Crow Mother: Initiation (and a Tarot Spread)

I had to make a leadership decision at work recently that was as necessary as it was troubling. It threw me off balance for several days preceding and following the main event. And as supportive as everyone was about it, I still felt rather alone in the aftermath of the experience, when all was said and done. I didn't know how to process the residual moodiness I was experiencing, and I ended up designing a spread to help get my head and spirit around it all:

(In Case of Emergency) Spread:

1) How I'm feeling

2) Nurture this

3) Express this

Dark Goddess Tarot; Ellen Lorenzi-Prince

I decided to use the Dark Goddess Tarot, which had been calling my name for a few days. The cards were:

1) How I'm feeling: 2 of Air (inverted)

2) Nurture this: 8 of Air

3) Express this: 2 of Water (inverted)

The first thing that stood out to me was Crow Mother in the central position of the line of three cards. Crows have caught my attention quite a bit lately; everywhere I go I see them flying, hear them cawing, watch them calmly perched in treetops or on power lines. They have come to feel like patient and ever-present friends, and I find them comforting. Seeing the Crow Mother as the anchor card hit home the sense that the crow is passing through my life as a sort of "spirit bird," serving as an usher through a challenging time of change and uncertainty.

To move back to the first card, the 2 of Air in an inverted position (and especially with Athena ruling here) reflected my feeling of being at war with myself. I had a very divided mind, and rather than finding peace with it, I was feeling quite at odds with my own choice. Should I have done it? Did I act too soon? When I passed the previous month or so through my mind, recounting all of the contributing circumstances, I knew I'd made the right decision. And yet I found little comfort in that.

Crow Mother represents initiation, and in the position of "Embrace This," she encourages me to understand and accept the choice I made as an initiatory process, a necessary aspect of my new leadership role. Initiations are not supposed to be comfortable; they are often jarring, full of mystery, of the unknown. By living through them the initiate achieves new levels of understanding, is able - perhaps "invited" is the better word - to integrate new knowledge and perspectives. I hadn't previously thought of this as a rite of passage, but indeed it was, and there was some comfort in understanding it in that light.

Interestingly, as I was flipping through one of my gem and mineral books in search of an "initiation stone," another stone listing caught my eye: pallasite. This immediately connected me to Athena (Pallas Athena), and to the 2 of Air. Upon reading the entry for this meteorite, it turns out that one of its principal functions is that of helping to calm the emotional body. Very fitting, I'd say.

Unfortunately I didn't have any pallasite on hand, but I decided to pull out a new piece of one of my favorite stones - black tourmaline - that I'd just acquired the week before (you can never really have too much of this one!). Black tourmaline has a soothing, relieving energy that feels very good to me. And I realized, as I was gazing down at it in my hand, that it looked quite a bit like a crow's head.

Crow's head Black Tourmaline

The final card in the reading was Lorelei, the 2 of Water, and it had appeared inverted as the 2 of Air had. In the position of "Express This," it urged me to release the sorrow I was holding onto regarding the decision I'd had to make; to talk about it; to call on the ever present and all-abiding pool of universal love to help heal from its painful after-effects. A close friend to whom I've spoken about this has commented several times that it's very much like breaking up with someone. It's an astute observation. Lorelei was a siren whose beauty and hypnotic song was said to lure entranced sailors to their deaths against the jagged rocks. In a way, I could relate. I want to always help, honor, and nurture people, so coming to terms with having to make a decision that I knew would inevitably cause someone pain was (and still is) quite difficult to manage.

The sum of this line of three is 12, associated with the Hanged Man, a card that has appeared for me on a couple of occasions of late. Sacrifice, evolution, release, surrender.

In addition, I find the layout of numbers in this spread to be intriguing - 2 - 8 - 2. Twos relate to duality and choice, while eights correspond to change, strength, and personal power. The willingness to embrace difficult choices for the heart and mind provides great fertilizer for transformation.

Onward and upward.

Crow's Easter Message

Today's Easter, an overcast, cool morning. The kids are slightly hung-over on a dawn feast of far too much candy, and I'm on my second cup of coffee. Later this afternoon we'll have an egg hunt, with the little ones wading through purple wildflowers in the back yard in search of one of their magical, painted masterpieces created the day before in anticipation of this annual event.

I participated in the Ostara blog hop several weeks ago which focused on rebirth as a theme. This year Ostara and Easter, due to the transient lunar calendar, fall at some distance from each other, so once again I find myself considering death, resurrection, and the ever-spiraling cycle of life. These are universal truths that accompany us always. We tend to think of them in terms of major life events - death, divorce, house moves, births of children, leaving an old job for a new career or educational path, major work transfers that include an overseas relocation, and on and on and on.

In truth, death and rebirth are constants, and on a minute scale we are always experiencing them….when you learn something new about an important person in your life, when you mull something over and make a decision, when your plans change and you adjust to your new course, when new information or a sudden whim cause you to change your mind about an idea, belief or behavior - shifts in perspective. In these smaller contexts death takes the form of transition, the change inherent in life, the momentum that keeps our universe in flux. Without movement things stagnate - we thrive on change, even if it's hard to embrace at times - this is requisite for growth.

Today, in honor of change, transition, death and rebirth, I pulled a card from my Medicine Cards, asking for insights into what new era is unfurling for me now. I know that change is happening in my life, in some ways both big and small. I feel it trembling around me, the earthly manifestation of the 2 of Disks. The card I pulled was Crow.

Medicine Cards - J. Sams, D. Carson

The first thought I had when I turned the card over was: change. Right on cue! On page 134 of the book, it says, "Crow is an omen of change. Crow lives in the void and has no sense of time. The Ancient Chiefs tell us that Crow sees simultaneously the three fates - past, present and future. Crow merges light and darkness, seeing both inner and outer reality."

It goes on to say, on page 135: "Be willing to walk your talk, speak your truth, know your life's mission, and balance past, present, and future in the now. Shape shift that old reality and become your future self. Allow the bending of physical laws to aid in creating the shape shifted world of peace."

Sigh. It's a profound energy, so vital and pertinent to this moment, and yet not without some degree of pain - like all change. The Crow on the card peers at its own reflection, looking deeply within, facing truth with honesty, embracing - and really embodying - sacred Death.

As I move through my Easter Sunday, I'll hold these thoughts within me, pondering, processing, and reflecting on how Death, transition and truth are impacting me at this moment - somehow a perfect match to the energies being cradled and nurtured and honored across the globe on this holy-day.