Crow Mother: Initiation (and a Tarot Spread)

I had to make a leadership decision at work recently that was as necessary as it was troubling. It threw me off balance for several days preceding and following the main event. And as supportive as everyone was about it, I still felt rather alone in the aftermath of the experience, when all was said and done. I didn't know how to process the residual moodiness I was experiencing, and I ended up designing a spread to help get my head and spirit around it all:

(In Case of Emergency) Spread:

1) How I'm feeling

2) Nurture this

3) Express this

Dark Goddess Tarot; Ellen Lorenzi-Prince

I decided to use the Dark Goddess Tarot, which had been calling my name for a few days. The cards were:

1) How I'm feeling: 2 of Air (inverted)

2) Nurture this: 8 of Air

3) Express this: 2 of Water (inverted)

The first thing that stood out to me was Crow Mother in the central position of the line of three cards. Crows have caught my attention quite a bit lately; everywhere I go I see them flying, hear them cawing, watch them calmly perched in treetops or on power lines. They have come to feel like patient and ever-present friends, and I find them comforting. Seeing the Crow Mother as the anchor card hit home the sense that the crow is passing through my life as a sort of "spirit bird," serving as an usher through a challenging time of change and uncertainty.

To move back to the first card, the 2 of Air in an inverted position (and especially with Athena ruling here) reflected my feeling of being at war with myself. I had a very divided mind, and rather than finding peace with it, I was feeling quite at odds with my own choice. Should I have done it? Did I act too soon? When I passed the previous month or so through my mind, recounting all of the contributing circumstances, I knew I'd made the right decision. And yet I found little comfort in that.

Crow Mother represents initiation, and in the position of "Embrace This," she encourages me to understand and accept the choice I made as an initiatory process, a necessary aspect of my new leadership role. Initiations are not supposed to be comfortable; they are often jarring, full of mystery, of the unknown. By living through them the initiate achieves new levels of understanding, is able - perhaps "invited" is the better word - to integrate new knowledge and perspectives. I hadn't previously thought of this as a rite of passage, but indeed it was, and there was some comfort in understanding it in that light.

Interestingly, as I was flipping through one of my gem and mineral books in search of an "initiation stone," another stone listing caught my eye: pallasite. This immediately connected me to Athena (Pallas Athena), and to the 2 of Air. Upon reading the entry for this meteorite, it turns out that one of its principal functions is that of helping to calm the emotional body. Very fitting, I'd say.

Unfortunately I didn't have any pallasite on hand, but I decided to pull out a new piece of one of my favorite stones - black tourmaline - that I'd just acquired the week before (you can never really have too much of this one!). Black tourmaline has a soothing, relieving energy that feels very good to me. And I realized, as I was gazing down at it in my hand, that it looked quite a bit like a crow's head.

Crow's head Black Tourmaline

The final card in the reading was Lorelei, the 2 of Water, and it had appeared inverted as the 2 of Air had. In the position of "Express This," it urged me to release the sorrow I was holding onto regarding the decision I'd had to make; to talk about it; to call on the ever present and all-abiding pool of universal love to help heal from its painful after-effects. A close friend to whom I've spoken about this has commented several times that it's very much like breaking up with someone. It's an astute observation. Lorelei was a siren whose beauty and hypnotic song was said to lure entranced sailors to their deaths against the jagged rocks. In a way, I could relate. I want to always help, honor, and nurture people, so coming to terms with having to make a decision that I knew would inevitably cause someone pain was (and still is) quite difficult to manage.

The sum of this line of three is 12, associated with the Hanged Man, a card that has appeared for me on a couple of occasions of late. Sacrifice, evolution, release, surrender.

In addition, I find the layout of numbers in this spread to be intriguing - 2 - 8 - 2. Twos relate to duality and choice, while eights correspond to change, strength, and personal power. The willingness to embrace difficult choices for the heart and mind provides great fertilizer for transformation.

Onward and upward.

Those Deviant Swords

I love the Deviant Moon deck, and it’s interesting how much I love it given the amount of time it took me to actually decide to buy it. I remember the first time I saw the box at the bookstore. I was considering getting a new deck, but was resolved to only buy from U.S. Games because I know I can count on good quality card stock (and I’m really, really picky about card stock – a flimsy or overly stiff stock can really ruin a beautiful card). That particular day the only U.S. Games deck to be had was the Deviant Moon…but I took a look at the box and said, “No, thank you!” I didn’t like all the male figures with lipstick and curved chins. At all.  So I left the store empty handed. (Only to eventually come to purchase it, and subsequently come to really love it). I feel like every time I want to post about a card, I end up writing a preamble about this deck. * Sigh * It’s clearly had an impact on me, probably because of the emotional evolution I experienced!

The suit of Swords is never my favorite in any deck. The strife, sharp edges, feelings parted from thoughts.  An interesting fact is that I absolutely love the Swords suit in the Deviant Moon – in fact I think it’s my favorite suit in the deck. This alone is like a breakthrough. I find the images portrayed on the cards of the Swords suit in this deck to be softer in a way, but very “real” in terms of how they portray meaning. Today I am going to talk about three of those cards: the Ace of Swords, the 2 of Swords, and the 8 of Swords.

Deviant Moon Tarot
Patrick Valenza, US Games 2008

The Ace is divine.  I normally don’t really connect to the Aces of Swords in many decks, but this depiction says something to me. I suppose it evokes “feeling” for me, which usually doesn’t occur with other versions of this card. I love the look on this lady’s face – the determination and resolve. She is holding the Sword upright with clear purpose.  She’s ready to know the truth, to cut through the fog, to free herself from relationships or connections that are no longer serving her in a positive way. She’s open to fresh insights and ideas that will take her forward, and she has the will to see things through.  I love the green vine that winds around her sword, indicating the new, healthy growth that this card heralds.  Her sword isn’t slicing through the vine wantonly…. It is discerning and clear in its focus.

2 of Swords - Deviant Moon Tarot
Patrick Valenza - US Games 2008

The 2 of Swords often depicts a woman sitting on the edge of an ocean with a blindfold on, holding two swords that criss-cross in front of her. It’s about denial, avoiding having to make a decision, uncertainty about how to create balance between two disparate elements in one’s life. Unlike the Ace, this card is about not wanting to confront the truth.  What I like about the Deviant Moon’s version of this card is that it brings to light in a powerful way how those feelings and mental blocks can create inner conflict in an individual.  This card shows what looks like one man divided in two. Half of him is dark, the other half light. The upper half of him is at war, each brawny part exerting force against the other side of himself.  From the outside you wouldn’t see this, but there is a battle raging within. He’s stuck in limbo, and his indecision is robbing him of peace, and keeps him from taking decisive action. Each possibility carries too much of the unknown, or offers different but equal cons that make neither option the clear winning choice. I love how the inner world is depicted here – it carries a lot of power in the feeling it conveys.

8 of Swords - Deviant Moon Tarot
Patrick Valenza - US Games 2008

Finally I want to show the 8 of Swords. In a traditional deck this card would show a blindfolded woman trapped within a circle of 8 upright swords, buried in the sand. She’s on the edge of a rocky sea shore, and salvation is so close, but she can’t see it. Like the 2 of Swords, she may be avoiding the call to focus on a challenging issue.  There’s a sense of powerlessness to this card – that external forces are exerting a control over one’s life that isn’t possible to overcome. The key to this card is in understanding that those limitations are often mental – we convince ourselves that things are too difficult to manage, that we have no power over our lives.  In reality we do have the ability to take off the blindfold and start the path toward shore, we’re just afraid of what we might see.  The Deviant Moon card shows a similar but very unique perspective: a woman stands at a dark window at night, and the moon above appears to be sucking her over the sill.  She’s in danger of falling, where 8 swords wait to greet her below.  What’s interesting about this card is the way it portrays illusion.  The moon represents our fears and confusion, and the deep impact that those feelings have on us and our behaviors.  This woman is allowing her fears to consume her, and to take her deeper into the darkness.  What she hasn’t figured out yet is that the moon’s power is fragile, and she has the strength within her to break the illusions that have her in a helpless trance.  All she needs to do is stand up and walk back in the house, and she can shed the “blindfold” and free her mind.

Into the Wildwood

Yesterday my Wildwood Tarot came (Mark Ryan/John Matthews).  I love it.  It's a pretty intense, and very beautiful deck, not only because of the artwork (Will Worthington) but because of the depth of meaning - the focus on archetypes and uncovering the core meaning of an issue. As I read through the book and held the cards, I was left with a feeling that my other decks were kind of fluffy in comparison.  That's not really fair or true, but it was how I was feeling.  I don't know if I want to use this deck for email readings - I wonder if it's too philosophical for that.  I am considering keeping the deck and using it for readings for myself and family members.  Also it will take some time to feel out some of the cards.  For instance, the 2 of Arrows (Swords) is meant to mean Injustice in the Wildwood Tarot, rather than the common meanings of denial, indecision, attempting to find harmony between two disparate things, etc.  I love the meaning of the 7 of Arrows - "Insecurity."  It's brilliant - isn't insecurity the root of most of the traditional meanings of the 7 of Swords?

I've heard people say in reviews that this is a very powerful deck, and I definitely get that.  I did a "break-in" reading with just three cards, and it was painfully accurate.  I am looking forward to continuing to work with it!  The crux: do I use reversals with this deck or not?  It is technically possible... the deck backs allow for it, and most of the cards are similar to traditional meanings.  But the deck creators did not have this in mind when they made it.  If I use the Wildwood only for personal meditations, etc., it won't matter at all.  If at some point I choose to use this with "strangers" I might revisit the topic.  Something about this deck feels so deep and primal that I'm not sure I even want to use reversals at all, or that they'd even really be necessary!

Wildwood Tarot
Illustration: Will Worthington

One final note: I've noticed that some people trim these cards, like they often do with DruidCraft.  I also trimmed DruidCraft because they were truly so large that it was a turn-off to think of using them regularly.  I did it, it turned out great, and it's one of my favorite decks.  However Wildwood is a really normal size!  I would cringe to think of cutting it.  It's a great, average size, and shuffles just fine.