The Circle Is Complete: Bleeding Time

#MayYouWriteLikeTheFool Day 4

Prompt: "We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete." 

*****************************************************

Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA

One day I decided: no more Pill. 

After so many years of 

(what essentially boils down to) 

hormone therapy 

(three kids are a blessing, and also enough)

I started to feel like my body

my emotions

were no longer my own. 

My last contraception-induced period 

wound its way to

the end

and I responded by 

not swallowing the next pill.

Far longer than what had once been "normal" 

my body continued to expel rusty debris 

a deep purging

a restoration in the works

a sigh of relief.

Nothing was different, not from the outside.

And yet I kept stretching my body

examining my hands

watching the curves of my hips

searching for signs of what I was 

feeling inside:

an opening and release.

One day that familiar ache 

in my abdomen

announced the return of 

my blood

-now fresh, unencumbered 

by chemical constraints.

We met again

at last

The circle complete.

Significators in the Tarot

In Tarot, significators are typically court cards that represent the person being read for (including the reader, in a self-reading), as well as important people in the person's life. Some people use them as part of a reading (pre-selecting a significator as a focal point), and some don't (I fall into the latter category).

There are quiet a few theories about how to choose this card, but in my experience no choice is really necessary - the cards themselves show you who you are (if you're paying attention). And while you may tend to show up as one particular card most frequently, you may find yourself symbolized by a number of other courts, depending on the context of the reading. For example you may see yourself appear as the King of Swords in matters of work and "outside life," but then you may appear as the Queen of Pentacles when it comes to a reading about your family.

Stone Tarot - A. Stone

Often I see people choose a significator according to their gender and astrological sun sign (i.e. a Pisces woman would be the Queen of Cups, and a Sagittarius man would be the King of Wands). In reality this is not always true or reliable. For example, I am a double Capricorn woman, however my principal significator is the King of Cups. I tend to show up most commonly as Kings in general, but also at times as Queens (most usually the Queen of Cups) and even Pages (particularly the Page of Wands).

My husband and one of my sisters both show up most often as the King of Wands even though they are water and air signs, respectively. Another sister (a Leo) is most commonly represented by the King of Swords, while my mother is the Queen of Cups (that one fits the mold being that she's a Cancer!). I even remember reading for a man who appeared in his own reading as the Queen of Wands. In all of these cases the significators were not preselected or decided upon, they were shown.

Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA - J. Turk

This isn't to say that astrological associations aren't ever accurate, or can't be helpful. As I mentioned before, my Cancer mother's card is the Queen of Cups. My eldest daughter (a triple Earth sign) is most often the Page of Pentacles. And in an ancestor reading for a client once, the Queen of Swords appeared. I asked my client if his sister was an air sign, but he wasn't sure about her birthday. Later he checked with his mother, and sure enough she had been an Aquarius.

Court cards represent our most salient traits and characteristics, so they don't always match up neatly with gender or astrology. And that is a good thing, as it allows much more fluidity in readings, and in the end reflects our diversity with far greater acuity.

3 of Pentacles: Bringing It All Together

I've been on a vacation of sorts for the past week. It started with a road trip through the southeast; first the endless highway pecan signs through southern Georgia, then into the rolling, verdant hills at the Tennessee border. Kentucky's wide open curvaceousness gave way to the flat farmland of Indiana. Eventually the landscape transitioned into the countryside of Michigan, replete with deep pine greens shot through with birch-white.

I drove straight into the arms of my children and extended family. Overall it's been a great visit, and I've had the opportunity to see many old friends, and bask in the glory of a crisp, almost Fall-like, northern summer. I haven't had a lot of time to pull daily cards, but I'm in a momentary lull (in part due to having picked up a light cold, unfortunately!) and so I made some time to pull a card from the Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA this afternoon:

Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA
J. Turk

It's not lost on me that the image on this 3 of Pentacles is so particularly fitting. Blogging is a regular practice for me - part of important work that I do, and a way in which I connect with community.  It's been thrown a bit off-course for me since embarking on my voyage, and I'm finally carving out a special place for it in the midst of all the movement going on around me. So the depiction of a person typing away at the computer is a perfect reflection of what I'm doing right at this moment!

The 3 of Pentacles also calls forth the idea of working with a team to produce results. It's interesting how that manifests on vacation time with the extended family! Everyone has particular needs, varying expectations, and a multitude of different ideas about how to execute mutual plans. Communication isn't always crystal clear, and flexibility is essential, but somehow things just seem to come together in the end!

How well do you work with others?
What practices create the foundation of your day?
In what ways do you embrace flexibility in the context of group projects?

Hermit: Reaching In, Reaching Out

This morning, before rushing off to work, I pulled the Hermit from my Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA as my card of the day. I was very pleased for two reasons: 1) I've been wanting to write about this card for a while, and 2) it's very apt for my day, and for my week, really. Maybe even my month!

I love this version of the Hermit and find it fascinating! There is an abundance of symbols and details to focus on and pull from, in addition to a variety of colors and even movement. In the background there appears to be a pink, snow-covered mountain range which calls forth the idea of isolation - not necessarily loneliness, but simply the idea of being alone - solitude.

I think it's very interesting how the Hermit's staff reaches up and intersects with the sky with the staff tip almost seeming to penetrate the sun - this becomes his lantern. His feet are planted in the earth and green, fertile grass, and his arm is outstretched as a hawk either flies in to land, or takes to the air. The hawk symbolizes insights, far-reaching vision, access to higher consciousness.

A particularly intriguing detail in this card is that there is a small keyhole on the Hermit's loincloth/underwear!!! This highlights the root chakra, and suggests that finding ways to ground your thoughts and introspection in tangible ways, and rising above (or tapping into) instinctual reactions, is crucial. This makes sense as the Hermit is ruled by Earth.

Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA
J. Turk/US Games Systems

Down below there is a crevasse through which a pyramid can be seen on a stretch of sand reaching out to the ocean. Pyramids call to mind esoteric knowledge, the deep mysteries of life. Meanwhile behind our blue Hermit (blue itself being a symbol of knowledge!) there is a dark cave where we see the outline of a person in the lotus position perched before a burning flame. I like this juxtaposition of  reaching out (arm outstretched toward the sun) and reaching in (cave dweller), which is so fitting for the Hermit. Finally, there is a veiled woman approaching the Hermit from one side of the jagged divide and she means two things to me: 1) the student seeking a mentor, and 2) the fact that in our modern age, the Hermit can take any form, and walk beside us without our ever realizing it. This woman could well be another face of the Hermit.

I've been doing a lot of "reaching within" lately, and the one of the things that has been on my mind a lot is where I want to take my card reading as a business. I love helping people, and find that reading cards for people can be deeply satisfying and rewarding. However I feel like so much is changing in my life at present, and my thoughts and feelings about being available to the world in the form of a card-reading business have not been immune from the great wave rushing through and around me. I've temporarily disabled my "reading request" page as I work through what changes I want to see, and how I want to implement them. One thing that I'm considering is the creation of a questionnaire for potential clients that would be completed prior to a consultation in order to get at the core of their situation, needs, expectations, perceptions about divination, goals, mindset, etc. I'll be taking some Hermit-time to sort through the specifics and logistics of doing that, among other things, which in the end will bring me to a place of deeper satisfaction and clarity of purpose and intent!

Get Off the Couch, Potato!

Today is the New Moon, and last night I pulled cards around what I should release and embrace for the next two weeks, as the moon moves back toward its luminous fullness:

What to release: Ace of Wands "Stimulation"

What to embrace: 8 of Cups (reversed) "Seclusion"

Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA
J. Turk

This pair spoke so clearly to me about my current state of affairs that I burst out laughing. My children are off spending time with their grandparents in the north country, and my husband has just left for a few weeks abroad, so I am alone. For the past two days I have not left the house; I've laid around the house watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix. Honestly I haven't known quite what to do with myself. This card pair contains a couple of relevant layers of meaning. 

First of all, I see the single person on the Ace, and the reversed 8 of Cups with the boat which would be moving back toward the crowd of people rather than away from it. This tells me that I should try to not be a complete recluse while I have my alone time. It's good to putter around the house sometimes, but I need to get out and breathe the air as well. To take a walk through the neighborhood, to go the bookstore and browse books with a cup of coffee. 

On the other hand, both cards point to the need to slow down. The 8 of Cups tells me I have a valuable opportunity for some inner exploration and journeying now that I have this rare time alone. Rather than spending my days looking for things to engage (or distract!) my attention (TV, ahem) I perhaps would make better use of my time taking advantage of the quiet and peace to sort through my own interior world (which could certainly benefit from some attention and nurturing). There is a lot of change unfolding in my life, and reflecting on where I've come from, and where I'm headed, is a great way to spend a few days.

The good thing is that I can weave both layers of advice together. A stroll through the neighborhood gets me out of the house, but it's also a great way to practice walking meditation which is good for the soul. Going to the bookstore puts me in a public setting, but it gives me leisurely time to look at books, think, ponder, and sip coffee. There is nothing I "have to do", which is a special gift, because it allows me to focus on what "is."

May your New Moon be rich and full of joy!

5 of Wands: Contention

The 5 of Wands is commonly known as a card of disputes and competition. In this card we certainly do see conflict, as two men fight with flame-tipped wands. In the background jagged mountains loom (what obstacles need to be dealt with?) and lightening bolts rain down (what insights are gleaned from hashing things out?). A small detail I only noticed when settling down to write this post is the little horse and cart in the far background. You can just make out a whip encouraging the horses onward. So, what opportunities might you be missing while you're distracted by arguments?

Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA
J. Turk

This card is apt for me at the moment. I do, in fact, have a contract that needs to be revised with another party which is on my mind. There is a degree of "5 of Wands" to that. However this card speaks most loudly to me of the experience of competing responsibilities and projects. Yesterday I actually had the first migraine I've ever had in my life! I have had so many readings to do in the past few days (among other things) that I found myself having to make a very clear priority list and work hard to follow it. The inner landscape of my brain probably looked quite a lot like the image on this card! However these kinds of conflicts always teach us more about ourselves. I rose to the challenge of my suddenly-packed schedule, and ticked items off my list as I went. I take my work very seriously, so it was necessary for me to slow down and work out my objectives and the flow that would work best in order to achieve my ultimate goal of upholding quality and meeting the needs of a variety of different people. In the end, I'm left feeling invigorated and satisfied. Today I teach in the morning, then head home to work on more client readings, so that priority list isn't going anywhere - it's just being updated. ;-)

How do you deal with conflict?
Are you overwhelmed when faced with multiple tasks, or do you feel "in your element"?
What does competition teach you about yourself?
Do you avoid arguments, or face them head on?

Considering Home

This morning as I was shuffling for my daily draw, the 10 of Pentacles flipped over. This is a card that has popped up for me several times of late, and for good reason!

10 of Pentacles is a card that brings to mind the family legacy, our material connection to our ancestors, the traditions we are raised with and that we sometimes pass down to our own children. This is a card known, depending on the circumstance, to represent marriage (the material manifestation of loving union), trust funds, home purchase, and financial comfort.

In this card image we see a happy-looking couple in a partial embrace, watching abundance flow down toward them in an azure waterfall. They look content, satisfied - their emotional satisfaction courses over the rich, earthy support structure of the rolling hills. They have everything that they need for economic stability and can truly enjoy the little things in life (like casually standing outside naked, for instance ;-).

Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA
Julia Turk

I have been considering what "home" means lately. To some degree I truly believe that home is where the heart is; it doesn't matter how ample your digs are, as long as they are enough. I feel at home in my current house with my husband and children. My heart is certainly there. I also feel, in a different way, that home is where my mother lives, several states away to the north. It's the house that I grew up in for many years, and it's the house I return to for visits and vacations. It becomes the anchor of the extended family, like the nest we never entirely abandon because the roots of our hearts are still connected to the foundation that is there. Now our children are spending time there with their grandparents, an entirely 10 of Pentacles affair. My mother sends me pictures of our daughter helping to make shortbread in the kitchen, of our oldest child taking the dog for a walk, of our little son making his bed in the room that belonged to his aunt so many years ago. There is cohesion and abundance in all of these things.

What is home to you?
Where is home?
Who is home to you?
How do you know that you've come home?

The Vibrancy of the Sun

The little ones are off on their adventure and my husband and I are noting the uncommon silence in the household. My mother likes to pull daily cards from her Wildwood Tarot app, and this morning she told me that her card of the day was the Wanderer, otherwise known as the Fool. Well isn't that appropriate!

After I arrived home from the airport I pulled my own daily from the Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA - well actually I didn't pull it, it popped out in my face announcing quite clearly that it was The One. Well, it was a very nice one: the Sun!

Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA
J. Turk

A couple of things immediately come to mind: today is June 1st (the non-technical beginning of sunny summer), and my children departed this morning with such joy, their faces glowing. Beautiful. But there are some deeper layers here as well.

I was just musing about this card the other day as I was flipping through the deck, thinking to myself: "That lady is so me: stretched out, reading at her leisure. That is definitely a happy moment!" And hey, with my little beans gone for a while, I will have so much time to bask in the activities that I really enjoy, but sometimes am simply too busy to do as often as I'd like. Reading is one of those things. I love to read: fiction, biographies, how-to manuals, classic novels, teenage supernatural drama, esoteric literature, cookbooks - the whole gamut, pretty much. I see this woman laying in the warm sand, her nervous system lit up (she must be reading something good). The net before her seems to dip into her emotional depths, capture the ideas that form in her mind as she absorbs and processes the writing. The fire creature before her feels to me like smoldering flames of creative force ready to be put into action. Ten cups flow and overflow with water, symbolic of joy and emotional satisfaction.  The keyword here is "organization" which makes me think of the focus, form, and impulse that precede the attainment of our goals. This down time I have now is precious to me - it is time in which I can gather my thoughts, identify and clarify my objectives, and focus my creative fire in order to bring things into manifestation.

There's one place I know that's particularly good for thinking while under the sun, and I'm headed there later today: the beach!

And here is how I spent my day (after composing this post!):

6 of Cups: Joy and Reunion

This morning I drew the 6 of Cups from the Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA, and it's quite apt and lovely for today. This card represents memories, reuniting with friends or loved ones from your past, and soft, pleasant love. It also carries the essence of childhood: spending time with children, considering your own childhood, and embracing the innocence of children. All of these meanings are appropriate for today as my mother flies in this afternoon, and will escort my kids north tomorrow morning. Today is a day of enjoying my babes, welcoming my mom into my home, and recalling the adventures I had with my family as a child as we would make long drives out east to visit aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA
J. Turk

The image in today's card captures the element of happy reunion; a person stands at a table, perhaps waiting for the party to begin, and turns, surprised, as a long-awaited guest arrives and touches him on the arm. Their proximity indicates the closeness of their relationship, and the pinks and oranges, the flowers and candles, all give a gentle warmth to the scene. In the background an open door can partially be seen, with blue sky and broad landscape beyond...who else is on the way?

My oldest daughter is planning a big dinner for tonight, so we will end up having a party of our own - a light-hearted, loving send-off as our kids' big adventure begins!

The Fool: Embracing the Adventure

This morning I pulled the Fool card from my Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA. I am indeed on the verge of an adventure, of sorts. This is the last weekend before my three babes fly north with their grandma for their own big summertime adventure! I feel surprisingly at peace, and yet I've noticed a tightness in my neck and chest which suggests to me that I have some pent up emotion that needs expressing.

Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA
J. Turk

This Fool card is full of color and movement. Below floats the Earth, while the Fool seems to surf through the universe on strands of golden DNA, surrounded by a hawk, orca, and even a little dog riding a green rocking horse that features the symbol for Pluto! Quite an interesting assortment of symbols. Pluto is a powerful symbol of transformation and rebirth, which has been a common theme for me of late. This Fool is engaging newness in the most artful way possible: going with the flow. And he suggests that I do the same. Pluto doesn't care much whether you want, or are ready for, big changes to take place. They're coming, and it's time for them to manifest, so you have a choice: resist and experience the fear and burden of avoiding the unavoidable, or release the handrails and let the current take you where you're meant to go. I've been happily surprised with the way I've been able to embrace the coming adventure over the past month or so. I've come to a place of peace and even happiness. Now that I'm on the doorstep of the Big Day, I do feel some anxiety and sadness bubbling up to the surface. The Fool invites me to let those feelings flow through my body and out into the universe. The purple face in the upper left corner of the card tells me to "breathe." And so I will.

Black Panther: Knowing the Dark

Two nights ago I had a vivid dream where I was alone in the house I grew up in. As I looked out of the dining room window I saw a massive black panther emerge from some trees along the property line. I was a bit shocked as it's not a typical thing to see in a suburban neighborhood, so I decided to call 911 on the nearest device handy to me at the time: a fork (gotta love dreams!). I was worried that it might not have reception, being a fork and all, but was pleasantly surprised to hear an operator's voice on the other end, asking me to describe my emergency. I explained the situation and she said, "Oh, they're looking for that panther [in such and such a place] but I'll tell them to head over to your area." I encouraged her to have them come as soon as possible. I felt that the panther was good, and I knew it was female. However I had an instinctual fear that it would attack me if I went outside, and in fact I felt that it was trying to find me, in particular.

Photo Credit: Shaani Bawa

After I got off the phone I walked up to the window when suddenly the panther came racing toward me and stood, face almost touching the window pane, staring fiercely at me from the other side. I was worried that it might break the glass and jump in to me. I decided the safest thing to do would be to go to the second floor of the house and into a bedroom with a lockable door. So I did. Shortly after entering the empty, sunlight-filled bedroom, I saw the door knob start to twist and turn. I thought that the panther must have found a way into the house and was trying to open the door with her nose. I ran over to the handle and realized that in fact I'd forgotten to lock it, so I did so. Then I started making wild cat growling noises at the door, to see if she would reply so that I could confirm that it was her. When I heard growling noises coming back at me through the door, I knew it wasn't the panther; it sounded like my son Gabriel having fun with me. I thought I should make sure it was him, and then get him in the room as fast as possible, to safety. Then the dream ended.

Medicine Cards

The next day I was exhilarated by the dream and the black panther. I felt very drawn to her, that she was there for a special purpose. Rather than feeling the fear from my dream, I was thirsting for connection. I did some research on black panthers, and found that they are deeply symbolic of feminine power, mysticism, death and rebirth, and working through fear. They also have a strong association with the moon, which is fitting for me in so many ways, of late. I knew that the panther in my dream symbolized the changes I'm experiencing now, and encouraged me to face the fear of impending transitions. In my dream I was afraid that she would eat me up, even though my intuition told me that she was good and kind. That afternoon I pulled some Medicine Cards, and what should be the underlying energy but....Black Panther! I placed her on my bóveda (altar) which is where she currently resides, front and center.

A bit later the mail came and delivered my new Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA deck, and I decided to sit outside and enjoy the late afternoon breeze while I flipped through each card. When I came to Judgment (one of my favorite cards in any deck) I was amazed to see none other than Black Panther! In this image a person sits upon a low table, deep in thought. Above him there is a line of faces, all belonging to this yellow figure, perhaps different aspects of his identity, or different phases of his life. To the left a magenta man looks deeply into one of the faces, while to the right a blue woman looks startled by another of them. This strikes me as the fear and attraction inherent in change, particularly when we are about to leap into a brand new phase of life, or embrace a new part of ourselves that we've not fully explored or recognized before. At the apex of the arch a black panther head gazes upward, a fiery head in its mouth: a transformation is taking place, a new Self is being born. At the feet of the man lies a cage holding a red fruit, and the door hangs open. As he realizes who he is he will lift his precious offering out of the cage and share it with the world.

Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA

Perhaps Black Panther does want to eat me - eat up who I was in order to allow me to become something new. Perhaps my own fiery rebirth will come from the mouth of this dear, fierce guardian. As Ina Woolcott wrote about the black panther: "They can show us how to welcome the dark and rouse the light within it."

The Lovers: Be Impeccable With Your Word

Thanks to Victoria, from Eternal Athena, I have come to know the Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA (by Julia Turk), and have fallen totally in love with it, such that I acquired it in this past week! If I didn't know any better, I'd say that I didn't know it was possible to fall even more in love with a deck upon holding it, but hey, that's just what has happened. This deck is amazing, and if I hadn't already compiled my 3x3x3 Favorite Divination Tools post, this surely would have landed there! (Or maybe I would have just made it the 4x3x3 Divination Tools post) ;-).

I don't usually post regularly with the same deck - I like to switch things up according to my mood. However this deck is so detailed, so intriguing, I just might give it special focus for a while! So for today, I shuffled asking for a focus card for the day, and the Lovers flew out, calling for my attention. And here it is:

Navigators Tarot of the Mystic SEA
Julia Turk/U.S. Games Systems

Each card in the Navigators Tarot has a keyword. I'm not a huge fan of keywords, but I don't mind them so much here, and find that they give a very interesting take on various aspects of card meanings. Here we have the keyword "discrimination" which goes very well with the "choice" element of the Lovers card. In general this is a card of important relationships and of critical decisions - and sometimes of both, intertwined.

In the image on this card we see an orange male figure looking downward toward a pale female figure that looks upward, and their hands touch through the surface of the sea. He is connected to the sun, light, day. She is connected to the moon, dark, night. They represent balance, and the harmony possible when opposing forces meet.

One thing that stood out to me was the fact that the woman is perched in a crescent moon, in what looks like a pool of blood. This reminds me of the monthly menstrual cycle and its impact on my mood. Usually I'm very calm, peaceful, and relaxed, but in the few days surrounding the start of my "time" I can get pretty touchy and irritable. I don't always filter myself as I normally would, nor am I always as thoughtful as I should be. To one side swims a turtle, and to the other side a jellyfish that shows a theatrical sad/happy face. This suggests that when under the influence of hormonal fluctuations it's important to move more slowly so that I'm less likely to say something I don't mean. After all, despite the time of the month, we are always in control of what we choose to say - sometimes we just have to try a bit harder than others!

This is the aspect of this card that is most relevant to me today as I sit here typing. That familiar discomfort is blossoming in my pelvis, my skinned knee is really sore, and on top of that I'm particularly sleepy as my little son is dealing with an asthma flare-up (for the first time ever - scary stuff when the babies can't breathe well!). Last night, under the influence of all of these things, I was uncharacteristically grumpy and a bit coarse with my dear husband. The first thing I did when I woke up this morning was to kiss him and apologize to him. No matter what, like the golden circle binding the arms of the man and woman in this image, he's my counterbalance, my partner, my love, and regardless of what's going on within or around us, I honor that sacred bond.

Discrimination is about having the ability to tell what is of value, and what is not, in a given situation or matter. This goes for knowing what we want versus what we need, what has the ability to provide the greatest return versus what gives us only fleeting benefits. We can apply discrimination to outside decisions, and to our inner selves. Are you fair to yourself? Can you recognize your own inner impulses and how they manifest in the world? How do those impulses influence the decisions that you make? To be impeccable with your word (one of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel) means that you work to understand your desires and motivations, that you take time to identify the source of your emotions and that you use that knowledge to guide your actions and speech. This is about being as honest as possible with yourself and with others.

So when I'm grumpy and crampy and I'm on the verge of being snippy with someone I care about, the turtle reminds me to slow down, to be aware that my snippiness stems from what's going on within me physically and is unrelated to the other person, and allows me the brief moment necessary to respond more calmly, compassionately, and honestly. Thus, instead of creating disharmony, I allow room for open communication and the opportunity to be understood in return.

On that note, I'm off to brew up some raspberry leaf tea!!!