Like Sunlight Through Stone

Interpersonal relationships can be challenging when expectations aren't met, and this can be further exacerbated when communication channels becomes muddied. Attempting to match up the puzzle pieces of disparate experiences, to get on the same page or find common ground, can prove at times to be quite difficult; sometimes the pieces just don't fit. But there is often room for a little ambiguity; space for many truths to sit together at once. An open heart and still mind may embrace the wholeness of that union (or dichotomy, you might also call it).

The Queen of Swords is a natural expert at this: balancing clarity with caring, seeking to understand while also maintaining gentle-but-firm boundaries; searching for truth amidst emotional turmoil, but never discounting another's perceptions.

Tarot of Vampyres; Ian Daniels

When I pulled this card yesterday morning I was immediately jarred by the raven on this Queen's shoulder because it pierced my dream memory; I was visited by such a bird in my sleep. It was large in size and I only recall being uncertain if it was a crow or raven, but based on its beak shape I'd been fairly certain that it was the latter. Perhaps it was a messenger.

As I was pondering the Queen of Swords' gifts of perception, and her ability to lock onto the most important undercurrents of a given situation, I suddenly thought of a new stone I acquired several days prior. It is called "strawberry obsidian" (if I understand correctly it is a manufactured stone, something along the lines of goldstone or blue sandstone). I picked up a piece and it felt nice in my hand - smooth, cool, bright but in a muted sort of way. And then I held it up to the store lamp and it was like a whole other world opened up before me. The light illuminated the stone's inner workings so brilliantly that it took my breath away, lightened my heart, and I knew I wanted to bring it on home.

The Queen of Sword's essence reminded me of that moment. Like sunlight though stone, situations that seem opaque when grasped closely may reveal all of their complex layers and delicate filaments when we are willing to hold them up to the light.

Perhaps it doesn't matter so much if we can't find a measure of common ground. What matters is that we don't hide from truth; that we open our hearts to understanding. Our openness and willingness is an invitation for those puzzle pieces to be brought back into alignment. And if it is still not enough, then what matters is finding peace with that incongruity.

Interestingly as I was looking deeper into the dream raven, I came across this phrase:

"Raven will show you how to go within in yourself, into the dark areas and then illuminate them, making you ‘sparkle’ and bringing out your true self. Inner conflicts should then be resolved, however long buried they are – this is the deepest healing." (Click here for the site)

And with that the circle was complete, the message filled out: the Queen, and the stone, and Raven's presence in my dream all symbolic of the search for clarity, the at times painful willingness to shine light into the dark, to understand, to express, to heal, and ultimately to release back into the universe.

True Freedom and Inner Truth

I've been pondering for quite a while (even in the back of my head when I'm focused on other things) one of the refrains from my sign in Ifá which reads: "Man is free like a bird in a cage." Obviously it's a metaphor, but a metaphor that means what, exactly?

Yesterday as I was reading Rose's lovely blog, Tarot of the Dervish, one of her posts suddenly hit me in such a way that many various elements from my present (and past) experiences, in addition to the refrain, seemed to coalesce and take on significant meaning.

Image: Roberto Verzo

For the month of October I pulled the 10 of Swords. I was afraid that I'd be miserable - exhausted, stressed out, overwhelmed, etc. To some degree that's true, though it's not nearly as dismal as I was fearing (so far - knock on wood!). But this card is about learning from and ending difficult cycles so that new ones can be born. There is fresh air there somewhere. I've also pulled the 9 of Swords during this Shadow Challenge: facing my fears is the best way to conquer them.

Last night as I read Rose's blog post I was surveying cards that focused on self-limitations, and suddenly it was all clear to me. We are prisoners of our own fears, limitations, weaknesses, shadows. We can become quite comfortable living in confinement, never truly challenging our ourselves to grow, to become better people, to examine, process, and eventually find ourselves capable of release from our own self-imposed limitations. Perhaps ignorance is bliss (that's debatable!), but knowledge is power.

Image: Vaibhav Ahuja

And I realized that all of the work I've been doing lately has been part of finding the key to my own "cage," so that I can be truly free, and not simply live the illusion of freedom.

Over the past few weeks I've been allowing myself to do things differently. For so much of my life I avoided conflict, and cherished peace. Peace and harmony are good, but there is indeed such a thing as being peaceful-to-a-fault. I was afraid of being vulnerable. I was afraid of hurting people. I was afraid of the anger or outbursts of others. I was afraid of crying in the face of someone else's rage. Of course there is a lot inherently wrong in that, and in my past I let a lot of people walk all over me. Learning to be strong, to share my voice, to be clear about my reality and my boundaries and be willing to stand by them - that has been one of my major areas of development, and I feel I've made major leaps and bounds forward even just in the past few years. Nowadays I am less inclined to avoid conflict - not because I enjoy debates, arguments, or perhaps even misunderstandings (I still don't at all) but because I have to honor myself at least as much as I try to honor others. Part of honoring myself is to speak my truth, kindly but clearly. And perhaps through honoring myself, I can better honor others.

I've been working hard to do that - to challenge myself to face my own shadow.

I don't want to be "free like a bird in a cage." To be truly free I have to be me, in the most honest and true way that I can. I have to nurture the strength within my heart and soul.

As a a fitting close for all of this large-scale consideration, on day seven of the Shadow Work Challenge (aka: today), the task was to pull cards on this topic:

"Sage/Crone: What is my inner truth?"

I pulled the following from the New Orleans Voodoo Tarot:

Obatalá - Elegua - Oyá

This was a deeply touching and affirming reading, like a warm embrace. Obatalá, my father, and Elegua, my very best friend, appeared side by side. They are always with me and within me as I walk my path, giving me the support and wisdom to remember who I am, and to embrace and process the change that Oyá carries through my life. Their card numbers total 13, Death, a reflection of the cycle of release and rebirth that I strive to learn from as I constantly seek to be and do better.