim away from the other two cards - there is a quality of innocence there that has been turned on its head, been corrupted.

The Fool reversed as representative of Emmett's murderers seemed so sadly perfect. This is a card (and orientation) that speaks of ignorance, folly, and, in this case, a deeply dangerous recklessness. These were truly fools, acting out of a misplaced sense of anger and insult and hate. At least two grown men were involved in the apprehension, torture, and murder of a boy barely in his teens. It doesn't get much more senseless than that.

I call the 5 of Swords "the bully card." In the Mythic Tarot a figure brandishing five swords looms aggressively over what appears to be a young boy. That the menacing figure is an angel was not lost on me - most hate crimes stem from a sense of one party being "divinely righteous" and the other party being "less than." What happened to Emmett Till was certainly the most severe form of bullying, and what happened later in the courts was simply a continuation of that wicked mistreatment. Emmett's killers were tried by an all-white, male jury of peers (at this time in history African Americans and women were not permitted to serve jury duty), and after a deliberation that lasted barely longer than an hour, they were found to be innocent. Later they publicly admitted to the murder, and were even paid to share their story with the press. Bullies even to their own end.

Mythic Tarot
Juliet Sharman-Burke, Tricia Newell, Liz Greene

When I pulled the Star as the overarching message I had a split second of confusion, and then everything made sense. I spent a while feeling out which deck was "right" for this reading, and it took me some time to settle on the Mythic. I'm so glad I did. This version of the Star carries profoundly significant meaning for this particular topic. In this image Pandora has opened the chest that contains all the evils of the world. As they fly outward and past her on their way to plague the world, there is an angelic star shining in the background, assurance that no matter what ills befall the world, there is always hope, always a light to be found that will help guide us onward toward healing and clarity. Love has not abandoned us, even in the darkest hour of night. When I saw the Star, I saw hope for humankind. I saw Emmett Till's mother, who made a point of leaving his casket open so that the whole world would see what had been done to him. She couldn't tell people what had happened. It was an act so brutal that words were meaningless. And because she was brave enough to show the world her son's face, a deep wave of smoldering anger spread forth across every state, and there was no turning back from the fight for equality.

It was that fight that, ten years later and after many more sacrifices, brought about the Civil Rights Act, the Fair Housing Act, and the Voting Act - three major bills that changed the face of human relations in this country. All of that was for the good, but as I sit here on my couch watching these terrible news stories, and thinking about my son, I wonder if it will ever be enough. The Star is a beacon of hope that we're heading in the right direction. No matter how much hate we confront, no matter how many more battles there are to fight (and let me tell you, there are so very many!) the light of truth will never cease to shine.

In Martin Luther King's own words during his Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech:

"Yet when years have rolled past and when the blazing light of truth is focused on this marvellous age in which we live - men and women will know and children will be taught that we have a finer land, a better people, a more noble civilization - because these humble children of God were willing to suffer for righteousness' sake."

I will believe in that - for me, for my son, for my husband and daughters, and for the world - and keep moving forward.

Samhain: A Spread for the New Year

I know it's a little  bit early to do my New Year spread for Samhain, seeing as the 31st is still about five days away, but I have family coming to visit for a whole week, and who knows how much time I'll find !  So I decided to do it today, a lovely Saturday night.  The littlest kid is in bed, the older kids are on their way there, and Jorge is outside taking pictures of the moon.  A rare quiet moment!

I've settled down here with my cup of tea to type out the reading I did about an hour ago.  I wasn't sure which spread I wanted to use, and *almost* created my own…but I wasn't feeling quite that inspired.  So I found one on a great website, Furious Horde, called "Hallows: A Samhain Spread." The site also offers an Ancestor Spread as a companion to this one, however I'll save that for another moment! I've slightly altered the Samhain spread to add a couple of extra cards, but it goes something like this:

                   1

            2     3     4

      5        6     7      8

                9    10

1: The Moon - Major influences accompanying you into the New Year

2: The Path - A glimpse into the very near future 

3: The Lantern - What is currently engaging your attention and drawing you forward

4: The Mask - What illusions you are maintaining for yourself or others (could be for positive reasons)

5: The Bones - A reflection of ancestry, family, culture, heritage, etc. What relics do you keep as symbols, and what purpose do they serve?

6: The Bonfire - What needs to be cleansed and offered to the fire in order to move into the New Year?

7: The Veil - What is being revealed about your deep self?

8: The Ancient Ones - Guidance offered from Spirit/Guides/Ancestors.

9: Bottom card of the deck - Additional influences

10: Top card of the deck - Additional influences

I used my Wildwood Tarot deck (Mark Ryan, John Matthews, Will Worthington; Sterling Ethos 2011). With the addition of the two extra cards, the shape is rather like an arrow head!

                                 

Card 1, the Moon: 5 of Bows ("Empowerment").  I do believe that I've been in the process of "finding my power" for a while now.  I feel empowered by having reconnected this year (after 6 or 7 years) with what feels like my purpose in many ways, or at least involves nurturing the gifts I came to this life with (specifically spirit-related things). It has presented a series of "challenges" that I've been diving head-first into, and ultimately enjoying and learning a lot from.  The energy created from all of this has been propelling me forward.

Card 2, the Path: 9 of Bows ("Respect"). The Woodwose sits front and center on this card, asking me if I have what it takes to battle onwards.  Only time will tell (this is, after all, the "near future" card) but I already know that I do.  Challenges are not for the weak-hearted or weak-minded.  In order to progress, you must demonstrate the ability to trust in the path, even when you can't see very far ahead, and to respect the experiences you have, and the guides that teach you (in whatever form they may take). I must respect myself, and in turn give respect to others.  I think this card is also about not letting myself feel "walked on" by situations or by people.  If you pack up and go home at the first sign of struggle, you aren't ready for the journey.

Card 3, the Lantern: Ace of Bows ("Spark of Life"). A door has opened before me, and I've been drawn over the threshold.  Bows represent creativity and energy, and in a lot of ways I feel like I'm dealing with harnessing my own energy, and considering the potential that's available when I learn to focus and direct it.  Last week I had a dream that I was full of energy, but I needed to learn how to manipulate it so that it could be used for healing.  I do feel rather like a baby, so the Ace is fitting.  I'm just becoming aware of how much energy I have at my disposal, and how to work with it…which is a whole new path that is leading me on.

Card 4, the Mask: 4 of Stones ("Protection").  This is an interesting card to appear.  It took me some time to ponder it, but when I started focusing more intently on the details of the images in the card, things started to click into place.  I thought of how much I don't voice my thoughts and feelings - in a sense the fawn represents my inner workings, while everyone else just sees the stony exterior. Jorge always asks me what I'm thinking because I often don't realize how much I don't share with others. Is it a form of protection?  It could be sometimes, when I don't want to upset others with my own concerns or worries, or because I think that by managing my concerns on my own they'll somehow be easier to deal with than if I include someone else. And that definitely qualifies as a mask.  In fact that is something that my Mom used to always do.  She'd say "If I don't ask, I'd never know what's really going on inside you!"  Really I'm often unaware of how much I ponder in silence. So I am making an effort to be more conscious of this tendency.    

Card 5, the Bones: The World Tree. Hm. Another interesting card to appear.  Yggdrasil, the World Tree, has been a recurring theme this past year.  And does it get any more ancestral than that??  Several months ago I had a dream: there was an impending sense of doom, like the world was ending. Everyone was taking cover, and rather anxious. As people were leaving the town center, I was walking toward it, and I ended up face-to-trunk with a great, pale tree.  I sensed it was very old, and dying. I knew I had to knock on the trunk, though when I did so, the world might end.  But I had to knock, and so I did.  When I knocked on the trunk, it was simply like the sun rising. Nothing ended, nothing died. The tree was simply reborn.  For the rest of the night the name "Yggdrasil" wove its way through my mind. Yggdrasil is a common place for shamans to visit, no matter the culture, though the term is specifically from Norse mythology.  That brings in another important element. A significant part of my ancestry is from German and Nordic Europe, though I'd never really felt connected to that part of my family history.  In fact having been raised around the native American community, American indigenous culture was probably most important to me growing up. But I had another dream several weeks after the Yggdrasil dream: I was sitting (at night) at a gathering, wondering who I might connect with, or if anyone would like me.  Then I saw a guy, blonde, kind of Vikingy, with a necklace. I held the necklace in my hand, and it was very native American, beaded in various colors, almost in a sharp horseshoe shape. As I went to the guy it changed to metal/chain, but in the same form.  I felt very connected to this, like I was remembering part of my identity.  I felt the fierceness of a warrior, and knew that I would be the person running toward the battle rather than away from it.  As a woman.  I felt the connection to the norse/Viking people, my ancestry.  I thought that it's interesting how the native bead necklace, also representing a big part of who I am, turned into the metal necklace.  Like it was showing a connection, transmutation.  It felt very right. So again this Nordic connection popped up in my dream, and this time there was a flow from one spiritual tradition (not ancestral) to another (that is ancestral). I read a bit about Odin, and felt very connected to that grandfather, wanderer, shaman, warrior combination. Odin also hung from Yggdrasil for 9 days, a sacrifice in order to receive the wisdom of the runes. So there is some great circle involved in this series of stories and events. Another aspect that relates to this card and position is my mother, who is clairvoyant and intuitive, and a counselor by trade. It was she that introduced me to Tarot at a young age. The maze on the card leads to the heart of the World Tree. There is something related to a spiritual heritage involved here. As a final note, this is a card that came up for me as I was doing a reading about my potential with mediumship, which also seems to relate to the Ace of Bows, for me.

Card 6, the Bonfire: 5 of Arrows reversed ("Frustration"). I use reversals with this deck, though in the context of this spread the only two reversals (this being one of them) don't differ greatly from their upright meaning.  First of all, I'm a Capricorn, which is symbolized by the goat, so right away I see myself flying down a hill against a wave of arrows whipping my way. On one hand I feel this card is calling me to release my frustrations, many of which are mental.  Attitude is everything, right? What purpose does internalizing frustrations serve?  It serves none, other than to eat away at me, creating sleepless nights, and stressful days. That is certainly worth doing away with.  This card also relates back to the 5 of Bows (Empowerment). I can't please everyone, so I shouldn't try. I don't always need to be the peacemaker (related to the 4 of Stones).  And if I'm grounded, determined, balanced and focused, the arrows coming my way will somehow miss their mark.  

Card 7, the Veil: the Blasted Oak reversed. The second of the two reversals in this spread. The position of the card indicates that this reversal refers to my inner workings. I'm experiencing "big change" on an interior level.  I've had the burst of insight (the lightening bolt) which has brought me a whole new world of possibility that I'd never considered before, or explored. There's a certain freedom in that, like being reborn, in a way. The traditional RWS card features a crown which relates to the crown chakra. Mine has been open and tingling with activity for a while now, which relates to the Ace of Bows. The insights themselves have been spiritual in nature. This year I've delved back into working with the cards, experienced the awakening of my 6th and 7th chakras, developed my clairsentience to the point of being able to begin exploring psychic readings (without the use of cards), and have begun to experience mediumship, which has been really cool, interesting, eye-opening, humbling, and sort of exciting, in a muted sort of way. Who knew?

Card 8, the Ancient Ones: Knight of Arrows ("Hawk"). In the Wildwood, this Knight is represented by the Hawk.  The Hawk card in the Druid Animal Oracle (Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm, Will Worthington; Fireside 1994) has made repeat appearances for me all summer long, and now into the fall, so it was interesting to see it show up here and in this form. The Hawk is about seeing the big picture.  In the Druid Animal Oracle book, it says that the Hawk has the "ability to see life in perspective, free yourself from unnecessary baggage, connect to ancestral roots….Once you know where you've come from and where you're going, your life will be filled with inspiration and enthusiasm. You will sense a new day dawning and will be able to make decisions with confidence (pg 42-43)."  It also mentions, "Ancestral wisdom lives deep in our psyches (pg 44)." So to me it speaks of a new beginning whose roots go much further back than the present, which fits so well with everything I've been experiencing this past year. Another interesting bit of information about the Hawk is that they were used by Druids to explore the spirit world.  Why is the Hawk a Knight? Apparently in Arthurian legend, Gawain's name means "Hawk of May" and Galahad's name means "Hawk of Summer." The Druid Animal Oracle book states that "because of its ability to soar high in the air, the hawk is considered a solar bird and therefore provides a fitting name for these knights who typify the best qualities of courtliness and nobility - they are male solar heroes in quest of the feminine grail (pg 44)." So journeys and quests, perspective on the breadth of one's life/lives, the spirit-world, letting go of what wasn't working, new beginnings, connecting to my ancestral roots…yes. It makes sense and forms another beautiful circle of meaning. 

Card 9, Bottom of the deck: 4 of Bows ("Celebration"). Contentment, balance, and most importantly the idea of "coming home" which has significance for me both in the past year, and in this spread.

Card 10, Top of the deck: the Wanderer. This card pretty much speaks for itself. I'm embarking on a new journey….well, it feels new, and yet in some way it's ancient. And in that way it relates closely to the Blasted Oak, the Ace of Bows, and the Knight of Arrows. 

Whew!!!  If you're still reading, you have earned a special place in my heart! That was quite a post. I would conclude with a numerological analysis of the spread….but I'm not sure I'm up for that much additional typing!  So it was a great spread, and I'm so happy to have found it.  It's given me a lot of food for thought, and I'll be coming back to it frequently during the week (and possibly months) ahead as I continue to ponder it.  I hope you haven't fallen asleep yet, though I wouldn't blame you if you did, as it's quite late, and definitely past my own bedtime. So off I go, sweet dreams, and Happy Halloween!

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